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I love her. So much that sometimes it really does fuckin' scare me. To me, she is the epitome of perfection. The Snow White to her Prince Charming. She is the center of the universe. What the fuck was I thinking, thinking that it was okay to be attracted to someone who could never come close to her (No offense)? She is my wife, my girlfriend, my crush, my playmate, my lover, my best friend. She is my idol. Everything I could ever want to be lies in her.
Tenderness, loving, sweet, strong, determined, all around perfect. To me, she could do no wrong. To me, she is everything that anyone could ever wish to be, but could never be because she is who she is and I would never change her for anything. She's beautiful, she's smart, she's charming. She's Brody Armstrong Madden. My care-giver. My hope, my faith, my answered prayer.
I've been stumbling in the dark so long, just this dark tunnel with seemingly no end to any of it. I fell, face-down, in the dirt and when I stood up and brushed the dirt off my knees, she was still there. This invisible ray of light, but nevertheless, she was there. And even though I hit her with this fist packed with pain and hurt, she smiled at me and told me she still loved me. To you, she may look like an average sorta girl, wild an' free, angry at the world, pistol-packed wi' insults tha' could make even the hardest person bleed, but to me, she is the most beautiful, most perfect person ever created under the careful hands of God. He shaped her so perfectly, wi' the curves in the right places an' with the personality tha' could do battle wi' even the sweetest angel. She'd win, no fuckin' contest.
Maybe I've been takin' her for granted. Actually, there ain't no maybe 'bout it. I know I have. There I was fuckin' around, bein' a jackass an' basically juss havin' the time of my life bein' a fuckin' asshole an' she was there for me to run to. Never pushin' me, always patient wi' these arms I know strong enough to catch me if I stepped off a buildin' an' fell.
Bein' married to someone Heaven-sent has changed my entire life. I'm wi' someone so fuckin' perfect tha' I swear if this was a dream an' I woke up, I'd be absolutely fuckin' devastated. Women like her... they don't juss come along everyday. You think you know everythin' there is to know about everythin' until you meet her. ------------------------
Fuck.
Brody, I love you so much baby. An' I'm sorry for what I put you through. If I had a chance to do it again, I wouldn't. I don't know what the fuck you saw in me, but I won't let you down that way ever again. There are so many things 'bout myself I wish I could change for you. To make you see tha' I'm very worth every damn inch of your love tha' you give so freely. You humble me so much, I never thought I'd ever find someone like you. In my entire 24 years of breathin' the air in this lifetime, I never fuckin' thought, never even concieved the notion tha' I could be so lucky to have you.
I'm so sorry. I never meant to hurt you, please believe that. An' please forgive me. I know I don't deserve your forgiveness, an' I know that I deserve the fact that you gotta question how I feel 'bout you, but I can't question myself because I know how I feel 'bout you an' I know how I feel 'bout everyone else. The way I feel for you will never come close to anythin'. I'm tryin' so fuckin' hard not to start fuckin' cryin' but it's a losin' battle because even as I'm sittin' here, tryin' to tell you how I feel in so many words, the tears are right there, poolin' beneath my eyelids.
I know yesterday, things seemed fine between us but even as I laid in bed besides you, in tha' small bunk we'd been callin' home since we first got together, I knew things weren't ok until I took this off my chest. I know tha' deep inside you, you're still hurt by what I did, or by what I almost did. I could still see the small flicker of hurt in your eyes whenever you looked at me. Baby, I know you better than I know myself an' if I could take away tha' hurt tha' I saw in your eyes, I'd do it in a heartbeat.
When I thought I lost you because of my stupidity, I cried. I cried so hard I really thought tha' I'd never be ok again. I cried myself to sleep, I even cried when I woke up because I didn't wanna fuckin' lose you. I kept expectin' a phone call from someone, tellin' me tha' you had filed for a divorce. I would never want that. It scares the shit outta me how much I've changed durin' this time tha' Ive known you, but you've changed me in a good way. At least now I know wha' true love is. An' at least now I know the true face of love. I see it everytime I look at your face.
Now everytime I touch you, I feel like I could start cryin' all over again because I juss can't believe tha' you're still here wi' me. Tha' you could still look me in tha face an' say you love me. When you asked if I still loved you, it killed me. I'm sorry. God, please juss forgive me. I love you so much. I'm never goin' to hurt you again. I'm goin' to try to never make you mad at me anymore.
IRUTLDJFLKJA. I'm goin' to stop typin' now 'cause I can't see the keyboard anymore through these fuckin' tears.
I love you Brody. Please trust in my love again.
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