Nina's Journal
6 most recent posts

Date:2010-09-14 01:29
Subject:dumped...round two
Security:Public

It's weird how such an amazing night can end so badly, yet because of everything you can't help but smile. So my day was going swell, but when i got a call i wasn't expecting it got better. He said he heard i was going to the meeting tonight... though i don't know who would've told him. He eventually confessed noone told him, but he hoped calling would convince me to go. My heart nearly stopped. I made my grand entrance and he had the biggest smile on as he tried no not look. I was lovin' it.
for the next half hour we sat there exchanging glances. Then the meeting was over ): I gave him a list of panda jokes i thought he'd enjoy and well, i thought they were cute (: When i was leaving he was on duty at the desk so i stood around talkign to him and his friend. at times it was awkward but it was nice seeing him. So nice. Anyways. I asked him to cuddle for a little bit after he was done with rounds, told him it's fine to say no. He said he shouldn't but he wants to. I ended up going over there and it was SOOO nice. But, it got out of control and that's where it went bad. I got dumped... again. He said he wants to be friends and hang out, but notlike we were. fuckkk. i hate messing shit up.

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Date:2010-09-11 18:54
Subject:and the smile comes back
Security:Public

Thursday was... interesting. I had told him i really wanted to see him for a little, and i'd text him at like 10 and make sure he wasn't with his girlfriend. He ended up calling me with some bad news: His friend got in a car accident and he had to go pick up his car and get his friend. He apologized for ruining my plans. I felt bad he felt the need to say sorry for something like that. Anyways. We went to a party, came back, and went to go see if we could find someone to talk to on his floor (there were a few cute guys.) whilst walking we ran right into him. That made me feel awkward. I felt as though he might think we were checking up on him. he took us to his friends room to go chit-chat and give him some attention. We eventually left and i apologized for seemign like we were checking up on him. He said no worries and we ended up making plans to get together. I ran up to his room as fast as i could in my state of mind, i thought i told my friends where i was going, which i later found out i didn't. We were sitting and talking about things when my friends came to check in on me. A. How embarrassing and B. they ruined the moment. We sat across the room from eachother and just talked when he got up and turned the light off. he sat down next to me and said "i just want a head scratchy, i hope that's okay." Of course it was okay, what kind of question is that. We just sat like that for a while, then he hugged me and i got to lay on him. My heart almost fell out of my chest. my whole body goes wild when i get close to him. My thoughts go in a million directions and don't move all at once. It's the weirdest feeling ever being so close to him, feeling his breath on my neck and his heartbeat against my chest. then his friend called. I guess an hour is too long to be looking for something so his excuse failed and i had to leave. What a wonderful night. I went back to my room and couldn't stop smiling. We texted a little and i fell asleep happier then i thought could be possible after the last few days. What an amazing guy.

Then the next day, Friday, his best friend added me on FB. as if that weren't enough. He chatted me. We talked about bikeboy and it was awful. I couldn't confess how i felt about him, but if i didn't he'd think i didn't like him. Urgh, i just wish he didn't feel the need to know.

I wish i knew what to feel, but at least the smile has come back.

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Date:2010-09-09 14:23
Subject:i told him to grow a pair.
Security:Public

So things haven't cleared up in the least bit yet. Life is as confusing as ever and i don't understand it in the least bit. He textedme yesterday that he was a creeper, and to ask my friend about it. We trekked up to her room and saw that he had written on the whiteboard in her room. Definitely creepy because noone was home! Whatever. it got us to talking and i thought, okay, maybe this friendly thing will work out. So when i was walking home i texted him to come over and catch up. He said he had to "study." I called his bluff and told him to grow a pair. to fess up when it's want instead of can't. He said he was seeing her and if he wasn't he would love to hang out. Why would he lie about what he was doing? Low blow. I wasn't happy. Everytime we talk i feel like i push the limits because he gets defensive. I'm mad he made sure we stay "friends" because i barely feel like an acquaintance.

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Date:2010-09-07 14:03
Subject:dumped
Security:Public

So we weren't really dating, we actually weren't even dating in the least bit. I had an obscure schoolgirl crush on him. I practically drooled every time i saw him. I waited all of Sunday, all of Monday, and most of today to see him to hear this story. Well, my stupid ass guessed the moral of the story in a text i sent and therefore the story came in the phone-call which followed. They got in a fight. They broke up. They apologized, made up and got back together. Where do i fit in? Well, if he keeps talking to me then they won't work out (too bad?) and he want's to make it work because they "were so good for so long." BULLSHIT.

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Date:2010-09-06 22:37
Subject:always last minute.
Security:Public

So he said a lot happened between him and his girl this weekend. Understandable, they had a "rocky" relationship. I did wish him the best with it... now i'm not so sure. Anyways. He said he'd tell me all about it today. Well, when i got back to school i texted him, only to get a "i'm studying can we talk later." That's completely legit, except that an hour later i saw him at dinner with his girlfriend where he completely ignored me... not that he didn't see me, he definitely did, he just didn't care. So i sat around and waited... and waited... and waited until i finally gave in and texted him. After another while of waiting i got a call. As excited as i was having waited all night to see his name on my cell screen the conversation ended with me throwing my phone (rare because i love my phone.) He cancelled "as you saw i've been with her all day, is it okay if we talk tomorrow." Nina does NOT equal a happy camper. I just wanted to say hi to him. I spent a fucking hour getting ready incase i see him for absolutely no reason. Why do i do this to myself?

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Date:2010-09-03 21:59
Subject:boys boys boys
Security:Public

It's weird, I used to settle for what I could get with boys. I used to mold myself to their expectations, but not anymore. Two weeks into school I've found the power i hold in my smile. The more confidently i walk the more people follow behind me. This is great, i've never been the girl boys hold the door open for. Or go out of their way to set up homework times with me. I've never been the girl they give up boys night for, or befriend me without trying to get in my pants. I like my new power. But, this newly found confidence has come with it's flaws. I met him one day while joking around with friends. He eventually confessed the thought i was crazy and therefore wanted to test it out. It wasn't until later that he admitted to having a girlfriend. My confidence went down the drain. I would have rather not gotten his attention then had half of it. He keeps telling me he likes me, and that we clicked so easily. He says he loves being with me, and confesses all his relationship problems to me, but somehow, just somehow, that doesn't get him to change. He would rather be two faced, secretive, and teasing then to be honest with his girlfriend that they might not be as perfect as she believes. I had to see them together and for the first time in years a boy made me cry. I let it get to me and my confidence got torn from my body. Now everytime i see him i lose my train of thought. Every time i think of him i get confused and dizzy. Why is it that there are plenty of nice, attractive guys throwing themselves at me that the only one i want is the one that i fully have? oh boys, boys, boys.

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