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Saturday, August 2nd, 2008
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2:50 pm
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I think too much, i think way too much. I suppose that's healthy though, or not. It can be both. I remember in therapy once, Debi asked when i did most of my thinking and "destructive behavior". I think almost all the time lady. I do "destructive behavior" every time i can, or want to, or need to. I was never fully honest with her though, or else that's what i'd say. I'd give a truthful answer, yes, but not really. I just responded with "late at night". That's when most people do a lot of thinkin, at the end of the day. She pissed me off about that though, because then she got into writing a note to my doctor explaining what she, as a therapist, believed i needed to be prescribed. She talked about writing notes to my doctor all the time, god, that bothered me. I didn't wanna be fixed, i was fine, yah know? It's other people that had the problem, right? Like, if you've ever seen Girl, Interrupted where Susanna's in the bathtub and she's yelling at the nurse, something like "oh, and is that your diagnoses? huh, is that what you learned at your late night classes for welfare negro's? but youz ain't no doctor, youz just a black welfare nurse" well, that's how i felt, i felt like susanna, as in, i felt debi had no place to be telling me what was wrong with me, when she wasn't even a doctor, she was a therapist. she couldn't diagnose me with anything, right? My dad says my thoughts are wonderful, you know that? well..when something happened and everything got fucked up, something was released that had a lot of my thoughts in it, god, it was sent to everyone that my mother possibly knows, but anyways, my dad didn't get mad at me for any of it, he just called me and told me how he read everything and that he was amazed by it, that i should be a psychologist or write a book or something. That's so fucked up now that i think about it, i mean, half the shit that goes through my mind people wouldn't understand, or they'd just think i was one hell of a fucked up person. maybe i am, how should i know, yet, how should you know? i don't like that people can judge what normal is. These days, almost anything is normal if you think about it, but see, people don't think about it, they just expect normal to be what it's always been. Really, think about it, drugs are starting to become common, alcohol, eating disorders, mental disorders, permarital sex, thinkin about death, etc. but those are all just common, they aren't really normal, just common. There's a difference between those two in this world. Is that bad? well..who am i to say if that's bad or not. Maybe it's not bad, maybe it is. And we all judge people, really, we all do.We decide what we think of people, sometimes we'll put them with a sterotype. I hate that, but we're human, we all do it. Like, have you ever been sitting at a red light and you look over at the car next to you, and you can look in at that person, or people, and you decide something about them. Something, anything. maybe it's just something as simple as "that lady is defiantely married and lovess her children", maybe it's even more in depth like "that man's probably going to a gay bar tonight without his boyfriend, who's out of town, and he's gunna go home with someone else, that way he doesn't feel lonely tonight" Maybe you don't do that, maybe i'm just weird. But you do have your thoughts about people, even if you don't know them. I don't even know why i'm typing this, I don't even wanna be home right now but i insisted on giving my thoughts on something. I have so much more i'd love to share, but this is becomin too long so i'm gunna stop.
P.S.--i'm sorry if you read this, haha, really i am. I was gunna type a blog, but then i started typing thoughts that weren't gunna deal with my original blog. and since this was becomin long and i didn't wanna delete it, i was going to copy and paste it onto something else that has nothin to do with myspace. then at the end, i realized you can't copy and paste blogs and i'm not deleting this just yet. maybe after i post this, i can copy and paste it, i just thought? maybe? haha. i'll check once i get home..or, probably tomorrow?
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(comment on this)
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| Sunday, May 28th, 2006
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9:21 pm
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| Monday, May 22nd, 2006
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4:42 pm
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i wonder if he thought about me at all today?
probably not.
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(comment on this)
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| Wednesday, May 17th, 2006
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5:53 pm
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| Monday, May 15th, 2006
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8:27 pm
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| Thursday, May 11th, 2006
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7:06 pm
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| Friday, April 21st, 2006
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11:18 pm
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bret said it's not gunna work out..
i'm not strong enough for this anymore
i'm a bitch to everyone
& this world would be so much better off
if i wasn't even born.
alot of people say i try to hard, but that's what you do, right?
if you love something that you're afraid of losing, you try wayyy to hard because you're scared.
..you don't just let it go, hoping it comes back to you, because you're too scared it won't come back..
it's called selfish love
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(comment on this)
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| Sunday, February 26th, 2006
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9:38 pm - THIS WAS NO ACCIDENT
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k so i was at sabrinas.
we were in her car. and her mommy was driving & her 16 yr. old sis was in the passengers seat
and i was in the middle back
then there was ryan and sabrina beside me.
and britney spears came on
and sabrina's sis was like "who's this sabrina?..haha"
and sabrina was like "eww.its spears, i hate her"
and i was like "omg?!...what, i love her!"..
and her mom almost wrecked.
because everyone looked back at me..
like seriously just stared
and her mom almost wrecked haha.
i was like "what?!"
hahahaha.
and yeah.
bret herbed friday nite :\
bugs me because he said he didnt do that shit.
and yeah.
thats why i hated tyler.
because it makes people meaner than what they are.
like even when they arent smokin it.
its crazy.
okay. tyler just IMed me[speakin of the devil]
he said "yo. hows yo love life?"
haha-->mee:"yo. since when is that yo business"
him-"oh well mine sucks"
me"okay?..im sorry"..
now the convo.s like over..
haha
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(comment on this)
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| Monday, January 30th, 2006
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9:15 am - and this is the fucking end :)
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im not afraid to bleed and fuck and fight
--**friends view only for a while
current mood: ima whore
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(comment on this)
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| Sunday, January 29th, 2006
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8:26 pm
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| Saturday, January 28th, 2006
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6:53 pm
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laugh out when you strike your pose
take off all your preppy clothes
you know you're not fooling anyone when you become somebody else around everyone else
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(comment on this)
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| Friday, January 27th, 2006
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12:18 pm
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| Thursday, January 26th, 2006
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12:51 pm
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| Wednesday, January 25th, 2006
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9:57 am - im a dork
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hey my name is roxxy..i like in englewood, and love my life ♥
i have friends from everyone because im really socialable..yay
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(comment on this)
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| Wednesday, January 11th, 2006
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1:07 pm
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1:07 pm
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i only want sympathy
in the form of you
crawling into bed with me
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(comment on this)
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1:04 pm
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