TRACiE GREEN's Blurty Entries [entries|friends|calendar]

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One last painful kiss* [26 Feb 2004|09:12pm]
[ mood | PATHETIC ]

Bleh. Mikeys right. I AM AN IDIOT. *sniff sniff* I wish I could atlease see him one last time.. I'd tell him every damn feeling I have towards him. I don't know. Bleh. School is a fucking drag now. I'm all lonely. Someone tell me how that works???? ok Check it, I fucking transferred to this fucking school to be with him, then he fucking leaves me there, swearing He's still going to see me, and ends up breaking up with me??? WTF. GOD. I KNOW ITS BEEN A WEEK ALREADY BUT FUCK. I'm so fucking hurt. I don't know. And then he admits he was leading me on, that we're only "friends". He doesn't even treat me like a friend. He treats me as if... as if.... I don't know anymore. I mean I don't understand. Everything was fine the last time I was with him. He picked me up from school. We went to see a movie, came back to my place, and then he just took off. I don't recall doing anything wrong. And then he tells me how I was his "best girlfriend", if thats so then why did he have to leave me???? I don't know what to do with myself anymore. I can't stand anything. I can't take this much pain. It, ughhhhhhhhhhhhh...... i give up.... I fucking hate this journal bull shit. This is my last entry.

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Shes gotta deathwiSh [21 Feb 2004|11:59am]
[ mood | confused ]
[ music | city of angels - the distillers ]

Confusion+Depression+Obsession= one fucked up situation.

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"what else should i say? everyone is gay." [21 Feb 2004|12:36am]
[ mood | worried ]

Things aren't going to well. Everyone is leaving me. I guess its Karma, but I can't think of anything bad I did to deserve this. Nevermind. Maybe I do deserve it. NO.. NO ONE DESERVES TO FEEL THIS. Anywho, Sarah went back to Donna. And Nelly is going aswell. Well there goes the last of my friends. WHat to do.....

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tO Nelly my [19 Feb 2004|05:12pm]
[ mood | thankful ]
[ music | Pasture of Muppets - Fenix Tx ]

I Love You. Thank you for being there for me aNd fixing my pathetic journal. Sexy LegS ;-) I LoE you!!!
LotS of <3

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3 Months 16 and a Half days . . . [19 Feb 2004|02:37pm]
[ mood | lonely ]
[ music | Crazy - Kidney Thieves ]

It should of been 3 months 16 and a half days and the rest of my life until I die. I can't stop crying. I don't understand anymore. I was happy just being his gf, it didn't matter how often I got to see him, just knowing he's mine makes me feel better. Now I have nothing. I'm so depressed. I want to die. To top things off, I'm all alone now. Sarah left our school and Nelly never goes. I'm all loner now. Even if Nelly still went I'd only see her 1st pd. Man. My life blows. This has been a very bad year for me. I don't think I can go on much longer. I... bleh.

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giant monkey ballZ [18 Feb 2004|01:58pm]
[ mood | surprised ]

hehehe thats a funny word~ man. haha turkeys. lol i feel funny. my brain is talking to me , and i cant feel my legs. I love Joe i ... i , beep bepp im a klownnn/ . And Iiiiiiiiiiiii willllllll allllllllwayyyssssssssss Love youuuuuuuuu. lol i can;t stop smiling. Can they notice it??? im csared! ohhhhh shit. My dad just scared the fuck out a mee. this fucking keybored. everythings going sooooo slow My mouth feels ugly. theres like foom everywhere. is that how u spell it ?? fom?? i dunno i cant i dont. I dman i dont have arms or something., ooooooh shit fuck face. I forgot about the doggg.. my dad yelled at me. everythings going sooooo fast, yet soooo slow. I'm really lost. man. we went to the high school and mikey yelled out " PRISCILLA ='S COCKS" its was funnnnnnnnnnnnny, i thick she saw me, ooooh weall. lol ive felt like this for about2 hours now??? is that normal????? I don't like it, i want it to go away. I wanna cry, but i cant stop laughing.

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How can something you love so much make you hurt at the same time? [15 Feb 2004|11:06am]
[ mood | HeartBroken ]

This week has been weird. Everything feels... different? Why must everything go wrong when it comes to me being happy? I can't type any more.

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eeeeeek! [10 Feb 2004|12:44pm]
[ mood | gloomy ]

I don't know. Nelly didn't come to school again. I wasn't completely alone in English though, Isaac was there. Hmm. I feel so... I don't know. Isaac asked me if I was leaving as well, because Nelly is. I don't know what I want. I want to go with, but I can't lose my credits for this semester. I lost all of lasts. This whole year has been one big waste. The only good thing I got out of it was the one true person that can make me happy. I'm just so scared of losing him. I feel pathetic. I wish I never came to Tech High, and I wish I never went to Donna. But maybe this all happened for a reason. Maybe I was meant to be depressed. All I want to do is to get over with school and FAST. I think I'll be going to OSM with Nelly. I Love Nelly.

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I wanna sex you up!?? [09 Feb 2004|07:13pm]
[ mood | hyper ]

This is odd. I actually feel a wee bit happy today. The scarey thing is.... I THINK I LIKE IT!!! :-X I dunno hehehe well anywho. hehe Things seem to be getting better. As in my personal "love" life. I guess you can call it that. I don't know, the health part is still there and will always be, but I have to try and controll myself. As for school, what can I say? It still sucks. Fucking Johnny, our so called "security guard", is starting to piss me off. I can't stand that school anymore. The only class I actually have fun in is geometry, and thats a shock. BLAH fuck it. I Feel like running. I wanna go back to the park. Jose took me today. It was fun. We also saw a movie. I felt weird. It was just me him and some old chick. EeeK.

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slutkiss girl [06 Feb 2004|08:44pm]
[ mood | uncomfortable ]

is she pretty on the inside? is she pretty from the back?

Today I had a doctors appointment with my endocrinologist, in other words my diabetes doctor. Things aren't going so good and she thinks the reason why I'm not taking care of myself is because I'm depressed. So she wants me to see a psychologist to see if it helps me so that I will be able to do things and try to take care of myself. I also have to start seeing a dietitian, so they can try and motivate me and show me how to eat healthier and stuff. I feel so weird about all this. I don't like this feeling. I don't feel comfortable with my body. It's like when you wear shoes that don't fit you, too big/small. I don't like it. I don't like myself. I don't know anymore. I'm scared.

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ehh? [05 Feb 2004|12:55pm]
[ mood | blah ]

Hi Sarah, Hi Negro. You all are sitting right next to me. Heh. WeEeEeeeEe WOoOOoO. Yeah. This kinda sucks. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Boredom. laters.

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I LoE NeLLy!! [04 Feb 2004|12:44pm]
[ mood | happy ]

BLAH. I'm here at the library with Nelly and Negro. Yep yep. I skipped 6th pd to come over here. I hate that class. WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE WoOOOOOoOOoOOoOOoOOooOOOoOOOOOo
Any ways. hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm yeah thats enough. bybye.

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To the pathetic person with no life [03 Feb 2004|01:11pm]
[ mood | amused ]

This is getting so fucking hilarious. All those rumors, all your lies. Get the fuck over it already. You lost him, I gained him. I got what you want, yes yes I do. You really must have no life if your still trying to find a way to end us. And if it ever is over between us, It wont be over your stupid pathetic rumors. Come on, you can think of something better, can't you? Unless your as stupid as I think. Yep, you are. You look like a troll :-X eeeek. How sad, even your friend thinks you have no life. *sigh* I almost feel sorry for you. KEYWORD: ALMOST. Blah you make me sleepy. Thats enough.

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FUCK YOU FUCKING MOJO ASS BITCH! [30 Jan 2004|12:40pm]
[ mood | pissed off ]
[ music | six underground - sneaker pimps ]

Grrrrrr. TODAY was going ok out of the whole fucking week. I mean yea, I was still pretty upset and shit. I don't know. Theres some stupid asshole and I want to fucking kill him. I hope he fucking dies a painful death. Fucking penejo. LMAO. I don't know. I fell down the stairs and I think its cuz he pushed me cuz he knows i dont like him. I dont know what happened. It all happened so fast. I want him to die. Fucking mojo. joto. puto. I dunno them spanish words. he's all of them. I swear I hate him soo much. Fucking cocky ass bitch. I want to get a bat and smash his head open with it. Oh how I would Enjoy that. Anyways. I don't feel like typing so bye.

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Nigga Please! [24 Jan 2004|08:21pm]
[ mood | mellow ]

*Sigh* All I can say is that yesterday sucked ass. I don't know, today is much better and I'm very thankful. Sure I got in a few fights here and there, but nothing can piss me off. Yesterday was depressing. I fixed everything with Jose. He told me that *someone was full of shit. I believe him.. I have my reasons, but hey lets just forget about the whole thing.. I admit I over-reacted? Yep, Things are back to normal and I'm glad. Its a drag that he had to switch schools again, but I don't want to think about that right now. Some girl called Amy keeps IMing me, I think its Nelly ;) Blah I have nothing else to type about. I dunno. Eh...


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Happy thoughts Happy thoughts.. [22 Jan 2004|04:49pm]
[ mood | confused ]
[ music | Buddy Holly - Weezer ]

God dammit, they just don't work right now. *Sigh* someone shoot me....

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My heart has yet again been broken. [22 Jan 2004|02:45pm]
[ mood | crushed ]

All this week I've been depressed, fear of loosing the so called "love of my life". I still love him, and I always will, no matter what happens. He told my not to worrie about anything, everything will be find and we'll still be together. So I was happy and just a couple of hours later, I hear from *someone that *someone told that *someone that Joe told that *someone that he doesn't really love me. That he only liked me for my "dominatric interests". I'm scared to comfront him 'cuz then he'll be like " your doubing me" and blah blah then it will all be turned on me and I will be the bad guy. Its just I've been so hurt lately and then hearing that, how the fuck am I suppose to react?? I can't just fucking ignor it, I mean shit, I can't even explain how I feel right now. I'm so fucking hurt, part of me just wants to die, and the other part just wants to fucking kill him. I just keep thinking to myself, hoping that it isn't true, that he does really love me and that everything will be ok and that I will be happy for ever, that hes not like other guys and hes not going to break my heart the way everyone else did. All I know that if it is true, I will be going through a major depression, so deep no one will be able to help me, I'll either kill myself or change.... someone cold hearted, someone like him. God dammit. I want to fucking die. No one loves me. I wish god would just take my fucking life right fucking now. I hate this shit, I Hate EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE, WHY ME? WHY ALWAYS FUCKING ME???? I CAN'T FUCKING STAND THIS ANYMORE. I wish I could just disappear..

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Lifes a drag. . . [19 Jan 2004|08:15pm]
[ mood | crappy ]

Why me?? Why is it always me??? I can't stand my life. UGH, I don't feel like putting up with anything anymore. Whats the point? I wish I were old enough to leave. I just wanna take off from this place, never come back. You know? I can't stand being home, nor school. I wish I did'nt have to go. I feel so ugly. I am, I'm ugly. I deserve to die 'cuz I'm not skin and bones like all those chicks out there, you know, the ones those guys that say they aren't shallow but are in denial go after. I mean, believe me, I don't want attention or jealous 'cuz those guys don't go after me, I have a boyfriend, and I'm so in love with him. But I just want to feel good about my self, I want to be beautiful. I want to be one of those girls, so that I can blow off all those guys that rejected me in the past and treat them the way they would me. I don't know where I'm going with this. I think I should stop.


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ErotikmonkYxXx: I wANt you ;) [18 Jan 2004|05:19pm]
[ mood | blah ]

SevenYrBtch12345: kiss kiss
Today was interesting. Jose came over and stuff. We watched Donnie Darko and then walked to his friends house and then I left him at work. I'm getting sick again. It sucks arse. Maybe it will get me out of school for a day or something, thats always good. My ear hurts like a bitch. I swear, I wanna cry and stuff. Eh. Theres nothing else to type. I'm gunna take some quizzes and shit.
Blue info
Your Heart is Blue

What Color is Your Heart?
brought to you by Quizilla
Your: Wondering eyes. Your not quite focused and your quite the day dreamer. Your a bit odd and as many say
Your: Wondering eyes. Your not quite focused and
your quite the day dreamer. Your a bit odd and
as many say "Your head is in the

What type of eyes do you have?
brought to you by Quizilla
your asshole.

What swear word are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
You represent... angst.
You represent... angst.
You have an extremely cynical outlook on just about
everything. It's okay to sulk and be
depressed, but life is short, and you only get
one. It's only what you make it, and only you
can make it improve.

What feeling do you represent?
brought to you by Quizilla
As if you were born into a world of tears, you
always tend to look at the darker things in
life. Inside you crave attention yet push away
society, and you're a hopeless romantic. Drawn
to things like the occult and mysteries, you
spend your time daydreaming of

What Type of Soul Do You Have ?
brought to you by Quizilla
playing footsie
footsie - you like to goof around and laugh with
the people you care about.

What Sign of Affection Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
Ghost or spirit: You are a lost soul. Very calm and
sweet, you are often the one who asks: What if?
With a clever mind, you want to explore the
world on a different level. Without the
answers, you aren't ready to move on. You are
most likely very creative and find yourself
thinking things through on a different level.
(please rate my quiz)

**Where will you go when you die?**(now with pics)
brought to you by Quizilla
My inner child is six years old today

My inner child is six years old!

Look what I can do! I can walk, I can run, I can
read! I like to do stuff, and there's a whole
big world out there to do it in. Just so long
as I can take my blankie and my Mommy and my
three best friends with me, of course.

How Old is Your Inner Child?
brought to you by Quizilla



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Can Monkeys Ejaculate? [17 Jan 2004|08:32pm]
[ mood | lonely ]

Muderdollz 83: im an ass Dr.
Muderdollz 83: i work with asses

*Sigh* I feel so alone. Even though everyones here in the damn living room. I don't know, family doesn't count. I hate my family. I wish my dad would just fuck off. So Jose can be with me in my room and no one tells us shit. He could spend the night. I dunno, I think I just need friends. I can't stand being here and yet I can't go out 'cuz I have no one to go out with. I wish I had money. I wouldn't need friends. Actually I don't really need friends to begin with. I should just stick to what I have. Ok That will do. But Still. Ahhhh. I'm Just so damn bored. BlAH.


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