| will he be there to catch me....when i fall asleep? | ||||
| 11:13am 14/06/2003 | ||||
why do i have to be the "ideal preachers wife"? cant i be different and give the ladys something to look up to as being different but still be a christian? don't get me wrong, im looking forward to having the women of the church look up to me and come to me for advice, but i cant not be myself.see what i mean? i tired to hate robert as much a possible yesterday becuase i wasnt too thrilled about giving up my dreams to be the "ideal" preachers wife. i cant hate him i love him so much that if he and were to have broken up yesterday my hear would of stopped and i wouldve died on spot. i could already feel my heart literaly breaking in two while were talking and i was about to get up and walk into my room cause i was thinking that his and my relationship was going to end and i couldnt have handled it. what started this whole thing was that stupid email about him not being here all the time. i regret ever writng that email and ever talking to jordon about the email i shouldve never used it as my topic for my journal entry and i shouldve never had made my feelings public about how i felt for him not being here. then the discussion we wouldve had yesterday wouldve never happend. but to a extent im glad it happend because it was healthy, relationship wise. we both need to changs. i need to be more conceiterate and more happy when im around him. and i need to be willing to share is free time with his family. sharing is going to be the hardest thing because im the only child and i was never taught the fundamentals of sharing. i'm willing to give up everything as long as i can be with him becuase the few hours i spend a week with him is the only time im truly happy. these past 8 months and 2 days have been the most happiest moments of my life and im not going to trade them for anything. and if he and i do break up everything in my poetry book is a lie. because if we break up over this stupid little "hurdle" in our relationship thats means we cant spend the reestof our life togehter if we cant get through this.what happend yesterday was just to test us to see if we could both give up something we love to be together. and we got through it with it emotional scares, but we got through it...together. |
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morose| the rain drops as they're falling tell a story | ||||
| 07:33pm 14/06/2003 | ||||
i just talked to bert hes at the church practicing his serman for tomorrow night.unfortunatley im not going to be there to see it. he was talking about preaching it barefooted. more power to him. his little cousin, britney, has to have surgery on her right kidney. she's so sweet.i have to pray for her. my list of prayer request seems to be rather long this week. x pray for britney x pray for rain so josh can take a day off of work and go see niki x that my report card somehow doesnt have bad grades on it so i can have freedom for the rest of the summer x that bert does good on his serman tomorrow, as he usaually does x stop suffering from writer's block x have atleast one full night's sleep before i go insane. x world peace anyways im going to go belt my lungs out while singing evanescence because noones home. |
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accomplished| bertandernie | ||
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