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last night for new years, as the night went on i had a 100's of things going through my head, things about this year and the past, the future and where things were going, and no matter how bad things have been i tried my best to remain hopfull that this year was going to be different, this year i was going to continue to change and makes those changes known, to be the better person i've been wanting to be, and to show all those who have doubted that i could do anything right, wrong. As time goes on it becomes more and more obvious that there are very few people in the world who believe that i am able of doing anything good. i am trying, and have been trying for some time now to better myself and my life, and the people involved with my life. I have never gone out of my way to hurt anyone, and while yes i did hurt people it was never my intention. I have been hurt to, and in the same way, i know that i was not hurt on purpose, that there was a series of events that took place, things got out of hand, and things happened. The whole time, since anything has happened in my life it seems, i take the blame for it, weather its truly my fault or not, i am willing to take responibility for things that have happened. this is fine, i understand that a large majority of things that have happened recently have been my fault. from family to friends, to my own life, things have gone wrong because of me. this does not mean i am the only person that has done wrong, but the wrong doing of others has been influenced by my initail wrong doing. what am i getting at? that i took responibility for what i did, and i've been trying like hell to make things better, i've been doing what i thought was best, and doing what i can to make things better for the people around me. last night all that i hoped for was that this year, people would see that, and maybe give me another chance, a chance to be the good person everyone knows i can be. i'm really not a bad guy, i just did some bad things. no more excuses, no more of the past coming back to make things hard, just a new start, a fresh slate, a chance to make things good. i cant do it on my own, and i know that everyone has been trying hard, my friends that i've lost touch with, my friends that i'm still close with, my family who has always stuggled, everyone has done what they can, and i want to help, and i know that this year things can be made better. thats what i was hoping for last night. when i woke up i relized how hard that was going to be.
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