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Thursday, October 7th, 2004
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9:41a - what am i doing here, again?
its been so long since iv thought about this thing, i tryed to make another one, but no one seemed to car enough to read it. i dont expect anyone to read this ether. and its sad that it takes a depression this great to sway me back into self expression.
this great depression, is a product of night before filled with cocain and vodka. because, as everyone should know, the day after one does as much cocain as i did, will be one of the worst things you'll ever have to go though in your life.
which brings us here.
and writing some random crap down seemed like a better idea then taking a pack of razor blades and slitting my own wrist.
by the way, if someone does get around to reading this, this is me http://profiles.myspace.com/users/1121647
i need a fucking friend. this town is shity. my, what ever, girl friend i suppose is at her friends house asleep.
dont you hate it when you like someone alot, and they never seem to want to call.
i guess i can add someone else to the list of things iv wanted but could never have.
we'll go ahead and put love in there too
fucking katie, arg
imagine a girl perfect for you. gorgeous, amazing personality. then imagine you had her, and its like, youve never thought about spending forever with a person, and then you meet someone, and you can, you can think about, you even want it. then imagine, you call her, and you want to say something, and it comes out wrong. imagine someone you loved not being pulled away from you, but pushing them selves away.
fast forward to now, me and katie are friends that only talk when we bump into each other in school. but the worst thing is seeing her with someone else...
but i dont say anything, i keep my mouth shut and take everything i hate, my step dad, seeing katie with someone else, knowing that one of my best fucking friends killed him self because of me, and i take everything i feel and i hold it inside, because thats all i know, and i killes me, but iv already killed someone else with what i feel inside. and one day it will push me over the edge and i'll be gone. and thats all i'll know, forever. because people like me dont go to heaven. people like me only know what we keep.
told you it makes you depressed.
i need to go lay down, everything feels cold and grey
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