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Wednesday, May 24th, 2006
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6:33p - make it happen
I’m not myself these days. At work my mind goes into a deep trance, because I'm robotic typing and not really thinking about what is going on around me, almost like a meditation. That’s why I have so many good ideas at work. Like really deep stuff that makes a lot of sense in explaining life. But once I want to write it down, and as soon as I come home, IT’S GONE.
This house alienates me. Drains me. Sucks the life out of me. But guess what? I’m fighting back. I will bring life and light to this house.
No bad vibe will put me down. I’m stronger than that. I have my guides to help me.
I am an intelligent person, with good principles and a pure heart.
I was almost letting myself get down again, but then the confidence hit me. I must fight this back, I’m not old; I am young and full of creative energy.
I must challenge my creativity and good will and make good things out of it.
As the message from Hestia I must “reclaim my independent spirit.”
I can make and do, and be, anything I want. It’s in me, the strength.
I have so much to give. I can even choose to keep it for myself, or I can express it without fear of being judged.
If I don’t express this energy, it would be as if it never existed, or it will destroy me, making me crazy.
I’m busting with good ideas, but that’s not good enough just to have an idea. I have to make it happen. I have to think big and reach for what I want. I must embrace my life.
MAKE IT HAPPEN. What a good advice. That’s all I need.
I really like the idea of being a writer. It suits me so well with my over creative imagination. All those times that I spent imagining situations in my mind. I can challenge it and make something that will keep me satisfied, and may even help other people in the so many lessons in life that I have to demonstrate.
I can leave my mark in this world and for good reasons. And I will make myself a better person in the process. I will learn with myself.
I don’t think I’m really LAZY; I’m just a person that can’t be bothered to do anything. I’m comfortable being on the top of the wall, not choosing a side, not getting myself involve, so them I wont get hurt. And it all boils down to FEAR.
I must face and acknowledge my weakness, so them I will recognize my strengths, and learn from my own experiences, by understanding myself.
I am afraid of expressing my true feelings and opinions, because I fear what people would think of me.
I am afraid of getting involved, becoming to close to people, and getting hurt, or hurting someone’s feeling.
Sometimes it takes a true friend to ‘hit you in the face’, and hurt your feelings by telling you the truth. I should not be scared of having problems in my life because the least that I can do its deal with my problems.
Sometimes I don’t like people that are ‘too much in your face’, trying to prove themselves all the time, begging to be the centre of the attention, and thinking that they are so deep, helpful and intelligent.
But guess what? I’m seeing a mirror of myself. Someone could say the same about me if I spoke what is in my mind. No one knows that I think I’m so deep, helpful and intelligent because I don’t let anyone know that. I keep it to myself.
But I notice a quite interesting pattern lately. Every time I have a discursion with someone, and we don’t agree with each other, and some time goes bye and we have some time to think and realize that maybe the other person had a point.
I’m not that antisocial, really. I just don fit in with the majority of people. Like in conversations, instead of getting to know peoples personal information, like age, address and belongings, I prefer to get to know the person’s personality.
One thing that I can truly say is that I am not superficial. I know too well not to judge a book by the cover. Which is quite interesting, considering my “chosen profession”, an illustrator, making the cover of the book looking so good that people wont worry about what is inside and buy it anyway.
It’s the same for John. He is like me a lot once it comes to being a deep person that doesn’t really care about material belongings and showing off to others. John always considered peoples feeling, unless when he is stressed, then he turn argumentative and sacartic. But give him a break, his only human.
current mood:  accomplished (comment on this)
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