| L-I-F-E |
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| 09:33am 22/02/2006 |
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mood:  satisfied music: Cold-Crossfade
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well, i live in burlington iowa now, and i like it here ok. i had a roommate that i had in college as a friend, and she kind of used me...she had a job for about a month and then she got laid off-and laid around my house, eating my food and messing up my new apartment...so we (me and gary-my other roommate) kicked her out...now its just me and gary. he's awesome. he puts up with my anger issues, even though he's the one that makes me angry most of the time.....he's gay though, so my mom really approves of us living together, which is a first with me living with a guy. anyway, we live in this really nice apartment, but we are moving here in a few months to ottumwa so we can get settled and have a job and stuff so we can start school, we are going into getting a business together....but that's all for now, i have to be quick, i have a time limit... |
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| doo-wop |
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| 09:08am 06/04/2005 |
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mood: pleased music: Ludacris - Roll Out
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hey all, i changed my mind about that howard guy, he's the best looking hunk of meat in iowa i think....lol anyway, the other night at work, the machines all around mine kept breaking, and so i got to stare at him for like twelve hours, awesome....lol anyway, that tim guy is still flirting with me and stuff, but that's ok, he's married....
to other things, i went to ben's last night, and we talked alot....and then we had sex....i thought that joe was good at the whole oral thing.....i about climbed the walls last night....*sigh* his sex isnt that good, but the other is awesome.... anyway, i dont think that we are ever going to get back together, but that's ok, i dont really want to go out with him, i love him and all, but i think it's best we stay this way...anyway, i have to get pasto up and around, maybe i can take a nap when he does....i'm dog-tired.... |
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| *snore* |
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| 12:53pm 03/04/2005 |
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mood:  tired music: Ashlee Simpson - Shadow
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hey all, i havent wrote in a while and i'm sorry...the whole thing with me and travis didnt work out, he wasnt ready to grow up and be an adult about everything, including getting a job, so i broke up with him and now he lives in charles city with a friend....anyway, i have a job now, i like it, but it wears me out so bad and at the end of the night, i just want to walk out and not come back, and when i woke up today for a little bit (still awake, going back to bed here shortly) my muscles hurt so bad and my hips were catching really bad too....i looked like a really fat really old lady trying to walk after sitting for days.....but it's already loosening up...anyway, the point to this whole thing is to say that there is someone at work that i used to know a long time ago, and then i had a small thing for him, and now he's older and he's still nice, even though he's been given a hell of a lot of shit over the years, he's still got the same niceness as he had a long time ago....i dont know how he's doing it...anyway, they let me alone to work by myself last night for about two thirds of the night and me, just starting, kept not being able to set up boxes for the stuff i was making and stuff, and when he'd see that one of mine were getting full, he'd either come and pull the full one back and set up a new one or he'd send someone else to do it....and i was so grateful for that....but i started to be able to keep up with it all and do it all myself...and this one time, he just comes over and picks up this peice of wood that had broken off of one of the pallets and throws it away....he couldnt even see it from his machine, i dont know why he did that...but he walked passed me and he smells really good too...................................to other things, there is this other guy too, his name is tim, and the first thing he said to me was, "haha ha ha" because i was telling this chick that started the same night as me that i burnt my thumb, and he laughed at me, but then i asked him his name because he was good looking...and about that time, i noticed he had a wedding band on, so i thought "ok, i'll leave him alone" but later on that night, he was working on the same machine as me and he kept flirting with me....but now everytime he sees me he gives me this weird look and grins at me....lol.....one more guy to write about and then i'm going back to bed.....his name is horrible.....howard oliver....and now that i've seen his face, that's not too attractive either, but he has the most fabulous ass i've ever seen.....and that's all i have to say about that....i have two days off tomorrow night and the night after, so if i can make it tonight, then i'll be good to go again....anyway, off i go to go to sleep again.....toodles all |
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| Gabriel |
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| 06:45pm 10/03/2005 |
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mood:  loved music: Southpark Theme Song
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Hey there, I've decided that the whole thing between Joe and I....I'm glad it came to an end....I don't think that I was totaly ready to be in a family situation, like he said....he is being a dick to my family and kind of rude to me also....that's fine, his electricity is gone tomorrow if he don't do anything about it and the cable is gone tomorrow also....
As for me and Gabriel...I love him so much, I'm so glad that he's finally realized it...he's so incredible, I love him... |
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| fucking bastard.... |
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| 03:02pm 05/03/2005 |
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mood:  hungry music: Theme song to Fresh Prince of BelAire
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hey all, me and joe are done...the fucking bastard was cheating on me...
here is the story....
he gets this job, which is all fine and dandy, but then about a month into it, he starts staying away longer and just going to bed when he did come home....well, last friday, he didnt come home till like eleven at night...and when he did, he's all like i'm sorry i had to work late and then i went over to my friend paul's house and accidently fell asleep on his couch...and i was like, and you couldnt call and at least tell me where you were? and he was like, no it's long distance and my phone wasnt turned on yet....i said that there was such things as payphones still...anyway, i started being suspious that night...but then the next morning i took kaylee to church, and on the way home, mom asked if i could stay for lunch, and i called joe and asked him if it was ok with him and he said yeah...so i go and i'm in the middle of helping mom make lunch and he calls (his phone was turned on then) and says he wants me to come and get him and he'll take me back to moms and he wants to go out to pauls and drink...i was like at two in the afternoon? and he makes up some story..so now i'm pissed and i go get him and let him have the car and he takes kaylee with him, which i thought was kind of strange, he says that he'll only be gone a few hours....that was at like two thirty...he didnt call, or come back till midnight....so i was really pissed.....i went right to bed when we got home....he comes in about a half an hour later and starts bitching at me because i didnt go out to the living room because he wanted to talk to me.....but we went to bed and sunday morning i got up and went to start cleaning the house and i start to find little shit that told me that there was someone in our apartment the night before....there was a cup holder from hardees there and two straw holders on the floor....i asked him where they came from and he said i dunno....and i yelled at him for it....then i went on cleaning and i went into the bedroom and noticed that the bottom blanket was made on our bed but the top one was fucked up...and this part of the story dont fit, maybe it was a later time i seen that but it happened at some point...and i started folding cloths and when i got done, i was putting it all away, and when i got to my underwear, i opened my drawer and a pair of his pants were stuffed in my drawer...well shit pretty much hit the fan that day...but he straightened me out and i was ok...then later that evening, he asked me what i was planning on doing the next night, and i was like, nothing, why are you going to go stay at pauls? and he was like yeah..i was going to....and i was like whatever....so we went to bed...and the next morning, i got up with him and got him off to work, and he said he'd call me when he got off work to tell me what was going on...well he did and then right after that i was making kaylee clean her room and she comes out and says that she shouldnt have to clean all of it up because she didnt make all the mess, and i said well then who did? and she told me there was a little red headed kid there....i was like did someone bring him? and she said yeah that a girl had brought him...i asked her if it was an older girl, and she said yeah she was big like you....and i asked her if her daddy had done anything to her and she said yeah that they were kissing on the couch.....well that pissed me off really bad, and so i called joe and really bitched him out about it, and he denied it....but then i asked him what paul's last name was and he didnt know....i told him that when he got to pauls that he needed to ask him and call and tell me so i could call him and see if their stories matched...he said ok....and then he never called me the rest of the night....as all of the night was happened, i was talking to the girl he broke up with to go out with me, we have started talking and are pretty good friends....she thought i should call his parents and tell them what was going on so if they thought that kaylee should get out of that situation, they could come and get her....anyway, i get a phone call from his dad at like eleven...and then joe called me at like six in the morning, telling me that he was really pissed because i talked to jean (the ex g/f) about all of this...and when he got home that night he sent kaylee outside and then told me pretty much that he and i were over because i jepordized his relationship with his daughter by talking to jean about it....and i was like fine i'll pack my stuff and leave then...so i go and start to get all my shit out of the closet and stuff, and i found like four pairs of my underwear that had been laying on the ground, and a nightgown that i had wore friday night, all stuffed into the bottom of the closet....and then i found the one and only picture of me that joe had had on our bedroom wall, kind of crumpled up and stuffed into the closet too, and i took it out to him and asked why in the fuck the picture was in the closet and he said that he didnt know that it probably fell off the wall, and i said, yeah, it fell, grew legs and ran to the closet and dug itself into a hole and hid in there...he said he didnt know how it got there...so i continued to pack my stuff, and he just watched me....when i got it all done pretty much, i sat in the chair and said something that made him deny all of it again, and i was like, joe, it's done and over with, why in the fuck are you still denying it? it's not like you need to hide it anymore....he's all like, ok, you wanna hear it, i've been fucking someone else for the past two weeks.....and i was like ok, that's all i needed to know....and i left....i called travis on the way out of town and he told me to come and visit him, and so i did, and he came back here with me and he's going to get an apartment with me here in centerville and we are going to work to pay off my bills and then we are going to try and go to the job corps in st paul minnesoda....but he's so happy that we are going to try this again, he tells me every day that he's so happy that i gave him another chance.....and i'm glad too. he makes me feel good about myself....he calls me goregous all the time...i dont think so, but i'm still glad...lol anyway, i need to go, i have to wake him up... |
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| total confusion |
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| 08:14pm 17/02/2005 |
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mood:  confused music: Limp Bizkit - Behind Blue Eyes
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oh-----my life is a living hell right now....my aunt died last weekend, and i've been at her house for the past week and let me tell you, planning a funeral around having like four guys trying to get in your pants, that is really stressful....there is joe, whom i love with all my heart, and i believe that he is the right choice for me, but sometimes he makes me so mad, and the fact that he has no sexual desire anymore is really putting a strain on me....and then there is travis....i just dont know what to think about him, he wants me to make the choice that is right for me, and i think that he thinks that i'm thinking that he's the right choice....then there is ben, he told audrey that he wants me to break up with joe so he can have a chance at going back out with me, and then there is josh, who just came around yesterday. i honestly like him still, i dont know why but he makes me feel all flustered when i even look at him....the way he looks at me just makes me all jumbled inside....anyway, i'm gonna get going we need to get to bed soon, i have to get up early....toodles for now |
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| why in the fuck is my life like this.... |
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| 10:02pm 10/02/2005 |
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mood: confused music: Marilyn Manson - Sweet Dreams
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well all, it's been about a year since i heard from travis, actually it's been a year since all of the shit between us went all to hell, and yesterday i get an email from amanda saying that he wants me to call him....well me and joe are still together, and pretty happy, we argue alot, mostly about money, but we are generally happy. but i was hesitant to call travis because i was pretty sure that his girlfriend had left him...and i was right. we talked a while. he flirted with me alot....which was fine, i told him that i was (pretty) happy with joe and that we were really trying to make a life together, and he started saying that never mind about any of the flirting and stuff, but i told him that nothing is certian...and he said that he was suprised that i would even consider giving him another chance, and i told him that i was the one that dumped him first....but anyway, for now, this is all, i'm going to bed....i just wanted to say i'm really confused at the moment.... |
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| hey all |
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| 04:53pm 14/01/2005 |
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mood:  contemplative music: none
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hey all, i know it's been a hell of a long time, but i havent had the internet forever. not much is different, i'm still with joe and we are looking for a car, ours died. he has a job, but no car for when he starts. but anyway....i'm gonna get going that's all that's new, so that's it and that's all for now |
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| chariton.... |
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| 08:53am 10/11/2004 |
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mood:  okay music: Maroon 5 - She Will Be Loved
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well, i went up there, for like 4 days....the first night was ok, it was just like i said, shaggin till we fell asleep...*grin* but then the second day, his sister came over and immediatly reamed him a new asshole because he wasnt supposed to have people over night...so we had to go and stay in a hotel for like 3 days. we got a car....and now i'm back at sheena's, we almost have an apartment in chariton, my home town, and we are going today to look for jobs. his sister has his daughter till we get all settled down and are sure that we are going to stay together, but that's the best thing for now, so we dont have to keep dragging her everywhere and keeping her out of school, but anyway, i'm gonna get going because we are going to ottumwa before we go to chariton to look for a job, so i'll talk to ya'll later... |
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| i'm leavin---on a jet plane |
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| 01:06am 02/11/2004 |
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mood: indescribable music: Elton John - I'm Leavin' On A Jet Plane
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welps all, i'm leaving for the great unknown tomorrow...i'm moving to cedar rapids with my boyfriend, who i've known less time than i'd like to, but i'm in love with him and he says he loves me more, lol, so i'm going to take this huge leap of faith and trust that everything will turn out ok...i'm just so scared that we wont be able to find a place to live before his parents get back in like a week and a half....i'm praying with all my being that we find not only that but a decent vehicle to drive back and forth to and from work with....i've already pretty much got a job lined up if i want it, but i'm thinking i'm going to try and get something that i'm certified in before i go to the fork-lifter driver....lol i cant even immagine myself on one of those....but i'm so tired, i need to sleep but i dont think i could even if i tried, i have so much stuff to do and so little time to do it in, when you really come down and think about it, come this time tomorrow, me and joe will prolly have already been shaggin for hours and wore ourselves out and are sleeping...lol i love him so much, and i cant wait to be able to have him hold me in his grasp....he feels so good up close to me and when he sighs into my shoulder and says he loves me in my ear, it just makes me the happiest person in the world....i love him so much....but i'm so scared that he's just gonna get bored with me like everyone else has....but he promised me when he left sheena's on saturday, that he would do everything in his power to make this work and if that didnt work, then we'd try even harder, he swore, and he sounded so sinciere that it made me cry....*sigh* i just cant wait to be able to be there and have himhold me and tell me he loves me.....well, i need to get going, i'm going to sit and perhaps watch a movie for a little bit before i go on with my packing.....i need to take a shower and do my last load of laundry too....but i cant do that till 8.....so i'll talk to ya'll later....~*Alicia*~ |
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| joe joe joe joe joe joe joe joe joe |
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| 06:49pm 31/10/2004 |
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mood:  restless music: Jessica SImpson - Take My Breath Away
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welps, i might be moved up to cedar rapids by the end of next week, that would be so awesome, i cant wait till i get to have him all to myself and not have to rely on jean to take him to work and stuff....i just hope i can get a way up there....i'll take the bus if i have to....it'll be next week before i have the money to do that tho...i'll talk to joe about it tomorrow.....anyway, he's tired of having to rely on her too, he cant wait for this all to be out in the open....*sigh* i just hope and pray that he's telling the full truth about loving me and wanting to make the best life for me him and kaylee. anyway, i'm gonna get going, jonny depp calls....lol ttyl later |
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| rofl |
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| 10:13pm 30/10/2004 |
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mood:  devious music: Maroon 5 - She Will Be Loved
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hey there everyone.....i've had such a good day....joe did come last night, and i had the best time with him....we started a movie (dawn of the dead) which he's really been wanting to see, and we barely got past the starting credits.....*grin* anyway, we went to sleep around 1:30am, and then i got back up at three because one of my friends tried to talk to me on here and i got donged awake. but we went to church this morning....had some fun, kaylee was being really good and everything, then we went to my moms for lunch, my mom likes him i think, she likes his daughter...but anyway, after we ate and visited for awhile, we went to ottumwa, and we got him a decent cell phone...for which i'm really thankful...now i dont have to wait for him to get more minutes on his phone to be able to talk to him....but after that we went to my brothers and visited for awhile...then we went home to sheena's....we talked for awhile.....then his dad called and shit about hit the fan......but for now everything is ok....but i just got a call from him and he's told me that kaylee just puked all over the car and that she has a temp and stuff and that they might have to stay at jean's tonight and that kind of bothers me, but i'm gonna trust him, because i dont really think that he would do anything, it's more her that i'm worried about.....but i understand that kaylee is sick and that he dont want her covered in puke for any longer than she has to be.....she puked all over the blanket that i made for him....which kind of sucks, but it'll be ok.....anyway, i'm gonna get going.....i just thought that i'd let you all know what was goin on.....ttyl |
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| *biting nails* |
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| 08:03pm 29/10/2004 |
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mood:  nervous music: Nelly and Tim Mcgraw - Over and Over
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hey there, i'm at sheena's and i'm waiting for joe to get here, and he hasnt called or anything since this morning, everything was ok then, but now i'm getting nervous....i really want him to be here so i know that everything went ok....i dont really want to be here by myself all night and tomorrow night too....it's so boring, and austin keeps being grouchy. i just want him to be here so i can have someone to snuggle with, i have still like three hours before i can really start to worry....he said he might not be here till eleven, so i'll be ok (pretty much) till then, welps, i'm gonna get going, i'll write more tomorrow and tell what happens....ttyl |
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| joe joe joe joe joe joe joe |
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| 06:19pm 24/10/2004 |
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mood: content music: Savage Garden - I Knew I Loved You Before I Met You
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hee hee.....i'm so happy with joe....he makes me feel like a person again....i'm so excited that he likes me and loves me the way i am, he dont care that i'm not skinny heiffer material....and he, i dunno really how to explain it....it's just there...i guess i understand some of what people talk about now, about the person they love..... |
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| oh man |
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| 06:25pm 23/10/2004 |
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mood: exhausted music: Maroon 5 - She Will Be Loved
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i just got done spending the most incredible 10-12 hours of my life with this guy...his name is joe, and he's awesome. i called him last night, he's been trying to get a way down here from cedarrapids for like 2 weeks, and he said last night that he had a car....welps, he started here (a 3-4 hour trip) around one...he didnt get here till like 4:30....in the morning. we talked for a little bit, and then we started a movie i bought the other day, we layed down and then started watching the movie.....didnt get more than a few minutes into it, when he turns and starts kissing me....i've been getting ravaged from then till about 3:30 this afternoon....then he had to drive all the way home....we talked when he got home, and he's feeling some wierd feelings that he's never felt before....and i'm feeling some too, that are similar to the ones that i've had, but different on so many levels.....he's telling this chick that's been bugging him to date her forever tonight that he wants to just get left alone.....anyway, he's over there right now, telling her, and i'm getting nervous and i think i'm gonna go call him because he just signed off and i'm not sure what's going on.....toodles |
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| oh man |
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| 06:25pm 23/10/2004 |
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mood: exhausted music: Maroon 5 - She Will Be Loved
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i just got done spending the most incredible 10-12 hours of my life with this guy...his name is joe, and he's awesome. i called him last night, he's been trying to get a way down here from cedarrapids for like 2 weeks, and he said last night that he had a car....welps, he started here (a 3-4 hour trip) around one...he didnt get here till like 4:30....in the morning. we talked for a little bit, and then we started a movie i bought the other day, we layed down and then started watching the movie.....didnt get more than a few minutes into it, when he turns and starts kissing me....i've been getting ravaged from then till about 3:30 this afternoon....then he had to drive all the way home....we talked when he got home, and he's feeling some wierd feelings that he's never felt before....and i'm feeling some too, that are similar to the ones that i've had, but different on so many levels.....he's telling this chick that's been bugging him to date her forever tonight that he wants to just get left alone.....anyway, he's over there right now, telling her, and i'm getting nervous and i think i'm gonna go call him because he just signed off and i'm not sure what's going on.....toodles |
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| welps..... |
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| 07:05am 18/10/2004 |
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mood:  good music: Perfect - Simple Plan
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well, i dont really dig the whole david thing any more, for one, all he does anymore is ask me for money...which i dont like, i know when i can send it, and he knows when i can send it, so he dont really need to ask me.....second of all, he's really still too immateure for me, i need an older person that's not after sex all the time....and i think that i've found that person....his name is kevin, and i work with him....he's older...not gonna say how much, but old enough....he's black, which is really cool....i dunno, we talk alot, and i guess he tried for about a week and a half to catch my attention before he finally had to do something pretty drastic to get it...lol but we talk now, and he is most awesome....anyway, just thought i'd write something because i know that it's been a long time.....ttyl |
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| *sniffle* |
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| 10:38am 26/09/2004 |
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mood: blah music: Limp Bizkit - Behind Blue Eyes
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i miss david so bad, i want to just go see him and be able to have him hug me and kiss me and tell me that the time is going fast....*sigh*
i got my hair done this weekend...it was black, like really black and getting fairly long again, but i cut it off pretty short and spent 6 hours in the salon trying to get the black shit off...took like 70 bucks just to dye it and bleach it back to some sort of light/medium red....but it's all worth it, i dont look like a gothy heiffer anymore...lol....well i have homework and stuff to do plus try to go see david today, so i'm gonna go, talk to ya'll laters... |
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| *sighs with relief* |
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| 11:34pm 17/09/2004 |
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mood: relieved music: ICP - Evil Eye
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hey there....so i went to go see him....when i got there, you have to sign in and wait for them to get him into the visiting room....so i sat there and waited for 15 of the longest minutes of my life!! i was so terrified that he wasnt going to want to see me....but then they called me in...when i walked into the vising room, he saw me, and his whole face just lights up.....i walked up to him, and he gave me the biggest hug....and told me we got table 29....we go and sit down and asked me why i was there that day, that he thought that i was supposed to be comming on sunday....i told him that my roommate said she'd bring me today...but she has to work on sunday...which i dont, but i did today...anyway, we talked...about everything with the whole cheating thing, he's so understanding...he just told me that he was really mad when he first found out, that he wrote me a letter, telling me that he wasnt sure that he even wanted to see me ever again, but that he was just venting, and that he ripped it up and threw it away...well that made me cry....he just smiled at me and said that it wasnt anything to cry about....we talked a little about job corps, he wants to go when he gets out...and since by the time that he does get out, and since i dont have a direction in life yet....and i've been gone from there for a year, i was thinking of maybe comming back and doing some more trades....but i'm not sure...i did ask him if they would tell him about a month or so ahead of time when he was going to get out, and he goes "yeah, why?" so i told him to tell me when he got told, because i was going to save up some money and when he got out, i was taking 3-4 days off of work and school, and we are going to get a hotel/motel....and not come out of the room for like the whole time....*grin* he just looked at me and smiled.....i actually told him i loved him today, he is the only person that i've ever had trouble saying that to, i've written it to him so many times, but when i go to say it, i just cant do it....steph said something about maybe it was because i cared so much about him, that i just couldnt do it....i dunno. anyway, i think i'm going to try and go see him on sunday too, if my brother will take me up there to do it.....well i'm gonna get going, i'm tired |
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| er... |
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| 09:40am 17/09/2004 |
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mood: nervous music: Nickelback's - Someday
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hey there, i'm just getting ready to go see david....i'm so nervous....i'll write to say what's goin on when i get back... |
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