I think im really going to do it, committe suicide, whats the poit of living anymore. I am in this world all alone. There is no 1 here to turn to. Life just fucking sucs thats all I have to say right now
god I'm so fucking boared nothing to do, Richard went ice fiching with his mom and he still has not came back yet. And him knowing that his girlfriend (ME) is over at his house he hasnt even called. well I ended up caliing his moms house and he's sleeping, which he probally wont even come home tonight. Thats a buch a fucking bullshit.
I clean their house every single day, and he doesn't even say tahnk you or nothing like that, well sometimes he does. And my mom wont even come pick me up to take me shoping. She hasnt even seen me for a month. That a bunch of shit rihgt there. All she cares about is her fucking self, she's never at home, she never spends any time with us kids. Its all because of her new boyfriend Carl. I wish Jim was still at are house, at least he cared about us kids. My mom is not a responsible parent, and she never will be. As long as every thing goes her way she's happy, and if one of us kids yell at her or something, she gets a fucking pissy at us. and she tells us to shut the fuck up, or anyhting to get us to leave her alone. Well I am ging to go find something to do with my self, or I dont know Im just FUCKING pissed off . I need some more off my anti-depresent pills. God Im just fucking boared as hell. ohh well life is life so what the fuck live with it.
well... what is there to say this early in the morning. WEll last night I fell asleep around 8:30 last night. I was soo tired I had cecaned my boyfriends house all day running on no sleep. ANd the I just past out for like 10 hours, and then RIchard "myBoyfriend" comes and jumps on the bed at 5:45 in the morning. As soon as I woke up we had great sex.
When I read all the journals about cutting yourself, I asked meself are they telling the truth or are they just saying things for just to be noticed? When people look at me they dont see a girl who cuts themself, but it feels like that is the best way to get my anger out. i always feel depresed, so when I cant take anymore I cut myself. I normaly cut my legs, but I have a few on my arms. Ever since my father died and then not even a month after he died I had to move up here to Alaska. I mean out of all the places in the US, my mom choose Alaska. I miss Ohio a lot. I miss even more my friends and the warm weather. Its so cold here. I cant stand it. There is like no fun things to do here, besides smoke weed legally. But thats about it ohh and ride 4-wheelers into town. Or so what they call town here.
Why did you have to go.
you left me to a world of hate and pain. Every day I wonder why you had to die. I cant take the guilt and sham. I hate knowing that your not going to be here in the future. It's just those simple little things like, when i graduate from highschool your not going to be there for me when my name gets called. Or when I go to prom your not going to see me in a dress, and your not going to see when that day comes, when Im asked to be marries, and you won't walk me down the ile. And when I have kids, you wont be able to here the words Grampa. In my life time I never thought that you would have to leave so early in my life. Now I sit up wondering night after night why did you decide to let go. I will always be your little girl.
I love you Daddy,