il Licrime Frantumate   
11:15am 19/07/2003
 
mood: gloomy
music: the life goes on theme song (i use to love that show)
wow! what a boring gloomy day this is going to be. its going to starting storming in a minute so this is going to be a sort of short post.
i miss my nikidawg i havent talked to her since wednesday. maybe i should call her. but what if shes gone, i dont feel like talking to martha. i love martha to death but sometimes....
Travis called me this morning he wants to go up to the beach with rhonda and grill (chris), he wants me to go with but i dont want to go up there when its going to rain down there and they have a flood watch out down there. i dont feel like dying today. i havent made out my will yet. everything is going to robert, niki , my mom and the rest of my money goes to charities, but still. stuff happens. i atleast want to publish one book before i croke.
enough of talking about death. i hope it does rain but only until robert comes and gets me so i can go to
scuppernong with him. that way we can dance and play in the rain.
i have some chick who left me a comment on my last post saying that shes moving to e.c., and i read her journal and i dont know if shes the kind of person i need to be around, if ya know what i mean, but we'll see maybe shes not that bad. "never judge a book from the cover."
i started drawing what i want my tattoo to look like when i finish it ill scan it and set as my icon on here. its hott!
im off to finish it. byes.
" this reality is really just a f***ed up dream."		  
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"tears are feelings we cant say tears mean that you care tears are mixed emotions" rufio   
07:27pm 19/07/2003
 
mood: feeling alittle emo again
music: "tears" rufio
like i said this had been a borinnnnnnng day.
ive been searching for songs to listen to because im becoming a gangsta and i dont want to be.
ever since i got back from the beach at 4th of july ive been listening to rap. im trying to find. emo, punk, rock,oldies, et cetera et cetera just as long as its not rap or r and b. lord knows im anything but a gansta or a wanksta whatever you want to call it (haha)
a part from becomg a wanksta (you say you a wanksta but you ang pop nuttin') i think im becoming an emo kid (a kid who sits on the corner and crys all day). i use to make fun of them and now im sinking into one of them. im happy one minute a sad the next. whats the name of that disease? damn its right on the tip of my tounge..... oh well ill think of it later.
my step-dad needs counseling. not anger management becuase it doesnt help i know this from experience. he got mad at me for something he done. then he yells at me for something i done alittle over 12 years ago. i mean damn i was 4 yrs old. how was i supposed to know that the cat doesnt go in the shower with him? (thats very funny if you think about it) this has all just happend like 5 minutes ago when i was trying to help bring in and put away groceries.
mom is thinking that im becoming a "cutter" because of the poem that i posted last night. she read the rough draft of it this morning before she left. she is so oblivious. shes done smoked her self retarded. it has nothing to do with cutting, it has to do with being so far from robert that id do anything for him to be here. damn she needs to go back to school.
my family is severly mental and i cant wait until i move out. thatll be the day.
oh oh oh "a beautiful mind is getting ready to come on so im going to watch it and lounge on the couch maybe do a few crunches.lates.

can we cast out shadows alone in the dark?		  
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  bertandernie
 
 
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