Blurty for desgraciadaX.

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Thursday, September 2nd, 2004

Subject:up against the wall
Time:4:16 am.
Mood:elation below the sea..
Music:underoath - reinventing an exit.
smear the dirt on the canvas. he never saw it coming. hiding in the shadows. i wait for your arrival. quickly. discard the bones for safe keeping. old flesh wears like a new suit. nobody ever knew. but they all liked me more than they used to. i wanna be somebody. right now. just looking for the answers.

.xoxo.

agradecidas. napoleon dynamite. garden state. scrubs premiere.
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Sunday, May 23rd, 2004

Subject:just say that it's over.
Time:8:49 pm.
Mood:somewhat excited..
Music:hawthorne heights - life on standby.
strangers haunt my sleep. vivid reprecussions follow simultaneous occurences. streets consumed with deja vu. false pretenses of familiar faces. the void within is filled by emotions unbelonging to you. cause and effect. wake up. flowing circumstances surrounding. delayed reactions precede unwanted outcomes. maybe tomorrow you'll be more careful. maybe next time i won't notice. secrets safely tucked away.

.xoxo.

agradecidas. unexpected surprises. reunion parties. late summer nights.
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Wednesday, April 28th, 2004

Subject:burning
Time:8:56 pm.
Mood:i thought this is what i want.
Music:senses fail - martini kisses.
feelings cut like glass. cheek to cheek. i've never smiled so wide. don't let a drop hit the floor. savor. be selfish. you've earned it. keep it in hand until i'm dry. at least my last sight will be you. dying wishes fade before the light. selection. revolution. decision. find a reason. make it deep. let it go.

.xoxo.

agradecidas. birthdays. seeing old friends. making new ones.
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Wednesday, April 21st, 2004

Subject:two cherry cokes
Time:1:52 am.
Mood:confusion about being confused.
Music:promise ring - song 3 from 30 degrees everywhere.
dreams spill into the day. day bleeds into the night. self inflicted disaster. one step closer to the light. falling through the clouds. light the sky with your songs. let them know who you are. watch as the color turns white against the pale dawn. six chances to stay. six chances to leave. six chances to be everything you wanted me to be. is it really chance at all. 1. 2. 3. 4. click. breathe. better luck next time.

.xoxo.

agradecidas. speed hold 'em. chocolate coffee creamer. sugar packets from the dining hall.
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Monday, April 19th, 2004

Subject:garage sale saturday
Time:2:11 am.
Mood:remembering times better spent.
Music:the weakerthans - aside.
the taste of summer is clouding my vision. feel it slowly crawling up your skin. the sensation of something new rapidly forming. spreading like fields dancing with the wind. just like you remembered. but never the same. amazing how some things never get old. amazing how some things always do. born again everyday. save me from the broken ones. sit back and relax. enjoy the show. come one. come all. have i ever dissapointed you before?

.xoxo.

agradecidas. summer music. fans in my window. late night parties.
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Monday, April 12th, 2004

Subject:i'd ask you twenty one questions.
Time:7:47 pm.
Mood:waiting for tomorrow 2 be over.
Music:hawthorne heights - ohio is for lovers.
a guilty diary written with remorseful ink. regret overwhelms before the page is turned. long since has the time for revival expired. gone forever now is any sense of safety. betrayed by your own prowess. thoughts revolting against their creator. tangled in your own web. theres no room for me this time. close your eyes and let the fear consume. trust. promise. rest easy my dear. nobody said this would last forever. i'll be joining you soon.

.xoxo.

agradecidas. wonderful surprise news that sucks ass. old man's cave. phone calls from work.
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Tuesday, April 6th, 2004

Subject:american living
Time:8:43 pm.
Mood:ready for something new.
Music:from first to last - note to self.
contributions. we're as tall as lions while stuck in the midst of this everlasting gaze. you need reasons to stay. i'll be the reason you leave. i can't make it on my own. observation. the words glisten so bright that even the most blind eyes have trouble seeing. allow the sacred to become the profane. let the black mix with the white. watch your world swirl into a blend of grey that it may never escape. pick up the pieces. even angels fall sometimes.

.xoxo.

agradecidas. laughing. sunny spring days. new ideas.
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Saturday, April 3rd, 2004

Subject:am i bottling up yourself
Time:3:28 am.
Mood:looking forward to a new day.
Music:the spill canvas - black dresses.
give me confidence to stare. become one and shiver a feeling of cold. i am the promise. i am the trigger. i am all that you ever wanted. if you choose to sleep will i still be in your dreams. under the covers. i am the answer. i am the sunset after the crash. deep scars left by unforgiving words. i am the wish that you were too careful to make. time is up. what are you waiting for. white flash. the beauty of you lies to rest. suffocated by hope and smothered by greed. your essence burns out bright for the last time.

.xoxo.

agradecidas. euchere. texas hold 'em. bottlecaps.
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Wednesday, March 31st, 2004

Subject:i'll be the reason
Time:2:07 am.
Mood:wishing it was easier..
Music:waiting for tomorrow - the scarlet sacrifice.
listen to the words that taste like they've been said before. softly spoken strokes outsmarting the machine. beautifully synchronized. lacking the empathy for despair or foolishness. it creates the daughter of love and hope. infinite and eternal. shine their wordly light upon it as a blessing into this world of cynics. may it blossom and grow without the persuasion of them. don't blush. everyone feels this way sometimes.

.xoxo.

agradecidas. intro to religion. this cool breeze in my window. not hating you when i know i should.
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Thursday, March 25th, 2004

Subject:if its not too late for coffee
Time:1:04 am.
Mood:let freedom ring.
Music:story of the year - page avenue.
slide across the glass. shatter onto the red. roll down the side. mix with the masses. under this brilliant night sky. it never stops. rendering my imagination catatonic. i only sleep when i dream of you. i haven't slept in days. living like the fire in her eyes. eternity. did i ever tell you how much i love it here. this is where she said. . .

.xoxo.

agradecidas. copeland. being home. feeling free.
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Sunday, March 21st, 2004

Subject:only fools rush in
Time:5:47 pm.
Mood:spring break snow.
Music:apeiro - the casework to a collapsed lung.
the animated victim. tears can no longer cleanse your hands of me. they've been soaking for far too long. permanent. blotched ink stains smeared black and white and red. kaleidescope swirls. smothering in the passion between. tearing apart with my own this time. rewind. re-animate. satisfaction. now its me who has no where to run. you end here. now its over. now its better. now your blank. one day we'll forget. so clever. so right. please forgive me.

.xoxo.

agradecidas. booze in my trunk. spring break. xanga.
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Friday, March 12th, 2004

Subject:demands respect
Time:2:53 am.
Mood:falling from fame and fortune.
Music:jay-z and dj dangermouse - public service announcement.
the night cries for the likes of you. tears taste of red and the mess you've become. pry your lips off this glass before it shatters. it's still stained from the last time. you dream of the day you can make excuses like this. you see her but feel another while still wanting more. chaos sinking into my skin. discovery blending with my dreams. despair bleeding out onto the canvas. slowly covering my last dying thought. soaking through my last line of defense. it's almost over now. can you taste it?

.xoxo.

agradecidas. lost in translation. end of winter quarter. road trips in the summertime.
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Saturday, March 6th, 2004

Subject:too many times before
Time:3:12 am.
Mood:so tired i want to die..
Music:maroon 5 - this love.
life.

.xoxo.

agradecidas. parties in my basement. raspberry twist with black cherry. seeing my blue hoodie on the floor.
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Wednesday, March 3rd, 2004

Subject:euprides
Time:12:09 pm.
Mood:wishing it were nicer outside.
Music:head automatica - brooklyn is burning.
its not the events of our life that upset us, it's the interpretation of the events.

.xoxo.

agradecidas. the phasenbakers. abnormal psych. irish creme.
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Tuesday, March 2nd, 2004

Subject:subtleties defeat me
Time:12:50 am.
Mood:aspiring to be someone i'm not.
Music:silhouette - smokescreen.
is it up to me. let it dissappear in my hands. passing memories fade as the moon into the morning sky but never really gone. you think of what you once had and i remember i gave up. touching. divine tragedies are blurred with the tears of fortune. oh don't you know. you can't do this to me. i'm surprised you haven't. self loathing deservation. the hardest part is remembering how to live like you never knew how to die. even though you wish you could. even though you left this race long ago. i hope the sun is shining.

.xoxo.

agradecidas. trucker hats. rick james and charlie murphy. snaps.
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Tuesday, February 24th, 2004

Subject:dark night hold tight
Time:2:36 am.
Mood:musically inclined notes.
Music:eisley - marvelous things.
i remember when. the nights when we longed. burning for something to spark a cryptic love affair with nothing but a faint memory of what i wish i was. watching the beams flood through. blinding to the point of bliss while saving enough to pray. morning light will keep us here safely. butterfly wings and sea kings. striving for an end. death is the cure for every disease.

.xoxo.

agradecidas. da vinci code. people who drive red cr-v's. ajt.
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Tuesday, February 17th, 2004

Subject:enjoy your day
Time:1:18 am.
Mood:testing what may come.
Music:adelphi - attention.
the distance grows old like stagnant water in a creek thats past its prime. all but a slow trickle. barely quenching my thirst for you. taking over my movements. souvenirs out of style. slower now. my only rites of passage illuminating you with every drop. i hope he bought you roses. if you only knew. look. they're perched on their stilts above. watching. waiting for me to break. im sorry i'm not you.

.xoxo.

agradecidas. celebrations. visiting with the kids down/up/next door. "playing".
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Sunday, February 15th, 2004

Subject:not sorry, i'm not sure
Time:1:30 am.
Mood:blissful restlessness.
Music:saosin - mookies last christmas.
don't treat me like i ever accused you. don't treat me b/c i'm to blame. i will find a way without you. i'll leave you my mess to clean. white splashed with red. a beautiful tragedy on the edge of chaos. a note sketched with crimson on the walls. haunting my dreams becoming yours. grace. fall. end. i said i loved you but i lied.

.xoxo.

agradecidas. stuffed shells. candle-lit dinner. brown sweaters from limited.
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Thursday, February 12th, 2004

Subject:the night will go as follows
Time:4:35 pm.
Mood:ready for it to be over.
Music:lost prophets - last train home.
jaded. there's nothing i want more she'll say. as we close the door and turn off the lights. its the cold rain that falls on my neck that keeps me alive. devotion. honest. they all fell victim to the silence that is me. heaven isn't a place a place. it's the moment when you feel alive for the first time. i can still look in the mirror without you. nightmares that you could never conceive. pity me. pity you. let the tide take you away.

.xoxo.

agradecidas. sunny days in winter time. only 5 more weeks of calculus. choclate chunk granola bars.
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Wednesday, February 11th, 2004

Subject:this is who you are
Time:3:06 pm.
Mood:looking forward to saturday.
Music:the spill canvas - catepillars.
she said it never really hurt that much anyway. the place where seconds are forever. the goodnights turn into goodbyes. don't let down your expectations. the logic is not in the understanding, but in the beauty of the statement. why remember when i would rather forget. i can help. i promise.

.xoxo.

agradecidas. valentines day. buddyhead/gossip. only 5 more weeks of econ class.
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Blurty for desgraciadaX.

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