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Below are the 25 most recent journal entries.

	2004.02.21  22.56 sorry blurty...new journal.... http://www.livejournal.com/users/clock4aheart/

	2004.02.20  16.46 Tell me what you think of the poem in the last entry...its just a first draft...Not great

	2004.02.20  16.27 Carbonated Love Unbearable thirst. Time to start looking... Something to quench my desires. Aisles and aisles go by... Nothing acceptable. I take my time, Taking my time to find what is right. I find many... None good enough... Generic brands shall no longer do... I give up. There is no hope for me... The salty, bitter tears, Running down my cheeks... Bring back my thirst. My never ending search.... I go back... Aisle after aisle... Until I get just the right one. The furthest end... The last place I check... I have found what I am looking for... Bright. Bubbly. Sweet. My love. I put him away... For my times of need. I need him more and more... Through my good times... And bad... He is there. Sitting, Waiting. Until... One day... I find him... What once was full... Bright. Bubbly. Sweet. Is now tainted. Flat... The fun is gone. This is not what I asked for. I must discard of this. Dragging me down... Making me hurt... My salty tears... May soon return. Now I know though, I cannot rely on this. I must wait. To find true love. My true happiness. Because... After a while. Good times go bad. Tears turn to smiles. And smiles to tears... Loves goes flat... I can always find another.

	2004.02.18  20.33 im so depressed and upset...i have no fucking clue why though. i usually have some sort of a reason. fuck. gad damn cosmo...i wish people would be nice and keep their promises. i feel so awful. fuck.

	2004.02.16  17.04 Speaking of... Hello... So this weekend was crazy...Yet erotically satisfying....I dont know.... Friday - School...Andrew said he couldnt hang out. Me = Mad...Said no Valentines day...Me = Madder. Andrew and I fighing...Me = Homicidal...So I decided to, wrather than speding the night alone, hang out with Eric. He had band practice so we didnt hang out until late. Before that I went to dinner at Chilis with my dad. Then Eric picked me up and we went to the mall. We looked around for Blood Brothers stuff with no luck. Belt buckle with light ans shiat. Haha. Fun. Then we went to McDonalds in the mall for icecream. Eric is oficially the funniest eater....EVER. He will walk around Taco Bell with a burrito in his hand because he is too lazy to set it down. haha...Enya.~~~ His girl or whatever was no where in site so we left the mall. We headed to the Promenade. Went to Barnes and Nobles to poke the underdressed freshman. Wow...Not sexual...Haha. Then we walked around and saw like a million people. THen we went back to B&N to look for the BB Cd. Then we came to my house for like 20 minutes and talked. Then he left and I fought with Andrew and cried until 2 am. Saturday - Andrew was still being an asshole. The worst Valentines day morning ever. Talked to him until we were semi OK. Then I had therapy. That was good. Then I went to Jacks for breakfast with my dad. Had the birth control talk with him. He'll probably get it for me. Yay! Then he took me to get flowers. I ended up trowing them at Andrews doorstep because he wouldnt even come get them. Then we went to Bonnies and watched Underworld. It was good...For the second time. Then Andrew and I were OK. So after a lot of fighting Andrew was fine. He said he would try to come over. Finally, hours later. He came over. His mom liked the flowers. All moms drunk friends were over so I kept to myself. Then I went to sleep early. Sunday - Woke up at 10 and Eric called. We decied to go to IHOP. We both ordered the exact same thing. International Swedish pancakes with lingonberries and lingonberry butter. Wow...Try saying that 3 times fast. it was so good. I swear its intoxicating. Then we checked out movie times and Big Fish started in an hour fromt hen, so we went to the park. There was no big kid swings, so we stood on the baby swings. Then we stick fighted. Then we threw sticks. Then we talked about government. Then we left and followed Crystel to wherever she was going. Haha...Then we went to the movies. It was very good for the third time. Yay! Then Eric took me home. Saw his dad as we left the theatre. Awkward. Haha. I went home and then went to Andrews for dinner. Twas' very nice. Lamb and mashed totoes. MMM. Family Guy. Long talk about stuff...Were really good now. YAY! Monday - Today...No school. Talked to dad on the internet. Fun fun. Then Andrew came over and Brett Andrew and I went to In n Out. That was yumy. Then we went and rented American Splendor. We got gas and candy. We came back to my house and watched half of the movie. My parents left...Haha. Awkward moment. Brett left and I have a headache so I rested for a while. Im gonna have a salad and then were off to rehersal. Still gots a lot of homework to do. Blah. Im off Enya~ Sam Mood: drained Music: The Blood Brothers - Cecilia

	2004.02.12  16.26 Speaking of Poopypants... ...We have to give Trixie a bath... Bonjour... Im at Andrews because I never go home anymore... Rehersal at 6...Pulled pork..YAY!... Ok...WellI just wanted to keep this journal alive... ~Sam Mood: cranky Music: Cursive

	2004.02.08  23.56 Paint Your Wagon Wow... I must say. Im just as upset as all of you... Thanks to Andrew, Lara, and Brett...At the moment you have made my night much better. Im not being sarcastic. Andrews mom bought him Lost in Translation...Wow...I wish I had a mother...Your lucky sweetie... ~Sam Mood: disappointed Music: The Postal Service

	2004.02.08  20.48 Seriously...WHAT THE FUCK? Greetings Auditioners! I am pleased to announce the following cast for the spring musical, "Cabaret". After reading, it is important that: 1. You confirm your acceptance with me either via email or phone 2. First rehearsal: Tuesday, Feb 10th, 6:00 in the Pavilion. ENTIRE CAST. Sally: Tess Farrell(Thurs,Sat mat.)/Danielle Jacoby (Fri/Sat) Cliff: Danny Bushore Emcee: Andrew Fox Fraulein Schnieder: Rebecca Lees (Thurs,Sat mat.)/Taylor Woods (Fri./Sat) Herr Schultz: Cody Dixon (Thurs,Sat. mat)/Matt Pereyra(Fri/Sat) Fraulein Kost: Michelle Wicklas (Thurs-Sat. mat)/Melissa Staab (Fri/Sat) Ernst: Tyler Holtman Max: Brian Clever Kit Kat Girls: "Mein Herr" soloist: Ashley Bracken Imka: Stevi Smith Heidi: Ellen Young Marta: Melissa Staab/Michelle Wicklas (alt.) Gretel: Vanessa Haney Leisel: Monica Luttrell Inga: Emily Chambliss Utte: Kristen McGachey (pronouned "oo-ta") Ursula: Leanna Marcus Cabaret singing waiters: Fritz: Adam Dehmohseni Helmut: Ryan Roschke Erik: Sebastian Cano Besquet Franz: Ryan Schwartz Cabaret singing waitresses: Elsa: Hailey Johnson Olga: Emily Boyle Cabaret customers/Engagement Party guests: Rudolph: Ryder Paredes Hermann: Darren Pearlman Adolf: David Saunders Lola: Lara Rothman Helga: Azia Crescenzo Magda: Laura Sadowski Hitler Youth Brown Shirts: Albert: Sean McCann Karl: Andrew Phillip Hans: Sebastian Cano Besquet Gerhardt: Richie Wormus Deutchland Sailors: Wolfgang: Sean McCann Joseph: Jeremy Ridnor Peter: Seth Rishe Gunther: Alexander Kaplan Reyes Customs Officers: Joel Sinensky Brett Rader Deutchland Cabbie: Brett Rader Cabaret unicylclist/juggler: Timothy Potter "Cabaret" opens on Thursday, March 25th. (7 weeks rehearsal). We will rehearse Mon-Thurs, 6-9:30, Sat: 10-4:30 Any questions about the double casting of certain roles please call or write to the above numbers or addresses. Congratulations and see you all Tuesday, 6:00pm, (Feb 10th) in the Pavilion! Don't forget to write and confirm! Allan Hunt, Director Russ Peters, Producer/Stge Mngr Heidi Cissell,Musical Dir. Cara Mandel, Choreographer Mood: FUCK FUCK FUCK Music: FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK

	2004.02.08  19.32 Lesson # 1... Dont get hit by cars... Lesson # 2... Dont try to give a cat a bath... Thats all I got...

	2004.02.08  10.49 I HATE THIS FUCKING COMPUTER

	2004.02.05  19.30 Do you have a fitting room? Hello... So today was a normal crazy day... Im sick of zero period...Mr. Hall is cool though...World War I is fun... Andrew wasnt speaking to me... PE was stupid as usual...I miss Amir...Sad face...Tyler and I have fun praticing our characters and stuff. Playing Cooterball. We had Mr Calce Sr. as or Sub...He nice. We just sat around most of the time. Andrew seemed ok sort of at nutrition. Kinberg was fine...Didnt have my poems...Blah... Lunch was a disaster. Didnt go with Eric...Andrew tried to break up with me...Amir...Im sorry. Ened ok...I guess. Drama was stupid. We had Mr Nordstrom as our Sub. He bugs me...We watched Waiting for Guffman thanks to Gavin and his cunning skill...Hehe... Andrew was better after school, so he went to 7th period then we walked ot his house. His dad took us to rent Lost in Translation. We came home and had enchiladas and watched the movie...Its soo amazing. Half way through though, his mom made me go home and wouldnt let him come over, so Im not gonna be able to finish it...Sad... Went to Starbucks...Twas fine... Came home...Dealt with my fucking Dad.....AHHHHHHHHH. Amir is mad... Andrew isnt... Noow Im getting hungry...Hmm... ~Sam Mood: anxious Music: Loreena Mckennit

	2004.02.04  21.50 Caesura... Hello... This is a bad week... I mean...Really bad... Andrew problems... People suck... Plays suck... John is gonna leave... Blah blah blah... I feel bad about stuff... My eye is dead... Its Butter! ~Sam Mood: aggravated Music: The Postal Service - Sillhouettes

	2004.02.02  21.47 Had no reason to be overoptimistic... Hello.. Weekend... School... Auditions... Assistant Stage Manager...I rock! Auditions OK. At school for 13 hours... Sleepy... Hewow... ~Sam Mood: sleepy Music: The Who - Tommy

	2004.01.30  17.33 Its not so much revenge as it is fun...

	2004.01.29  20.20 Overcoming Adversity Hello... So I had a lovely afternoon... School was fine...Lunch with Eric...Fun fun...Jessica came...Shes nice. Um... Andrew came over and we had a nice afternoon...Happy... Umm...Lets see...Nothing more...Not scared.. ~Sam Mood: amused Music: Muse, Bretts new band

	2004.01.28  20.38 i hate you...you childmolesting nazi...i fucking hate you. hate you hate you. leave me and my boyfriend alone. i cant stand you. my job. go away. fuck out. bye. leave me alone. im sick and tired. i hate people. love... lara andrew cosmo tyler eric michelle amiry dan josh im sure theres more, but i feel like im gonna pass out... ug... fuck you ~Sam Mood: pissed off Music: Fuck you Eileen - Dexys Midnight Runners

	2004.01.28  18.41 FUCK YOU I cant fucking believe you. Fuck off

	2004.01.28  15.40 I Wish... Hello... So grades are as follows 0 - Creason, History - D 1 - Stutz, Biology - C 2 - PE, Blondi - C 3 - Algebra 1C, Cloud - D 4 - English, Kinberg - B 5 - French, Whittington - D 6 - Drama, Hunt - A Ya...I suck...But thats OK. Mr. Peters says I can stage manage Cabaret with him if he decides to do it. Otherwise, Im gonna be in the cast...Blah. Hall today. Hes soo cool. Gandhi essay. BLAH. Im sleepy. ~Sam Quote of the Day - "I wish..." Mood: blah Music: The Postal Service

	2004.01.26  21.56 What the fuck is wrong with me that nobody gives a shit about me. Out of the entire 40 person cast, only Michelle and Mr. Peters said anything to me about being a good stage maanager. Andrew is the only other person and he isnt in the play. My dad doesnt give shit. My mom couldnt care less about anything related to me. Im just a fuck up because im a year behind all of my "Friends" So that makes me so fucking different. Yes Alana, Brian and Joey and Andrew are SO FUCKING GREAT. But what about me...Remember me sitting there. DO YOU FUCKING CARE ABOUT ME AT ALL! What is wrong with me. I want to be in Cabaret soo badly, but all everyone has told me for my whole life is that I cant sing. I just want to feel loved by more than one person. I want friends to care about me... Cosmo is mad at me. Sorry...We all know I always say the wrong thing. Im sorry. After 2 years of trying really hard to get on Ambroses crew Ive given up. Fuck that. 2 freshman are given jobs right away, but Im just so fucking stupid that I cant do anything...Right? I hate school. I wish I had friends. Dan is like my friend, but only sometimes...In class and occasionally at 2 am. I love you Dan, were jsut in different groups. The hardest thing though is having to hear Andrew say "My friends"....Well Brett and Brian and Alana are supposed to be my friends too. I dont know why people dislike me. Im trying really hard. I am...And im so lost. Im lonely and sad. Id just like to be happy for once. I want a mom and dad and friends and good grades. Im just always gonna fuck up and do the wrong thing. Go to fucking sleep.

	2004.01.26  20.53 Slippery Shrimp Hello... So...Yesterday Andrew spent the day at my house which was very very fun...Then we went to dinner with Alana and Brian at IHOP which was nice. Havent hung out with Brian in a while so it was cool. Went to Alanas after and we watched American History X....OOOH....Scary...Felt sick...Went home at 11. Today me and Lara left at 11 for 3rd Street. Went to Urban Outfitters for the first time...Got a 99 cent sale...Mmm. Fun. GOt a clock, 2 picture frames, beads for Lara and a drawer thingy. Then I got Skiing Pear boxers for Andrew...Hehe, theyre sooo fun! Then we went to The Paradise Cove Cafe for lunch. Then traffic to Laras doctor appointment. Then quick stop for icecream. Then home. Sgetti and meatballs for dinner. Put Andrews and Cosmos pictures in the frames. Happyness...Ok...Tired...Shower...School tomorrow. ~Sam Mood: disappointed Music: Pink Floyd - Animals

	2004.01.24  23.35 Red Fox Shopping... ~ Pirate Thong - Black and white stripes with skull ~ Darwin Car Fish ~ Dark Blue Converse ~ Breakfast Club Poster ~ Black stretchy Pants....Sexy ~ Dark Blue Jeans ~ Light Blue Jeans with design on them Muscles and Andrew Babysitting Andrews House Murder Mystery Quote of the Day~ "I decided Im too fat for clothes" ~Sam Mood: bouncy Music: MSI - Bed of Roses

	2004.01.23  22.50 13 Minutes + Garage = Good Times Hello... So tonight was good... Johnny Rockets with Andrew, Tyler, and Brett...Saw Tracy there..Aww love Tracy..."I know they were really rough" OMG...I love you Tyler....Funniest person Eva! Then went to see Big Fish... Tyler ended up leaving...????WTF? Then Fox called and tried to get me to leave...Oooh boy...Rolls eyes.. Im a bit upset at Tyler. I mean, I really think he is an awesome guy. Love him to death..But this was very unlike him and I didnt appreciate it. Hurt my feelings...Whatever...Still love you Tyler, just disappointed... After the movie, Andrew came over...Twas very very nice...Smiles... Off to bed...Therapists and shopping with Dad tomorrow...If he doesnt cancel...Blah... ~Sam Mood: Annoyed/Happy Music: Tool & Tori Amos - Amazing Grace

	2004.01.23  15.10 13 Minutes Hello... So finals are over...Ug... Im sleepy.. Big Fish tonight...Maybe? ~Sam Mood: blah Music: Loreena Mckennit

	2004.01.22  22.38 Rhymes Clock4AHeart: bu bye Siren of Styx: whale Siren of Styx: yeah Siren of Styx: nighty night Clock4AHeart: mighty night Clock4AHeart: flighty Clock4AHeart: bighty Siren of Styx: lol Clock4AHeart: AHHH Siren of Styx: dude Siren of Styx: fezzik Clock4AHeart: dont get me started! Siren of Styx: uncanny Clock4AHeart: ok im going Clock4AHeart: for reasies Siren of Styx: stop that rhyimg you two i mean it Clock4AHeart: realsies Siren of Styx: does anybody have a peanut Clock4AHeart: pealsies Siren of Styx: oook Clock4AHeart: feelsies Siren of Styx: ooooh Clock4AHeart: kneelsies Siren of Styx: haha Clock4AHeart: baba Siren of Styx: cock! hehe Clock4AHeart: dock Clock4AHeart: smock Clock4AHeart: lock Clock4AHeart: frock Siren of Styx: rock Clock4AHeart: tock Siren of Styx: tock Clock4AHeart: mock Clock4AHeart: stock Siren of Styx: AH Siren of Styx: The last message was not sent because you are over the rate limit. Please wait until sending is re-enabled and send the message again. Siren of Styx: walk Siren of Styx: ooh your mom Siren of Styx: ha! Clock4AHeart: wtf Clock4AHeart: yhats so stupid Clock4AHeart: fgkfl Clock4AHeart: fkhgkdfl Clock4AHeart: gfjkghdf Clock4AHeart: fkhgkldf Siren of Styx: hahahaha Siren of Styx: burn Clock4AHeart: it has bar at the bottom that tells you Clock4AHeart: unser send Clock4AHeart: under send Clock4AHeart: the green yellow and red Siren of Styx: undersend? Siren of Styx: ooo Clock4AHeart: the "Send" icon Siren of Styx: ueah Siren of Styx: hahaha Siren of Styx: ic Clock4AHeart: ghkl Clock4AHeart: gh Clock4AHeart: ghj Clock4AHeart: mjh Clock4AHeart: gjg Siren of Styx: lk;djf Clock4AHeart: gj Siren of Styx: The last message was not sent because you are over the rate limit. Please wait until sending is re-enabled and send the message again. Siren of Styx: alkfjasdf Siren of Styx: l;aksfj;alsdkfjasd;lkj Siren of Styx: a;slkdfja;sdlkfj Siren of Styx: asdl;kfjasdl;kfj Siren of Styx: asl;dkfjasl;dkj Siren of Styx: ;alsdkjf;asdlkfj Siren of Styx: as;lkadsjflkdfjkdjfkdfjnvnav Siren of Styx: uuuuu Siren of Styx: one yellow bar Siren of Styx: red zone Siren of Styx: uh oh Siren of Styx: !!! Clock4AHeart: haha Siren of Styx: oook Siren of Styx: all better Clock4AHeart: ok...goodnight Clock4AHeart: bye Clock4AHeart: pie Clock4AHeart: night Clock4AHeart: sly Clock4AHeart: fly Clock4AHeart: cry Clock4AHeart: bye bye Siren of Styx: sky Siren of Styx: night Siren of Styx: muah! Clock4AHeart: fight Clock4AHeart: shit Siren of Styx: rhyme that Siren of Styx: haha Clock4AHeart: OOK>>>>>Sex Clock4AHeart: nothing rhymes Siren of Styx: AHH Clock4AHeart: goodnight lara Siren of Styx: MEX Siren of Styx: goodnight Siren of Styx: samantha Clock4AHeart: SHIT! Clock4AHeart: antha Clock4AHeart: pantha Siren of Styx: haha Siren of Styx: oh jeze im cryin Siren of Styx: laughin Siren of Styx: same differency Siren of Styx: e Siren of Styx: ok Clock4AHeart: pifference Siren of Styx: go to bed now Clock4AHeart: ok..bye Siren of Styx: night

	2004.01.22  22.29 Joely Ollie Ollie Me VerSUS you... He's like an exotic cranberry sauce...Not the home-made kind. If you wre to take it, and roll it on its side and cut it into slivers...Thats what he reminds me of...