| so sad to see you go boo hoo | |||
| 11:46pm 06/12/2003 | |||
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ive changer my blurty journal so for all you lovely readers you can see it now. www.blurty.com/users/relaxthosebluis love ya guys |
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| loneliness finds us beneath dim lit lights where pen and paper spell out confusion | ||||
| 05:28pm 29/11/2003 | ||||
A saturday night and im all alone. i tried calling Nik dawg but no one answered i was hoping she didnt go to work today because i miss her. awwwwww........ bert monster and i went and saw GOTHIKA last night at some shitty theater at the beach. the atmosphere and the nosiy snooty folks behind us out me in a bad mood. but the movie was good. not as good as i wanted it to be, but still good. my sweetheart baught me FAKE flowers from wally world. it was sooooooooooooo sweet. i love it when he gets me gas station flowers or fake flowers. of course he does pick me real flowers. :) i planned on cleaning my room today and after bert left this morning and changed the sheets on my bed (those two events have no connection what-so-ever) i got lazy. my room is looking very cluttered. oh well. BIG NEWS!!!!! Jordon's back from boot camp. woot woot. not really. hes such a dick. before bert and i left for the beach yesterday he came over to berts house to check the air in his tires with berts air gadge thingy and he didnt even say hello. no sweat off back. just one more person i dotn have to worry about. i dont think hes gotten over the stuff that didnt happen between eric and i over the summer. when i got home last night i stayed up as late as possible and wroteone poem. that was my goal. ** GlAsS sLiPpEr** im lying on the kitchem floor in a pool of my own thoughts pressed into filthy tiles staring at the clock im waiting for this dress to rags im cutting thru these visions with the blunt end of the knife reflected in the pool of blood is the image of this life im waiting for these pearls to turn to stone let the clock strike twelve tonight prince charming youre mistaken im not worht the fight let the clock strike twelve im spitting out these sayings with each pill ive swallowed down dulling out the pain of you and muting out the sound im waitinf for this shoe two break in two -- dont you just love cinderella stories? welp im off to find something to do besides clean my room. la ya. ciao |
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dorky| every line is about who i dont want to write about anymore | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 02:56pm 16/11/2003 | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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disappointed| i leave you with something to read and ponder while i sleep | ||||
| 10:50pm 15/11/2003 | ||||
and maybe when the damage is all done we can turn this back into love because, you know, it`s like they say you don`t know what you`ve got til its gone this beauty only runs skin deep i`m not as great as you may think i don`t deserve how good you are to me you`ve gone and headed right off the deep end and nobody will be there to catch you when you fall just as you`re about to hit the bottom i`ll reach down and save you just like i always do save you from all those troubles you keep locked inside your mind what was i thinking i must be crazy thinking i could live without someone like you well, i`m no one without someone like you im no one without someone like you ---------------------------- Telephone wires I've heard in time it gets better I've been waiting forever I'll say goodbye for the last time Only this time I'll mean it My fingers ache from clenching this fist My eyes still burn I'm pouring my heart through these telephone wires I'm getting the notion that you've become tired You run your legs take you so far You would always come running back I won't be here this time Sleep forces itself on me Escaping reality I know where you'll be when you come back No reason to visit No need to remember |
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exanimate| not so sure anymore | ||||
| 09:41pm 15/11/2003 | ||||
What school do you go to // pchs What is your mascot // panther, nhs came over last day of school last year and spray painted the panther on the signe in front of the school pink so i guess now we're the pink panthers What are your school colors // blue black and silver Nicknames // sweets, ernie, amster, and my real dad use to call me amybug Where were you born // elizabeth city nc What are your hobbies //friends poetry music bert monster Hair color // dirty blonde Hair length // alittle past my shoulders Eye color // blue Height // 5'7 n 1/2 Have any pets // dog::sam cat:: sayla 2 lizards:: lizard guy and lizard girl (thats their real names) What do you fear most in the world // snakes and any kind of bugs oh and scream mask What do you regret the most // christopher have braces //unfourtunately Do you have glasses // yes, dont wear them Are you good at school // im an honors student so what do u think *Favorites* Color // pink, and dark red Teacher // mrs marshall Class // creative writing Day of the week // tuesday Holiday // valentines and halloween Season // fall Month // august Sport // volleyball, cross country, and softball Movie // the gooines and fear T.V. show // real world and when ever buffy is on Drink // liquid brownie frappe, chai and water Male singer // lead singer of the used Female singer // emilana torrini Word[s] // are you a loser with a coupon?....duh...... come on come on come on come on Brand of shoes // chucks, addidas, and of course my faithful reef flip flops Radio station // 96.1 and 104.5 Room in your house // my room Pizza Topping // black olives or mushrooms State // hawii and missouri Song[s] // ever so sweet, ever long, is patience still waiting, anytime, iris, some song by dashboard Letter[s] // the letter "a" Number[s] // 2 Cereal // fruit loops and grapenut os *This or That* Red or Blue // red Pretzels or Potato Chips //pretzels Jeans or Khakis // jeans Comedy or Drama // drama Computer or TV // computer Gold or Silver // silver Outgoing or Shy // outgoing Tall or Short // tall Breakfast or Dinner // breakfast Day or Night // night Radio or Cd's // cds Internet or Phone // neither 98 degrees or O town // neither Happy or Sad // emo Guy or Girl // guys Sexy or Cute // adorable Tough or Wimpy // tough Strong or Weak // strong Funny or Hilarious // hilarious Summer or Winter // both Love or Lust // love Friends or Family // friends Car or Truck // both Dog or Cat // cat Inside or Outside // outside Hurricane or Tornado //tornado ive been through aot of huricanes youre not missing anything exciting Thunder or Lightning // love both Rain or Snow // rain Hail or Sleet // hail Sunny or Cloudy // cloudy Loud or Quiet // peaceful Mcdonalds or Burger king // mcdonalds for breakfeast burger king for the rest Coffee or Tea // coffee Coke or Pepsi // coke Mr. Pibb or Dr. Pepper // what the hell is mr.pibb? White chocolate or Normal chocolate // neither Britney or Christina // christina Chocolate or Vanilla // vanilla Writing or Typing // writing Cold or Hot // lukewarm Pen or Pencil // pen Candle or Incense // candle Plain paper or Lined paper // lined Blonde or Brunette // dirty Curly or Straight // dunno Blanket or Sleeping bag // blanket Shower or Bath // both Body wash or Soap // body wash Perfume or Body spray // perfume American Eagle or Abercrombie // american eagle Pochahontas or Mulan // noether Pop Tarts or Toaster strudles // strawberry pop tarts with frosting any day Chicken or Turkey //chicken MTV or VH1 // fuse Shorts or Pants // pants Tank tops or T-shirts // t-shirts Rich and dumb or Poor and smart // poor and smart Markers or Colored pencils // markers Boxers or Briefs // boxers Nike or Adidas // cant deny my shell tops Mercedes or BMW // bmw Army or Navy // costies Orange or Grape // orange Lime or Lemon // lemon Striped or Plaid // both Innie or Outie // innie Hot tub or Sauna // sauna Land or Water // water, sand irratates me Sneeze or Cough // coughing with a stuffy nose Skittles or M&M's // plain m&ms or sour skittles? Truth or Dare // double hitter Letterman or Leno // letterman SNL or mad tv // mad tv *Love Life* love at first sight// i believe in taking a deeper look Do you have a crush // bert monster!!!!!! Whats his name //bert monster!!!!!!!!!!!!!! chicken boy cluck cluck How old are they // 18 How long have you liked him or her // a year 1 month 3 days and couple hours If you could kiss anyone in the world, who would it be // my reald dad and my bert monster If you could date anyone in the world, who would it be // Ashton Kutcher of josh hartnet but i am ecstatic justdating my bert monster Do you prefer being the dumper or the dumpee // dumpee Do you think there is a person for everyone // everyone except for dorthy If yes, do you know who yours is // yeppers Have you ever been in love // yes and im still falling What do you think love is // not applicable Do you have a b/f or g/f // yeah What do you like about your crush or bf, gf // i like their hotness When was your first kiss // kindergarden but if that dont count then when i was in 6th grade the first day of school Did u ever hookup with just a friend // yes... *Past* Last words you said // dontmake me seperate you two you sang // feeling left out : most accidents Last meal you ate // ham sandwhich and some rice What did you hate most about school // getting suspended *Present* What's in your CD player // coldplay, deftones, some mixed cd, give up the ghost, and nada surf What color sox are you wearing // white What's under your bed // lots of magazines What's the weather like // crisp and cloudy What time did you wake up today // 9 *Future* Who do you want to marry // we all die alone anyway Are you going to college // unc chapel hill baby to study what // journalism What is your career going to be // journalist Where are you going to live // whereever robert drags me to How many kids do you want // one boy one girl i want the boy to come first so he can defend his little sister Kids names girls // ahulani, kaleena, amanda loretta (after my sister) Kids names boys // matthew, mark , luke, john, or travis Where do you want your honeymoon // bed *Have you ever Been Drunk //lots Skinny dipped //yea Stole // no Stayed up all night on the internet // yea Been in a fist fight // yea Been in a cat fight // yes Wanted to kill someone // not really Fell off a chair // many times *Other* Do you like your handwriting // depends on my mood and the type of pen Which superhero would you be // roberts is: ron jeremy and mine is the naked guy off kablaam Do you have any piercings // 1 cartlidge piercing 2 earlob piercing im getting my belly button done and the thick cartlidge and the entrance of your ear Any tattoos // im getting one Are you picky // very What makes you cry // everything What makes you mad // stupid people Do you like cartoons // not really Do you believe in heaven // yea Do you believe in God // yea Do you think there is a hell // hell yea Do you believe in the devil // yes but i dont worship him When you get mad, do you swear a lot // depending on the level of madness Do you have a magic 8 ball // use to Ever worn black nail polish //yea but i did it like french tip when i had nails Do you have your own tv and vcr // yea Do you believe in fate // yea Do you see dead people // no but i see alot of black folks just kidding Are you a good speller // yes cant you tgell? Do you ever steal anything from hotels // soap, it smells so good What is your last name backwards // sekots Do you want to be the first person on the sun when you grow up // not really, im not one for sun burn ( ha ha aint i so funny? kidding) *What Do These Words Make You Think Of* Rainbow // lucky charms Frog // ribbet Carol // my preachers wife Star //emo Ticket // the deftones concert i went to last year *This or That* Florida or California // florida Sprite or 7-UP // 7-up yours Mountains or the Beach // beach AIM or MSN Messenger // AIM Geography or Math // geography Private schools or Public schools // i did both Email or Phone //email im not one for just sitting on the phone and saying nothing Baseball or Basketball // baseball quiet people or outgoing people // depends Sun or Moon // moon Christmas or Your Birthday // christmas but my birthday aint too far way from x-mas Blue or Purple // violet Gelly Roll pens or Milky Pens // gelly things Gap or Aeropostale// aeropostale Bath & Body Works or The Body Shop // bath and body works Flirting or a good conversation // both scariest: tornado, hurricane, or earthquake // ive never been through an earthquake before Middle School or High School // college Wavy/curly hair or Straight hair // straight Blue, green, or Brown eyes // blue Nintendo 64 or Playstation2 // neither Guinea Pigs or Hamsters // i had 3 hamsters and now they are all barried in the front yard right by the fence Hawaii or the Bahamas // a cruise to bahamas so i can dance to reggae or hawii so i can surf the pipe |
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accomplished| ah,poetry. be still my little heart | ||||
| 05:33pm 15/11/2003 | ||||
**politics and poetry** there is a community of the spirit join it, and feel the delight of walking in the noisy street and being the noise drink all your passion and be a disgrace close both eyes to see with the other eye open your hands if you want to be held sit down in this circle at night your beloved wanders don't accept consolations close your mouth against food and taste the lover's mouth in yours you moan, "they left me" twenty more will come be empty of worrying think of those who created thought why do you stay in prison when the door is so wide open move outside the tangle of fear-thinking live in silence flow down and down in always widening rings of being i really kind of dont like it but it will do |
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| Are the stars out tonite i dont know if is cloudy or birght cause i only have eyes 4 u shubop shubop | ||||
| 10:02am 09/11/2003 | ||||
im very very excited. then tomorrow my bert monster is taking me to school and making me breakfeast and then after school hes picking me up at 4 and we're going to v.a. to eat at olive garden (my choice) and im going to look really really gorgeous (not just pretty). i know what im getting from everyone except from dad and bert and i dont care about dad's present (well i do butya know...) i want to know what berts present is.... grrrr well i have to pick up the house alittle and then im going to sit in the garden tub for a couple of hours. i cleaned like mad crazy yesterday but ineed to vacuum and sweep and unload the dishwasher. adieu. |
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ecstatic| Are the stars out tonite i dont know if is cloudy or birght cause i only have eyes 4 u shubop shubop | ||||
| 09:39am 09/11/2003 | ||||
im very very excited. then tomorrow my bert monster is taking me to school and making me breakfeast and then after school hes picking me up at 4 and we're going to v.a. to eat at olive garden (my choice) and im going to look really really gorgeous (not just pretty). i know what im getting from everyone except from dad and bert and i dont care about dad's present (well i do butya know...) i want to know what berts present is.... grrrr well i have to pick up the house alittle and then im going to sit in the garden for a couple of hours. i cleaned like mad crazy yesterday but ineed to vacuum and sweep and unload the dishwasher. adieu. |
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| ever so sweet you baked it in cakes for me to see | ||||
| 10:46pm 07/11/2003 | ||||
Im in a lovie dovie mood. too bad roberts in pamlico for the play offs. damn that foos ball. im not in the mood for sex ( although making love isnt so bad either) i just want to lay in the dark and be held. and dance in the candle or in complete darkness to no music. i want tons of passionate kisses and i miss the little lip nibling thing robert does. I WANT MY BOYFRIEND. Well changing the subject now that its completly relavent that im a BIG DORK. Im alone tonight and the only thing ill be hugging is my blankie. im staying up to watch RUSSELL SIMONS' POETRY SLAM like i do every friday night. i was up this morning at 5:45 to make robert breakfeast. im tired as a mofo because i couldnt sleep good last night. i fell asleep last night on top of my covers and my windows were all the way open. then i woke up at 2 with my cat licking my eyebrows (which i got cortney to pluck for me the other day), then i woke up at 4 to go pee and then i remember that i needed to set my clock for 5:45 and then i went to sleep and i forgot to throw the covers over myself again. what a terrible night it was. tonights different. staying up late to watch russell simons and then ill wake up and go running in the morning and then come in take a nice hot shower and sleep until like 11. nice beginning to my weekend dont ya think? well anyways im off to take a shower before i forget too like usual. just kidding. |
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| are you drowning your fears in a glass of deception? | ||||
| 09:33am 28/10/2003 | ||||
:: thIs tImE mAkE It cOUnt :: why don't i finish myself off? i will take all that i have left i will destroy myself will you finally be content? these words are unappealing they hold no revelation or hidden meaning deny me i'm dying inside in your eyes i lost myself for the first time tonight i will rid the world of these articulated emotions that bear false pretenses and have no purpose i am nothing all that i was became another failure in a life full of them let me do you a favor i will choke on the letters i find so entertaining thats all thats prevailing i will give in to them i leech onto my only comfort a desolate figment of my imagination i give into my frustration i do what i can to alleviate the pain but you are the only weakness i have you tore me down now look upon the wreckage this is how it looks to have a life without a purpose i will tear down the barrier keeping us apart it will kill me and stop this broken heart *********** didnt think i knew all those big words did ya? I knew reading war and peace in the 8th grade paid off for something. anyways im off to put up soe decorations. yay for me!! |
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irate| youll never know the feeling of your first kiss sorry that youre gone i hope youre in a better place | ||||
| 02:00pm 27/10/2003 | ||||
i came home sick today and im really bored but i think i already established that fact. im suspended for the next 3days for ssuposedly taking 25 dollars from dorthys lunch account. my ass. i have money of my own and all the people that eat lunch with me told them i didnt take the money. and i paid them 25 dollars to leave me alone. oh well i have a vacation. plus noone thinks i did it except for dorthy and her mom and the administrators. im putting my next 3 days to good use. im making the yard all pretty for halloween. boo!! its going to look great. im downloading a bunch of songs for when i put my stereo outside.im so excited. well i need to clean stuff inside so i can devote the next 3 days to decorating. loves and ciao |
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| stop oh and wiggle with it | ||||
| 11:46am 26/10/2003 | ||||
i met up with an old friend. nicolet. everyone use to call her niki so i didnt know who she was until i met her. she use to hang out with jennifer before she got into heroine. aparently shes clean now. travis wouldnt date her if she was dirty. anyways just wanted to update so yall didnt feel like i was neglecting you. loves. |
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| broken down in my dead bedroom, stuttering to pictures of you | ||||
| 10:16am 15/10/2003 | ||||
im not going to do any house work because it has to look like i havent been here all day. im just going to tidie up my room because berts coming over today and we're going to have alittle "alone" time. no pillow kissing session tho (damn), he and i are sworn to a lifetime of chastity and virtue. or at least until we're married. :) after we have our "alone" time i have to run by c.o.a. to get my white fingernail polish from niki and i have to give her back her book that ive had since forever. im really kind of bored theres no one to talk to . i cant blast my music and dance around the house because the neighbors will tell my mom and ill be in deep shit. now i know how anne frank felt. mom being the nazi and me being anne frank. im on restriction by my dad. i was an hour late for curfew sunday and dad put me on restriction from robert until this sunday, but mom said if dads not here then robert can come over. dont you just love my mommy? sunday we went to the beach. the waves were mad crazy nice. and the water wasnt cold like it was the last time we were there together. it was romantic until we started getting ate alive by the sand flies. (not the fleas, but the flies) welp im off to see what my boundaries are for the day. lates and loves. |
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| honk if you like big hoo-hoos | ||||
| 08:38am 08/10/2003 | ||||
i really dont have anything to talk about but im bored. im waiting for ms. warden to get in because we're supposed to have a "private meeting" about me playing softball. i came in here yesterday and she asked me if i wanted to play softball this year and i told her no and she started yelling at me like i was walking the wrong way down the street or something. "why arent you playing!?! you know we need you as a third baseman(woman), ive been your coach since you were in the 8th grade and you and samantha get along so well i need you!" calm down. |
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| "being here with you makes me sane"-dashboard | ||||
| 03:53pm 06/10/2003 | ||||
to get ready for school today was brush my teeth and put on deodarant. i love spirit week. i put my big pink fussy hat on to cover the nappy head. this morning my house was the "hot place" to go if u needed pj pants. 1st kayla came over and took my Timberland pj pants that i stole off of travis. then Steven came over and borrowed dads pj pants, lets face it steve youre bigger than much of us, i.e. thats why youre a football player. then david came over and borrowed my purple pj pants. i kow what youre thinking.quite frugal this morning. :)i had to help him put them on because he broke his collar bone again playing football. then samantha came to pick me up this morning so we could skip 1st period and go eat at mc. ds. she needed a pair so she took my brandnew blue ones. when we signed in for school before homeroom i found out that i was nominated for homecoming princess. and then when i went to homeroom we had to vote on the best dressed for pj day and i got it because of the hat. so today has been awesome and a half. i didnt turn in any work today because im royalty and royalty doenst do work. just kidding. i didnt do ay work because i was lazy and all i did was think of lines for poems. so i have tons of work to do before i go to bed tonight. i was invited to go possum kicking this weekend with bret bouman and budda but i turned them down because sunday is robert and mines 1 yr anniversary. YAY!!!!!!!!!! well i need to go figre my outfit out for tomorrow so im off. byes. i have to poop. |
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| you could be my punk rock princess and i could be your garage band king | ||||
| 09:42pm 04/10/2003 | ||||
**dolls** City of blue tile Figure in Ceramics Where we reach out Grab for Porcelain But it's too fragile to hold And it shatters in our hands In time the seasons will seal these shards Into the slits that denote your wrists Death is the answer To calculations composed of motions that are the same And secret and different A missing alphabet with a message for us When people die They leave a piece of us with them And holes in clouds are minutes passing Rescind this line and several ties The skyline unfolds into explanation That sometimes words give up And silently walk off the edge of the page And here the cry opens up and reveals the word inside The crack in the porcelain The silent line of sky-lit eyes show Death up there shine more brightly than lives down here |
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| youre beautiful tonight | |||
| 09:16pm 04/10/2003 | |||
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im taking a poll for my creative writing class so if you read my journal leave me a meassage on here or email me asphyxiation_of_a_naked_surfer@hotmail.c thx. adieu |
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| so smile for awhile and lets be jollly i dont see why love has to be so melancholy | ||||
| 05:14pm 29/09/2003 | ||||
(9:33 p.m.) subject: lying next 2 hom as the rain drops kissing our naked skin music: the suicide machine: "i never promised you a rose garden" mood: poeticly beautiful :) sorry, its been a while since my last update. hurricane isabell hit us pretty bad for only being a catagory 2. we havent had power since wednesday morning and havent got back our phone yet because a small tree knocked down the line. bummer. we left wednesday morning and went to virginia to stay with some friends. man if it wont a full house. me, mom,dad,toni,james,melody,david,jennifer,k ive learned my lesson about drinking 7-11 coffee before you eat anything. goes through you like water. nasty... thursday night, after the worse part of the hurricane was over, we started to get on each others nerves and started to have mad crazy cabin fever. jennifer and i had to take david to get his refill meds on some kind of medicine because he had a panic attack from all the stuff that was going. trees were down everywhere. they lost pawer in virgina around 6:30 a.m. and they still havent got it back up down there. the neighbors that stayed told us that the power went out wednesday night around 8 and we just got it back an hour ago. cold showers all around. good times good times.you could hear mom in my shower last night about to cry because of the cold water. poor thing. NOTE TO EVERYONE: WE HAVE 3 CASES OF GALLONS OF WATER AND IF YOU NEED ANY CALL ME. robert went home to Creswell on wednesday and i havent talked to him since then. im getting worried. ive spent atleast $20 on long distance calls trying to get a hold of him. 10 10 987 dont help but so much.(ive been calling from greatgrandmas house) an old man hit our car tonight because he was in a hurry to get home before the curfew. he was making a right hand turn from a left hand lane and put a dent in our hood with his fender. he was 83 years old. what the hell are you doing driving at the age of 83 especially when you cant see over the dashboard? hes going to pay to get the scratches and the dent taken out of it. thank god. (we have curfew because there's still alot of places without power and people like to steal especially when its dark and you cant see so we have a curfew that we have to be in at 7 or we're going to get locked up.) now that the power is back on i have lots of stuff to do tomorrow. * fall in love with robert as i do every morning * wash bedsheets * sweep and mop * go jogging around 6 * clean bathroom * finish washing some clothes * find rest of my pens that i lost * clean kitchen * clean off computer desk * call robert and niki * vacuum living room and bedroom * pick up bedroom * finish writing journal entry for crt. wrt. and make copy for hn. eng. iii * help greatgrandma clean up yard ^^none of these are in numerical order^^ lots and lots to do. hopefully robert's phone will be working. i havent wrote alot of poetry lately. i think its because of the damn storm. (we have Hurricane Marty(since when did a hurricane get named after my best bud?) on its way in the next 2 weeks. yay for us.) im going to stay up late tonight and see if i cant write any. the last one i wrote was the one i wrote last sunday in church. ** i can see the flaws of heaven in your eyes ** these battle wounds have bled a thousand times for you and this only makes ita thousand and one you grind this dull rusted blade into the same empty every time you sit there with nothing to say time doesnt heal all wounds it has worsend this hole of infection in my heart the blood simmers as i grow angrier everyday i've veen brainwashed by your flaws of misunderstood happiness for too damn long i cant stand the look of your adorable face any longer your cheesy romantacism isnt working now (the sermon was on time not healing all wounds hense the inspiration) i also squeezed some lines out of my head wednesday before we left. sun starts to cry -- moon turns to rust -- till the stars fill my eyes and we share the last touch -- so smile for a while and lets be jolly love shouldnt be so melancholy (^isnt going to be a line in a poem but i thought it was funny) -- ive wasted most of my days chasing instead of catching and keeping the only one i chase is you now and sometimes i feel as if im running up hill just to get you to love me -- its too late to scream -- is it too late to heal? -- the beat of your heart beats me straight into the gournd well i have to empty the dishwasher. so im off. adieu... "parting is such sweet sorrow that i shall say, 'good night' 'til it be 'morrow." monday, sepember 22, 2003 (10:25 a.m.) subject: "procrastinate now. dont wait." ^ ellen degeneras music: yellowcard: "powder" mood: lazy i havent started cleaning yet. im such a procrastinator. i didnt do much writing last night. i was too tired and too hot. (our a.c. isnt working right we think the pinestraw is clogging it.) i think a got a couple of things down and i think i almost made a poem but it dont really sound right. ** parting is such sweet sorrow ** everything in shambles every piece of the puzzle isnt fitting using the scissors (dont think i spelled that right) to fit the pieces into the empty black holes super gluing them to fit waking to my empty arms spending the night hugging your picture your lingering smell slowly evaporating off my pillow as i kiss our memories goodnight the beating sound of your heart use to lie next to mine now the remnant sound of your beating heart is slowly beating me into the ground -------------- doesnt sound right,right? i havent had the emo mod to right poetry lately maybe if i listen to more emo itll hit me and i can write some later. anyways. i think maybe i need to start cleaning so i can lay around for the rest of the day. ciao. "good pilgrim, you do wrong your hand too much, which mannerly devotion shows in this, for saint have hands that pilgrims hands do touch, & palm to palm is holy palmers kiss." Sunday, september28,2003(1:41-2:39 am) music: nirvana: you know youre right mood: insomnia subject: if i could sleep forever id be of him i dream im sooooo bored. i want to sleep. i have nothing to do. i want to call bert but i cant because they're is no phone (and his grandparents would probably shoot me next week because im calling so late), i want to channel surf but i cant because theyre is no cable. damn the hurricane. damn the phone company. damn the cable company. damn the person who invented being bored. err... i even tried writing poetry. still aint(dont you love redneck ebonics) in the mood. i only got some few stupid lines. i watch your sleeping eyes and feel at peace with the world ---------------- lying next to him as he whispers,"you're my shooting star." ----------------- please use my body as i sleep ----------------- my lungs are fresh and yours too keep kept clean and they will let you breathe ------------------ the best part of what had happend was the part i must have missed --------------- i am too weak to be your cure ---------------- if dreams are made of these moments then why do i still have nightmares ---------------- unspeakable thoughts --------------- being with you is the only glimpse of heaven ill ever have --------------- avoiding situations that will show that youre not real all i want is the gift of forever in a big wrapped box topped with a pink ribbon ---------------- the reflection of this broken mirror seems to be distorted... ---------------------------------------- i miss the days when i use to be proud of poetry and i use to be good at writing. i think its because ive been too happy lately. i wish i was still an emo in the poetic sense. id rather feel crappy and write good poetry than to be happy and not write poetry. maybe if i stop taking those vitamins the doctor told me to take so ill start acting like i use to. not the spoiled brat type. but the calm, not always so happy, amy. i laugh way too much now. can you die from over laughing? maybe i should stop. i use to be so happy when it rained but now i hate rain. when it rains is when i usually get in my mood to write poetry. its raining now. and i want it to stop. when i use to have insomnia i would write mad crazy poetry. not now. now all i want to do is turn off the lights and go to sleep, but i cant because its raining and im waitng for the feeling of being poetic to hit me, damn feelubgs.i wish they were like a light switch. if they were id be emo poetic before school and turn it off during school. except during lunch, and after school turn it back on again. by-the -way, i almost had to eat lunch by myself friday because ashley and frances werent there. but then christopher happend to be there with jeremiah so they ate with me. before the two of them got there i had to argue with some stupid freshmen who wanted to sit in MY booth. they know that only upper-classmen can sit in the booths, unless the lower-classmen are invited to sit in them. what were they thinking? i know how they feel, sortof, when i was a freshmen i wanted to sit at the booths. but then i started to talk to the upper-classmen, bret bowman. god he was soo hot. he still is. i saw him the other day, he came to school to get his s.a.t. scores from student services and came to lunch to see his friends. he hugged me. i always use to love his hugs, before robert, they were so nice and tight, and warm. he hugged me like he ment it, which i knew he did. he use to come into my fourth period when i was a sophmore and sit there and watch the movies with me. he use to joke frances and i use to get onto him about it, but then i realized how all the things he said about her to some extent were true. ok, amy stop thinking about bret, those days are over, you can have the love affair with robert anytime you want. robert and i had one of those romantic dates today, which i really laughed alot (damn smiles), we went out to eat, went to muddys, and then went to the park and layed in his back seat and just held each other. it was wonderful. see, these are the only times i want to laugh, when hes not around whats the point of being happy? i wish i could turn off my brain and go to sleep. theres nothing memorable coming out of them, besides the documentary on serial killer movie i watched the other, which is something i dont want to remember because it scares the begees out of me. its been a really long time since ive had something scare me that bad, and now since ive watched that movie thats all i can think about (besides robert, of course). i think it scared me so much because it was a true story, and its scares me how there could really be someone out there like that. cannibal, stalker, cut-your-head-off-and-stick-your-head-in-a-j i havent said one cus word today until i started writing. see what being deprived of so many things but being scared by one thing can do to a person. (i start scratching at the walls like a prisoner. let me out of here before i become someones bald bitch called bertha. nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.) i went shopping the other day, i had to get a skirt for church when i go to roberts church to see him preach next sunday. im so proud. (sniff. sniff. i need a tissue. i also got a new pair of sunglasses because my other ones broke so i went and got a pair just like the ones that broke except they're brown. well im going to try and sleep. pray for me. NOTE TO SELF: PRAY MORE. ciao. "im singing to my goat and he ate my shirt." fred durst. "if we are what we eat, then theres a chance i could be you tomorrow." -dohmer (off the serial killer movie) sunday.september 28, 2003 (7:42 p.m.) mood: upset and cranky oh yeah and bored music: she thinks my tractor's sexy subject: "i was with you when you baught your first pair of sneaks, converse i think."-jill scot "i'm bored" is beinning to become my theme song. maybe i should throw on a batman cape and start a t.v. show. "duna duna nuna nuna bored girl! she's slower than a snapping turtle with a broken hip who needs an enema."ill use my cat as a sidekick, no no, robert will be my sidekick, chicken boy!!! "cluck cluck" i should get "im bored" tattoo upside down and backwards on my forhead. think id get alot of attention? roberts having a kick ass time at the tobey keith concert right now and im stuck at home watching the blue screen prjected onto my bed because i forgot to urn of my v.c.r. he's supposed to be here. damn him. damn tobey keith. stupid redneck. ive watched the same movies for the past two weeks and im bored. i know the movies by heart. i was watching rogers and hammersteins "cinderella" (the really old one, not the one with brandy in it) and i noticed that i knew every word to the songs they were singing. i need a life. no erase that i have a life, i need more moives. i need a phone. i need cable. i need to shower i stink. it just hit me, maybe the concert was cancelled on a count of rain. it was raining earlier. maybe, just,maybe. na it wont because he wouldve stoped here on the way home. what time did the concert start? we saw dorthy last night at muddys and she wasnt stuck up frances' ass, suprisingly. i havent seen a hide or hair of franny since school got out because of the hurricane, not that im worried. i havent seen melissa, im alittle worried now. maybe i should call. how? damn phone company (ive said that for the thousnth time.) im so bored i even miss going to ms. farrers foods and nutirtion class. lord knows that women is annoying. QUESTION OF THE DAY: IF ITS A FOODS AND NUTRITIONS CLASS THEN WHY ARENT WE COOKING GOOD FOOD INSTEAD FRYING THINGS. i miss my attitude i use to have about life before i started going out with robert. dont get me wrong i love being with robert and i love the feeling i get when im around him. but i mean before he and i started dating i use to go out with friends and stuff like that and now i dont anymore. i stay at home because i dont want to miss his calls. and i dont turn him down when he wants to come over because he might get mad at me like i get mad at him when he says he is going to come over and then doesnt. i feel like im becoming the "beck and call girl" and thats not what i want. i forgot where i was going with this conversation.sometimes i wish that i could just give him part of my brain so he could see what i really want. not material wise but i mean when he tries to act sweet to me. i love when he plays around and stuff but thats all he really is doing is playing around i wish he could be more serious when it comes to being sweet. he uses the same old cleche` lines when hes being sweet. its not getting old and i know this is probably gong to hurt his feelings when he reads this but i need to put that out for someone to know. i just wish he could make up some more lines more creative lines but if he doesnt i ll be just as happy with him and ill love him just as much. well i need to go do the dishes. ciao. " i prepared a lecture on why i have to leave." |
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| reflection of the distorted | ||||
| 07:54am 10/09/2003 | ||||
umm... i have an eye apt. at 9:30 i might be getting contacts and getting rid of my funky rectangular rimed glasses. ain't like i wear them anyway. ill probably wont wear the contacts either. defeats the whole purpose of me going to the eye doc today dont it? i wrote a poem in church the other day. **PRAY** The shards of glass Used to cut away At the hands That are clenched tightly together Blood dripping down to the white carpet But still they hold tight as glue Never to break Only to stay tied forever And for always... ------------------------------ heres another one **without wings** Recession of these thoughtless forms Nightmares and stale bed sheets Are what im reduced to -- I was your angel The doese of medicine Kindering to your broken heart -- I'm your lap dog Lingering on your every word And all you do is push me away -- We had the "suto-quazy" happy existence Now we're the melting ice cream on an 8 year olds popsickle stick Unhappy With sugarcoated commercial smiles Plasterd on our emotionless faces -- Can't we go back to hello? -------------------------------- welp im off to get dressed. ciao |
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awake| cant drag me away | ||||
| 02:59pm 06/09/2003 | ||||
Is that my life is pretty plain I like watchin' the puddles gather rain All I can do Is just pour some tea for two And speak my point of view But it's not sane -- I just want someone to say to me I'll always be there when you wake I'd like to keep my cheeks dry today Stay with me and I'll have it made -- I don't understand why I sleep all day And I start to complain that there's no rain All I can do is read a book to stay awake It rips my life away -- You don't like my point of view You think I'm insane |
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bertandernie |
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