Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in BigFatMan's Blurty:

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Thursday, March 9th, 2006
5:20 am	I Know, I'm Sad... Helen pointed me at this file ... and I was disturbed to say that watching it, I understood everything they were saying. Oh, am I sad. http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=7521044027821122670 (Comment on this)
Monday, February 13th, 2006
1:07 pm	Yet another Meme Blagged from Mark, because I was bored and my work hasn't saved (again) during a PC crash, so I've just wasted three hours. Blagged shamelessly from my mate Mark, because ... well, I'm bored, it's lunchtime, and I've done waaaaay too much productive stuff lately. You are NOT ALLOWED to explain anything. Just yes or no. 1. Taken a picture naked? yes 2. Painted your room? yes 3. Made out with a member of the same sex? no 4. Driven a car? yes 5. Danced in front of your mirror? no 6. Have a crush? yes 7. Been dumped? yes 8. Stolen money from a friend? no 9. Gotten in a car with people you just met? yes 10. Been in a fist fight? yes 11. Snuck out of your house? no 12. Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back? yes 13. Been arrested? no 14. Made out with a stranger? no 15. Met up with a member of the opposite sex somewhere? yes 16. Left your house without telling your parents? yes 17. Had a crush on your neighbour? no 18. Ditched school to do something more fun? yes 19. Slept in a bed with a member of the same sex? yes 20. Seen someone die? no 21. Been on a plane? no 22. Kissed a picture? yes 23. Slept in until 3? yes 24. Love someone or miss someone right now? yes 25. Laid on your back and watched clouds go by? yes 26. Made a snow angel? yes 27. Played dress up? yes 28. Cheated while playing a game? yes 29. Been lonely? yes 30. Fallen asleep at work/school? yes 31. Been to a club? yes 32. Felt an earthquake? no 33. Touched a snake? no 34. Ran a red light? no 35. Been suspended from school? no 36. Had detention? yes 37. Been in a car accident? yes 38. Hated the way you look? yes 39. Witnessed a crime? yes 40. Pole danced? no 41. Been lost? yes 42. Been to the opposite side of the country? yes 43. Felt like dying? yes 44. Cried yourself to sleep? yes 46. Sang karaoke? no 47. Done something you told yourself you wouldn't? yes 48. Laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose? yes 49. Caught a snowflake on your tongue? yes 50. Kissed in the rain? no 51. Sang in the shower? yes 52. Made love in a park? no 53. Had a dream that you married someone? yes 54. Glued your hand to something? no 55. Got your tongue stuck to a flag pole? no 56. Ever gone to school partially naked? no 57. Been a cheerleader? no 58. Sat on a roof top? yes 59. Didn't take a shower for a week? yes 60. Ever too scared to watch scary movies alone? no 61. Played chicken? no 62. Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on? no 64. Broken a bone? no 65. Been easily amused? yes 66. Laughed so hard you cried? yes 68. Cheated on a test? no 69. Forgotten someone's name? yes 70. Slept naked? yes 71. Gone skinny dipping in a pool? no 73. Blacked out from drinking? yes 74. Played a prank on someone? yes 75. Gone to a late night movie? yes 76. Made love to anything not human? no 77. Failed a class? no 78. Choked on something you're not supposed to eat? no 79. Played an instrument for more than 10 hours? no 80. Cheated on a girl/boyfriend? no 81. Did you celebrate the 4th of July? no 82. Thrown strange objects? yes 83. Felt like killing someone? yes 84. Thought about running away? yes 85. Ran away? no 86. Did drugs? yes 87. Had detention and not attend it? no 88. Love/loved someone other than family? yes 89. Made a parent cry? yes 90. Cried over someone? yes 91. Owned more than 5 sharpies? no 92. Dated someone more than once? no 93. Had/Have a dog? yes 95. Own an instrument? no 96. Been in a band? no 97. Drank 25 sodas in a day? yes 98. Gone streaking? no 99. Ate so much you feel like dying? yes (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, February 10th, 2006
6:03 am	Pole Dancing If you're at work, you'll want to scroll down very, very cautiously. This is definitely not one to look at whilst at work ... because at the bottom of this entry is an image of a stunning blonde pole dancer. You've been warned! (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, February 7th, 2006
12:29 pm	Unwritten Someone (you know who you are) shared this with me today ... and I think it's wonderful. So much so, I'm putting it up here to give you all something to think about. Thank you. Unwritten by Natasha Bedingfield I am unwritten, can't read my mind, I'm undefined I'm just beginning, the pen's in my hand, ending unplanned Staring at the blank page before you Open up the dirty window Let the sun illuminate the words that you can not find Reaching for something in the distance So close you can almost taste it Release your inhibitions Feel the rain on your skin No one else can feel it for you Only you can let it in No one else, no one else Can speak the words on your lips Drench yourself in words unspoken Live your life with arms wide open Today is where your book begins The rest is still unwritten I break tradition, sometimes my tries, are outside the lines We've been conditioned to not make mistakes, but I can't live that way Staring at the blank page before you Open up the dirty window Let the sun illuminate the words that you can not find Reaching for something in the distance So close you can almost taste it Release your inhibitions Feel the rain on your skin No one else can feel it for you Only you can let it in No one else, no one else Can speak the words on your lips Drench yourself in words unspoken Live your life with arms wide open Today is where your book begins The rest is still unwritten Staring at the blank page before you Open up the dirty window Let the sun illuminate the words that you can not find Reaching for something in the distance So close you can almost taste it Release your inhibitions Feel the rain on your skin No one else can feel it for you Only you can let it in No one else, no one else Can speak the words on your lips Drench yourself in words unspoken Live your life with arms wide open Today is where your book begins The rest is still unwritten The rest is still unwritten The rest is still unwritten (Comment on this)
6:15 am	Another Boring Piece... I've had an idea floating around in my head for a while now, that I'm hoping to use for a blurty piece. The problem is, I don't seem to have any time to get anything done on here lately, and I'm not even reading the news much. I could bore you with details on how my diet's going, or tell you about the amazing message I had through this morning about my writing (which goes to show that even I can do good work, when I've got someone creative sparking me off) or even about the two music vids I've put together about Galactica that are bouncing around the net and getting generally genial comments back. I doubt you're that interested in any of that though, so I thought I'd just give you a few random thoughts. Why is it that a lot of my lunchtimes are punctuated with comments that boil down to "I'm expecting a very, very important phone call; make sure you answer my phone if it rings during your lunch break, because I'm going home for lunch." If it's that important, stay here and have lunch from the cafe. If it's not that important, why the feth should I interrupt my 30 minute lunch break covering your desk? I've got feedback to write. Women write the best smut. Trust me on this. Why is it half the people fighting to defend someone's right to free speech aren't also using their right to free speech by saying "by the way, what you said was needlessly rude, stupid and offensive - don't be such a git in future?" When did it become acceptable for the fascists to so thoroughly take over the image of my national flag that hundreds of years of tradition and achievement are now associated with a crew of people so lacking in morality or worth that if they were sprinkled with ex-lax they'd run off down the nearest sewer? In fact, the last annoyed me enough that having a need to order two new pairs of jeans (I'm walking holes in my current pairs with all the exercise I've been getting since I started dieting) I went out and added a printed t-shirt to my order because I'm hacked off with having to be embarrassed about being English. You can see it here and then reassure yourself by looking at the other shirt I ordererd to make sure I've not gone completely nuts. Oh, and Tim sent me an email with the attached in. A couple of them struck me as very funny, so I thought I'd share. Top ten thoughts for 2006 Number 10 - Life is sexually transmitted. Number 9 - Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die. Number 8 - Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich. Number 7 - Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks. Number 6 - Some people are like a Slinky.....not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs. Number 5 - Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing. Number 4 - All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism. Number 3 - Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred pounds and a substantial tax cut save you only thirty pence? Number 2 - In the 60s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal. And the Number 1 though for the year - We know exactly where one cow with mad-cow-disease is located among the millions and millions of cows in the UK but we haven't got a clue as to where thousands of illegal immigrants and terrorists are located. Maybe we should put the Department of Agriculture in charge of immigration. Current Mood: awake Current Music: Dark Night, by the Bangers (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, February 6th, 2006
7:55 am	Tagged Away... Latteaddict and Lymiryc both tagged me with a meme, so naturally the only thing I can do is respond, and then try and find five friends to tag... which could be a challenge. Instructions: Directions: List 10 celebrities that you find attractive. Then tag 5 of your friends. 10: Alyssa Milano - I'm a sucker for early-season Phoebe Halliwell. Something about ditzy brunettes, at a guess... 9: Marlee Matlin 8: Naomie Harris - And that's even before I saw her wielding a machete in 28 Days Later. 7: Nina Sosanya - Don't ask me why, she's just seriously attractive. 6: Drew Barrymore - I know it's predictable, but even if you don't like her films, the passion she throws into what she does is amazing. And Ever After rocked. 5: Janine Turner (yes, the one from Northern Exposure) 4: Patricia Tallman - actress, award winning stuntwoman, martial arts pro and genuinely nice person to boot. 3: Katee Sackhoff - 'nuff said. 2: Julia Stiles - not only can she act, but she likes Shakespeare. Groovy. 1: Dina Meyer - ok, so Starship Troopers and Jonny Mnemonic made an impression on me. What's not to admire about a fiesty redhead who can take on anyone? So now I've got to find some people to tag ... I guess that means that helly_uk, mail_alcinoe, kara-thrace and robertwl now have to step up to the plate. The only way I'll get up to five is to put this on my blurty as well and ping you, kingghidorah123. Current Mood: peaceful Current Music: Sultans of Swing, by Dire Straits (Comment on this)
Thursday, February 2nd, 2006
7:35 am	The Stella Awards 2005 Tim kindly sent me this, so I thought I'd share it with you all - so you can join me in wondering what exactly the world is turning into. 2005 Runners-Up and Winner: #7: Bob Dougherty. A prankster smeared glue on the toilet seat at the Home Depot store in Louisville, Colo., causing Dougherty to stick to it when he sat down. "This is not Home Depot's fault," he proclaimed, yet the store graciously offered him $2,000 anyway. Dougherty complained that offer is "insulting" and filed suit demanding $3 million. #6: Barbara Connors of Medfield, Mass. Connors was riding in a car driven by her 70-year-old(!) son-in-law when they crashed into the Connecticut River, and Connors sank with the car. Rescue divers arrived within minutes and got her out alive, but Connors suffered brain damage from her near-drowning. Sue the driver? Sure, we guess that's reasonable. But she also sued the brave rescue workers who risked their lives to save hers. #5: Michelle Knepper of Vancouver, Wash. Knepper picked a doctor out of the phone book to do her liposuction, and went ahead with the procedure even though the doctor was only a dermatologist, not a plastic surgeon. After having complications, she complained she never would have chosen that doctor had she known he wasn't Board Certified in the procedure. (She relied on the phonebook listing over asking the doctor, or looking for a certificate on his wall?!) So she sued ...the phone company! She won $1.2 million PLUS $375,000 for her husband for "loss of spousal services and companionship." #4: Rhonda Nichols. She says a wild bird "attacked" her outside a home improvement store in Fairview Heights, Ill., causing head injuries. That's right: OUTSIDE the store. Yet Nichols still held the Lowe's store responsible for "allowing" wild birds to fly around free in the air. She never reported the incident to the store, but still sued for "at least" $100,000 in damages. In January 2006, the case was thrown out of court. #3: Barnard Lorence of Stuart, Fla. Lorence managed to overdraw his own bank account. When the bank charged him a service fee for the overdraft, he filed suit over his "stress and pain" and loss of sleep over the fee. A few hundred thousand bucks, he says, will only amount to a "slap on the wrist", whereas the $2 million he's suing for is more like being "paddled". Kinky! #2: Wanita "Renea" Young of Durango, Colo. Two neighborhood teens baked cookies for their neighbors as an anonymous gesture of good will, but Young got scared when she heard them on her front porch. They apologized, in writing, but Young sued them anyway for causing her distress, demanding $3,000. When she won(!!) $900, she crowed about it in the newspaper and on national TV. Now, she's shocked (shocked!) that everyone in town hates her for her spite, and is afraid she may have to move. But hey: she won. AND THE WINNER of the 2005 Stella Award: Christopher Roller of Burnsville, Minn. Roller is mystified by professional magicians, so he sued David Blaine and David Copperfield to demand they reveal their secrets to them -- or else pay him 10 percent of their lifelong earnings, which he figures amounts to $50 million for Copperfield and $2 million for Blaine. The basis for his suit: Roller claims that the magicians defy the laws of physics, and thus must be using "godly powers" -- and since ROLLER is god (according to him), they're "somehow" stealing that power from him. -v- TO CONFIRM THE VALIDITY OF THESE CASES, get more information on the True Stella Awards, or sign up for a free e-mail subscription to new cases as they are issued, see http://www.StellaAwards.com/2005.html WANT TO SEE THE FULL WRITE-UPS of all of these cases? A PDF file is available for a small fee. See http://www.StellaAwards.com/2005.html for info. NOTE: If the summary doesn't state an outcome for a case, it's probably still pending. Unlike the fantasy world of the urban legend Stella Awards, in real life the courts are so clogged, and "justice" so slow, that it can take many years for a case to conclude. Sorry, but there are no pat endings in the real world. If YOU hear of an update, please DO send us a URL so we can update our readers. Thanks. Copyright 2006 www.StellaAwards.com. This message may be forwarded as long as it remains complete and unaltered. Current Mood: tired Current Music: Blurry, by Puddle of Mudd (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, February 1st, 2006
1:53 pm	Meh. I know, I never usually do these things ... but it's lunchtime, and I'm too tired to think. 1. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING? Ravenor, by Dan Abnett 2.WHAT TIME IS IT NOW? 13:25 3. WHAT'S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? A can of diet red bull... the mouse is around here somewhere. 4. WHAT'S YOUR FAVOURITE BOARD GAME? Settlers 5. FAVOURITE MAGAZINE? Total Film (when someone leaves a copy in the small bathroom for me to read) 6. FAVOURITE SOUND? Evening rain, when I'm indoors with the window open. 7. WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD? Hurting someone else, and not being able to make up for it. 8. FIRST THING YOU THINK OF IN THE MORNING? These days? Checking to see if there are new posts on the BSG RP for me to answer during the day. 9. HOW MANY RINGS BEFORE YOU ANSWER THE PHONE? Depends entirely on where I'm sitting. At work, no more than 4. 10. FUTURE CHILD'S NAME? You think I'm going to have children? I'd need to find someone who could stand the sight of me first. 11. FAVOURITE COLOUR? Canary yellow. 12. WHAT IS MOST IMPORTANT IN YOUR LIFE? Family and close friends. 13. FAVOURITE FOOD? I'm only allowed one? Possibly lasagne. Possibly crispy shredded beef with chilli. 14. If you could PLAY AN INSTRUMENT, WHAT WOULD IT BE? The fiddle. 15. DO YOU LIKE TO DRIVE FAST? I don't drive. I'm a maniac in a BattleMech, though... 16. SLEEP WITH A STUFFED ANIMAL? Not in a while ... loads scattered around, though. Evil Duck rocks. 17. STORMS - COOL OR SCARY? Too cool for words. 18. WHAT TYPE IS YOUR CAR? Hornby model, with Snoopy on it. 19. PERSON FROM YOUR PAST YOU WISH YOU COULD GO BACK AND TALK TO? First girlfriend. 20. FAVOURITE ALCOHOLIC DRINK? Anything less than 20% by volume, in large quantities. 22. WHAT'S IN THE BOOT OF YOUR CAR? My car's a 3.5" metal model ... so not a lot. 23. IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY JOB YOU WANTED WHAT WOULD IT BE? Professional author or editor. 24. LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND? Meh. 25. EVER BEEN IN LOVE? Yes. 26. IS THE GLASS HALF EMPTY OR HALF FULL ? Bring me another, this one's running out. 27. FAVOURITE MOVIE(s)? How many am I allowed? The Crow, The Lion in Winter, Harvey, Ever After, Serenity... 28. DO YOU TYPE WITH YOUR FINGERS ON THE RIGHT KEYS? By accident. I type fast enough already without learning what the right keys are. 29. WHAT'S UNDER YOUR BED? I sleep on a mattress on the floor ... so carpet and floorboards. 30. WHAT IS YOU FAVOURITE NUMBER? Black 7. 31. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE SPORT TO WATCH? Sumo wrestling 32. SAY AT LEAST ONE NICE THING ABOUT THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU? ... Erm ... erm ... always stands his round. 33. IF YOU COULD BUILD A HOUSE ANYWHERE WHERE WOULD IT BE? Alaska. 34. WHAT'S YOUR FAVOURITE ARTICLE OF CLOTHING? Black jeans and large t-shirts. 35. BEACH, MOUNTAINS, CITY? Mountains 36. TECHNOLOGY OR ART? Technology 37. COMEDY OR HORROR? Both. 38.FAVOURITE PHYSICAL FEATURE OF THE OPPOSITE SEX? What, only one? For shame. Pay more attention. 40. FAVOURITE TIME OF DAY? The afternoon - from 1700 onwards. 41. THE LAST CD YOU BOUGHT? So Called Chaos, by Alanis Morissette. 42. WHAT'S YOUR FAVOURITE PLACE TO BE MASSAGED? I wouldn't know, hasn't happened. 43. WHAT'S MOST IMPORTANT, STRONG IN MIND OR STRONG IN BODY? Mind. 44.WHAT TIME DO YOU WAKE UP IN THE MORNING? Currently, between 0400 and 0430. 45. WHAT'S YOUR FAVOURITE KITCHEN ITEM? Food? If you mean cooking utensil ... a large wok. 46. WHAT MAKES YOU REALLY ANGRY? Needlessly cruel people. 47. WHICH DO YOU PREFER, SPORTS CAR OR 4X4? 4x4 48. DO YOU BELIEVE IN THE AFTERLIFE? Yes. 49. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE SEASON? Winter. 50. IF YOU COULD HAVE ONE SUPER POWER, WHAT WOULD IT BE? The ability to polymorph. 51. CAN YOU JUGGLE? Only schedules. 52. WHAT'S YOUR FAVOURITE DAY? Friday. 53. WHICH DO YOU PREFER SUSHI OR HAMBURGER? Hamburger. 54 WHO DID YOU RECEIVE THIS FROM? Andy. 55. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE CARTOON? Hmm. Silly, I know ... but I think probably Crying Freeman, for all that the plot is a bit ... absent. 56. WHATS YOUR FAVOURITE SEXUAL ACTIVITY? Any sexual activity, quite frankly. 57. WHAT IS THE WEATHER LIKE OUTSIDE? Crisp. Good walking weather. 58. WHAT IS ON YOUR PHONE SCREEN? I don't think my mobile phone works. When it does work - it's so old you can't put pictures on the screen. 59. J LO OR BEYONCE? I know absolutely nothing about Beyonce, so I'll pass. 60. WHAT DO YOU SEE YOURSELF DOING WHEN YOU'RE 50? Dying of an obesity-related heart attack. Current Mood: blah Current Music: Animal, by Def Leppard (Comment on this)
Tuesday, January 31st, 2006
5:56 am	Danger Mouse Whilst I'm still boggling in disbelief at the news that an eleven year old girl in Scotland has been smoking heroin for more than two months and considered it a perfectly normal thing to do, I thought I'd try and focus on something more cheerful. Bruce, mad soul that he is, has sent me some pictures of the Burns night party he went too. Being a Jock, he naturally got roped into the entertainment, and had to recite a poem about the wee mousie. Not content with having to recite the poem alone, he had to go the whole hog ... and dress up as a mouse. I thought this was a pretty entertaining thing for him to do, personally ... but then, twice a year I dress up as Gusset the Goblin, so what to I know? Now that you've finished enjoying the amusing picture, you can go and read variously about how Global Warming is about to become truly disastrous, that a survey of 2,000 Britons shows that at least 40% are officially stupid and think that Creationism is more viable than Evolution as a theory or should at least be taught in schools (and as an alternative to Evolution theory, not as an exercise in creative writing), and privacy is now a thing of the past. Current Mood: hyper Current Music: Travelling Soldier, by the Dixie Chicks (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, January 25th, 2006
1:27 pm	When Heroin Was Legal... The BBC has a magazine article up entitled When Heroin Was Legal and which contains a lot of detail I'd never heard about the drug. Being a child of the 70s, I have of course been brought up in the tradition of "all drugs are evil"... but I know enough about history to know that drugs that are now illegal were once not only legal but actually actively pushed. Laudanum is a big example of this sort of substance. Heroin is an effective painkiller, and was once widely prescribed by doctors for a range of ailments, including coughs, colds and dirrhoea. Read medical journals from the time and you'll doubtless find diacetylmorphine listed as having a great many therapeutic properties ... not least of these being that as a painkiller, it's eight times as effective as morphine. My, how times have changed. And recently; in 1955, the Times published a front page article pointing out lucidly all the reasons for objecting to a ban on heroin. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, January 24th, 2006
10:01 am	Again? I've just found out that my clerk from my previous posting has suffered a huge bereavement; the eldest of her two daughters died of a heroin overdose last Monday. The news of this is spreading by osmosis amongst everyone who knew Alanna or who knows Tracey, and everyone's in the sort of state of shock you'd expect. The funeral is this Friday afternoon, and I've already cleared my diary to attend if I'm allowed. It never ceases to surprise me just how big a shock news like this can be, even when it's someone you only know through another person. Given that Alanna was full of life and that I was constantly hearing stories about what she was up to, what her hopes and aspirations were for the three years Tracey and I worked together and through all the social phone calls we've exchanged in the eighteen months since I was posted, I'm absolutely floored right now. I guess words really aren't enough. Tracey, my thoughts are with you. I'm so terribly sorry to hear the news. (Comment on this)
Friday, January 20th, 2006
1:07 pm	Whale Lost In Central London "A seven-tonne whale has made its way up the Thames to central London, where it is being watched by riverside crowds." - BBC News. Well, I said myself the last time I went to London that they seriously need to put some more street signs up. Although, reading through the article, I think my favourite quote has to be from the curator of the London Aquarium, Paul Hale, who announced "London Aquarium Curator Paul Hale told the BBC: "Getting that to do anything it doesn't want to do is going to be extremely difficult. " You're not kidding. I can see seven metric tonnes of whale to do anything it doesn't damn well feel like being quite difficult, myself. Speaking of big fishing attempts, if you check on the BBC website you'll see an article about how the US government has requested a weeks worth of search data from Google, ostensibly to go through looking to prove it's case that it's too easy to access pornography on the net, doubtless as part of another attempt to censor or curb the use of the internet. It's not a completely novel idea; get a few hundred gig of data from Google, and then sort through it in the hope you'll find someone doing something illegal. However, I suspect if they went to AT&T and demanded a weeks worth of taped phone calls to see who they could catch doing naughty things, there'd be a huge outcry. Current Mood: busy Current Music: The Jayne Song, from Firefly (Comment on this)
12:02 am	Just a quick entry, as it's been a long and busy day. Is it just me, or are there a lot of people out there who light up cigarettes whilst walking, and then never actually draw on them, instead walking for minutes trailing smoke behind them? Not what you're need when you're running late walking to the station and breathing like a bellows. (Comment on this)
Wednesday, January 18th, 2006
3:57 pm	The Death Penalty In principle, I've always objected to the death penalty. I consider it barbaric at the most basic level for a state to take the life of its citizens, particularly given the manner in which justice turns out to have been blind so often. There's always stories in the press these days about expert witnesses who turn out to be not so expert - or to have not looked at things like evidence or interviewed witnesses, resulting in cases being overturned. Not just the famous ones, like the mother accused of murdering her four cot death children, but right down to the individual cases you never hear about. One reason I've been so opposed to the death penalty for so long is because of a particular figure in the legal profession in this country, who accounced at one point that he wished we still had the death penalty because then the Guildford Four would've been expected "rather than being allowed to embarrass the legal profession". That statement was so many kinds of wrong that it convinced me that bringing back the death penalty was the worst thing that could ever happen to this country. Given that I'm opposed to capital punishment, it makes me feel a little guilty that having read this morning that the two men who the two men convicted of the premeditated rape and murder of a British tourist have received a death sentence, my first thought was "good". Maybe I'm not as civilized as I thought ... or maybe that's why some countries still execute people. Current Music: My Guitar Wants to Kill Your Mama - various guitarists live. (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, January 16th, 2006
1:21 pm	Two Jags Good morning, everyone. Hope you had a good weekend? I know I did. I managed to go and support a friend of mine who's got his art on display by shuttling up to the theatre the display is in. Unfortunately, there hadn't been a lot of visitors in yet, but then there hadn't been a show on yet. With a couple of gigs over the next week, his art is next to the bar and hopefully will attract some attention. So, if you're in the area (Three Bridges in Suffolk) why not drop in and view the Malcolm Walker art display? Don't worry, that tatty substitute for a corporate Rorschach test pictured in the advert is one of the bits of overpriced art on display downstairs. I managed to sleep a little over the weekend, which is a good thing; admittedly, I basically collapsed halfway through the live spoilers for the new Galactica episode and then woke up in time to run to the station to go the art exhibition, but I did manage to sleep for a couple of hours on the trains. That was a good thing, given I then managed to stay up all night Saturday rping. I need to have a switch installed in my head for Sleep/Don't Sleep I can use at will, so I can catch my daily sleep allowance during lunchbreaks and travelling time, rather than being boring and just trying to sleep at night. Speaking of sleeping at night, there are probably a few people out there who won't be sleeping comfortably, as I finished and got posted what has to be the hottest bit of fiction I've written in a long time, in conjunction with another player with a corking imagination. I'd forgotten how much fun it can be to write something that gets the blood moving again - and given comments from one of the players reading the run-up instalments, the two of us succeeded. No, I'm not going to give you a link to the post - you can go and join the Galactica RPG and find it yourselves. Go on, you know you want too. So, having had a good weekend, I decided it was high time to find something to complain about. Oddly enough, in the thirty seconds I had to flip through the copy of the Daily Express that'd been picked up for the free movie DVD, I managed to find something, courtesy of my favourite form of lower life, the MP. Better yet: a Minister. You're probably aware of the story already, as it's been rumbling since December 05 at least. John "Two Jags" Prescott, despised to a lesser or greater extent for presiding over a 76% increase in council tax bills since 1997 and responsible for the departments harsh stance on bill defaults, appears to have not been paying the council tax on one of his properties. Now, you'd think that a man who's happy to lock up OAPs for contempt when they refuse to pay what they consider to be a disproportionate increase in their council tax would want to be squeeky-clean himself, but not Prescott. One of the cushier allowances given to Ministers is the ability to reclaim council tax payments anyway, and I'd imagine most do. However, Prescott's been dodging the tax on his Admiralty House flat for a while, it'd seem; added to which, his official country residence has the tax paid for him by a charitable trust. Nifty, eh? At least two other high-profile MPs with flats in Admiralty House pay their council tax (although you do have to wonder if they claim it back), but not Two Jags. His staff have said that he's complying with the law - although things are starting to squeek under media pressure to confirm exactly how that's the case. For my part, I'll just say: Pay your council tax, you cheap git. If you're not already making a fortune from honoury directorships, consultancy fees, lecture tours and all the other things MPs and Ministers get up to when helping line the feeding trough, you soon will be. Added to which, your Ministerial Salary is higher than most people in this country can dream of earning - so pay up. And try to do it without claiming that you were misinformed by your staff - because every other Minister seems to know about paying their council tax, so either your staff are ignorant or you are. Pay up to show some solidarity with the working classes you're allegedly representing. Pay up to at least try and generate the impression that you aren't an utter hypocrite - even if you do then claim it all back from the public purse. Current Mood: sleepy Current Music: Homicide, by the Snake River Conspiracy (Comment on this)
Friday, January 13th, 2006
12:03 pm	The Truth Behind Motor Maintenance One of the benefits of working in an area that's predominantly orientated around engineers is that you tend to hear a lot of engineering humour. There's more than you think, out there - although not as much as the average engineer would have you believe. Anyway, someone sent the attached to me, so I thought I'd share it around a little. For those of us that have ever used a Haynes Manual in attempting home maintenance of a car. For those who have not used a Haynes Manual, these are the books aimed at car-owners who want to fix their own cars and which keep qualified mechanics in paid employment putting things right afterwards. They are chock full of photos, diagrams and step-by-step instructions which are obvious if you are a fully qualified motor mechanic, but which are frighteningly sparse on detail for the average Joe in the street who wants to change a set of spark plugs on a 1981 VW Polo... Haynes: Rotate anticlockwise. Translation: Clamp with molegrips (adjustable wrench) then beat repeatedly with hammer anticlockwise. You do know which way is anticlockwise, don't you? Haynes: Should remove easily. Translation: Will be corroded into place ... clamp with adjustable wrench then beat repeatedly with a hammer. Haynes: This is a snug fit. Translation: You will skin your knuckles! ... Clamp with adjustable wrench then beat repeatedly with hammer. Haynes: This is a tight fit. Translation: Not a hope in hell matey! ... Clamp with adjustable wrench then beat repeatedly with hammer. Haynes: As described in Chapter 7... Translation: That'll teach you not to read through before you start, now you are looking at scary photos of the inside of a gearbox. Haynes: Pry... Translation: Hammer a screwdriver into... Haynes: Undo... Translation: Go buy a tin of WD40 (catering size). Haynes: Ease ... Translation: Apply superhuman strength to ... Haynes: Retain tiny spring... Translation: "Jeez what was that, it nearly had my eye out"! Haynes: Press and rotate to remove bulb... Translation: OK - that's the glass bit off, now fetch some good pliers to dig out the bayonet part and remaining glass shards. Haynes: Lightly... Translation: Start off lightly and build up till the veins on your forehead are throbbing then re-check the manual because what you are doing now cannot be considered "lightly". Haynes: Weekly checks... Translation: If it isn't broken don't fix it! Haynes: Routine maintenance... Translation: If it isn't broken... it's about to be! Haynes: One spanner rating (simple). Translation: Your Mum could do this... so how did you manage to botch it up? Haynes: Two spanner rating. Translation: Now you may think that you can do this because two is a low, tiny, ikkle number... but you also thought that the wiring diagram was a map of the Tokyo underground (in fact that would have been more use to you). Haynes: Three spanner rating (intermediate). Translation: Make sure you won't need your car for a couple of days and that your AA cover includes Home Start. Haynes: Four spanner rating. Translation: You are seriously considering this aren't you, you pleb! Haynes: Five spanner rating (expert). Translation: OK - but don't expect us to ride it afterwards!!! Translation #2: Don't ever carry your loved ones in it again and don't mention it to your insurance company. Haynes: If not, you can fabricate your own special tool like this... Translation: Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! Haynes: Compress... Translation: Squeeze with all your might, jump up and down on, swear at, throw at the garage wall, then search for it in the dark corner of the garage whilst muttering "******" repeatedly under your breath. Haynes: Inspect... Translation: Squint at really hard and pretend you know what you are looking at, then declare in a loud knowing voice to your wife "Yep, as I thought, it's going to need a new one"! Haynes: Carefully... Translation: You are about to cut yourself! Haynes: Retaining nut... Translation: Yes, that's it, that big spherical blob of rust. Haynes: Get an assistant... Translation: Prepare to humiliate yourself in front of someone you know. Haynes: Turning the engine will be easier with the spark plugs removed. Translation: However, starting the engine afterwards will be much harder. Once that sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach has subsided, you can start to feel deeply ashamed as you gingerly refit the spark plugs. Haynes: Refitting is the reverse sequence to removal. Translation: But you swear in different places. Haynes: Prise away plastic locating pegs... Translation: Snap off... Haynes: Using a suitable drift or pin-punch... Translation: The biggest nail in your tool box isn't a suitable drift! Haynes: Everyday toolkit Translation: Ensure you have an RAC Card & Mobile Phone Haynes: Apply moderate heat... Translation: Placing your mouth near it and huffing isn't moderate heat. Translation #2: Heat up until glowing red, if it still doesn't come undone use a hacksaw. Haynes: Apply moderate heat... Translation: Unless you have a blast furnace, don't bother. Clamp with adjustable wrench then beat repeatedly with hammer. Haynes: Index Translation: List of all the things in the book bar the thing you want to do! Haynes: Remove oil filter using an oil filter chain wrench or length of bicycle chain. Translation: Stick a screwdriver through it and beat handle repeatedly with a hammer. Haynes: Replace old gasket with a new one. Translation: I know I've got a tube of Krazy Glue around here somewhere. Haynes: Grease well before refitting. Translation: Spend an hour searching for your tub of grease before chancing upon a bottle of washing-up liquid (dish soap). Wipe some congealed washing up liquid from the dispenser nozzle and use that since it's got a similar texture and will probably get you to Halfords to buy some Castrol grease. Haynes: See illustration for details Translation: None of the illustrations notes will match the pictured exploded, numbered parts. The unit illustrated is from a previous or variant model. The actual location of the unit is never given. The best one I encountered was how to change a brake sensor in a Ford Fiesta Popular Plus. The photo showing the location of the unit failed to mention the crucial detail of whether the item was located in the engine compartment or inside the car... and the helpful photo of what the thing looked like didn't give the reader any clues! HAYNES GUIDE TO TOOLS OF THE TRADE HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer is nowadays used as a kind of divining rod to locate expensive parts not far from the object we are trying to hit. MECHANIC'S KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on boxes containing seats and motorcycle jackets. ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning steel Pop rivets in their holes until you die of old age, but it also works great for drilling mounting holes just above the brake line that goes to the rear wheel. PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes. MOLE-GRIPS/ADJUSTABLE WRENCH: Used to round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand. OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your garage on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside a brake-drum you're trying to get the bearing race out of. WHITWORTH SOCKETS: Once used for working on older cars and motorcycles, they are now used mainly for impersonating that 9/16 or 1/2 socket you've been searching for for the last 15 minutes. DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, splattering it against that freshly painted part you were drying. WIRE WHEEL: Cleans rust off old bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprint whorls and hard-earned guitar calluses in about the time it takes you to say, "F...." HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering car to the ground after you have installed your new front disk brake setup, trapping the jack handle firmly under the front wing. EIGHT-FOOT LONG DOUGLAS FIR 2X4: Used for levering a car upward off a hydraulic jack. TWEEZERS: A tool for removing wood splinters. PHONE: Tool for calling your neighbour to see if he has another hydraulic floor jack. SNAP-ON GASKET SCRAPER: Theoretically useful as a sandwich tool for spreading mayonnaise; used mainly for getting dog-doo off your boot. BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool that snaps off in bolt holes and is ten times harder than any known drill bit. TIMING LIGHT: A stroboscopic instrument for illuminating grease build-up. TWO-TON HYDRAULIC ENGINE HOIST: A handy tool for testing the tensile strength of ground straps and brake lines you may have forgotten to disconnect. CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 16-INCH SCREWDRIVER: A large motor mount prying tool that inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end without the handle. BATTERY ELECTROLYTE TESTER: A handy tool for transferring sulphuric acid from a car battery to the inside of your toolbox after determining that your battery is dead as a doornail, just as you thought. AVIATION METAL SNIPS: See hacksaw. INSPECTION LIGHT: The mechanic's own tanning booth. Sometimes called a drop light, it is a good source of vitamin D, "the sunshine vitamin," which is not otherwise found under cars at night. Health benefits aside, its main purpose is to consume 40-watt light bulbs at about the same rate as 105-mm howitzer shells during the Battle of the Bulge. More often dark than light, its name is somewhat misleading. PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the lids of old-style paper- and-tin oil cans and splash oil on your shirt; can also be used, as the name implies, to round off Phillips screw heads. AIR COMPRESSOR: A machine that takes energy produced in a fossil-fuel burning power plant 200 miles away and transforms it into compressed air that travels by hose to a pneumatic impact wrench that grips rusty bolts last tightened 30 years ago by someone in Dagenham, and rounds them off. PRY (CROW) BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 pence part. HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to cut hoses 1/2 inch too short. Current Mood: exhausted Current Music: Paradise City, by Guns 'n' Roses (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, January 12th, 2006
1:17 pm	Oh, Feth... Well, I've just spent three hours updating information into a vastly over-complicated spreadsheet at the demand of the team waster. Having done so, I've just discovered that manipulating the data has produced errors in a number of the Virtual Basic code behind the waster's spreadsheet - so I've got to do it all again. I remember reading about a character in a book who could get away with not swearing by repeating the phrase "bad words" repeatedly outloud. I may have to try that, because my language over the last few minutes has set the furry walls of my cubicle on fire. Bah. Talk about putting yourself in a bad mood for the rest of the day - I was actually in a good mood, first thing this morning. All the online roleplaying went on well last night, and more than that I was up til 1am chatting away with people even outside the roleplaying session, which is always nice. I'd managed a decent Chinese meal with Beagle Scout, despite having to avoid rice, noodles, batter, alcohol and anything deep fried. My spiffy new headphone/microphone thingy was actually working within half an hour of me installing it, after minimal amounts of crawling around on the floor, and even better than that ... more posts online for me (one very definitely for me to answer) when I got to work this morning. It doesn't get better than that. I should really have known better. In my important role looking after things no-one else cares about, you can always guarantee that the things no-one else wants to do will end up on my desk. That kept me going up until 10am, at which point the hideous spreadsheet arrived and things started to go seriously downhill. So, in an effort to improve my mood, I thought I'd continue with the topic of body language; you see, I've discovered several new body languages signs I don't think anyone else has actually managed to define yet, and I thought I'd share them with you. Naturally, if you've found some new signals yourself, feel free to help educate the world by sharing them... Behaviour: Sitting at a computer desk, with multiple windows open, with a headset on, talking to someone on a microphone whilst typing franctically. Concealed Message: Yes, I am in fact not at all busy and coming to fix some stacking tables right fething now this very instant is exactly the sort of activity I was looking for. Behaviour: Standing at a pelican crossing, looking intently at traffic. Concealed Message: I am thoroughly enraptured by your car, and I want you to keep going across the pelican crossing as fast as you can so that I can get a really good look at it. Make sure you tell all your friends to do the same. Behaviour: Walking very briskly along a pavement during extremely cold weather muttering "I'm late." Concealed Message: Yes, I'm extremely interested in hearing how the truth known only to the Church of Jesus Christ and the Latter Day Saints can improve my life. Bah again. Current Mood: discontent Current Music: Whirlwind, by Broder Daniel (Comment on this)
Wednesday, January 11th, 2006
12:57 pm	Respect? Well, it would seem that the word of the day is going to be Respect. Tony Blair has decided that this country needs more respect, and has thrown together a fairly woolly piece of psuedo-legislation to support his methods of engendering respect on his terms. For a start, let's jack up the number of ASBOs being issued around. Originally introduced as the last chance for someone to avoid a criminal sentance, so many ASBOs end up resulting in a criminal conviction that they could be taken as merely being the first step on the way to a genuine conviction. It gets better when Tony starts arguing about basically reducing the demands on the police to deliver the burden of proof against someone before prosecuting; if you agree that the police aren't making enough convictions, you can either look at why ... too much bureaucracy, perhaps? Or, you can push forward the idea that actually, rather than gathering evidence and going for convictions we'll instead have speedy justice with on-the-spot fines based on whether or not you think the person involved has been a naughty boy or not. Quite how this is going to engender respect, I don't know. There's a convincing argument on the BBC website from a commentator that you can trace a lack of respect in our society back to the 80s, where it became the fashion to not teach and discipline children but instead become counsellors and best friends, where learning and a respect for authority were replaced with ... what, exactly? Declining standards in education, a teaching community that faces shortages and burnout amongst its members because of the conditions they have to work under and the raising of a generation of lost children whose only stance on respect is that everyone owes it to them because they are the centre of the world, and everyone else is insignificant. Added to which, of course, is the unspoken belief of every parent that teachers are automatically liars when it comes to their childrens behaviour, if the report is anything but complimentary. Sorry Tony, if you want to start rebuilding respect in this country from the ground up, start in the schools - not by trying to do away with an 800 year old practise that individuals are innocent until proven guilty and should be protected from wrongful accusations and convictions. Current Mood: exhausted Current Music: Like Lovers (Holding On) by Texas (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, January 10th, 2006
1:17 pm	Serenity There's an article on the sci-fi channel web page about the possibility of further Serenity movies, following on from the success of the original in terms of DVD sales. There's a quote from the special effects director of Serenity, Loni Peristere about the success of the film which took $25 million in cinemas, somewhat less than was hoped, but which is proving so far to be a DVD hit, just as was the case with the original Firefly series. "We wish the audience would get up and go to the theater, but it shows that they like to keep coming back and revisiting the world Joss created." Well, if you're listening Odeon Salisbury, put the damn movie on next time and I'll go and see it. I'll just have to wait until the DVD is on special offer now instead... (Comment on this)
1:12 pm	Yet Another Day... Well, it's lunchtime in yet another day. I wish that I could say I had something interesting to write about, but not a lot's been going on I can really share. The dates for the Dungeonworld Northern Con in Blackpool are out; 24th - 26th of February. All to the good; a weekend in the company of people as strange as I am is always good, and there's a decent chance of a few games of Viking Fury. Given that I'm dietting and therefore trying to avoid drinking it may be an unusually sober convention for me, but I suppose there has to be one. It looks as if I'll definitely be running a tabletop game at the con, and I've been digging out my notes on a feature involving zombies and chickens. I thought originally I was sorted in advance, but someone's bringing out a film entitled Dead Serious that apparently combines vampires and right-wing terrorists all in a gay bar; think from Dusk Til Dawn in a different setting. After Mark's success with his Midnight Cowboy game last session (we'll gloss over the fact that whilst the characters were still amnesiacs, the heroic Zoro-like rebel and the evil land baron both made exactly the same comment upon finding an expensive watch on a victims wrist) I'm tempted to see if I can return the favour by writing a session that might appeal to him. On the other hand, maybe I'll just mention the film to him and let him loose... What's more worrying is that it looks like I may be in the frame for writing the play again, if Andy doesn't follow through. Hayes is conveniently spreading stories about something involving killer fluffy bunnies, which rather makes me wonder if he's been watching Night of the Lepus recently. If I'm going to write a play, given the amount of my spare time currently going into the BSG RP I'm going to need a serious dose of imagination and a good run-up to get anywhere. Although, I'm tempted to try something involving superheroes this time; anyone know if Clive's got a pair of brightly coloured underpants he could wear over his trousers? Now, if you'll excuse me, one of my fellow players in the BSG RP writes with a tremendous sense of feeling and enthusiasm and has been posting in the afternoons in a thread I'm playing in ... so I'm going to go and watch the board like a hawk whilst I wait to see if she updates. And work, obviously. Current Mood: energetic Current Music: Whiskey In The Jar, by the Pogues (6 Comments |Comment on this)