Cait's Blurty Entries [entries|friends|calendar]

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today... [16 Jul 2003|11:48pm]
[ mood | exhausted ]
[ music | Where is the love *`black eyed peas ft JT ]

hey uhm . . . the day was ok buht night was CrAzY!!! . . . in the day i woke up at 12 . . . then adrienne came over at like 1ish . . . my uncle called and we were like "fighting" and "aruging" on the fone . . . it was funny . . . its my cousin's bday . . . sOo MEGAN HAPPY 18TH BDAY . . . my uncle is coming up to my house . . . hes arrivin at like 12 or 1 . . . lauren then later on came over . . . we met her in Carvel . . . the lady in Subway when adie and i went was like totally messed up . . . she got our orders messed up . . . then her adies dad came to pick her up . . . his new car is AWESOME . . . lauren decided to walk home . . . i dont know why . . . adies dad siad he could take her home . . . then at 6 Eileen and Mrs. Purcell came and picked me up . . . i had to go and babysit the Purcells' . . . boy that didnt end up very well . . . we ate pizza and hung out . . . then we all went to the little corner deli . . . i then went back with them to the house and everything got out of hand . . . Lil' Mikey peed ALL over the floor!!! . . . i had to clean it up ewww! . . . then he was splashing in the bathtub and got the whole floor wet . . . we had to put him in the tub because he drew all this lipstick all over himself . . . then it took us like 5 mins just to get his pjs on . . . then they finally settled down and watched tv . . . but then i was sitting on the couch with them and talking about "Finding Nemo" and Mikey started punching my bOObs like they were punching bags . . . it really hurt! . . . i think i have ALOT of bruises now . . . but its allll gooood . . . only because i got 30 buckaroos!! . . . adie went to cheerin' today . . . i talked to Gina about it . . . she said the dance is really good but its realllll harrrrd . . . the song is from Bring It On . . . oh yeah and Lauren, Adie, and i have figured out that Steve is porbably avoiding me on purpose . . . sOo i guess he really doesnt like me any more . . . and i guess we arent going to hook up any more . . . and the confusing part is, is that he says he still love-likes me . . . but whatever . . . hes over me now i definitely know it! . . . i just wish he'd hang out with me . . . but instead hes avoiding me . . . it makes me sad . . . but if thats what he wants to do . . . then i will let him and wont let him know it bothers me . . . its his life and this is how he wants it . . . him not liking me . . . so does that mean i shouldnt like him? . . . i have no clue but whatever . . . i just wish he'd change his mind about not liking me but its his choice . . . and plus wishes dont come true unless you work hard enough for them . . . but this wish wont come true i can sense it . . . well i am going to go and wait for my uncle . . . ttyl love you! xO Steve-- i miss you xO =(

today... [15 Jul 2003|01:03am]
[ mood | tired ]
[ music | This is the Night *`Clay Aiken ]

hey ii know itsz a new day ... buht wahtever ... yesterday ii hung ouht with adrienne and lauren ... adrienne and ii went to Subway ... then to Carvel ... in Carvel we saw Jen, Dave F, Steve, and more ... ii kinda ignored Steve buht ii didnt mean to ... he came in and ii said hi to Jen and then went near adrienne ... buht thatsz only because ii didnt know how to react to hiim ... because he decided we cant kiss me any more ... and yet he still love-liikesz me ... ii thiink he just doesnt liike me any more ... buht thatsz just my opinion on that ... ii really miss hiim ... we havent been talking ever siince that happened ... ii guess because ii wasz crying and ii told hiim he made me cry ALOT ... buht yhu know itsz hiis choice ... he doesnt liike me any more ... so ii just have to get use to the fact that he other girlsz he liikesz are WAY BETTER than ME ... and ii know itsz going to be hard buht ii can geht used to the feeling ... ii really miss Steve though ... we asked hiim to come over today ... buht liike usual he couldnt come ... itsz either that or he just didnt want to because he doesnt liike me ... whiich that can be true too ... adrienne and lauren say he probably does liike me ... itsz just that hesz confused about thingsz ... and he miight be ... buht wahtever ... we just wont kiss and ii guess hang ouht either ... lauren and ii ordered pizza and salad when adrienne left ... and ii had liike 3 sliicesz because ii wasz STARVING ... buht now ii thiink ii am really really sick from it ... ii feel liike throwing uhp ... thatsz why ii am uhp styll ... ii am noht feeling too well ... ii wiish Steve and ii were talking ... buht ii dont know how ii would react ... just liike ii dont know how ii would act if we hung ouht ... because now we wont hook uhp ... because thatsz waht he chose ... and waht would ii do if ii wanted to just kiss hiim ... ii mean waht would happen if ii just went to giive hiim a kiss and ii forgoht he didnt want to kiss? ... would he actually kiss me? ... or would he pull away? ... ii thiink that ii would do something wrong ... ii hope that he miight kiss me again before the summer endsz or ... idk ii am sOo confused ... all ii know is that now NO BOYS liike liike me ... because ii thought Steve did ... buht obviously he doesnt any more .. so wahtever ... anyway ii am really tired so ii think ii am goin to go to bed now ... Steve -- beb ... ii miss yhu ... ii styll love yhu tOo

today... [13 Jul 2003|10:04pm]
[ mood | exhausted ]
[ music | I'm Glad *`JLo ]

hey beb! . . . today wasz great . . . adrienne came over early . . . we went to dunkin donuts . . . and then we brought her uhp to my pool . . . micky , kevin , eileen , jamie , anna , and paulie were there today . . . kevin is sOo adorable . . . he and i were flirting sOo much . . . he has liike 8 gfs and hesz onlii in 5th grade hahah . . . n micky wasz playing golf all day . . . adrienne didnt get to see him in a bathing suit . . . unliike me where ii get to all tha tiime haha! . . . ii thiink some of my hiighliights went away! . . . ii felt sOo depressed and lonely today . . . ii thought of steve the whole day . . . buht ii have to remember that he doesnt liike me in that way any more so ii should get over hiim ii guess . . . ii really miss hiim being with me . . . and us hookin' uhp and stuff . . . adrienne came over afterwards and we went to blockbuster . . . then to burger king . . . and then we came home . . . we talked instead of watching the movie . . . ii kinda broke the desk . . . and ii tried fixing it . . . buht ii jammed my finger . . . and it started bleeding under my skin . . . so ii stopped and told my mom . . . ii feel twice as empty . . . ii guess because ii dont know my real parents , ryan hates me , and steve doesnt liike me . . . so ii guess ii feel empty , lonely , and unloved . . . buht ii guess ii should just get over it . . . ii aint worth liikin anyway . . . well uhm . . . ii have plans tomorrow . . . ii thiink? . . . and wed. ii get to babysit at niight . . . wahOo! money!!!! . . . sun. ii thiink ii am goin to six flags . . . and my uncle is coming uhp from virginia on thurs . . . steve -- ii miss yhu bebe!

today... [12 Jul 2003|12:27am]
[ mood | blah ]
[ music | Breathe *`Blu Cantell ft. Sean Paul ]

hey .. ii know itsz really a start of a new day .. buht ii wasz meaning to wriite about yesterday .. ii wasz wokin uhp by someone .. it wasz funny .. lauren adrienne and ii hung out .. we went to the moviesz and chevys .. the worker guy kept looking at all of us .. it wasz hilarious .. in barnes and noble ii forgot about the sign saying dont bring booksz into the bathroom .. so ii brought a book in .. lol we saw pirates of the caribbean .. it wasz good .. ii made a new friend .. she wasz sOo kute .. she and ii were talking through the movie .. she wasz scared .. so ii talked with her and made her feel better .. it wasz funny .. ii feel sick now .. there wasz something in that food .. ii am sOo serious .. ii am noht feeling too well .. ii figured ouht today that kalling brian did absolutely nothing at all .. so yhu know what?! .. ii dont care any more .. itsz hisz loss noht miine .. ii totally dont liike hiim any more .. and ii giive uhp .. no boysz liike me .. and ii am fiine with it .. ii would rather be single than being unhappy with someone .. and plus ii wouldnt want to be uszed anyway .. ii did too much of that with ryan .. sOo siince the person ii liike [steve] doesnt liike me back .. ii just giive uhp for now .. at least until the school year startsz .. itsz going to be ok .. ii just hope itsz alot better than last year .. and ii hope ii am in none of ryans classesz .. watch me be in all except for concert choir and orchestra .. ewwww! .. buht ii really liike steve .. ii am noht going to stop liikin hiim .. unless ii know for sure that ii dont and wont have a chance with hiim .. well ii kiinda know that already .. buht ii aint gonna stop liikin hiim .. hesz one of the greatest people .. and ii dont feel liike giving anothr one of them uhp for good .. ii only did that with one and ii regret it .. ii am noht going to do it with another .. any way .. steve isz the best and he deservesz the best .. so thatsz why he shouldnt liike me .. buht liike he told me .. ii cant tell hiim to liike .. sOo ii giive uhp trying to make thingsz riight any more .. buht steve .. if loving yhu isz wrong .. ii dont want to be riight .. so yeaaaaaa .. anyway ii gohtta go .. bye love yhu xO

today... [11 Jul 2003|01:02am]
[ mood | confused ]
[ music | This is the Night *`Clay Aiken ]

hey today was great .. ii got my hiighliightsz done .. they look awesome .. then afterwardsz ii hung ouht with my best friendsz .. we saw Finding Nemo for tha 3rd tiime .. and then we went back to laurensz .. we order chinese food .. we had to give tha guy 15 singlesz lol .. ii wasz brave today .. ii called Brian .. and ii talked to him for liike 5 mins .. ii wonder if he forgivesz me at all ? .. ii talked to 2 great ppl today .. well except for adie and lauren .. buht ii also talked to Gina and Danielle .. they're 2 GREAT and AWESOME ppl .. they both mean ALOT to me .. mad love to yhu both .. anyway uhm ii dont thiink steve liikesz me any more .. ii am sOo confused .. ii dont even know .. he saysz he doesz .. buht what he doesz and thinksz isz differently .. he meltsz my hart and every tiime ii look at hiim my hart skiipsz a beat .. buht it breaksz a lil bit each tiime .. because ii know ii have no chance .. he liikesz 3 odha better and great people .. so whatever .. the choice isz hisz .. itsz noht liike ii can control hisz hart .. ii can control miine though .. so maybe ii should stop liiking him .. no mattah how hard it isz .. BOY THATS SURE GOING TO BE DIFFICULT .. hesz sOo hott .. ii dont thiink ii can do it .. well for now hesz the only one ii truely liike .. and thatsz how itsz going to stay for awhile .. buht otherwise whatever .. ii am also sad about my REAL parentsz and all .. plus my liife sucksz riight now .. no boysz liike me .. and tha person ii liike liikesz 3 odha bettah prettier lookin girlsz .. ii am ugly and fat .. my real parentsz dont love me .. or at least dont even remember they had me .. my parentsz now dont love me as much .. my ex-bf brian laughed at me for callin him .. and idk everything just sucksz .. plus ii thiink steve isz uszin me so he can kiss .. buht idk anyway ii gohtta go now .. bye love yhu! xO

today... [09 Jul 2003|09:58pm]
[ mood | tired ]
[ music | I want you --Thalia ]

hey .. sorry ii havent written inna while .. ii havent been myslef lately .. yesterday wasz awesome .. adrienne slept over! .. we went to bed at 5 .. well she did .. ii fell asleep at 6 .. and we didnt get uhp til 1:30 .. then afta we went to Rockys at 4:45 .. we saw tha HOTT kidd again .. then we went into ShopRite .. after that ii walked her home .. and then ii came home .. ii am sOo tired .. yesterday steve and lauren came over too .. it wasz fun .. well it wasz after we had t otry and cheer steve uhp .. it finally worked .. steve threw a WHOLE bottle of water all over me .. and ii wanted to change buht he wouldnt let me .. he sat on me so i couldnt move lol .. today in Rocky's the really nice guy and i were talking .. hesz sOo sweet .. then when we were done he said .. "behave yourselves ok?" and ii go "you tOo!" .. hahahaha! thatsz just liike in chevys! lmao adie and lauren .. it wasz hilarious! .. anyway tomorrow ii am gettin my hiighliights .. itsz goin to be awesome! .. itsz probably goin to take awhile though .. adrienne hasz band reading tomorrow from 12-4 .. after we miight go to lauren's .. she and steve have play practice .. so probably after that .. and my hair miight noht be done until 4 or 4:30 .. so ii plan on kallin lauren afterwards .. anyway ii am noht feelin so well .. so ii am gonna go .. love you! xo

today... [06 Jul 2003|09:04pm]
[ mood | hyper ]
[ music | Swing, Swing *` American Rejects ]

hey! .. today was ok .. ii woke up at 10:30 .. by 11 my mommi and ii went out .. we went to staples and stop and shop .. after we came home .. then my mommi and ii went up to the pool .. we stayed up there pretty long .. my left ear got irritated .. so ii had to take the earring out .. and then my right earring fell out in the pool .. ii was freekin out .. buht eileen [my lil miracle] found it for me .. my ear was sOo swollen before .. ii couldnt even get the earring in my ear .. ii had to force it in .. ii was crying lol .. well ii really have nothing to say .. baih xO

today... [05 Jul 2003|11:52pm]
[ mood | exhausted ]
[ music | Cant Touch This *`MC Hammer ]

hey .. today was hott .. ii woke up and hung outside .. ii went with my daddi to dunkin donuts .. and ii got a lemonade coolatta .. it was yummy .. then ii just hung around tha house .. ii watched a movie on disney .. then afterwards ii went to tha pool .. it was really boring .. no one good was there .. ii kant wait until adrienne comes back .. then tonight ii went out to dinner .. my family and my daddi's friend went for chinese food .. when we were coming home we stopped out at tha Quick Buy .. by applegates so my daddi's friend could get something .. and then as we were backing out my daddi hit a "police officer's" new mustang car .. the guy was liike flipping out .. hes liike ii am a policeman now step out of yhur car .. and ii got out to shut my daddi's door and ii looked at the guy's car .. there was no fxcking damage .. plus the guy was fat .. so ii now know who liikes his donuts lol .. ii got so scared ii almost started to cry .. ii was tearing so hard .. it was scary .. the guy got so pissed off he threw his ice cream away lol!! .. he was so fat .. and so was his wife .. my daddi's friend was liike "ii am surprised his wife didnt go flying after his ice cream" .. she wasnt so thin herself .. anyway everything is ok now .. ii am now just sittin here doin nuffin .. ii wiish a boy liiked me .. oh well whatever .. bye bye xO --Caitee

today... [04 Jul 2003|09:03pm]
[ mood | bored ]
[ music | Bring me to life *`EVANESCENCE ]

ii woke up and went to Ryan's house .. ii really dont liike going there any more .. they're dog keeps on trying to bite me .. and its really scaring me .. ii was shaking because ii was so scared .. ii stole my frame and notes back from ryan .. buht he doesnt know .. and even if he did he wouldnt care .. after when ii left ii went home for a lil while .. then my daddy kame home and we went to the pool .. kevin, micky, and danielle were there .. their cousins were there too .. ii missed anna, paulie, janie, jamie, eileen, and michael .. it wasnt the same without them .. the BBQ sucked this year .. the only good part was the sugar lol riight kev? .. kevin is my BEST friend ever .. ii love him sOo fxcking much .. micky is cute too .. he was so sweet to me today [[micky]] .. no one invited me to go with them to the fireworks .. so ii am sitting here doing nothing .. my power just went out so ii am sitting in the dark .. wahOo my daddy put it back on! .. hes my hero! lol .. danielle is the BEST too .. shes liike my BIG sister .. she's gorgeous .. ii hate her lol jk .. now wonder steve liikes her .. anyway whatever .. ii was going to call ryan and ask him if he wanted to go with me .. and it was ringing and all buht ii got scared .. so ii hung up lol .. ii am bored .. so ii am gonna go .. ii will wriite later .. bye xO P.S. ii miiss adrienne and lauren ALOT!!

nightie night... [03 Jul 2003|11:16pm]
[ mood | lonely ]
[ music | Family Portrait *`Pink ]

today was BORING! .. ii slept until 1 and then just hung out .. ii thought ii was going to hang out with steve .. buht obviously not .. ii miight get a new cell fone .. and toniight was the worst .. ii now know my "mom" hates me .. and ii dont care .. ii hate her too .. she may be legal guardian until ii am 18 .. buht she's not my mom .. and she never will be .. shes always talking shxt about me .. ii should talk about her and see how she liikes it .. if anythiing she'll just beat the hell outtah me .. my last name is Kim in Korean .. and there are 12,799,000 different Kims' in Korea .. and ii am trying to fiind whiich ones are my parents .. and ii thiink ii am related to all of them somehow .. which is pretty scary! .. ii mean hello?! thats alot of relatives .. plus most have probably passed away .. buht whatever .. they're still familly .. ii really hate my liife riight now .. ii liike steve and he does not liike liike me .. and ryan is going out with gina malinero .. and yet his mom says he still liikes me .. my parents or at least my mom hates me .. ii dont know who my real parents are .. my best friend is leaving for the weekend .. steve is probably too busy to hang out .. and ii dont thiink my mom is going to let me hang out wiith the Augustowskis' after tomorrow .. Ryan's mom is going to be kiind enuf to help me out tomorrow .. shes going to help me with my research .. and hopefully we will fiind somethiing .. mad love to Lynda Augustowski xO! .. ii am really bored .. my summer kinda sux so far .. anyway steve if yhu're reading this .. ii liike you ALOT .. ii just wiish that meant somethiing to yhu .. and ii wiish yhu liiked me back .. ii am going to go back and research some more .. so ii will wriite again tomorrow niight .. bye love yhu bebe! xO--Caitee--Ox

today... [02 Jul 2003|11:50pm]
[ mood | tired ]
[ music | Cant Touch This *`MC Hammer ]

hey! .. today was GREAT .. ii went to tha beach .. ashley and ii had a BLAST .. ryan was being ryan .. all grumpy and stubborn .. and craig was CUTE .. just liike always .. ashley thiinks he liikes me .. buht WHATEVER!! .. all ii have to say .. is tomorrow ryan and craig are in deep shxt .. ryans mom even thiinks his gf is a SLUT .. and ii mean he picked her over me? .. ryans dog scratched my WHOLE stomach and part of my leg .. and then she went to bite me 3 times for no reason .. ii got some worker guy at the aquarium to flirt with me .. it was HILARIOUS .. well uhm adrienne dyed her hair .. and uhm shes leaving on friday to go to virginia .. and shes not coming back until monday .. so ii have nothing to do .. and lauren and steve wont be able to hang out unless we hang out later in the day .. buht ii thiink lauren miight be going somewhere too .. and steve well hes probably too busy for me anyway .. so maybe ii will hang with ashley .. ii dont know .. saturday niight ii am busy .. ii get to see my dads friend .. and we're going out .. plus ii dont know ii bet ii will be up at the pool .. anyway today was awesome .. ashley :: yhu miiqh lil sistr 4 liife! .. craig :: ily! yhu're dha best lil bro! .. ryan :: idk w2s .. ???

today... [01 Jul 2003|09:55pm]
[ mood | okay ]
[ music | Swing, Swing *` American Rejects ]

ii got my hair cut .. came out pretty cute .. went to blockbuster with adrienne .. saw a cute kid named trevor .. went to my house .. lauren came over .. brothers friends came too .. sean :: love you babe! <33 .. ordered ALOT of food for everyone .. steve came over .. watched the Ring .. steve and ii went in my room .. got all the marker on my stomach .. steve poured water all over me .. ii am now sitting here in wet clothes .. then he had to leave .. ii really liike him .. ii just wish he knew .. and liiked me just as much .. ii am going to the beach tomorrow with the Augustowskis' .. ii am getting hiqhliqhts next thursday!! .. and uhm ii really liike steve .. liike ii said before lol .. hes sOo hott .. anyway ii am going to go .. ii have a headache .. well ttyl love you xO!

later on... [30 Jun 2003|09:01pm]
[ mood | happy ]
[ music | Cant Tocu This *`MC Hammer ]

uhm today was ok .. ii hung out with lauren, adrienne, and steve .. thought about Trouble all day .. ii really miss him .. we saw Charlie's Angels : Full Throttle .. adrienne and ii went to mandees and Rockys .. uhm otherwise nothing good happened .. tomorrow ii am getting my haircut .. and ii might hang out with steve .. uhm ii saw ryan's girlfriend at the movies .. ii saw gina and danielle at mandees .. and otherwise ii did nothing great .. just liike usual .. ii wore my new skirt today .. ii thought ii looked bad in it buht whatever .. thats only my bad opinion and to my friends ii am always wrong .. anyway ii am gonna go .. ttyl love you! xO

good morning... [30 Jun 2003|11:44am]
[ mood | sad ]
[ music | 9-11 remix to heaven*`DJ Sammy ]

hey .. uhm ii had to put my cat trouble to sleep today .. ii was crying so hard .. ii really liike steve .. buht ii doubt he liikes me .. ii am so sad .. ii just wanna leave .. ii dont wanna be here any more .. ii dont feel liike typin .. too sad .. bye bye xO .. R.I.P. my cat Trouble 6*30*03 [ii miss him!]

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good night... [29 Jun 2003|11:48pm]
[ mood | depressed ]
[ music | 21 Questions *`50 Cent ]

uhm ii dont feel liike saying anything except for .. my life sux and ii wanna leave .. baih

good morning... [29 Jun 2003|12:42pm]
[ mood | tired ]
[ music | I'm Glad *`JLo ]

hey ii just woke up .. uhm .. last nite was crazy .. well yesterday ii went to a.c. moore, martys, belltones, subway, mandees, carvel, and then adriennes house .. at subway there was the hottest guy working there .. mandees ii saw marfa, cait, ckay, and my favorite person MARYBETH .. ii bought the kutest skirt and shirt .. adie bought flip flops .. when we went home minju and annette hung out with us .. then we had to leave for her recital .. she got her mom sOo pissed off .. she forgot her cell after her mom tellin her 5 times .. then at the recital she got sick .. so her dad came to pick her up .. ii stayed and watched .. it was real good .. her dance seemed empty without her though .. if adies reading this FEEL BETTER BEB!! .. today ii think ii am just hanging out .. ii really want steve to hang out with me .. buht ii dont know if he can .. hes supposed to kall me .. buht ii doubt he will .. later on ii think ii might be going to a BBQ .. anyway nothing exciting .. well ttyl love you!! xoxo

good night... [27 Jun 2003|11:14pm]
[ mood | tired ]
[ music | Get Busy *`Sean Paul ]

mickys party was better than ii thawt .. he was so cute .. showing off for all his "girl" friends .. he was surrounded by the girls when they were eating .. it was sOo funny .. ii felt so outta place .. ii made a new friend .. her name is kristine .. shes real pretty and nice .. ii felt so stupid next to her .. there she was gorgeous and pretty .. and here ii was ugly and ugly .. the life guards there were pretty cute .. buht ii koodnt get ***** off my mind .. ii kept on hurting my ears .. it wasnt very smart to wear my hoop earrings and jump in .. ii was so stupid .. ii kalled steve .. and his mom said he had to kall me back .. and of course when he kalled ii was in the pool .. so the kute lifeguard was holdin my fone for me .. and when it rang he held up my fone .. so ii had to run and get it .. buht ii still missed it .. so ii kalled steve back .. we talked for awhile .. buht then he had to get off .. bcauz his mom told him to watch out for his mins .. ii hope steve hangs out with me on sunday .. tomorrow ii am going to adriennes dance recital .. lauren is back from cape cod .. ii missed her alot .. anyway tonight was a blast .. ii had more fun than ii thought ii would .. anyway g2g baih xoxo

later on... [27 Jun 2003|05:39pm]
[ mood | hyper ]
[ music | Sing for the moment *`Eminem ]

hey .. so far today ii went shoppin .. in kohls ii saw rosie and caitlin burke, gina aiello, and kristina mantone .. it was really crowded .. then adrienne and ii went to rockys .. after we went back to my house .. steve then called me and we went to his house and swam .. ii went swimmin in maih new bikini .. its really pretty .. or as steve said HOTT .. OMG today was hilarious .. there were these worker guys and they were hitting on me .. the guy whistled at me and said "where you going baby?" "come back babe" .. then in rockys an old man hit on me too .. it was GROSS .. ii was thinking .. "why cant those guys be steve?" .. lol it was HILARIOUS .. ii have a hair cute appointment on tuesday .. tomorrow ii am going to adriennes dance recital .. GOOD LUCK TO :: ADIE, JANETT, MERRELL, ALYSSA, STEPHANIE, and uhm whoever else ii forgot .. especially GOOD LUCK TO JACKI .. ii am now getting ready to go to a pool party .. steve :: if you're reading this ii really liike you! .. ii jus wish yhu liiked me in the same way

good morning... [27 Jun 2003|09:34am]
[ mood | annoyed ]
[ music | Where is the love *`black eyed peas ft JT ]

hey.. uhm i'm not so happy today.. i'm going shopping soon.. but whats the point?.. i now know that people see my fat and ugliness too.. i think adrienne might come over today.. and i was hoping steve would too.. but he's just going to say his mom wont let him.. i should stop waiting for him.. but i cant because uhm.. yea i just cant.. i really want him to be with me.. but whats the point?.. i'm never going to hook up again.. because thats what the person said in my other blurty.. and what pisses me off is that they tried to pretend it was adrienne.. and just to let them know.. i told her about it and shes pissed.. i wish steve saw something in me.. and i wish he wanted to be with me.. but now i know he probably feels the same way that the person does who wrote in my blurty.. i'm trying to look at the best of things.. but how can i when i have no one to support me?.. no one to hold, hug, or kiss me.. i totally give up.. i just wish i could have a last hug and kiss from you *****.. but whatever.. bye xoxo

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today... [26 Jun 2003|09:30pm]
[ mood | hot ]
[ music | Bring me to life *`EVANESCENCE ]

hey today was boring like usual.. ii woke up at 7:30.. went out wiff my daddy.. came back at 8:40 and then went back to sleep.. then got up again at 12.. put on my bikini and tanned.. DAMN it was sOo fxcking hot out.. i felt like i was gonig to melt.. i called adrienne and talked to her.. she had to go to rehearsal today.. i also called steve and talked to him.. of course he couldnt come over.. his mom wouldnt let him again.. i think he might just be using that as an excuse because he doesnt like me.. but thats just my thought.. tomorrow i am going shopping and i think adrienne is going to come over after.. i am going to see if steve wants to too.. because my brother isnt going to be home.. hes going to bermuda.. so we can use his room.. we just cant mess it up.. the reason why we go to his room is because its the attic.. and its the size of the fxcking house.. and we have more room there than anywhere else.. i tanned pretty nice.. i still look ugly though.. my mom is callnig the hair place tomorrow.. so then i can get heighlights.. i just need to now lose ALOT of weight.. so then i can be thin and pretty.. because then more boys can like me.. any way.. i feel real crappy for dumping brian.. i wish now that i hadnt dumped him.. because ***** doesnt seem interested in me any more.. and i guess i thought he were.. so i dumped brian.. but i really miss him.. i'm really interested in ***** but he isnt in me.. so i feel real stupid liking him.. i'm going shopping tomorrow for hott, sexy looking clothes lol.. actually i'm just going for clothes.. i cant look hott or sexy.. i can look fat and ugly.. but whatever.. i can say i'm cute and a lil pretty.. but otherwise nothing else.. anyway my summer so far is BORING.. i feel useless without school.. and plus then i hardly get to see everyone.. i cant have a crush on this one 8th grader any more.. hes now in highschool.. *tear*.. oh well.. i have you know who.. well i'm going to go.. i'll write again later.. muahs xO mad love .. Caitee

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