Alyson's Journal
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Wednesday, June 25, 2008
4:48AM - Stubborn
There lives a bruising
On the ribs resting behind my beating heart
Protecting the heart I thought had broke
Valves and veins shapeless and torn
Instead it was swollen past a mother's womb
Beating too fast and hard for a second's measure
Water weighted, his poison of words
Filling, beating and bruising.
And on a heaven-sent afternoon,
The sun shone, the clouds observed
This heart burst.
O the relief of the tension
O the pain of the spill
Emptying it's weight into tears behind lids
A steady current washing the red from my cheek
My quivering lip that once pressed to his neck
Lips that allowed wasted breath to slip,
Escaping into the night air,
Feeding the stars.
The difference between swan and swine
My lover is gone in one breath to the wind.
My cavernous heart forever seeping.
My heart, evermore unbroken.
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
1:12AM - Confession
If the love in me was the falling fog
It would make a worthwhile sense.
A mysterious calm
Infinitely blind save for short distances.
Resting atop a nagging hate
Fuelling my knees to shatter upon the earth.
Pain striking fire in the eyes of the damned,
Uninspiring people chasing only what they're worth.
The sweetest dreams ripped at the seams
And a child's heart stuck in the real
Pleasant addictions forced forbidden by morale,
With nowhere to run and nothing to feel.
Then a shade of emerald struck my eyes
A stolen glance we had at hand
There's a price paid for such worthy theft
I should have danced and should have ran.
His eyes searched my soul
Such magnetism behind the green
More enticingly beautiful than any Mona Lisa
My eyes had seen.
Lashes made from Repunzel's blood
I feel the gust of wind exhaled
By every blink
Tangling my hair, tangling my heart
And every thought I could dare to think.
A beam of lightning to my chest,
Hairs on end, the world blacks out.
And you are a single stucture ablaze with light
A haloesque glow guiding me through my doubt.
Never worry which way the cold wind blows
I'll block it from every side
Don't hesitate those lips to fall upon mine
For in your arms is where I'll reside.
12:04AM - [untitled]
My past is stained.
Charcoal on lace.
Birth on sheet.
The pitter patter of rain
Beckoning
A lion's glare
Raw meat.
Taunting a tethered limb
A single word provoking
Blood clots and smoke.
In my veins
You now flow.
A ressurecting hour.
Choke.
If I spit it out
On top of a setting sun
In the warm wind
You may gag
And retract your hand
Let every thought
Make you cringe.
When will it birth from your lips
Impatient one?
We have more time than clocks
A child's hands
Holding a gun.
Confusion
Confession
Convulsions
Stellar.
Heartbeats on
Dancing eyelashes
Are not gonna kill her.
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
12:45AM - For David.
When one brick breaks,
The wall caves in.
When your heart aches
I feel heartache within.
My fallen soldier,
you see grey skies and mud tonight
But the sun lies just behind the rain,
Waiting for you to fight.
And how do I warm your chill
Please remember to show no fear
And how do I keep you fufilled?
Please remember I need you here.
This curse flows through your veins,
How deceiving it is
Like the credit man knocking at the door,
Everytime he always gets his.
But your demise shalt not
Live in the choices made by it.
But by the courage that burns inside
And the spirit you keep lit.
Wipe your tears away my sweetest friend
For every new beginning is another beginning's end.
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
5:26PM - Fear of the Unknown
I once stole the glance of an angel
So innocent a stare.
His pain reflecting through every blink
His wings cut short, his soul left bare.
Because of me, holding every excuse
For every excuse.
I held the potential of an angel's soulmate
And now have only my heartbeat to lose.
I miss you so, how I long for the warmth
Of your company.
Just like an unwrapped present,
Your mysteries semmingly condone me.
For I am here now only with the warmth
Of tear on cheek and a sting of guilt.
Despising every loose end and
Every feeling ever felt.
For it is the fear of the unknown
That haunts each night
Not knowing how far to stand beside you
Or which one choice
Could have made this right.
5:21PM
We run until we trample
Towards the closing gates
Wanting nothing but what is on the other side
At the mercy of our fate.
The fog is rising.
My tears so stubbornly won't.
For I've learned to sacrifice those who love me
For those who don't.
How far must we search that other side
For a glint of hope?
Until we uncover the same gates once over
How much longer will we cope?
The demons are thirsty,
Like vampires for a fresh neck.
Watching anxiously
Waiting for my heart to forget.
Remember I must,
Like a ghost drifting with aim
The pure moonlight through the mist,
Uncover me again.
Current mood: 
cold
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
5:45PM - The Tide
Falling within the sighs you withdraw
Every tide has turned and the ocean lies flat.
My silent decline into your shrewd glare
It's not the communication,
But the words we lack.
I've left behind my malidictions
With a forecast for a storm
his winds will roar these tides
Too high for this fork to cause forlorn.
Just another obstacle encircling
my vulnerability to weaken as I
feign this tear.
And fall between the gasps he exhales,
Appreciation ten-folds attention
How severely I need you here.
5:43PM - aorta
It's easy to say
you only allow my heart
to beat one way
at a time.
Pushing everything at once,
an explosion
through every vein.
Or sucking my life out
and leaving me blue
as the sky.
Friday, November 2, 2007
2:40AM - lkjlkrtf64rkgjae;lkr
I'd say about 15 e-mails created without hitting send,
3 wonderfully poetic letters crumpled in the trash can.
30 hellos on msn without hitting enter,
and a raging empty echo in the pit of my shallow center.
I want to talk but don't know what can be said
I want forgiveness but i'll die in this selfish end.
When I picture your face now your eyes are pointing down
Disappointed and shattered, but I am the clown.
I've read 2 books in 2 weeks because I'm afraid to fall asleep.
6am birds and traffic are taunting my eyes to weep.
All these people going places and birds singing for the sun
While I lay on a wet pillow wishing you weren't the one.
My sun.
Friday, October 26, 2007
4:17PM - Fuck
With eyes of no intention, you remain my innocent hero.
Don't push me away, bury your pain for the moment below.
Fallen like a shotgunned doe
Across the chest
The colour of pain
The colour of love
I don't feel apologies in the pit of this gut
It faded with all weakness
Except selfishness, this feableness.
What made your head graze your heels in the first place.
My eagerness for strength.
All that could save me from the numbing winter wind
Were your fingers through my hair
I never let you lift your hand
As if to think that would save me from today
My tears are hot.
They're burning right through the earth.
Lift your hand
Below my chin and push
Lift your head
Above my sin and hush.
Current music: Rose of Sharyn
Saturday, October 13, 2007
7:23PM - Night Air
Come into my arms
As the wind grows colder
Lay your heavy head
On my awaiting shoulder
Watch the night air
Turn us a few hours older
As the bitter tears
Fall like boulders
My little toy soldier
Turn my world once over
You are my four leaf clover.
Thursday, September 20, 2007
4:24AM - Twenty
This voice has dimmed to blaring outlandinsh melodies
Dancing through palisades of unheard synchronicities.
Ricochet the hopes of a glorified night dreamer.
The sun shines in new light of a sleeper's redeemer.
Goodbye the dreams of teenage weepings,
The old song rings clearer than my night grim's reapings.
Twenty times the sky is enough time to calm these voices.
As for now the audible remedy will keep the peace in my rejoices.
Flicker this light dim to extinction
My unmatured fight waiting for redemption.
happy birthday to meee
Current mood: 
happy
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
2:20AM - The End
Turn your cheek and rest it on my neck
This night is screaming for the moon's rescue
To shine light on the pityless
And to watch the silent suffer
We are the cause and the revolution.
Rest your hand around the small of my back
And watch the wounded recover
The sinners redemption lies within an angel's gasp.
A platter of pestilent voices.
If your lips shall fall beneath the lobe of my ear
The sky will bleed out its poison.
The open gates of burning temptations
Will scar only the first foot of its merciless avengers.
Current mood: 
tired
Sunday, July 8, 2007
2:45PM - September
The only to stay present in his absense
Certainly bliss took hold of my ignorance
As well as my diligence
Towards that misinterpreted pretense
And those psychological resentments
It seems fairy tales live in disguise
His quick words my demise
A whitened knight riding high
Each day a predictable surprise
But he was never one to turn away
Never a blind eye to the slightest sway
I lost all the games we used to play
And countless times wished it was yesterday
One more chance to hide from his tortured glare
Teamed with the words that stripped me bare
Broken glass and shattered hope we could not repair
These songs remind me of you and it isn't fair
While this boken heart denounces failure to remember
I think of those two children born in September
Who ignited flames rising higher than forever
That in a pool of sweat and tears turned to ember.
Friday, June 8, 2007
3:01AM - Same Shit Different Life
Agitated and emotionally crippled
Constant aggravation behind blind eyes.
I'm dreaming of an invisible relief
Falling rapidly through the skies.
To land, to pull me off my knees.
I have fallen like a beautiful ripe fruit,
Full of bruises that they fail to see.
Living off of only night air and wispy words,
Whiplashed away from truths.
I don't understand why I miss what I hated
More than hate itself
I was living in deceit, routine and treacherous health
Perhaps appreciation is a form of my complaints,
I lived for the ones who lived for life
Now back where I should be,
There remains a haunting need.
Everyday I win the same fight.
But the daily battles have worn me raw
And place doubts on every choice I am doomed to make.
Where have I gone wrong?
Someone please pick me up,
Show me instead of tell.
What I can do for this world to achieve a purpose
So I can look back on this place where I once fell.
Current mood: 
melancholy
2:56AM - Sleeplessly Stoned
Smoke smoke
You toke and you smoke
Exhaling shapes and debris
Smoke to be free
It hurts it burns
When morning returns
And I want nothing more
Than sleep
Oooh but the stars
And the shiny cars
And the Mickey D's
Sweet and sour please
That's life from the passenger seat
And my mind runs astray
It's the same as yesterday
The sorrys , the glories
And neverending stories
It's going to be okay.
This yellow on my index
Is making me dream of snakes and insects
Rushing in my inferiority complex
Like that one time,
I met a guy named Number 9
And he showed me a sign
And I thought I was dying
But I was so alive
And higher than a high five
If I could take the wheel and drive
I'd kill us all
A flame so tall
In the sky
It'd catch your eye
And then you'd know
From the greenish glow
That we were smokin herb
And it was so superb.
Current mood: 
quixotic
Current music: The Beatles - Revolution Number 9
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
3:32AM - uhhh,
I don't want to sleep for the inconvenient grudge put on waking up.
I don't want to think anymore, for a lonely mind grows disease.
A good 10 minutes of any random film, and a song I haven't heard,
It's time for bed.
The steel sky is going to shine its sun-reflecting dust into the center of every crevice left in my brain,
that hasn't been touched by doubt and inquisition.
No more love stories, just back to square 5.
Back to an utterly and shamefully confused heart,
And no, I don't want to talk about it.
Mom says simplicity grows with age, and my repeated emo-esque thoughts shall fade.
She changed the way she makes decisions, and I was hoping to change the way I make this life.
They're going to kill my cat soon.
Is it okay to say I'm ready?
Salt mixed with amonia, my tears fallen in her misguided piss,
Welcome, me, to your first loss.
I never want to grow old like that.
Something worthwhile needs to be touched by these hands, it's been a while since the last goosebump feeling.
And since this ramble is depressing me more than a grey sky on Sunday,
It's time to travel to the other world, against my pillow folded in a fetal position,
gripping a stuffed piece of furry fabric with "feelings" that once was stained in my infant puke.
I've never had so many things I never wanted at such a time of need.
A lonely mind grows disease.
Current mood: 
confused
Monday, May 21, 2007
5:28PM
Is there pressure to write a masterpiece?
Someone shall find it when we are ancient
And it shall change the world
Lost hearts singing about their first love
Clever plays on words that make zero sense
Maybe for some side parts and black nails
Cry to the sky
Cry to the sky
The poets are lonely
The verses we crave
I got nothin
Saturday, May 12, 2007
2:44PM - Inspiración Dominicana
Middle of the day,
And I can't not think of you.
Your breath is in the air
And I'm breathing new.
It's storming everywhere
This thunder is a passionate rage
echoing hard through the opaque skies.
People are running,
But I am dancing.
Stay with me, know me more than you know yourself.
I miss you
I miss you
It is a curse
The skies sing this verse.
Where have you gone
You're here with me.
It rings so clear
My heart echoes our song.
A bird rushes to find its shelter
And there is no rush to our forever.
I've decided that my heart and mind finally agree,
You are the storm
That sets me free
I wish this lightning would strike me,
So I could feel something stronger than this longing.
A shelter is only for the insane
Feeling this magic makes my heart sing again.
And as I grab items to cause distraction
I realize nothing will break this phantom attraction
Where did you come from?
And how much do you know?
My thoughts sometimes scare me
On how much we could grow.
As this song fades away,
Sounds of happiness around me grow
From people who are fufilled
With everything they don't know.
Current mood: 
relaxed
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
5:04PM - Untitled....
For every tear we must shed, there is an added brick in a wall. The division of our realities from our memories. What it must take to live in a world where repression is the most acceptable excuse for a happy life. And our demons meet our ultimate confontations.
We lose the fight.
Everyday we lose our right.
And each time we never see the light.
Unless it falls together for this night.
Current mood: 
high
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