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[23 Aug 2003|01:56am] [ mood | amused ] ( Hell yeah.. ) So, Christina's been absent from the world of socialization. This whole thing with the stage collapsing was just.. an experience. Let me tell you, I was so upset my mother had to calm me down. I'm so dissapointed for the fans that had shows we had to cancel, though I know we couldn't help it. At least we'll be making them up, maybe we'll be able to do something extra for those shows. I just know that if I had tickets to a concert and it got canceled, I'd be upset. Let's hope it doesn't happen again, or when we're on stage. I think that might have been one of the reasons I was so upset. What if it had collapsed on me? Or worse, on Justin, or crew, or dancers? I don't even want to think about that. See, now I'm paranoid. ::She laughs softly and then sighs, reaching up to brush a couple strands of hair behind her ear, running her hand back and over the ponytail before letting it drop back to the keyboard:: But as they say, "The how must go on". And it will. Hah, I turned on MTV last night and saw my video for 'Can't Hold Us Down'.. I love how they make me edit my video, and a few minutes later some rap video comes on with girls in barely there tops and their butts hanging out of their shorts while the guy makes all these derogatory remarks about women. It makes me wonder sometimes, but people can always go to my official site and see the whole video. Lil'Kim is awesome, by the way, as I'm sure everybody already knows. Go buy her albums, now. Right now, I'm quite amused with the fact that I'm up by myself watching 'I Love the 70's'. They briefly mentioned 'punk rock' on the hour about '77, unfortunately it was very brief, to brief in my opinion. I love The Sex Pistols and The Clash.. they should have been mentioned more, I would have rather seen more about them than people having sex and doing drugs at Studio 54. Maybe it's just me. Oh well, I need to go. Stinky needs to go out before I go to bed, hopefully I'll talk to you all soon. Joel, CALL ME! 2 comments|post comment

[04 Aug 2003|02:03pm] [ music | Places To Park Too Soon ] Alright, so Christina is officially bored. It's not good to be bored, Christina is never bored. See, I'm so bored I'm talking in third person. My phone isn't busy, someone call me! I need to be reassured that I have friends.. ::She laughed softly, shifting in the seat and rolling her shoulders as she thought for a few moments.:: Hmm.. Is it wrong to have a sort of childish crush on someone you briefly know and that you know has no interest in you like that? Well, I do. It sucks. On to better knews, I saw Tomb Raider 2 yesterday, an awesome movie. Those of you who haven't see it, you're stupid. Hah.. I also rented some movies. Ghost World and Velvet Goldmine. I love Velvet Goldmine, it's just.. an amazing movie. And to think that Jonathan Rhys Myers was also in Bend It Like Beckham.. I just, couldn't put the two movies together if I tried, though they're both good. See? Chrissy's life now revolves around movies. Pretty sad. I need to go out. Will one of my wonderful friends come and drag me out to a club? Please? 5 comments|post comment

[04 Aug 2003|02:03pm] [ music | Places To Park Too Soon ] Alright, so Christina is officially bored. It's not good to be bored, Christina is never bored. See, I'm so bored I'm talking in third person. My phone isn't busy, someone call me! I need to be reassured that I have friends.. ::She laughed softly, shifting in the seat and rolling her shoulders as she thought for a few moments.:: Hmm.. Is it wrong to have a sort of childish crush on someone you briefly know and that you know has no interest in you like that? Well, I do. It sucks. On to better knews, I saw Tomb Raider 2 yesterday, an awesome movie. Those of you who haven't see it, you're stupid. Hah.. I also rented some movies. Ghost World and Velvet Goldmine. I love Velvet Goldmine, it's just.. an amazing movie. And to think that Jonathan Rhys Myers was also in Bend It Like Beckham.. I just, couldn't put the two movies together if I tried, though they're both good. See? Chrissy's life now revolves around movies. Pretty sad. I need to go out. Will one of my wonderful friends come and drag me out to a club? Please? post comment

[04 Aug 2003|02:03pm] [ music | Places To Park Too Soon ] Alright, so Christina is officially bored. It's not good to be bored, Christina is never bored. See, I'm so bored I'm talking in third person. My phone isn't busy, someone call me! I need to be reassured that I have friends.. ::She laughed softly, shifting in the seat and rolling her shoulders as she thought for a few moments.:: Hmm.. Is it wrong to have a sort of childish crush on someone you briefly know and that you know has no interest in you like that? Well, I do. It sucks. On to better knews, I saw Tomb Raider 2 yesterday, an awesome movie. Those of you who haven't see it, you're stupid. Hah.. I also rented some movies. Ghost World and Velvet Goldmine. I love Velvet Goldmine, it's just.. an amazing movie. And to think that Jonathan Rhys Myers was also in Bend It Like Beckham.. I just, couldn't put the two movies together if I tried, though they're both good. See? Chrissy's life now revolves around movies. Pretty sad. I need to go out. Will one of my wonderful friends come and drag me out to a club? Please? 2 comments|post comment

[31 Jul 2003|12:38pm] [ mood | crappy ] I finally got to talk to Joel again, I'm so happy. He's my best friend, he's so great, really. He's not mad at me, which is good, though I think he deserves to be.. I haven't talked to everyone in a while, I want to get back into the groove of how things used to be. I miss talking to Benj too. I need a life, seriously.. I have the tour, and that's it.. Anyway, Angelina Jolie is here.. How awesome is that? How many times did I tell Benji I wish I could talk to her? I've lost count. She's so amazing. She's beautiful, talented, unique, and honest. Yeah, I'll shut up now. ::She let out a soft sigh, shifting in her hair as she watched the blinking cursor, pressing her lips together in thought. Her index finger absently tapped the keys before she once again began to type.:: I'm lonely, I need some company.. Joel said he'd come see me, hopefully he does. It'll be cool to just hang out with him. And maybe I can join one of those dating services.. You know, the whole nine yards. "Hi, I'm Christina. I like tattoos and piercings and candlelit dinners. My occupation is a slutty singer. I can't seem to find a good, stable relationship. Ask me out." ::Cracks up softly and shakes her head in a musement, then reaches up to run her fingers through her black locks before bringing her hands back to the keyboard.:: That would go over well. Eh, I needed my alone time. I got it, and now I'm better for it. I just miss all my friends. 4 comments|post comment

[11 Jul 2003|11:49am] _______________________ Counting Crows - Colorblind I am colorblind Coffee black and egg white Pull me out from inside I am ready I am taffy stuck and tongue tied Stutter shook and uptight Pull me out from inside I am ready I am fine I am covered in skin No one gets to come in Pull me out from inside I am folded and unfolded and unfolding I am colorblind Coffee black and egg white Pull me out from inside I am ready I am fine _______________________ So.. I sort of shut myself off from everyone, and I'm sorry about that. The tour, and some other stuff just sort of, drained my energy. I realize how selfish it was, and I'm sorry to those of you who cared or needed me. Joel Boy.. you're my best friend, I'm sorry, I love you. I missed our talks and I'm sorry I wasn't here for you when you needed me. Remember to hit me up, my brotha from anotha motha. Brit Brit.. girl, I'm sorry. I know I should have been here. Maybe if I had been, none of this would have happened.. I'm sorry. Benj Okay.. when Brit told me you two had been in an accident, I just.. went cold. I had forgotten how much I cared for you and how much I value your friendship. I miss our talks. Jess We need to go have a good time and just forget about all the crap that's going on. You with me? Call me girl! post comment

[27 Jun 2003|08:31pm] So, they premiered 'Making The Tour: Stripped and Justified' today. It was rather good, though half of it was showing us rehearsing the same to songs. I wouldn't have minded if they had showed me rehearsing two different songs or something, but it was cool. They caught me wearing my two favorite shirts.. the Felix and cherry shirts.. ::She laughs softly, then reaches up to run her fingers through the raven strands, a smile forming on her red glossed lips:: I love the tour though.. great. But anyway.. Allison's been taking some time off, which she needed and I'm glad to give her. I'm just more lonely now.. Blah, I hate whining. But anyway.. I need to go eat something and see if I can get ahold of Justin, maybe he'll go out to a club or something with me. post comment

[15 Jun 2003|03:02am] So, I know I haven't updated in a while. Sorry for those who care. The tour's going great though, it's so much fun. It's so exciting to be performing again, I love being on stage while everyone in the crowd cheers and sings along with my songs. There's no better feeling in the world. Well, maybe, but I'm not going to gripe about that right now. Allison needs to get a journal.. So, I'm bored on my off time. Justin spends all his time on his cell with Avril. That boy is so whipped. If anyone wishes to visit me, feel free. And I'll be at Joel and Brit's wedding tomorrow. They're so cute. =D I can't wait to see Alex. ::She smiles, then sighs and clicks the update button, standing only to stretch and yawn, then makes her way to her bed, resting her small body under the large comforter and falling asleep:: 2 comments|post comment

[10 Jun 2003|06:08pm] [ mood | depressed ] I woke up it was seven, I waited till eleven Just to figure out that no one would call I think I've got alot of friends, but I don't hear from them What's another night alone? When your spending every day on your own And here it goes... I'm just a kid and life is a nightmare I'm just a kid I know that it's not fair Nobody cares 'cause I'm all alone and the world is Having more fun than me... tonight And maybe when the night is dead, I'll crawl into my bed Staring at these four walls again I'll try and think about the last time I had a good time. Everyone's got Somewhere to go, and they're gonna leave me Here on my own and here it goes... I'm just a kid and life is a nightmare I'm just a kid I know that it's not fair Nobody cares 'cause I'm alone And the world is havin' more fun than me... What the hell is wrong with me? Don't fit in with anybody How did this happen to me? Wide awake I'm bored and I can't fall asleep and every night is The worst night ever... I'm just a kid I'm just a kid I'm just a kid (I'm just a kid) Yeah, I'm just a kid (I'm just a kid, I'm just a kid) I'm just a kid (I'm just a kid, I'm just a kid) I'm just a kid and life is a nightmare I'm just a kid and I know that its not fair Nobody cares 'cause I'm alone And the world is Nobody wants to be alone in the world I'm just a kid and life is a nightmare I'm just a kid and I know that its not fair Nobody cares 'cause I'm alone And the world is Nobody wants to be alone in the world Nobody cares 'cause I'm alone and the world is having more fun than me... Tonight I'm all alone... Tonight Nobody cares... Tonight Cause I'm just a kid... Tonight Sums up my feelings perfectly. I feel like such a fucking loser. I'm depressed, and I shouldn't be. I've got great friends, I'm on an amazing tour, my career's going very well. I just.. I don't know. I feel lonely even though I'm constantly surrounded by people and I hate it. It may not seem like it, but I need a life. Blah.. 8 comments|post comment

[16 May 2003|05:19pm] [ mood | bitchy ] Christina Aguilera has hit out at critics of her new curvy shape - accusing them of encouraging eating disorders. The sexy singer is currently showing off a fuller figure - having gained 9.5 kilograms (19 pounds) in weight. And she loves the new look: "I like having a little bit of booty, and a little bit of thigh too. It brings out my Latina side and I'm really comfortable with that. I've got womanly hips now. I love being voluptuous." But Christina admits she is disheartened by negative publicity it has prompted. The star says, "It's really sad that young girls are getting eating disorders, but now that I'm getting slammed for putting on weight, what kind of message are they going to get? Once I start touring again, I'll end up losing weight. Then I'll be criticised for being too thin again." Hell yeah it pisses me off. That's one of the things I feel strongly about. A girl doesn't have to be skinny to be beautiful, I myself like bigger women. I think it's disgusting that they pick on me for being so skinny and reporting that 'pop tarts like Christina Aguilera and Britney Spears give little girls a weight complex', then be hypocrytical and pick on me when I gain weight?! ::She glares at the computer screen, tapping the mouse absently before beginning to type again.:: Anyway, I just needed to vent. E!'s doing a Christina Aguilera special June 20th, if anyone wants to watch it. My mom did a long interview for it, so this shoule be good. I know I haven't been around, but rehearsals have been kicking my butt, I promise I'll start getting on more again. But yes, my fruit smoothie is here and I want to go enjoy it. Caio! 4 comments|post comment

[30 Apr 2003|06:42pm] [ mood | contemplative ] ::Sighs softly as she absently slouches in the hotel chair, biting her full bottom lip as she opens up the update pages, her fingernail tapping the mouse absently before she begins to type..:: A lot of things have happened to me over the years, good, bad, awful. When I look back, it's confusing and makes sense all at the same time. Some happy memories make everything worth while, and some bad memories hurt so much I wish they weren't my memories at all. When I look at where I've been, what I've done, and where I am now.. I feel a bit odd. Not sad, not depressed.. but not happy. I'm doing what I love and standing up for what I think is right, but it's gotten me where..? Not a place I'm particularly fond of, but I know I could never fake life to try and change my life. That would only make me more unhappy, like I was before. I've grown so much, and I had so many expectations.. Maybe the expectations were to high, I'm not sure. Maybe peoples expectations of me were to high, and I failed them. I don't know what it is, but I feel somewhat lost. I can drink, and go dancing and laugh at jokes with my friends, but it doesn't change the fact that when I lie in bed at night I stare up at the hotel ceiling and think, "What's missing?" ::A frown creases her brow as she takes a small drink of the Mojito sitting next to her lap top, then begins typing once more.:: I don't know what's missing, but I know there's a hole here that I can't seem to fill. I'm curious and scared of what it is, maybe it will never be filled, I think that's what scares me the most. That I'll go through life feeling like a piece of me is missing. It was there with Jorge, with Benji, and it's still there. Maybe it's that I haven't met that one right person, and when I do it will be filled. Maybe I need to do something, be a part of something.. I just don't know. Hopefully I'll find it soon.. 9 comments|post comment

[19 Apr 2003|08:16pm] [ mood | stressed ] I went over to Jess's last night and we got smashed.. It was fun though. We played truth or dare and I must say, we both have a lot of sexual frustration building up. It sucks. I'm naturally a sexual person by nature and I sit back and know everyone is getting some but me.. But I'm not going to go sleep with random people. It has to be with someone I'm with. Oh, and Allison's getting a journal! Hoo-ray! When she gets here, everyone will show her so much love she'll choke. If you don't, I'll beat your ass because Allison is the best! I love her to deat! But yes.. This concludes my update. Pretty sad, huh? 15 comments|post comment

[15 Apr 2003|10:05pm] [ mood | lonely ] Well.. this will be quite and eventful entry. I got drunk, had a hangover.. got over being alone and I'm feeling better about it. ::laughs:: I sound like I'm at an AA meeting.. I'll use a Joelism and say 'Psh' to that. But yes, alcohol is my weakness. Get over it. Mands came over to the hotel and we swam, then we came up and played truth or dare, it was hilarious. Me flashing the bell boy, her mooning random people.. and my nude rendition of 'I'm A Little Teacup'. Oh God.. what I would give to have that all on tape. It was fun.. Then it got serious. She kissed me, I was shocked, to say the least. But it was nice.. I'm just not sure. I don't think I see her like that, she's Mands. One of my friends. I don't know.. I'm in LA, all on my own, with people making fun of my black hair! Not fun! Someone should come see me. I need company.. I need a girlfriend, or a boyfriend. I don't judge myself on who I'm with, that's a load of shit. But I do want someone.. I'm tired of being single. 6 comments|post comment

[12 Apr 2003|11:16am] [ mood | annoyed ] I know I haven't updated in a little while, sorry for those who care. I'm working some personal things out. Something Justin said got me thinking.. maybe it wasn't really love. I mean, it was different than what I had with Jorge but loving different people wouldn't feel the same, right? I don't know.. I'm starting to think it was a whole lot of like and a little lust combined to feel like love. I'm not sure.. Things are probably going to be akward between me and Benji for a while, until I can sit back and not compare myself to Tony. I'll get over it, it'll just take a little while. In the meantime I've got Justin to cheer me up.. well, not today because he's going to visit Avril and lick her stomach. I love that boy, I really do.. ::laughs:: He's truly a dork and a half. =P Someone needs to come visit me.. I'm lonely and bored, and those are two things I've realised I have more than love. =/ 7 comments|post comment

[10 Apr 2003|03:27pm] [ mood | sick ] [ music | "Easier To Run" - Linkin Park ] Maybe I shouldn't be writing this.. no, I know I shouldn't. But what the hell, I pride myself on doing whatever I want, right? I love Benji.. but I hate love. Love has made me it's bitch and then kicked me into the gutter. I'm sick of it.. What have I gotten from love? Nothing but torn relationships, wounded pride, and alcohol poisoning. It's stupid, and I absolutely hate it more than anything in this world. I'm sick of hearing the unsympathetic, "It'll get better..", or "Time heals all wounds..". Fuck you, you don't know what I'm feeling. Yes, I know what you're thinking. The whole Tony and Benji thing.. I don't know Tony, I can't say anything about him. All I can say is that I wish he had told Benji a couple of years ago, it might have helped both of us. And Benji, I hope he makes you happy, I really do. I wish you two the best. And I do wish everyone the best of luck and all happiness in love, because I sure as hell don't want anymore to do with it. It can kiss my ass and die. I know these are strongs words, but these are strong emotions. I've never been scared of anything, but love scares me shitless and I can't stand it. Guys and girls, stay away from me. I don't want anymore love, if I fall in love again I think I'll kill myself. Aren't I just so pleasant.. If you all are wondering were I am, I'm in LA.. if you can't get ahold of me, go to the most secluded local bar. TTFN. post comment

[07 Apr 2003|09:25pm] [ mood | frustrated ] Have you ever had that feeling of chaos? That you have utterly no control over anything in your life and that you're suffocating? I haven't had that feeling in a while, and it's not anywhere near as bad as it has been before, but it's there. I love Benji, I do. But I don't think I can even compare to what him and Tony share, it was there way before I came along. I'm backing off.. I will fight for what I love, but sometimes fighting isn't enough, you have to do something harder. Sit back and wait. If him and Tony want to be together, I can't stop them. I've been through this before, it's not new. But I'll be prepared now. I'll have my box of tissues, my double fudge brownies, alcohol, my Nanashpeeg, and my mommy. I love him, but sometimes love doesn't always hold two people together... 12 comments|post comment

[07 Apr 2003|07:09am] [ mood | amused ] Good Charlotte rocked the fucking house on SNL. Yes they did, they did indeed. =D And Benj was nervous. It was awesome. Berni Mack was okay, I don't think it was one of the funniest SNLs ever, but GC made the whole show the best ever. We all hung out before the show.. Benji, Joel, me, Sarah, Avril, and Pierre. Brit couldn't make it. =( I decided not to distract Benji, since they were doing so well and I was.. well, to caught up in watching him on stage to remember.. O=) He's so amazing on stage.. Well, afterwards we celebrated a little, then Benji and I went to get my tattoo.. I got a small one. A rose wrapped around a dagger on my lower right hip, opposite my cherries. It hurt so bad. Benji said I crushed his hand. Whatever.. =D Then we went back to the hotel and he held me. I think that was the best night of my life. I went to sleep, and I guess Benj got back up. Hyper dork.. ; P 3 comments|post comment

[05 Apr 2003|10:06am] [ mood | awake ] [ music | Simple Plan - "Addicted" ] This post won't be as depressing as the last.. =) I've been in NY for a while.. the first couple days with just be and Benji. We snuggled.. shh, don't tell anyone. He's a hardcore punk rocker.. ; D Really he is! Nah, but I really enjoyed our time together. I don't even know how to describe it. I can't put what I'm starting to feel into words. Just being around him makes me feel.. good. When he looks at me, I feel special. I love holding him and being held by him. When we're together it's almost like we're the only two things that matter.. I know you're probably throwing up, so I'll move one.. ; P The rest of the guys got up here a couple days ago and I've been tagging along with them. I was with them on TRL yesterday (well, not on TRL with them.. behind the scenes wearing a hat and glasses..). And tonight I'm going to see them on SNL. Yay! Yes, the distraction is still on! Oh, and I stole this from Sarah. I wuv you Sarah! =D I ____ Christina. Christina is ____. If I were alone in a room with Christina, I would ____. I think Christina should ____. Christina needs ____. Christina will never ____. I want to _____ Christina. Christina can ____ my _____. When I think about Christina, I ____. Someday Christina will _____. Christina reminds me of _____. Without Christina ____. Memories of Christina are ____. Christina can be ____. ____ is how I describe meeting Christina. Worst thing about Christina is ____. Best thing about Christina is _____. Christina _____. 8 comments|post comment

[01 Apr 2003|10:44pm] [ mood | exhausted ] God.. I'm crying right now. I just read Benji's post and I'm blown away. Now I'm sentimental and I'm going to copy him.. Mommy: I love you so much. We'd been through a lot of crap together, but you've always pulled me through and been there for me. You're my best friend, my idol, my mother. What more could a daughter ask for? The Pack(Aka my family): I love you all.. Rachel, you're my live-through. ; D Nanashpig, I love you more than life. And leave the coyotes and rabbits alone! I love my family, you're all with me all the time. Muah! Benji: I know we haven't been together long, but I feel like you see me.. really see me. And not many people can do that, and I'm not afriad of you seeing me. I want to be with you all the time, and when I'm with you I feel like I can breath a sigh and just let everything go. I <3 you baby. All my friends: Joel, you're the best. I love you my vegetarian fellow ass kicker! Avril, you're awesome girl, and don't let Justin intimidate you. ;D Justin, boy.. You best be bringing it to the tour or I'm going to blow everyone away. And Brit, I love you girl! Don't forget to wear your glow in the dark NR for the SNL performance! ; P That's it.. I need to get a tissue, I look awful when I don't have makeup on and cry. I don't want to scare Allison.. =) 7 comments|post comment

[31 Mar 2003|09:05pm] [ mood | cheerful ] [ music | "Young and Hopeless" - GC ] I haven't updated in a while, sorry for those of you who read my journal. ; P Well.. I've decided to get another tattoo on the 5th after SNL, and after we celebrate (hopefully). Benji's going to be there with me, so that'll make it easier. He's really sweet, and I'm really glad we're 'together'. He makes me feel special, I hope the feeling's mutual. And yes.. I'm going to distract him during the performance. Hope it's not to bad.. ; D I'm actually folding clothes and talking to everyone right now, which is fun.. Earlier, I was listening to Good Charlotte's latest album and when Emotionless came on I just started crying. I couldn't help it, I know the pain and I hate that they had to go through it as well. As bad as it is that we have that pain in common, it made me feel closer to them. Anyway.. I can't wait until the 5th, and whoever can be there, be there! 2 comments|post comment

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