thursday nite... lalala   
12:19am 12/03/2004
 
mood: blank
sitting here at Reads watching him play Lord of the Rings... hahah hes so cute cause hes talking at the game... im dating a 12 yr old trapped in a 19 yr olds body ;) lol so cute.

life has been crazy as always when im at school. but somethings been weird lately - or at least according to everyone else ive been acting weird..... i dunno. i dont feel like anythings wrong except for i keep thinking about cutting like having really weird flashbacks and stuff. it sucks but i havent cut and i dont think i will.

Im excited about this weekend. well somewhat - tomorrow im going to the movies with read and then hanging out with beth. saturday - who knows... and im on duty. sunday - celebrating st pattys day *yay* tres excited.

i register for my classes on tuesday :) i cant believe itll be my last year here - im kinda scared about it - going out into the real world and really being a full blown adult all the time.... and im scared of losing read... im falling so in love with him that im scared of losing him. i know its stupid to think so far ahead but... blah

i went on the tour of the new ballpark tonite - WOW doesnt even begin to explain how awesome that place is. i cant wait to work there... 54 bucks and game PLUS tips... and i get paid 54 bucks for the 5 phillies meetings i went too... $$$$$$$$$$$$ but sadly its already spent on my old navy account... plus spring is coming and i need cute clothes!

ok i gtg... Boo... :(		  
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home away from home...   
09:48am 07/03/2004
 
mood: anxious
at cabrini finally.....

im so glad to be back. I havent done anything but watch movies and do laundry but its so good to be back here. I cant wait to see everyone!!!!!! especially for dinner tonight.

Im watching some wacked out movie from amc so im slightly distracted.... i think maybe Ill go since i dont have anything to write anyway		  
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Missing you....   
09:01pm 04/03/2004
 
mood: lonely
music: I like about you - lillix
Im aching... really. Like theres this dull ache in my chest and its from missing him. :( All i want right now is to be curled up on his bed watching some DVD with his arms wrapped around me and him kissing my shoulder randomly.... UGHHH - how will I make it through this summer???

got my registration for Senior year at Cabrini today. Im in need of a car and for once Im not going to be lazy about this - I sat down with my dad and we figured I made 3 thos at the Phillies last year not including tips... so thats good... Ill save that up and then I'll get another job... work my tush off all summer - keep myself busy - hopefully lose more weight and not be moping about READ all the time. Plus Sean got Laura her car for 2 thos even though it was a stinky neon... so Im sure he can get me a nice deal too - or my uncle who works for Ford. Then I'll just have to worry bout half my insurance and some gas money - Wheeeeee - I know I can do this... I want it so bad so I KNOW I'll do it. Its a must for my senior year anyway cause of my internship... I cant WAIT to be out in the working world designing things *wheeeee*

after tonight 1 more day til Im back at school and 2 more til I see my baby :)		  
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On my way to Cape May....   
10:18pm 03/03/2004
 
mood: peaceful
Well today was one of this "spontanoues" days. Beth came to go get lunch at noon. We went to the Oregon diner and had some good convo and food. Then she was taking me to get dropped off and she didnt want to go and leave me yet so I said to drive around...It was really nice out and I said "shame we cant go to the shore" next thing I know we're calling Pat and heading to Cabrini to meet him so we can take a trip down the shore. Beth and I decorated the windows with little signs with the window paint and we drove to Cabrini to get Pat. We ran into Quickel and he was like "Its Spring Break... that means LEAVE" hahaha - I *heart* him. Anyway - Pat showed up and then we got to like Deptford when I realized I left my purse at Cabrini :( Opps. So we went back - got the purse and drove to the shore - Fun times - flying napkins, napkin hat, "whered u learn to drive", jammin to the radio, "uh uh", "shady ally" and many other things... haha *sigh*

we got to the shore and went to get pizza and then we ran onto the beach. The sand was sooo cold but it was so nice being there... we actually stood in the water for awhile and sat in the sand. Then I went looking for sea shells and beth tackled me and then pat came after us but then beth realized she lost her keys... I found them though!!!!! Then we went to a diner to get coffee and then drove back home... it was so nice just to do something today.

I want to go to the shore with READ so bad... being there and watching Beth and Pat be all cute made me sad and made me miss him more :( I cant wait to hold him again - hes so comfy with his big hoodies on and... oh hes just so cute!!!!!!

blah - Sunday where the hell are you?!

off to watch the simpsons in a half hour then bed probably... Im beat!		  
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Yay for me...   
10:37pm 02/03/2004
 
mood: giddy
Just got in a little a go from going to South Street with Nicole - damn it felt good to walk around the city - plus it was sooooooooooooooooo nice out!!!!!!

Today was pretty good - Twinkles is doing A LOT better and I bummed around til 5 when my mom dropped me off at Nicoles after picking up my dad. We then went to Pathmark and then walked to South Street and went to Cosi's. READ called me while I was in Cosi's - I miss him sooo much. When he called me I got all giddy and got a HUGE ASS smile on my face... always do whenever I see him call or come online... Im so sad. Anyway he sounded so cute... hes having a good time in NY which is great. I cant wait til I see him though - hes getting the biggest hug ever! :)

Nicole and I then went into a bunch of stores and mostly talked about sex and stuff. Went in condom kingdom, the mood and E-zone. *luv* those stores - they're just fun. We also went in Blockbuster and Tower Records.

We actually walked around for quite awhile which was nice and it occupied most of my day *yay* - Im going to watch tv at 11 and then maybe head to bed cause Beth is coming at 10:30 to go out to "lunch".... :) alrighty Im off....

P.S. Nicole is the best - she made sure I didnt spend my 20 bucks tonight which is awesome cause now I have it for my old navy bill!!!!!! She rocks...		  
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Spring Break.... more like Killed by Boredom   
12:23am 02/03/2004
 
mood: content
I am 2 days into Spring Break and already Im considering pulling out my own teeth just for fun... Hmmmm... Kinda makes me wonder how summer will be. Im so use to living in Woodcrest with all the girls and being able to, at any given moment, run upstairs to Mary and bother her or run to READ's just to give him a hug. Summers going to be a bitch. I'm going to miss everyone so much but especially my baby and Area One. They became such a huge family to me... but hey I still go 2 1/2 months with them so - yay. Summer should be okay anyway - walks to South Street, working at the Phillies - i also wanna find another job. Maybe Ill go down to whitman plaza and see whos hiring....

Life is grand. Wonderful even. Cept for a few rough spots but everyone has those I suppose. The big one being Twinkles surgery. I try and think its all going to be okay now but truth is I dont know. Ever since the depression has mostly gone away I tend to shut my feelings up more - which isnt healthy but is much better then taking large doses of pills or cutting my arm up. Im really amazed and proud at how far Ive come with everything... it feels good to finally like myself.

I miss READ like crazy. It sounds silly but the last 2 days I spent with him were the best in awhile. He was just ultra sweet and it made me fall for him all over again. I go back to school saturday and then sunday Area one is going out for dinner which will be fun :)

Anyway Im really bored so I think Im off to bed... going to walk to South Street tomorrow with Nicole which should be fun! :) More later...		  
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