it has been forever and an eternity...   
08:49pm 02/04/2004
mood: numb
music: tourniquet-evanescence
so many things weighing on my mind lately. so many things that i shouldn't care about. but i do. why? they're as pointless as my taking a breath of air. natalie asked me why they bothered me so much, and i couldn't even tell her why. i know what she was thinking. if i didn't still have feelings attached to them, then i wouldn't care one way or another. i don't have feelings attached to them though. i just feel so betrayed. i was ready to tell this total stranger my deepest darkest secrets because i wouldn't be able to predict their reaction, so i wouldn't feel like they were making a biased decision. "she" knew nothing about me and my life. i had found someone that i wasn't scared to talk to because she wouldn't mind hearing about different women. she wouldn't get jealous nor would she disapprove of my actions. i was ready to tell her everything about natalie and me. now i can never speak of the joy of having her in my life. the only one i can trust is natalie. and i've failed on my part...i need to be abolished.
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