"'til i created so much motherfucking turbulance!"   
01:41pm 06/05/2004
mood: crushed
music: surgery-joj/infected-bad religion/lovefool-cardigans
so yesterday i was in class when my friend claudia asked me to tell kent that she wasn't going to be in class 'cause she wasn't feeling good. so all was well and then i went to math. it was mad hott! michael, sean, jennifer, jay, i were getting together later that night at around 7 for a little group get together. actually, they wanted to pick my brain for help in the class. so i hung with sean and jennifer and then decided to leave them alone 'cause sean likes jenn and i wanted to give him a chance to maybe ask her out. every time i went to leave though, he'd be like, where ya going? why? i'll come with you. i finally got him to stay with her but apparently nothing happened. so we met up with the rest of everyone else and then anjanette called to say that she wasn't going to be able to make it. jay and michael were practically sobbing! so we studied until about 9-ish and then i came home.
natalie called me and i told her about my day and how i was still unwinding from it. she said that the song she was listening to made her think about me/us. it was the song "hunter." in case you don't know what the song's about, it's about things not being right in a relationship and the girl wanting out and if her guy (ie: me) would know enough to let her go so she could be free again. WTF?!!! that killed me. it's still killing me. we didn't break up, but now i feel like she's only with me because she doesn't want me to do something drastic if we do break up. i won't. i'm not that crazy. how can she say that she loves me and that i own her heart and then just not? she never said she didn't love me anymore, but this has been on her mind for a while. that killed me again when she said that. fuck...i picked up the little cd booklet thing for dido when we got off the phone and a reread the words and then in a fit of pain and rage, i threw it against the wall and then grabbed the light cord thing on my fan and pulled it so hard that i broke it. i was actually trying to turn it off, but i used a bit too much force. i wrote the poem in my last entry afterwards, got something to drink, and watched tv until around 5 am. i went to sleep and then woke up around 8 am and got ready for class. i took my pictures in to get developed (there's some funny shit!) and then sat around waiting for class to start. claudia came over and sat with me and asked me what was wrong and i told her about last night and then i started crying (because i just coudln't supress it anymore) and she held me for what felt like forever. she told me not to worry and that everything will be all right, but that's just it. if she ends it with me, everything won't be all right. and i told her this. and she was like, you really love her, don't you? and i looked at her and was like, more than anything. she said that i was sweet and she wished her boyfriend said things like that to her. i told her that when she found that special someone, she wouldn't have to wish it because it'll happen on it's own before she even had a chance to think about it. then she hugged me and told me she'd call later to check up on me. *sigh* i won't do anything stupidly drastic or dangerous to myself or others, but i don't know what i'm going to do if natalie were to just end things. my chest feels constricted when i think of not having her as my girlfriend. and don't anyone say, "it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all" because that's fucking bullshit! i would rather have never felt any sort of happiness or love than lose my girlfriend. i may seem like a drama queen right now, but i love her. she's the only one.

i was just thinking about how when people added me as their friend, i was seeing new journal entries that i hadn't seen before. that's because those entries weren't public. only those defined as friends can see your private entries. so who knows what entries i'm not showing the public...

don't worry...there aren't any...yet...
Comments: share your story.
random thingie...   
11:34pm 06/05/2004
mood: tired
music: love song-the cure and joj version

1. What is your full name? brianne “jefferson darons”

1.5. Nicknames: willow, sirus, bri, turtle

2. Birthdate: 6-22-1984

3. Age: soon to be 20!

4. Sex: female

5. What is your social securtiy number? you’re not supposed to give that out…

6. Where do you live? lakewood

7. What school do you attend? Long Beach Community College

8. Siblings and their ages? none so…age zero?

9. Pets: my fish Norman

10. Zodiac Sign: cancer

11. Righty or Lefty: righty…but guess what I heard about lefties…and my girlfriend's a lefty...a fucking hott lefty too!


12. Hair color: brown

13. Eye color: hazel green

14. Height: 5’ 10”

15. Do u wear contacts or glasses? do sunglasses count?

16. Do you have any piercings? yes. my ears…

17. Where do you want more if you do? I don’t want anymore…

18. Do you have a tattoo? yes.

19. If so what and where, if not, do you want any? on my lower back. it's an ankc (spelling?) in front of a circle which is filled in with the colors of the rainbow.

20. What shoes do you wear? it depends on what i’m wearing for the day…sometimes my converse and sometimes my vans.

22. Do you have a certain fashion you follow? no.


23. How are you today? i'm okay. a little depressed, but other than that...

24. What pants are you wearing right now? i'm in shorts. boxers to be exact.

25. What shirt are you wearing right now? i'm not wearing one right now.

26. What underwear are you wearing right now? wouldn't you like to know...that should give you a clue...*ahem*

27. What does your hair look like at the moment? it's down and soft and fluffy.

28. What song are u listening to right now? here with me-dido

29. What was the last thing you ate? a chicken sandwich from jitb.

30. How is the weather right now? it's hotter than hell and i should know...i've been there. i work for satan.

31. Last person u talked to on the phone? claudia

32. Last dream you can remember? natalie and i were in the car and cale was there too and he wanted to dance on the roof while we were driving. and he did...

33. Who are you talking to right now? i was talking to mel, but i got offline 'cause i didn't feel like talking to anyone.

34. What time is it? 10:33


35. What are the last four digits of your phone number? 8287

36. If u were a crayon, what color would u want to be? clear...'cause that's a color!

37. Have you ever almost died? i die every night.

38. Do u like the person that sent u this? it wasn't sent. i took it from this girl's journal thingie..and yeah...she's cool.

39. How do u eat an Oreo: it's been a while, but let's see if i can remember...you pick it up, put it in your mouth, and bite. then you chew and swallow.

40. What makes u happy? natalie.

41. What's the next CD you are going to buy? anything by scarling.

42. What religion are you? christian (though a bad one)

43. What's the best advice ever given to you? "touch me here." the end result was delightful!

44. Have u ever won any special awards? like special ed or like look-at-my-big-ass-accomplishment award?

45. What are your future goals? to settle down one day and to finish writing my damn novel.

46. Do u like to dance? it depends on what kind you mean.

47. Worst sickness u ever had? i had strep throat when i was 14...that sucked shitt!

48. What's the stupidest thing u've ever done? cheated on natalie.

49. What's your favorite memory? nap time on "the hill" at lunch every friday.

50. If u could change one thing about yourself what would it be: my body shape.

51. Where do u shop the most? pac sun

52. How many kids do you want to have? at least 2.

53. Son's names? she can pick.

54. Daughters names? she can pick.

55. Do you do drugs? no.

56. Do you drink? i used to.

57. What kind of shampoo and conditioner do you use? herbal essences shampoo and dove conditioner.

58. What sport do you hate the most: i don't really care for sports in general, but i'm not adverse to watching them.

59. What are you most scared of? losing the best person in my life (ie: my girlfriend)

60. How many TV's do you have in your house? 3.

61. Do u have ur own phone line? no. but i have my own cell phone.

62. Do you sleep with a stuffed animal? i don't sleep with it, but i do have a teddy bear that sits on my bed.

63. Place for a dream home? anywhere as long as it's with someone i love.

64. Have you ever broken/sprained/fractured a bone? i've sprained my thumb, wrist, ankle (both), and thrown out my back.

65. Who do you dream about? whatever i was thinking about right before i fell asleep.

66. Who do you tell your dreams to? donald.

67. Who is your loudest friend? the ho! no...kirk...especially when he sounds manly.

68. Who is the quietest? donald.


69. Is cheerleading a sport? (refer to question #68)-no...'cause i like that and i could watch that all the time!

70. How many licks does it take to get to the center? i don't know. why don't you come on over and we'll find out together?

71. Which came first, the chicken or the egg? wtf? what kind of fucking question is that?


72. Do you believe in love? definitely.

73. Do you have a crush? yes.

74. Who is your crush? my girlfriend.

75. Did you send this to your crush? no. it's not a thing to send...at least...not right now.

77. Where would you like to go on your honeymoon? to italy.

78. What song do you want played at your wedding? canon in d by pachelbel

79. What's the first thing you notice about the opposite sex? their eyes.

80: Longest crush: about 3-4 years.

81. Are u shy to ask someone out? yes.

82. Who do you want to spend the rest of your life with? natalie.

83. Do you find your self attractive? no comment.

84. Do you find yourself ugly? no comment.

85. Do others find you attractive? yes?

86. Are you a virgin? *laughs long and hard* oh. was that actually a question?

87. Do you believe in Love at first sight? no. but i do believe in lust at first sight.


87. Making out with Marilyn Manson or Rob Zombie? both.

88. Having your tonsils or appendix removed: i don't know. i still have both, so i'll let you know when i have them removed.

**ON GUYS FOR GIRLS TO FILL OUT (for girls only)**

you all know i'm not into guys, but let's just say i am for this section

89.Boxers or briefs? boxers.

90. long or short hair? short.

91. Curly or straight? either.

92. Tall or short? tall.

93. Six pack or muscular arms? can i have both?

94. Good or bad guy: again, can i have both?

95. Hat or no hat: either.

96. Ears pierced or not: doesn't matter.

97. Tan or Fair: tan.

98. Dimples: he better have some damn good ones! my girlfriend does...*droooooooooooool* times infinity!

100. Rugged or sporty: rugged.

101. Studly or cutie: both.

102. Accent or not: only if the accent's british otherwise not.

103. Glasses? doesn't matter. they'll be coming off for sex anyways!

104. Smart or dumb: gee, i wonder!

105. What sport should he play? the kind where he has to ride something (ie: me).

106. Dependent or independent: independent, but not to the point where he no longer needs me at all.

**ON GIRLS FOR GUYS TO FILL OUT (for guys only)**

this is my section!!!!

107. Regular underwear or thong: i like thongs (especially pink ones), but it doesn't really matter since it'll be coming off soon after it's put on!

108. Painted nails or not: whatever.

109. Bra or sports bra: lacy victoria's secret type bras.

110. Bra straps showing or not: SHOWING!!!!

111. Cute n' mysterious or wild n' sexy: my girlfriend's all of these, so yeah...i got the best of everything!

112. Dressy or casual: naked.

113. Dark or blonde hair: either, but i do prefer dark.

114. Long or short hair? either.

115. Curly or straight hair: either.

116. Dark, light, or crazy cool eyes: i don't care, as long as they sparkle.

117. Long or short nails: short for personal purposes, but i don't really care otherwise.
118. Hat or no hat:

119. Good or bad girl: what do you think?

120. Hair up or down: disheveled.

121. Jewelry or none: naked.

122. Tall or short: not taller than me, but not shorter than 5'4".

123. Curly or straight hair: see question #115.

124. Accent or no accent? british, southern, ghetto, or none. and my girlfriend does all of these.

125. Pants or dress: naked.

126. Tan or fair: tan.

127. Glasses? NAKED!

128. Pretty: whatever. as long as they have a good smile, dimples to die for, a good laugh and personality, and eyes that sparkle, i'm set.

129. Freckles or none: i don't care.

130. Shy or outgoing: in bed or in the harsh light of day?

131. Funny or always cool: both.

132. Talkative or shy: both.


133.Lights on/off? off but with candles all around!

134. Do u like snow, sun or rain? rain.

135. Mickey D's(McDonalds) or BK(Burger King)? tin sing.

136. Do u like scary or happy movies better? scary.

137. Backstreet Boys or NSYNC? joj (even though they're not a boy band)

138. On the phone or in person? sex? person.

139. Paper or plastic? plastic.

140. Pepperoni or sausage? neither...i like fish though...lol!

141. Summer or winter? winter. snuggle time.

142. Hugs or kisses? kisses.

143. Chocolate or white milk: white.

144. Root beer or Dr.pepper: dr.p, but lately i've been addicted to root beer.

145. Glass half full or half empty? a broken pile of glass and a puddle of liquid on the floor.

146. CD or Tape: cd.

147. Tape or DVD: dvd.

148. Cats or Dogs: cats.

149. Mud or Jell-O wrestling? jell-o. do i get to lick it off after?

150. Vanilla or Chocolate: vanilla.

151. Skiing or boarding? boarding.

152. Day or night: night.

153. Cake or pie: cake.

154. Silver or gold? silver.

155. Diamond or pearl: diamond.

156. Sunset or sunrise: sunsets. because that leads to the night.


157. Color: black (though it's a shade).

158. Food: does natalie count? nah seriously, right now...eggos.

159. Fast Food: jitb (though it's all death inducing!)

160. Candy: fast break.

161. Beverage: sobe nirvana.

162. Ice Cream Flavor: DUBLIN MUDSLIDE!

163. Animal: okapis.

164. Fav. type of music: anything, but lately anything with heavy guitar shitt. AVENGE SEVENFOLD!

165. Fav. radio station: i don't listen to the radio.

169. Fav. Actor or Actress: maggie gyllenhaul (SPELLING?!)

170. Fav. day of the year: the 28th of any month.

171. Fav. month: february.

172. TV Show? queer as folk and the L-word.

173. Store: victoria's secret.

174. Scent: natalie.

175. Teacher: prof. lorien-meyer.

176. Board Game: scrabble.

177. Saying: "but yeah" "schmeh" "good times" "i'm putting my bobblhead down"


178. Loved somebody soooo much it makes you cry? YES!!!

179. Smoked? yes.

180. Drank? yes.

181. Ever gotten dumped? yes.

182. Broke the the law? no comment.

183. Ran from the cops? no. but i hid under a car from them when i was 17.

185. Stolen something? once.

186. Tried to kill yourself? once.

187. Made yourself throw up? no.

188. Been in love? yes.

189. Made yourself cry to get out of something? no.


190. Do you like filling these out? when i'm bored and when they're not fucking 190 QUESTIONS LONG!!!!!!
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