::Sighs softly as she absently slouches in the hotel chair, biting her full bottom lip as she opens up the update pages, her fingernail tapping the mouse absently before she begins to type..::
A lot of things have happened to me over the years, good, bad, awful. When I look back, it's confusing and makes sense all at the same time. Some happy memories make everything worth while, and some bad memories hurt so much I wish they weren't my memories at all. When I look at where I've been, what I've done, and where I am now.. I feel a bit odd. Not sad, not depressed.. but not happy. I'm doing what I love and standing up for what I think is right, but it's gotten me where..?
Not a place I'm particularly fond of, but I know I could never fake life to try and change my life. That would only make me more unhappy, like I was before. I've grown so much, and I had so many expectations.. Maybe the expectations were to high, I'm not sure. Maybe peoples expectations of me were to high, and I failed them. I don't know what it is, but I feel somewhat lost. I can drink, and go dancing and laugh at jokes with my friends, but it doesn't change the fact that when I lie in bed at night I stare up at the hotel ceiling and think, "What's missing?"
::A frown creases her brow as she takes a small drink of the Mojito sitting next to her lap top, then begins typing once more.::
I don't know what's missing, but I know there's a hole here that I can't seem to fill. I'm curious and scared of what it is, maybe it will never be filled, I think that's what scares me the most. That I'll go through life feeling like a piece of me is missing. It was there with Jorge, with Benji, and it's still there. Maybe it's that I haven't met that one right person, and when I do it will be filled. Maybe I need to do something, be a part of something.. I just don't know. Hopefully I'll find it soon..