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Saturday, June 7th, 2003
10:17p - Are you in?
I never know quite how to begin. I always stumble and falter with the words in my mind. They never quite come out right. I don't think you can really ever expect them to. I find that words aren't half as effective as actions are. Recently, I find my actions may have set me back personally when my intention was moving forward. Such is life. I can only hope to make forward strides. And days feel a lot longer than they used to. Days used to start and stop, with clear boundaries and lines. Now the days melt into each other, spilling over and blurring things. A sunset is known to be the marker of a day ended and a new day begun. I can't remember the last time I actually had time to sit down and just stare at the horizon while the sun descended out of sight. The sun brings her to mind, and I'm sure I could compare her with all these things, but I doubt it would do me any good. I'm usually more alert at night. when everything is hushed and still. sometimes I feel like there is so much that floods my mind and perhaps that clouds my judgment. I'm holding on to something I should probably be letting go of. I find that some of the best things in life are worth holding on to, but mostly I'm holding on to the past. holding on to that most precious moment. something you're afraid of never having again.

Random Brandon- The heap of human-ness that is spewed into this lifeform. I am the space ghost of (not only Livejournal) Blurty. Beware Mothers, lock your children in your house's. This boy is on the prowl. A real time heartbreaker? Dream taker? Vague empitimy of everything. But it all is so much clearer now, or is it?as i squint in an attempt to obtain an unobstructed glimpse of the past, the grandiose nature of the future allures me. i am walking on the edge of the earth. i stand, feet staggered, with one foot on familiar terrain; the side that cannot be altered. it has already transpired thus offering me security. the other threshold: my future. it is the side that i can mold, it is the side that is seemingly more tangible to me. it is the side that i am capable of controlling. indubitably i am torn between the two.

but somehow, i am compelled to gravitate towards the imminent light that is the future. i am drawn to the unknown.

the only thing i can think of to connect all of this with is the process in which a pearl is made. through irritation and force, in the end, something beautiful is made by an unorthodox inner force. how can something so marvelous and pure come from a process that is so vulgar? the sweat, the tears, the energy it took to make the pearl radiates from the natural splendor, however, it is not reflected. to the naked eye, the creases where the grains of sand fused cannot be seen. the surface is smooth and slick, the color has not yet been tampered with. i used to think that the ends justified the means or that it was the end result that only mattered. i have come to the comprehension that the route taken to reach the final destination is as of much importance. it is what etches the journey permanently in your mind.

current mood: amused
current music: Deftones - My Own Summer/Shove It

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