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[02 Jun 2008|08:18am] Excerpts from Let me Stand Alone by Rachel Corrie: "If the words I use buzz away from my lips meaninglessly, then we'll let them hang in the air for a while. We'll let those silly words sit and make fools of themselves until other words come and crowd around them. I need to flutter and hover and look at the diamond ripples through six swirled insect eyes. Just don't touch me for a moment. Let me sit and stare at everything through my own eyes for a while. Let me dance in the lily petals and skim the trembling water and buzz like useless words in the air. Do you understand? Let me lie alone on my back in tall grass and see the sun and the water droplets on the branches and the red tree trunks through my own eyes. Let me color them and build them with my own words. Lonely, strong words. Let em stand alone at the edge of the earth and look at it honestly, alone." 1995-1997 "My face is lovely in the reflection in the windows. Smooth white moonlight stretches over the cheekbones in jagged lines and my eyes look almost black, except for the cold light of the passing stars. I angle my face up to the glass and they sky and watch my lips form the lyrics of songs on the radio. The air that breeches the wide flat fields of Montana is cool and empty, so there is a voice for each glowing set of numbers as I flick the dial on the radio. The Djs are confiding this late at night that they know they share loneliness with everyone awake in the darkness. Even so, they aren't out here, cutting the breeze. Watching the stars move by. Chris is driving. He is awake and alert but completely separate from me. We haven't talked since he bought me a coke on the idaho border. I'm alone with the classic rock songs that churn softly out of the speakers. I skip from harmony to melody, let the notes ricochet off the windowpane. The singer is awake in me now, the softly voluptuous moon-voice I yearn for in the daytime. I sing loud because no one hears me, yet my voice goes forever above the short gray grass on the fields. My singer only wakes up when I'm alone. She is timid, like a hermit crab emerging, vulnerable, from its borrowed shell. When I first started singing, she came readily and shamelessly. She was loud and loose and proud. But she was good enough to get the attention of my teacher, and he told me to get a voice teacher. From then on, I learned everything that was wrong with my voice. I memorized how to breathe, how to stand, how wide to open my eyes, and how to shape my mouth. And then, after helping me find all the faults in my voice, my teacher wondered why I acted wooden, and where my confidence had gone. I wish I had remained wild and terrible and free, because then I was unafraid." -August 1992 [reminiscent of Pablo Neruda] "Ode to the Drip of a Faucet" 1989-1990 Of the translucent sphere, a gem. Let loose, after a gather of slowing power. A drop of silver dew or a tiny tear on a child's cheek. Maybe, rain on a window. Is it a witch's crystal ball? All the possibilities of a tiny bit of water, plummeting to the drain." May 19, 1993 "Death smells like homemade applesauce as it cooks on the stove. (her grandmother's death) It is not the strangling scent of illness. It is not fear. It is freedom. Death is warmth as it melts into refreshing coldness. Death has friendly hands that gently guide you. They are calm and they do not push. Death is a long walk through a mountain meadow and somehow your steps seems to carry you down through the mountains and into the gentle swells of ocean. As carelessly as before, you walk down into the depths of the water. The fins of fish stroke your face." "Dear Mom, Some might think in this day and age a girl's role model should be a career woman, someone working in an office or in a so-called "men's" linke of work. I know theose people are wrong. For me, you are the perfect role model. I admire how you take things you want to do, like playing your flute and writing music, and find ways to fit them into your life. I admire your ability to clearly say what you think and feel. If every woman were that assertive, there would be more respect for the women of this world. I admire your kindness. you are the only person I know whom I've never seen hurt another to get something you want. I believe you can get whatever you want without hurting anyone. What I admire most is not what you have done for yourself, but what you have done for me. I hope when I grow up, I can pass on to my children what I have learned from you about how to treat people. You have given me a wonderful life and shown me how to get that sort of life for myself. People might think my mom not a hero because she hasn't done anything "exceptional." Well, you don't have to do anything exceptional. I know that you are exceptional. you have made me proud of you by working hard at everything you do and doing it well. I love you, Mom. Sincerely, Rachel" 1989 The Forty Thousand "I'm here for other children. I'm here because I care. I'm here because children everywhere are suffering and because forty thousand people die each day from hunger. I'm here because those people are mostly children. We have got to understand that the poor are all around us and we are ignoring them. We have to to understand that these deaths are preventable. We have to to understand that people in third world countries think and care and smile and cry just like us. We have got to understand that they dream our dreams and we dream theirs. We hve got to understand they they are us. we are them. my dream is to stop hunger by the year 2000. My dream is to give the poor a chance. My dream is to save the forty thousand people who die each day. My dream can and will come true if we all look into the future and see the light that shines there. If we ignore hunger, that light will go out. If we all help and work together, it will grow and burn free with the potential of tomorrow." [Rachel was 10 yrs-old when she wrote this poem.] 2 Flashing Flicker

[24 May 2008|11:39am] Today I am thinking about the Mystic Family Circus Here are a few YouTube videos from them. The first one is much better but they give you two different views. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BJ0V8B_cLI0 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ALBl1deKl40 Flicker

[23 May 2008|08:29am] Blatant Friend Promotion for pallid_regina (her username at LiveJournal) I'm usually very picky about anyone doing tarot or anything like that for me and she did an outstanding job! via email even~ Here's a cut from her LJ Profile and she also sells jewelry, hairfalls and all kinds of cool things! "I'm a professional tarot reader - both modern and historically (modern means I read tarot face-to-face and via email. I do NOT do tarot readings on the phone, however) (historically means I portray a French Catholic tarot morality card reader named Lisette LePoux at reenactments, read historical tarot at our Ren Faire, and I know a ridiculous - and potentially boring - amount about the history of tarot). I also make wire-based jewelry and gift items like mobiles and wine charms as well as yarn hairfalls, wool dreads, and other odd but whimsical goodies. See my stuff here: http://reganwann.etsy.com or here: http://www.reganwann.com and stuff on CLEARANCE here: http://pishtosh.etsy.com because discounts are good for the soul." Flicker

[30 Mar 2008|09:42pm] [ mood | cranky ] [ music | music: Lily Allen: Knock "em Out ] OMG I'm so tired. Let me try to remember everything that's happened to me this weekend. Shopping it was a weekend chock full of shopping. Not my choice but I wanted to spend time with my mom and she's a shopaholic. Unfortunately the only place she likes to shop is Marshall's which is sort of like a discount clearing house I was exhausted after about two or three hours and I'd spent half that time in the big sporting goods store next door looking for new workout gear. good news is that I bought a new bathing suit, a speedo for lapswim nothing fun. Recently bought another speedo for supercheap at Costco. But that speedo was made for grandmoms or moms but definitely not made for lapswim so the suit drags in the water which is fine for teaching me to train harder but it also drives me crazy. So I got a new regular lap bathingsuit. It was on sale. Stocked up on workout clothes since I can't remember the last time I bought workout clothes and I often think that my wornout torn shit is more punkrock concert worthy than being in the full light of brand new fully charged pre-dawn 1000watt flourescent neon light of the gym floors. Don't try them on, just threw them into a bag and out the door. It's good for me though. Christine, my step-sister was pretty boring. I mean, I love her and all but we just don't really have a lot in common. I think I annoy her. And my mom and I talk endlessly and she just sort of looks on. Even when we're talking about her or asking her questions. I always get this feeling like she's three steps behind even though she's not daft. She just doesn't talk with the high energy adrenaline junkie caffeine infused person that I am. She fell asleep in the car...and later we woke her up to get coffee/espresso but even then she only moved at the fraction of my light-speed. Granted, she did have 3 interviews last week and she's on some fast track career for her retail sales job. [She did keep apologizing for being so braindead and tired after her superstressful week last week...so I guess i should really cut her a little slack in my head!] She used to be in a corporate sales environment but got bored with it. toured the world. as a chef. And now she's looking for a corporate sales retail store job...meaning she wants to work at HQ for a big cooking store based here in SF. ANYWAYs, I told her funny stories about the restaurant where she used to be the pastry chef. See? She's so asleep she had never even heard these stories about the restaurant owner and I swear I've told the stories a 1000 times. Basically, the owner, we'll call him Chuck though that's not his real name, came to our table when Tessa & I were visiting Christine. Christine couldn't tear herself out of the kitchen for more than two minutes, I kid you not. So, the owner of the restaurant hungout with us. The restaurant was jam packed but he'd put us at the best table and I think we were the youngest clients by about two decades. Tess being three decades younger than the average customer. It was lunchtime and we were also underdressed not in power suits. Tess is gorgeous and I'm pretty fat, moon-faced, and I'm fine with her getting all the attention. Chuck flirted with Tess and I told him my winning story Which is really boring and long so I won't recount it here!! I don't want to use his real name / restaurant because Christine says he's still the owner...even though Chris doesn't work there anymore. Basically he entertained me & Tess throughout the meal and he didn't charge us for it either! Too bad we only ate at that restaurant one time. Damn. And it's a top rated SF restaurant. Oh well....you can't add up too much bad karma. I always like to stay in the indebted to me column rather than the indebted to others...that's one of my core operating principles. If you were wondering** Right, so I should really get on with this shitty legal paper I'm writing on business regulatory actions. Ugh. next weekend is when my brother moves. I thought I had to help him move this weekend but I was confused. And today was a massage, but my normal masseuse at my gym, Sharron wasn't around. We had a sub. He was a bit too sexual, and I gave him the benefit of the doubt thinking he has sexuality issues but if he's getting a bit excited by touching my breasts along the sides or rubbing up the inside of my thigh just let him. I stayed alert in case he crossed the boundary but I look forward to the next time when Miss Sharron is back. She's the best. And I have had so many different people work on me. Of course, getting a little spoiled with the office chair massages from Clara's friend...whom I didn't like at first but she's getting the hang of my f*$'d up back. She is learning how to move properly over all the calcium deposits and torn fascia and scar tissue thickened areas. Besides, maybe I got off a little...no, I didn't. Oh well, g'night. oops not getting off on Clara's friend...not getting off at all, but I can work on that with the Rodstar tonight. Flicker

Pray for Peace [22 Mar 2008|06:51pm] [ mood | peaceful ] [ music | Rod on his new guitar ] The water of the Adriatic Sea is so blue. It's like a baby blue or blue sky even lighter than turquoise. "Welcome to Sarajevo" I am watching the saddest movie in the world. It is perfect for Easter or Holy Saturday for me because I entered a new level of spirituality and soulfulness after I went to Bosnia, in 1990. It was shortly before the full Civil War broke out; when we were there only Kosovo in the south near Albania was messed up. At war. The whole reason my family went was a pilgrimage to this place where the Virgin Mary was supposedly appearing much like Guadalupe or Lourdes. And I didn't believe it was happening; figured it was sensationalism but I went because at that time I was living in San Diego and had been living far from my family for 6 years. My mom offered to pay for my entire trip: food, lodging, and airfare. She paid for it all. I never talk about what happened there. It's not like I saw Mary, nor did I talk to her. But I guess I can say, I believed it was real. It wasn't the children; who were teenagers by that time the phenomena had been occuring for a long time. It was the Muslims and Romanji/the gypsies who gave me faith. Isn't that funny? And yes there were Twilight Zone experiences but I'm smart enough not to focus on those signs and wonders because the real message, the real deal was to change your heart. "Pray for Peace" was the central message of Medjugorje/Bosnia-Serbia-Croatia-Slovenia-Macedonia= the former Yugoslavia. Ethnic cleansing started. the Muslims, the gypsies...they were killed, raped, tortured. I couldn't watch any of it on TV. My ex-husband, Mike, he had been offered a free ticket by my Mom too and he said that he believed without having to go see it. He believed that if he went with us he'd never come back. Maybe I was afriad I would go to Yugoslavia and never return. Though I do have a girlfriend, Jennifer, who did report as a freelance journalist and she came back. And she has a high tech job now. Perfect for this weekend as I contemplate what the true meaning of my personal jesus is. My personal mary & jesus/religion. That the meaning of my life is. And that is to be the change that I want to see in the world. I don't know what can be done for peace in that part of the world. It's been a hotspot since world war i. since the austro-hungarian empire. I guess that turning away from the reporting, and blinding myself to the reality isn't going to help me figure it out. I hsould try to understand, try to stay aware of all the sadnesses there. So I watch this film. And I read the recent reports now of 2008. Flicker

[07 Aug 2007|11:03pm] And may sugar plum fairies, cupcake goddesses, and pancake stowaway witches guide you in the field of dreams to rainbows with spiritual gold, frankincense, & myrrh for your luscious succulent bodies that will writhe in joy and ecstasy just from the joys of slumber. AMEN Flicker

[07 Aug 2007|12:52pm] UFO Documents, I'm a historian by training. I DIG primary docs. http://potw.news.yahoo.com/s/potw/30293/the-real-x-files/ Flicker

[16 May 2007|01:38pm] AstroFlash! Taurus New Moon May 16, 2007 12:28 pm PDT Taste, touch pleasure sense. common sense. practical sensibility. Appetite, immediate desires gratification mmmm indulgence. Resistance. Commitments. Aspiration, ambition the real thing comfort, stability. All wrapped up in this New Moon. Taurus moon is a fertile seed where creativity blooms and desire flowers in pleasures garden. Intentions infused with ideals nourish our aspirations from root to flower. A critical eye to keep on track or too much will wither in shame. In communion with the Earth, nourished through beauty, guided by instincts. Your body is your compass. Sensing, listening. Your body is Earth's body. Earth's body is your body. Savor each precious moment. In this hectic rush of modern life, the natural cycle of Sun and Moon brings us to this New Moon in Taurus, the first earth sign of the zodiac. This is the time of year for each of us to affirm our connection with our earthy senses. Sensuality, sexuality, intuition, security and comfort. From this center of self-awareness, we work with strength and determination. Venus, Taurus' ruler is in Cancer, emphasizing creativity, nurturing and sensitivity. Venus will go retrograde this summer (July 27), we'll take a journey to re-evaluate our desires. Now, this New Moon is a good time to listen to the ground of our core desires and delights. Heart's wisdom flowers. 5/19-20 Mercury opposite Jupiter square Uranus: optimism, wild ideas, radical statements, discovery, awakening, agitation. 5/24 Neptune begins retrograde, groundlessness is emphasized. We're moving toward the final passage of Neptune opposite Saturn (June 25). The tension of making concrete changes while the infrastructure dissolves. ~ Taurus New Moon Contemplations and Actions ~ Rather than asking questions, Listen. Listen to your heartbeat, your breath, your digestion. Take off your shoes and stand or walk on the earth. Notice the flowering plants and inhale their fragrance. Listen to the birds, the wind. Move your body, follow your senses. 1 Flashing Flicker

[29 Mar 2007|06:38am] [ mood | Open ] Strange to think I've been here over 3 years... I shared this 3 years ago and it's a good remembrance for my attention in general, and my writing specifically: Writing Excerpt from ( Writing Down the Bones ) Flicker

[29 Jan 2007|03:04pm] embodiment from LJ Community Monday 29th - Sunday 3rd Hopefully these inspire some retrospection this week! Monday Never Forget Tuesday A photograph that shows today or your favorite photograph Wednesday No Pain No Gain Thursday Cash, Culture and Violence Friday My own worst enemy Saturday Your favorite song Sunday Too much love can kill you Flicker

Stolen Art Idea: a GlamourBomb [08 Jan 2007|03:33pm] [ mood | moody ] I want to give my neighbours a glamour bomb present kind of thing. I have never spoken to them but they seem really super awesome! I just ripped this from the LJ community, Glamour Bombs http://community.livejournal.com/glamourbombs/profile It's so pretty (in thought) "Their house has heart ornaments dangling from the trees, windows full of some kind of faux stained glass, a yard full of gnomes and a big piece of paper with "Love" finger painted on it. At halloween they had two pumpkins one with a cat and one with a robot carved in them and a story pinned up by the door about the cat and the robot's life. Today, I walked by and they had a home made sign pinned to their door which says "Happy Everything Day!". I would like to bomb them somehow! I'm thinking a mixed tape of weird music, sidewalk chalk art and.. something else? Any ideas? They seem very lovely." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~here's the thing though, I can't do a bomb on my neighbors as mostly they are all more glamourous than me! To the west we have the most beautiful house on the block, Tessa, my stuck-up sister, swears she saw it in Architectural Digest or some featured home magazine. They keep a dog statue outfitted with seasonal hats, like Santa Claus' cap or Cinco de Mayo, etc... On the corner are the giant pine tree ornaments they've strung up christmas lights that resemble orbiting globes. so surreal. I love driving by this converted mansion with the giant mammoth DIY style Christmas outdoor, full size, not chopped down lights./ And our building is decorated by Carol, who strings Christmas lights out from the French windows and hangs glass ornaments along the plum tree bushes lining the garden. In the alley next to our giant green garbage bin, is the flea market style shopping area-- people drape old clothes, books, lamps, there was even a Dance, Dance Revolution floormap recently. If nobody picks these up, they get tossed into the bin. I should think of a few nice gifts for neighbors... hmmmm.... 2 Flashing Flicker

[26 Dec 2006|04:50pm] My first New Year's Resolution is, 1. To write privately more. 2. To do multi-media tactile, non-computer/handwritten entries into a blank book including archiving, commenting, laughing, punditizing, and scribbling, collaging, planning, thinking to myself. 3. To enhance my creative and secretpleasures around my artistic spirit! *&%~~~and to stop listing everything out like a 3-point Toastmasters Business Powerpoint Presentation!!! 3 Flashing Flicker

[26 Dec 2006|01:03pm] ( Inspiration: Knitters' Random Acts of Kindness Blog ) Flicker

[04 Dec 2006|06:50pm] Flavored marker pens, manufactured by Mr. Sketch, the big fat markers, remember those? Mr. Sketch markers came in a sliding box, you slid the markers through the middle of the box and they pulled out from the top cardboard. Feel the excitement of brand new 64 color crayons in their box with the sharpener intact. AS an adult, being the aware inner-child healed adult that I am, I buy myself new Mr. Sketch markers every few months. I buy the thin kind. They're very hard to find. I can never remember whether Staples, Office Depot, or OfficeMax sells them. So I end up going to each store when I dry out all my markers or use them up or lose them. It's not time yet. But slowly, one by one, I forget to put the caps back on. And there the markers sit at my desk in the morning. Exposed. Naked. Dried out. \ Serenaded by Uschi, You're out of my life Social weekend I've had. Did I tell you about it already? Well I'm tellingewnow! ( Read more... ) 4 Flashing Flicker

[04 Dec 2006|09:39am] For all you Rasputina Fans, this is about Zoe Keating and her space/home that we used to have parties and events in... it's gone now, Alas! http://www.sfweekly.com/Issues/2006-11-01/music/letsgetkilled.html 4 Flashing Flicker

[29 Nov 2006|05:32pm] Giddiness in my step, I'm walking on air and I'm trying to touch the ground, but it's far far away and I have to press really hard on my knees to feel it under my feet. Happyness is good. That's a good movie, I expect. Will Smith as a homeless single father and his real life son. Flicker

[20 Nov 2006|09:53pm] i really shouldn't be writing right now. (I wrote manual, old fashioned... god I can barely read my own script, how the hell can i expect others to ever be able to read my letters/ ?) Answer: They can't. good night. Flicker

[27 Sep 2006|09:12pm] [ mood | jubilant ] Response to Lanka_goddess' inquiry about Lunch yesterday at TGIFriday's. ohhh I'm not such a big fan of Friday's. He wanted to go there for my birthday last month but I declined. I didn't eat very much a tiny triangle half sandwich and half of that (I'm sliding back into less eating mode!) everyone at the table was laughing at me as I've been eating so much recently and allowing myself to indulge but yesterday... Grant ordered fried mac & cheese. I do love mac & cheese and I reminisced about the fried Friday's Mozzarella sticks. I used to run to the store craving and feeling like I MUST HAVE THESE NOW from the frozen food section. But the fried mac & cheese wasn't so inviting.... And Grant ordered the big brownie sundae ice cream concoction that I encouraged him to get. It was nice to celebrate! I didn't eat that either, just because it didn't look so appetizing. I love MUDPIEs but this was not so yummilicious! [Today, I've made up adequately as I just had a giant Specialty's Semi-Sweet chocolate chip cookie with melting out chocolate straight from the oven downstairs.] Coworkers say my metabolism and food cravings are changing for the healthier. I hope so! Last night, though, I scarfed down yumminess we buy these special Stonehenge biscuit bread things that are heavenly creations like a pastry almost huge. And then lather with butter. And farm-made jam. Cold cuts and cheese. And then to top them off or for contrast we had cherry tomatoes that are food-for-the-gods cherry tomatoes, not your average cherries. They pop into your mouth looking like garden variety but only a tiny tiny tomato, they're so small. baby cherries. And then they have flavor unlike anything you can buy at the regular grocery store. Followed by nectarines that have the blood orange center look. Also from Farmers' Market we scour the stalls to find the ripest most succulent fruits... you know before silicon valley was manufacturing for computer chips and hardware, they were California farms and many locals have these ancient summer fruit trees still lingering like citrus trees... they just don't make them at big grocery stores the way they taste from the trees. 2 Flashing Flicker

[13 Jul 2006|06:33am] [ mood | apathetic ] Theft by Peter Carey is my assigned book for my old jr high friends' bookclub. The story is about a painter, Butcher, staying at a friend's villa or summer estate in Australia. Butcher is just released from jail who is taking care of his brother who is retarded. I think he's retarded or the proper politically correct term, mentally challenged. Here I'll copy out the full and proper synopsis, but i expected to hate this book. But I am thoroughly enjoying the language. The way Peter Carey thinks. Once the love story starts (as it's subtitled, a love story) then I'll probably hate it and hate her, I already hate her description. And start the Evelyn Wood reading dynamics speed reading that gets me through most documents. I scan the paragraphs for relevant or interesting spots and cut out the rest. Story of my life: editing, cutting, most of the best work laying on the cutting room floor. "From Publishers Weekly Starred Review. Two-time Booker-winner Carey (Oscar and Lucinda and True History of the Kelly Gang) returns with a magnificent high-stakes art heist wrapped around a fraternal saga. Butcher Boone is an all-id all-the-time Australian painter of enormous talent and renown. Now divorced and bankrupted by his former wife, who tired of his excesses, Butcher has been reduced to caretaking a remote estate for his largest collector. And since the deaths of his working-class parents, he has also been saddled with his beloved, bedeviling brother, Hugh, who, like Butcher, has a primarily pugilistic relationship with the world. One rain-flooded night, a chic young woman knocks on their door, having lost her way. She is Marlene, wife of Olivier Leibovitz, son and heir to an early 20th-century master. Soon the brothers are embroiled in an international crime investigation that eventually comprises forgery, vast sums of money and murder. None of this, however, distracts Butcher from his overpowering love affair with Marlene, which threatens to leave Hugh stranded in an unforgiving world. Scenes in Australia, Japan and New York feature unique forms of fleecing, but setting and action are icing on the emotional core of Carey's newest masterwork. 75,000 announced first printing. (May 12) Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved." Flicker

Embodiment Prompts [12 Jul 2006|04:18pm] Seven for Seven Wednesday what are your flavors for summer? Thursday how would you describe your style/manner of dress? 5 years ago? 5 years from now? Friday talk about your own variety of fireworks (not nesc. the type for the 4th of July)? Saturday if you spoke through a musical instrument, it would be....? Sunday plan an imaginary slumber party! Monday what's your least favorite day of the week? Tuesday under the sea or in the air? Flicker

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