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Tuesday, March 2nd, 2004

Subject:Election Day Blues!
Time:5:52 pm.
Mood: loved.
Music:Temptations - Ain't Too Proud to Beg.
i feel like lately i've been extremely selfish and emo.
it felt to me that over the last week my entire life fell apart all at once. i'm worried about everything, prom, graduation, and certain relationships with people in my life...i don't know i thought i knew who i wanted in my life and who i didn't. i don't know things just surprise me sometimes i guess.
like today i started crying because someone that i thought i should care about a lot just doesn't care back, but i realized that that person means nothing to me anymore. that i don't even need them around.
it made me think about a lot of stuff.
so i went to the highschool to play basketball with rob and then matt showed up and then anne and then tommy and i realized how lucky i am to have friends like that. that's all that should matter to me.
like when it comes to prom---who cares, if i don't get a date then i won't go but i'll still have my friends you know? i mean sure i have someone i want to go with but if i don't go with him thats not a big deal either. it's all good.
im sorry that i've been such an emotional wreck lately i lost faith in a lot of things because i was so used to things going right for me.
i'm excited for the summer but i can't wait for college. i can't wait to start over...even though my college is in the land of no teeth (like i really don't think there is a dentist in winchester)...and i wish i had given more consideration to VCU but i know i'll be happy no matter where i go.
i ended up making my decision to go to shenandoah though because theres this park on campus and it's soo pretty and it has paths and stuff and i think i want to buy a pair of rollerblades and yeah. oooh and theres no light pollution there because it's not a big city or anything. it's really pretty.
but i guess...i just need to be me! as cheesy as that just sounded. i need to take things as they roll, start listening to my the things i say i believe in...im very avid in saying that i believe that things happen for a reason and i think that everyone has a devine plan, like everything happens the way it is supposed to.
ha. that makes me laugh a lot at the same time but i think a person's destiny is set, i mean you can change your future and pick what you want to do but i think your thoughts are predetermined somehow. i don't know im weird. but it works for me you know.
i like to talk about how much i hate band all of the time. but i don't hate band, i just hate mr. powell. as for band i love the friends i have made through the program. i love that they've got my back no matter what...because they do. my senior class, every single one of them would be there to pick me up if i fell, and most of them have been there for me too. even though i don't usually act like it and im not the best friend that i could be in return, that means more than anything in the world. oh and my brothers, they're my best friends in the world--they've always got my back, and they threaten boys who hurt me all of the time =o). it's cute. i'm going to miss them so much next year. as for my friends i just want to thank them for dealing with me this week...this year...last summer i blew them off so much i should not have done that for something that i knew wouldn't even last. thanks for always having my back. i love you all so much.

as for my day off,
i watched donnie darko with the keeper of the film. (hahaha i make myself laugh a lot)
then i got rejected by someone i cared about more than anyone! (this is where i get all emo and decide i need to do something about that!)
then i went to play ball with rob, matt, anne, and tommy.

however im forgetting about the part that sucked a lot because it doesn't matter. my day was excellent and anne brought me a button that says "honorary leprechaun" and now im listening to the temptations! and i know that BEAUTY'S ONLY SKIN DEEP (mmmm temptations!)
election day rules!
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