Below are the 13 most recent journal entries recorded in Wilhelm's Blurty:

Wednesday, December 8th, 2004
11:43 pm	Wunderbar, wunderbar "The Ten Least Successful Holiday Specials of All Time" (1) An Algonquin Round Table Christmas (1927) Alexander Woolcott, Franklin Pierce Adams, George Kaufman, Robert Benchley and Dorothy Parker were the stars of this 1927 NBC Red radio network special, one of the earliest Christmas specials ever performed. Unfortunately the principals, lured to the table for an unusual evening gathering by the promise of free drinks and pirogies, appeared unaware they were live and on the air, avoiding witty seasonal banter to concentrate on trashing absent Round Tabler Edna Ferber's latest novel, Mother Knows Best, and complaining, in progressively drunken fashion, about their lack of sex lives. Seasonal material of a sort finally appears in the 23rd minute when Dorothy Parker, already on her fifth drink, can be heard to remark, "one more of these and I'll be sliding down Santa's chimney." The feed was cut shortly thereafter. NBC Red's 1928 holiday special "Christmas with the Fitzgeralds" was similarly unsuccessful. (2) The Mercury Theater of the Air Presents The Assassination of Saint Nicholas (1939) Listeners of radio's Columbia Broadcasting System who tuned in to hear a Christmas Eve rendition of Charles Dickens' A Christmas Carol were shocked when they heard what appeared to be a newscast from the north pole, reporting that Santa's Workshop had been overrun in a blitzkrieg by Finnish proxies of the Nazi German government. The newscast, a hoax created by 20-something wunderkind Orson Wells as a seasonal allegory about the spread of Fascism in Europe, was so successful that few listeners stayed to listen until the end, when St. Nick emerged from the smoking ruins of his workshop to deliver a rousing call to action against the authoritarian tide and to urge peace on Earth, good will toward men and expound on the joys of a hot cup of Mercury Theater of Air's sponsor Campbell's soup. Instead, tens of thousands of New York City children mobbed the Macy's Department Store on 34th, long presumed to be Santa's New York embassy, and sang Christmas carols in wee, sobbing tones. Only a midnight appearance of New York mayor Fiorello LaGuardia in full Santa getup quelled the agitated tykes. Welles, now a hunted man on the Eastern seaboard, decamped for Hollywood shortly thereafter. (3) Ayn Rand's A Selfish Christmas (1951) In this hour-long radio drama, Santa struggles with the increasing demands of providing gifts for millions of spoiled, ungrateful brats across the world, until a single elf, in the engineering department of his workshop, convinces Santa to go on strike. The special ends with the entropic collapse of the civilization of takers and the spectacle of children trudging across the bitterly cold, dark tundra to offer Santa cash for his services, acknowledging at last that his genius makes the gifts — and therefore Christmas — possible. Prior to broadcast, Mutual Broadcast System executives raised objections to the radio play, noting that 56 minutes of the hour-long broadcast went to a philosophical manifesto by the elf and of the four remaining minutes, three went to a love scene between Santa and the cold, practical Mrs. Claus that was rendered into radio through the use of grunts and the shattering of several dozen whiskey tumblers. In later letters, Rand sneeringly described these executives as "anti-life." (4) The Lost Star Trek Christmas Episode: "A Most Illogical Holiday" (1968) Mr. Spock, with his pointy ears, is hailed as a messiah on a wintry world where elves toil for a mysterious master, revealed to be Santa just prior to the first commercial break. Santa, enraged, kills Ensign Jones and attacks the Enterprise in his sleigh. As Scotty works to keep the power flowing to the shields, Kirk and Bones infiltrate Santa's headquarters. With the help of the comely and lonely Mrs. Claus, Kirk is led to the heart of the workshop, where he learns the truth: Santa is himself a pawn to a master computer, whose initial program is based on an ancient book of children's Christmas tales. Kirk engages the master computer in a battle of wits, demanding the computer explain how it is physically possible for Santa to deliver gifts to all the children in the universe in a single night. The master computer, confronted with this computational anomaly, self-destructs; Santa, freed from mental enslavement, releases the elves and begins a new, democratic society. Back on the ship, Bones and Spock bicker about the meaning of Christmas, an argument which ends when Scotty appears on the bridge with egg nog made with Romulan Ale. Filmed during the series' run, this episode was never shown on network television and was offered in syndication only once, in 1975. Star Trek fans hint the episode was later personally destroyed by Gene Roddenberry. Rumor suggests Harlan Ellison may have written the original script; asked about the episode at 1978's IgunaCon II science fiction convention, however, Ellison described the episode as "a quiescently glistening cherem of pus." Note: STAR TREK SUCKS! (5) Bob & Carol & Ted & Santa (1973) This ABC Christmas special featured Santa as a happy-go-lucky swinger who comically wades into the marital bed of two neurotic 70s couples, and also the music of the Carpenters. It was screened for television critics but shelved by the network when the critics, assembled at ABC's New York offices, rose as one to strangle the producers at the post-viewing interview. Joel Siegel would later write, "When Santa did his striptease for Carol while Karen Carpenter sang 'Top of the World' and peered through an open window, we all looked at each other and knew that we television critics, of all people, had been called upon to defend Western Civilization. We dared not fail." (6) A Muppet Christmas with Zbigniew Brzezinski (1978) A year before their rather more successful Christmas pairing with John Denver, the Muppets joined Carter Administration National Security Advisor Brezezinski for an evening of fun, song, and anti-communist rhetoric. While those who remember the show recall the pairing of Brzezinki and Miss Piggy for a duet of "Winter Wonderland" as winsomely enchanting, the scenes where the NSA head explains the true meaning of Christmas to an assemblage of Muppets dressed as Afghan mujahideen was incongruous and disturbing even then. Washington rumor, unsupported by any Carter administration member, suggests that President Carter had this Christmas special on a repeating loop while he drafted his infamous "Malaise" speech. (7) The Village People in Can't Stop the Christmas Music—On Ice! (1980) Undeterred by the miserable flop of the movie Can't Stop the Music!, last place television network NBC aired this special, in which music group the Village People mobilize to save Christmas after Santa Claus (Paul Lynde) experiences a hernia. Thus follows several musical sequences — on ice! — where the Village People move Santa's Workshop to Christopher Street, enlist their friends to become elves with an adapted version of their hit "In The Navy," and draft film co-star Bruce Jenner to become the new Santa in a sequence which involves stripping the 1976 gold medal decathlon winner to his shorts, shaving and oiling his chest, and outfitting him in fur-trimmed red briefs and crimson leathers to a disco version of "Come O Ye Faithful." Peggy Fleming, Shields and Yarnell and Lorna Luft co-star. Interestingly, there is no reliable data regarding the ratings for this show, as the Nielsen diaries for this week were accidentally consumed by fire. Show producers estimate that one in ten Americans tuned in to at least part of the show, but more conservative estimates place the audience at no more than two or three percent, tops. (8) A Canadian Christmas with David Cronenberg (1986) Faced with Canadian content requirements but no new programming, the Canadian Broadcasting Company turned to Canadian director David Cronenberg, hot off his success with Scanners and The Fly, to fill the seasonal gap. In this 90-minute event, Santa (Michael Ironside) makes an emergency landing in the Northwest Territories, where he is exposed to a previously unknown virus after being attacked by a violent moose. The virus causes Santa to develop both a large, tooth-bearing orifice in his belly and a lustful hunger for human flesh, which he sates by graphically devouring Canadian celebrities Bryan Adams, Dan Ackroyd and Gordie Howe on national television. Music by Neil Young. (9) Noam Chomsky: Deconstructing Christmas (1998) This PBS/WGBH special featured linguist and social commentator Chomsky sitting at a desk, explaining how the development of the commercial Christmas season directly relates to the loss of individual freedoms in the United States and the subjugation of indigenous people in southeast Asia. Despite a rave review by Z magazine, musical guest Zach de la Rocha and the concession of Chomsky to wear a seasonal hat for a younger demographic appeal, this is known to be the least requested Christmas special ever made. (10) Christmas with the Nuge (2002) Spurred by the success of The Osbournes on sister network MTV, cable network VH1 contracted zany hard rocker Ted Nugent to help create a "reality" Christmas special. Nugent responded with a special that features the Motor City Madman bowhunting, and then making jerky from, four calling birds, three French hens, two turtle doves, and a partridge in a pear tree, all specially flown in to Nugent's Michigan compound for the occasion. In the second half of the hour-long special, Nugent heckles vegetarian Night Ranger/Damn Yankees bassist Jack Blades into consuming three strips of dove jerky. Fearing the inevitable PETA protest, and boycotts from Moby and Pam Anderson, VH1 never aired the special, which is available solely by special order at the Nuge Store on TedNugent.com. Note: *SIGH*.....Why, why?! JOHN SCALZI is a writer and author, most recently of Book of the Dumb 2 (which makes fun of people doing stupid things) and Old Man's War, a novel. His personal site is www.scalzi.com. He enjoys pie. Note: I LIKE PIE! Behind the Scenes With... Star Wars III: Revenge of the Sith Will Lucas's latest opus disappoint? We've seen behind-the-scenes footage, and we can assure you it will! Teacher, There's Dongs in my Learning! Assessing Our High School Textbooks How many vaginas drawn on Abraham Lincoln's forehead is too many vaginas? We find out. Note: I wonder...how many is too many? Current Mood: amused Current Music: Bushido feat. Scarface: "Dirty"
4 caps| shoot me
11:12 pm	Are you tired of the same-old boring grilled cheese sandwich? Try this: Press Release Source: SHRIMPO LLC California Based Designer Offers Do-It-Yourself Grilled Cheese Virgin Mary Toast Kit Wednesday November 17, 2:28 pm ET LOS ANGELES, Nov. 17 /PRNewswire/ -- Christopher Curry, Web Designer and Technology Consultant for SHRIMPO LLC, has announced the creation of the "Blessed Grilled Cheese Virgin Mary Creation Kit" for sale on eBay (eBay item: 5536183757). The kit, with an opening bid of $3,500, offers the ability for the bid winner to create their own "holy toast" in a sandwich kit that includes: bread, toaster, two bottles of Holy Water and detailed instructions. Curry reaffirms that the Blessed Grilled Cheese Virgin Mary Creation Kit is not a joke, but will actually be created, blessed by a Catholic priest and shipped to the winning bidder. Questions for the Blessed Grilled Cheese Virgin Mary Creation Kit are pouring into the eBay site and range from the blasphemous to the curious. "This is the most disgusting thing I have ever seen posted on eBay," writes one member. Curry has been responding publicly, on the eBay page, to most of the questions on the site. "I believe that God exists everywhere and in everything," says Curry. "He and the Virgin Mary therefore must exist in sandwiches created through my kit. My sandwiches are no different than others on eBay that cost so much more. This one lets people create their own Holy sandwiches to distribute on their own." Christopher Curry, and his company SHRIMPO LLC, is no foreigner to parody or controversy: on September 11, 2001 he has made news previously when it announced that it had developed a software mechanism to take control of Osama Binladin family's official website, whose domain registration expired simultaneously with the tragic events of September 11, 2001. "The controversy remains whether the 9/11 expiration dates were just a remarkable coincidence or if this truly was a warning code," said Christopher Curry, Principal of SHRIMPO LLC and Internet technology consultant. The Binladin website now ponders the question and irony of Osama's family domain name expiring on the very same day that he attacked America. His experiences will be included in an upcoming documentary 'Bin Laden: A Dynasty of Terror,' Joel Soler's follow up film to his successful 'Uncle Saddam.' Christopher Curry and SHRIMPO LLC are a consultancy group focused on streamlining business communications between the human interface and technology. Christopher Curry of SHRIMPO LLC chris@chriscurry.com This release was issued on behalf of the above organization by Send2Press(TM), a unit of Neotrope®. http://www.Send2Press.com Available Topic Expert(s): For information on the listed expert(s), click appropriate link. Chris Curry http://www.profnet.com/ud_public.jsp?userid=483831 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Source: SHRIMPO LLC Commentary: I hope to God the priest doesn't have a food fetish..... Current Mood: amused Current Music: BossX: "Deutsch Krieg"
shoot me
Tuesday, December 7th, 2004
12:46 am	It's been a good while since my last update and I haven't got much to say...my only alibi is that I'm stone bored and it's 12:47 a.m. Hello Tuesday. Hmmmm.....the Madrigale Feaste went well. The food wasn't bad...oh yes, and Saturday night I got lost in Chewacla while it was pitch black, not good times. I must've drove around for at least 15 minutes before I decided to go back to the cabins and get the lock code...I got out of that mess around 5:15 and I was supposed to be at the school at 5:30. I was hpoing Mrs. Rhyne wouldn't go all Neo Nazi (or should I say feminazi) on me, which she didn't, plus I called her to let her know what happened and she said I didn't have to be at the school until 6 or so. From then on everything was gooooooooood times. I don't believe I'll have any other major events in Choir anytime soon...this Sunday I have to sing at a Methodist morning service and Sunday afternoon I've got a guitar gig (more of a mini Christmas concert) at Grand National, cool cool. That's all I can think of for now. Peace and chicken grease, I'm out. Current Mood: sore Current Music: KC and the Sunshine Band: "Do the Hustle"
shoot me
Sunday, October 24th, 2004
10:35 pm	"Real Men of Genius" is my baby's momma The ACT was foul, very foul. In other news, I think I've finally gotten my band made. So far I have a bassist, 2 lead guitarists, 1 rythym guitarist, and a drummer. Woot woot. I have no idea what I'll do for a singer because I don't know anyone around Opeilka who would be interested in being part of a metal band. I need to get a job so I can buy an Xbox, DDR, and some dance pads and spend ungodly hours playing it. Hey, even a big white dude can dance, don't hate. Of course, this is after I finish my God-farsaken English project, compete in All-State for Chamber Choir (wish me luck!), get everything settled with the Guitar Club, audition for Improvisations, get everything settled with the Book Club, practice my music for the Madrigale Feaste.....yes, I have become a bit active in some of OHS's activities. And this isn't necessarily bad because these are things I enjoy, plus they give me something to do, and maybe I'll get college credit for some of them. Speaking of which, I went by the Guidance Office a few days ago and partook of their vast wisdom and knowledge (I picked up about 15 college appilcations and left). Hmmmm......so I guess things are ok right now....with the exception of time I don't get to spend talking with people anymore, and this bothers me greatly. I mean, the people I've met in Theater and Chamber Choir are cool, but they can't replace the awesome friends I already have. Hopefully they know who they are and will forgive me and won't accuse me of negligence because of my limited time with them. Sara, I partly agree with what you said in one of our more recent conversations: "I'd rather stay here and stay just the way I am." And it sucks having to separate from the coolest people you've ever known, the people you want to spend the rest of your life with, the people who love you for you and truly know you, the people you wished you would've talked to more, the people you wished you'd have gotten to know, the people you might've just met for the first time, with the knowledge that you might not ever see them again. But "this is life". Damn, that's all I have to say about that. Well, maybe if I get lucky my job won't require to to move to a big city. I plan to become a physical therapist, use my income to pay for night classes, and have a second major in business and foreign language. If there's one good thing about college it's student exchange programs. If I go to University of South Alabama I'll have a chance to participate in summer programs in Xalapa (Mexico), Dijon (France) or in year-long programs in Passau (Germany), Pau (France), or Rostov-on-Don (Russia). If I go to University of Alabama in Birmingham, I could have a chance to go to Australia (Red Hill or Victoria), Austria (Klagenfurt), Belgium (Liege), China (Taichung, Taiwan, Republic of China), Cuba (no thanks), Denmark (Aarhus), England (Hull, Birmingham), France (Bordeaux, Tours), Germany (Augsburg, Weingarten, Mannheim, Stuttgart), Japan (Chiba, Osaka, Hiroshima, Nagoya), Korea (Suwon, Pusan, Seoul), Mexico (Nuevo Leon), The Netherlands (Groningen), Spain (Alcala), Scotland (Glasgow...FREEDOM!) or Wales (Aberystwyth). So many to choose from.....provided I can find a way to pay for tuition and for supporting myself while I'm there. I dunno, I'll have to cogitate on that awhile. And then again, for all I know I might not even be interested in the exchange by then. Man, I gotta get a girlfriend. My God, I hope with all I've got going on I'd even have time for one. Oh, frustration grunt! Anywho, I'm tired and hungry and I need sleep so until next time, auf wiedersehen. Current Mood: rushed Current Music: Bushido: "Amerika (Electro Ghetto Remix)"
1 cap| shoot me
Thursday, October 21st, 2004
7:16 pm	Rammstein "Amerika" We're all living in Amerika Amerika ist wunderbar We're all living in Amerika Amerika Amerika We're all living in Amerika Amerika ist wunderbar We're all living in Amerika Amerika Amerika Wenn getanzt wird will ich führen Auch wenn ihr euch alleine dreht Lasst euch ein wenig kontrollieren Ich zeige euch wie's richtig geht Wir bilden einen lieben Reigen Die Freiheit spielt auf allen Geigen Musik kommt aus dem Weißen Haus Und vor Paris steht Mickey Mouse We're all living in Amerika Amerika ist wunderbar We're all living in Amerika Amerika Amerika Ich kenne Schritte die sehr nützen Und werde euch vor Fehltritt schützen Und wer nicht tanzen will am Schluss Weiss noch nicht dass er tanzen muss Wir bilden einen lieben Reigen Ich werde euch die Richtung zeigen Nach Afrika kommt Santa Claus Und vor Paris steht Mickey Mouse We're all living in Amerika Amerika ist wunderbar We're all living in Amerika Amerika Amerika We're all living in Amerika Coca-Cola Wonderbra We're all living in Amerika Amerika Amerika This is not a love song This is not a love song I don't sing my mother tongue No, this is not a love song We're all living in Amerika Amerika ist wunderbar We're all living in Amerika Amerika Amerika We're all living in Amerika Coca-Cola Sometimes war We're all living in Amerika Amerika Amerika Current Mood: frustrated
shoot me
Tuesday, October 12th, 2004
2:49 pm	Today I expect you all to refer to me by my terribly British name (brought to you by RumAndMonkey): Neville Salisbury 'Tis terribly British, wot wot. Oi believe Oi'll have a spot or two (or 1,085,629) of tea. God save the Queen! Current Mood: bored Current Music: Breaking Benjamin: "So Cold"
shoot me
Friday, October 8th, 2004
4:28 pm	From the Cooper Memorial Library Tuesday's concert went exceptionally well. Wednesday was boring. Yesterday was boring until eveningtime. I went to the Fair at 6 and hardly anyone was there. I was considering leaving and then I met Cari, which was cool. I walked around with her for a while and went with her to the main gate to meet Ponder. I separated from them to give them some time and ride some rides alone. I got bored and went to one particular ride called the Starship and lo and behold I met them there. So, I stayed with them a while and went to a stand where you pay $2 and get 3 baseballs to throw at glass bottles. Most of the bottles had money taped around them and I tried to win a few $20's, but to no avail. I wandered around and it really sucked. I asked some people if they could come but they couldn't. I met up with T.J. Smith and his brothers, but they bored me. Later around 9:00 I met up with Jose and his brother and hung out with them for a while and left when the thing ended at 10:00. This morning I had a doctor's appointment at 9:00 in Columbus and missed about half a day of school, yay. Usually when I go, the nurse measures my weight, height, my blood pressure, and takes ablood sample. But today was the exception...I had to give a urine sample. I should've told her that I smoked crack lol. When I finally got to see the doctor, I stayed in the room for like 10 minutes. At the end, he told me that everything looked good (thank God) and that I needed to maintain a constant excercise/work out routine. Despite that I don't want to be the next Schwarzenegger. Anyway, I left the office and ordered a pizza. I stopped by the pizza place, ate, and went to school. So....that's pretty much been my week. I'm going to the game tonight and tomorrow I'm going to Atlanta to watch a performance called Chicago. Next week is Fall Break, yesh. Hmmm....next Tuesday I've got a dentist appointment and after that I'll have nothing to do for the rest of the Break. I guess I'll use that time to lose some weight and build up. I can't wait for my next birthday, but I can't stand the fact that I'll have to wait 4 years to vote. Oh well, whatever. Before we know it everyone will have graduated and left. What really sucks is most people are going to colleges across the states, so I have a big chance of not seeing them again for a looong time. The only person I know of that plans to stay in this town for a while is Carter. Bummer. And college life can be pretty dull when you don't know anyone else at the university. But, after I get that out of the way, all I'll have to worry about is where I'll want to live. It seems like life passes way too quickly these days. I want to try and make the most the time I have before I graduate. And now that I'm done rambling, I'm gone.
2 caps| shoot me
Thursday, September 30th, 2004
11:58 pm	I'll update later. But I'll leave you all this (just because I haven't done one in a while): Basic Survey [ 87 questions] Created by PinkEtnies and taken 9747 times on bzoink! ** basics ** Name: Will Nickname: Will, Manolo, Precious, Red Location: Alabama Gender: Male Birthplace: Opelika (representing the EAMC, yo) Birthstone: I can't remember, let me get back to ya on that Birthday: Jan. 28 Sign: Aquarius Righty or Lefty: Lefty Screenname: Redguitar ** your looks ** Height: 6'1" Weight: 214 Shoe size: 13 1/2 Hair Color: Red, orange (whatever) Hair Length: Short at the moment Eye Color: Blue Size: Of what? Glasses: Nope Braces: Soon, very soon Piercings: Nope, I'd like to have one Tattoos: I plan to get one ** fashion ** Where do you shop: FYE, Wal-Mart, Salvation Army What do you usually wear: Shorts & T-shirts What kind of shoes do you wear: New Balance Do you wear a watch: Nope Color you never wear: I hardly wear white & gray Color you wear at least once a week: Green, black, blue Something you wear everyday: Hair gel Do you wear make up everyday: No Make up essential: Not for me Most cherished piece of clothing: My new Pink Floyd t-shirt You wouldn't be caught dead wearing: A tu-tu Do you wear belts: Yes Do you wear hats: Rarely How many pairs of shoes do you have: 3 ** music ** Favorite kind of music: Rock (classic, 80's, 90's, some modern), Jam, Psychadelic Least Favorite: Rap How many CD's do you have: I don't know, I'll have to get back to ya one that one too Last CD you bought: Can't remember Whats in your CD player right now: Fressssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssh Attire (a classic rock mix) Do you download music: Yes ** Favorites ** Color: Green, black, blue, red Number: 9 Season: All are fine with me Ice cream: Phish Food :) Website: RumAndMonkey.com Quote: Don't have one Store: That's a tough one Band: Again, that's a tough one Singer: Don't know Rapper: N/A Group: Don't know Song: Don't know Movie: Don't know Actor: Don't have one Actress: Don't have one Kind of movies: Any Place to be: Any Time of day: Free time Clothing Brand: Don't know Animal: Don't know Food: Any Holiday: Christmas Shape: Any Restaraunt: OOO.....I have no idea Fast food place: Places with dollar menus Boy's name: Don't know Girl's name: Don't know Word: Don't have one Month: Don't have one Candy: Any ** love and relationships ** Sexual Preference: Heterosexual (straight) Boyfriend or Girlfriend: Nope Crush: In a way Do you believe in love at first sight: Not really What do you look for in a guy/girl: I really don't know...I guess it would depend after I get to know them Best physical feature: Who cares? Best hair color: I don't know, but I really like red Best eye color: Hmmm...I like them all ** randoms ** Do you paint your nails: No What color is your tooth brush: Blue What's on your desktop: A tube of Clean and Clear, Some deodorant, a scented candle, some gum (I'm gonna really miss the stuff), a Sharpie, some regular pens, some CDs, a phone, classic rock songbook Do you like roller coasters: Sometimes Do you do drugs: No Are you a virgin: Yes Do you have any pets: Yes, down to 1 German shepherd What time do you go to sleep: Usually around 10 Create a Survey | Search Surveys | Go to bzoink! I love my new Pink Floyd shirt. It kicks ass. I wore some pretty cool cargo jeans today.....and I found out that they where Hilfiger brand.....I don't know whther to run away screaming or just let it be. Current Mood: tired Current Music: Bob Marley: "Crazy Baldheads"
shoot me
Tuesday, September 28th, 2004
6:35 pm	Today was pretty random. It started in Theater when everyone had to partner up with about 4 other people and create a scenario to perform for the class. I had an awesome group: Brittany, Tara, and Rebecca. The goal of this was to pick three words and create a scenario that had nothing to do with those words at first; gradually or subtly incoperate them. Our words were Fiddler On the Roof, Origami Weasle, and Yellow Brick Road. I played a naive traveler who went to the Atlanta airport with plans to travel to Boston and visit my pet weasle, Bob Jenkins (needless to say, about 98% of this whole shindig was my idea). When I get to the airport, I don't realize that I'm in the wrong terminal and the stewardess (Braittany) is Japanese. So, I get on the plane and talk to the person next to me (Tara, also Japanese). I say, "Hi, what's your name? Mine's George. Are you Canadian? I love Canadians *Tara gets offended and starts speaking gibberish*. Oh, you're not Canadian? I'm sorry. Well, you must be Dutch then. I just love the Dutch and their wooden shoes!" *Tara starts fuming* *Turbulence*.....We arrive in Japan and I inquire of the Japanese stewardess (Brittany again) "Do you know where my weasle is?" She replies in gibberish. I say, "I'm sorry, can you speak English?" She replies, "Go to Fiddler On Roof." So I walk and walk and walk and spot this crackhead fiddler standing on a chair (Rebecca) and inquire of her, "Are you the Fiddler" She says, "Of course I am, foo'! Now, what be yo bizness?" I said, "I'm looking for my pet weasle." She told me to find the legendary Origami Weasle and let it attack me, then all would be revealed. I go look for the weasle and I find it. It attacks me and I run into the wall repeatedly, leading to blackout. When I wake up, I click my heels 3 times and say "I want to go home." I walk around, spot the Yellow Brick Road, and walk home. I wish Gholston could've gotten that on tape. After the bell rang, I began to have numerous encounters with my stalker (yes, I have a stalker [awesomeness!] ). Too bad my stalker had to go left and I had to go right. We parted and proclaimed "Until Pre-Cal". So after that, English was boring.......lunch was boring, with the exception of me talking to Ashley. After I talked to her I went to Chris' table.....I don't like his table, they all bore me. So then I went to Choir and tried out for a solo for tomorrow's Homecoming Assembly.....I didn't make it, well not today anyway. I was too nervous to sing on the upper scales, so I tried taking it down a few octaves. That would've worked if I'd have actually practiced the thing. But who knows? Maybe I can grab a solo tomorrow morning before the thing happens. Hmmmm.....on to Pre-Cal. I was relieved to find out that I made an 89 on the last test. And the rest of Pre-Cal was pretty normal, except that my stalker decided to enact a note-passing session with me. That was quite random. So all in all today was pretty cool. I need to go shower and get something to eat. I'll post more later, but before I go, I'd like to leave you all some lyrics. This is an awesome song I'd like to do for the Concert this year: "I Am the Highway" Pearls and swine bereft of me Long and weary my road has been I was lost in the cities Alone in the hills No sorrow or pity for leaving I feel I am not your rolling wheels I am the highway I am not your carpet ride I am the sky Friends and liars, don't wait for me, I'll get on by myself I put millions of miles Under my heels And still too close to you I feel I am not your rolling wheels I am the highway I am not your carpet I am the sky I am not your blowing wind I am the lightning I am not your autumn moon I am the night -Audioslave Current Mood: calm Current Music: Audioslave: "I Am the Highway"
shoot me
Monday, September 27th, 2004
11:34 pm	Fans and followers of Bush, I'm sorry, but this is hilarious John F Kerry: A Harder Message And A Bold, Bold Future by Ben Werdmuller Here at Rum and Monkey, we're proud to say we hate the President. That's because we believe in democracy, and true democracy is about being able to voice your opinion in the way you like, and being able to pick between strong leaders to run your country. Unfortunately, while we hate George W Bush with a passion normally reserved for ambrosia salad and Drew Carey, there is a very real danger that he will be re-elected. The reason? The John Kerry campaign sucks like your grandmother. Part of the reason for its undying suckage is Kerry's apparent inability to send out a strong message. The message he should be sending is: "George W Bush is a mass-murderer, a liar, potentially a war criminal and sits over an incompetent administration that cannot run the country without needlessly killing soldiers, losing jobs and forming a giant budget deficit." The message he's actually sending is: "I'm sort of great, me." This is not a genius campaign plan. Therefore, we at Rum and Monkey have decided to help him out and write a couple of advertisements. John, if you're reading, you can have these for free. We're sure they will propel you through the stratosphere and straight into the oval office; trust us. Generic advertisements that everyone will love I'm John F Kerry and I approve this message. George W Bush claims to be a War President who is strong on terror. I agree. Vote for peace and a stable world in which to raise our children. Vote for Kerry. I'm John F Kerry and I approve this message. When George W Bush was governor of Texas, he executed more prisoners than any other governor in history. Now he's President, he's killing more soldiers than any President since Lyndon Johnson. Where will the killing stop? Think of the children. Vote for Kerry. Specialist advertisements for hitherto-untapped members of the voting population I'm John F Kerry and I enjoy Star Trek. Arguably the original series is more of an attempt at mainstream entertainment, while The Next Generation uses its studio carte blanche to explore philosophical, theological and scientific topics within a science fiction framework. Deep Space 9 is mostly lame despite being an interesting social commentary about politics, while Voyager is merely an attempt to cash in on the preceding. Captain Picard is my hero. Live long and prosper. Set phasers on stun! Vote for Kerry. I'm John F Kerry and I approve this message. In my youth, I was an MC at my local youth group. We would hang out and drink Cristal; sometimes, during the slow summer months, we would bitch and hoe. Often we would freestyle until dawn. John Kerry is the voice of east-side and west-side. Vote for him, yo. I'm John F Kerry and I approve this message. In public, I say that I don't approve of gay marriage, but that's just to pander to those darned conservatives. I'm down with the pink vote. I dig Ellen DeGeneres and Rosie O'Donnell. I've been to San Francisco and Provincetown. A vote for Kerry is a vote for gayness. Vote with your heart. Advertisements for Republicans, diagnosed psychopaths and evangelical Christians I'm John F Kerry and I approve this message. Many ministers believe George W Bush to be Satan. [Insert clips of ministers saying just that.] Maybe you don't want to vote for me because you think I'm a liberal. Maybe you don't want to vote for me because you think I'm soft on terror. But at least I'm not the Prince of Darkness. I'm John Kerry and Jesus is on my side. I'm John F Kerry and I approve this message. I realise that, sometimes, through no fault of your own, lives can go awry. What we knew to be reality has become unreality, and the very fabric of the universe seems to be falling apart. People are in your way and you can't - hell, you don't want to - empathise. Friend, yell all you want; raise your fists at the sky and scream. I'll be with you. A vote for John Kerry is a vote for the mentally ill. I'm John F Kerry and I approve this message. I'm made of bees. Bees! I love RumAndMonkey. Danke mucho Sara for informing me of this vast sea of satire and joy. Current Mood: amused Current Music: Radiohead: "Creep"
2 caps| shoot me
Friday, September 24th, 2004
11:21 pm	Last night Sara and I went to the school play "A View From the Bridge", which was well performed.....and quite funny in the last scene (ok, I know it's morally wrong to laugh at a dying dude, but he got stabbed in the bellybutton, and I must say it sure took long enough for the guy to get killed [Sara said "Finally" and we both just cracked up] ). Good times (great oldies ["Cool 104.3"]...sorry, I just had to throw that one in there). I was hoping that I'd get home in time to finish my Theater review, my English reading log, and my Pre-Cal homework, but I didn't because I was too tired. No biggie. Gholston's giving the class a chance to turn in reviews on Monday. I 0'ed my reading log but that's ok because I really couldn't think of anything to write for it. And as for Pre-Cal? No, I didn't finish the homework (but I finished 1 problem, doesn't that mean something?).....it was some tough stuff. Anyway. Today was pretty boring until this afternoon.....*frustration grunt* Ok, after school I went out to my truck, got in, and opened the glove compartment to look for my football season tickets.....couldn't find them. I figured "they must be in my room." I drove all the way back home to find out that they weren't. On the way back to Opeilka I pass Mom on the road. She looks at me funny but keeps on driving. It didn't take long beofre I received a lovely phone call. She reminisced about her Friday afternoons and of driving around town, going to football games, going to the mall.....hahaha, like hell. She complained of the harm I was causing the economy, about how each time I burned up a gallon of gas an Etheopian kid died of starvation. She said that in order to be cleansed and pardoned of my sins I must utilize a more Earth-and-Etheopian-friendly form of travel, or else face the impending doom of excommunication! What Santa doesn't tell the little kiddies is that she's really the Pope in disguise. Can I get an "Amen?" *congregasion shouts "Amen"* And she also has a moustache, but not any ordinary mustache, not any Malcom-X mustache, but an FDA-certified Black Angus Hitler moustache! Can I get a "Sieg Heil?" *congregasion shouts "Aw hell naw!" and procedes to mow me down with AK-47s* Oh-ho! But wait, we're forgetting about the mayonaise-powered license plates! Or are we?! Muahahahahaha! Is it really "all about the Benjamins?" Bananas!!!!!!!!! WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE*gasp*jemeisterjellyburritoawesometasticalmanicfanaticalradicaldemocraticautomanicstaticpeanutbuttermutterexcusemedidijuststutternoidontthinksowhatdoesGreenspanknowabouttheshowondafloyoyoyobuymyrecord. *Takes a bow* Thank you. No, really, thank you. NO, I MEAN IT! THANK YOU! Now GET OUT OF MY HOUSE! By the way, your foot's stuck in the toilet. Kids, don't do drugs, and don't fornicate with uncooked meat.....it's just wrong, wrong. And now that I've got that out of my system, I'm proud to announce that I found out who the song "Best Feeling" is by. It's by Keller Williams. It's an awesome song, download it, buy the CD, whatever. Here are the lyrics: I woke to the world one morning I did not really know what was going on I didn't care about tomorrow I'll worry when tomorrow comes I went outside that night set the ole imagination a flight For one second I, I felt like a kid on Christmas day Feeling stops all if said in a word I will explain if I may I climbed up a tree that night I sat up in the branches and I felt like a bird It was the best feeling in the world I felt so good that night that my soul, it seemed to fly around that night as I flew that night For one second I felt like a bird hangin' up in the air feelin' stops all if I said in a word the feeling to be without a care Swam in the sea that night dove through the waves and I felt like a fish it was the best feeling in the world Felt so good that night my soul it seemed to swim around that night as I swam that night For one second I Felt like a fish cruising around in the sea, the feeling stops all if I said in a word the feeling to be free Enjoy! Current Mood: accomplished Current Music: "Captain America"-The next song I'll have to research
shoot me
Wednesday, September 22nd, 2004
9:24 pm	A day in the strife Hey all. Nothing too new's been happening lately except that I've gained some freedom in my restricted state (being grounded). I have absolutely nothing to do this weekend. I think the band thing's finally straightened out-I'm gonna be in a band kinda like Pink Floyd. I think we're gonna start off doing covers and then writing our own material. That and....this afternoon I travailed around Opeilka a bit and grabbing applications. I want to get a job soon so I can use my own money and do whatever I want. More movies, CDs, some guitar pedals,etc. Yum. I picked up applications for Logans Steakhouse, O'Charleys, Arbys, Books-A-Million (the new one), and Home Depot. I hope I can get 2 jobs-one at Books-A-Million and one at Arbys. I want to work at Arbys because the assistant (no, not Andy Dick lol) manager was cool as hell and interviewed me this afternoon. He plays guitar and is A.D.D. Yes, someone I can relate with. He said he'll call his boss and then he'll call me tomorrow afternoon. Awesomeness. Hmmm....what else....Oh yeah! I can't wait for decade day. I'm gonna be a pimp. I've already got the suit and everything. I'm bored. Maybe I'll give someone a ring and do something cool this weekend. If not, I'll probably roam around the Opelika-Auburn for a while. Hmph. Later Current Mood: bored Current Music: Van Halen: "Why Can't This Be Love?"
2 caps| shoot me
Tuesday, August 31st, 2004
11:21 pm	I need ice cream. Ok, so I wake up this morning and go into the bathroom to brush my teeth, I look at myself in the mirror, and I'm thinking "Damn, I'm ugly as hell." I've been brooding about this all day. Not only that, but I've still got a cold. Other than that listed above, it's been a really boring day. So far this week has been really boring and it just drags on. It's one of those weeks in which you buy 5 gallons of ice cream at Wal-Mart on Friday and sit on the couch, eat them all one-by-one, and watch some cheesy movie marathon. And that, friends, sounds like one awesome idea. But, despite my horrid revelation, I refuse to be confined to the life of a monk! I'll get a girlfriend one day.....I hope. Current Mood: dirty Current Music: "Os justi meditabitur sapientiam"
1 cap| shoot me