Long time no update   
11:33pm 06/04/2004
mood: mischievous
Yes, I'm still alive, mostly.

I've been hanging out with ifra A LOT lately. When I am with her, I tend to do things like lose track of time, where I am, and what I should be doing. She has that intoxicating effect on me. I've been really enjoying my time I spend with her, even when we're doing 2 different things. Happyness is just being together.

Her birthday is the day after tomorrow and I really wish I could be there the whole day to help celebrate with her. I know that Sun Child has plans, but who knows what will happen with them. I will be driving up after work to be with her. I have lots of plans. I hope she enjoys them. Though most of them are for Friday after her one class that day. But then she's mine until we go play vampire.

As word that ifra and I have been together, other people have been coming out leting us know how much it hurts them. Now, don't get me wrong, almost everyone is happy we are together, but there are some who keep letting us know exactly how they feel. *sigh* I could go on for quite awhile about that, but I'd rather not ... right now at least. There are still a lot of feelings in the air and the last thing we need to have to do is more damage control.

It still makes me really angry on some things that I wish I could talk about.

But to change the subject to somewhere else altogether, I HAVE A JOB INTERVIEW TOMORROW MORINING! it's back at boces as my old job, a microcomputer tech. I've heard it though the grapevine that I would be in charge of my own building on campus there. I still have friends who work there, in fact, the two most influencial people who work there have already gone to bat for me and told them that they want me to be one of the two that are hired. So here is hoping that tomorrow's interview is just a formality. Gods I want this job. EB has sucked the life and soul out of me, and I want it back!

Fuck you EB Games.

Anyway, Bard signing off so I can have some sleep for my interview.
So she's quitting smoking.   
11:01pm 30/03/2004
mood: horny
First and formost, I am sorry about the lack of updates. Life has had me grandly busy, but in a good way. I spent a goodly amount of time with ifra the past handful of days. I have had a GREAT time! We did alot of things, including going to Taughannock Falls. Check out my photo album online:


The falls were sooo nice. I can't wait to go back there. i really can't wait for warmer weather to come around so I can enjoy the outdoors more. It was a wonderful day then, but as you can see, there was still ice and snow everywhere.

My car is in ICU now. I want her to quit smoking, and she wouldn't, so she's having surgury to force her to stop. The crank shaft gasket and another o-ring behind it are leaving the oil, it drops down and blows back onto the exaust. My exaust on my engine gets hotter than most, so it burns and smokes heavily. There's nothing like someone chasing you down in the Wegmans parking lot to tell you your car is on fire. "It's ok ma'am. It does that all the time" (The car can be seen in the background billowing smoke out of the hood scoop and vents)

So it's been complicated trying to get around without my car. Poor ifra fell and hurt her foot tonight, and I really want to be there for her so she can have someone to help her around, but my car is in the shop, and my moms car is unreliable at best. CURSE YOU EVIL SMOKING CAR! *sigh* She's going to cost me a fortune too. My own guestimate is about $300, probably more. *whimpers*

I promise to talk more when I am awake. It's been rough lately, and I have to get as much sleep as possible tonight and try to catch up.

It's only been a couple says, but I already miss my ifra. I am driving up thursday night and spending that night and the next day with her, because I only have to work in the evening the next day.


03:39pm 23/03/2004
mood: good
So I have had a really good time the past few days. Sunday was my birthday. I wanted to go to outback, so I mentioned to a few people, friends, co-workers.

10 people showed up. I felt loved. Or at least acknowedged. We spent time talking about John's new larp, as a replacement for if IFRA ever dies. I ate a really really good steak. It was a great night. I picked ifra, who was very very nicely dressed, and sun child. ifra was wearing a beautiful shirt, and her eyes looked great too. I was happy to see her, and the rest of my friends.

Ifra showed me how to play with clay at the ceramics lab. I showed her how to not make anything but a mess at the ceramics lab. She is incredibly skilled there. She's made alot of really cute things, pitchers, bowls, mugs, jars, alot of things. She made a really nice pitcher and a very very nice covered jar. I can't wait to see how they come out. She's making me an incense burner and already gave me a prototype. It's really nice too. All I managed to make there is a mess. I tried to make a bowl, or a jar, but it would always get lopsided on me, or colapse in on me. I'll keep trying though.

The campus rewarded my efforts with a parking ticket. For parking in the VISITOR parking lot. WITHOUT a pass. Apparently I need permission to park there at all times. I pity anyone trying to go to admissions. I'm going to appeal it. Freaking rediculous.

Spent the rest of the day with sun child, played some twin snakes on the gamecube and went out to Denny's. Then ifra and I nightclerked and got to visit with Gink and PB all night.

Today, ifra got her wisdom teeth ripped out of her skull. She did really well and zonked the moment we got home. Poor exausted girl.

Anywho, Bard signing off. I'm tired too, going to go relax my back some.
More work   
10:00pm 20/03/2004
mood: pleased
Sooo, work was swell.

No one there is motivated to work anymore. We spent out time throwing a CD around the store until it broke. We did so little real work it's funny. The coworker who quit agreed to stay on for another week while we find a replacement. e also brought Captian Morgan's Spiced Rum in for us too. I was quite happy!

I also got Monday off. So I will be able to enjoy my birthday more now. Now I want to get smashed! Hmm, *ponders* *evil grin*

Anywho, my birthday is in about 2 hours ... *sigh* I don't want to be older. I am happy right where I am.
Tonight's recap   
09:51pm 19/03/2004
mood: good
music: Rammstein; mutter
As, blurty is back up. Finally.

So the past few days have been a blast. I got GREAT news. My old job at BOCES is reopening. Microcomputer technician. That means I have a good chance of getting back in there and leaving the hell hole that is EB Games and getting a good civil service job again. Booya for benefits, retirement, health insurance, the works!

On Wednesday I was visiting with ifra. We went to ponderosa as a celebration. I had a dry steak and some really good stuff that ifra got from the buffet. We're going there again soon.

Ifra and I watched Bruce almighty, hilarious stuff, and moulan rouge, sad and trippy. Though she was snoring half way though it, silly girl.

SO a part timer and the assistant manager both put in their notice at EB. I hope to be able to do the same soon. Well, the other part timer didn't put in his notice, he just said that this saturday is his last day. Great. We get to be even more understaffed.

But things should turn out to be interesting in the next few weeks.
Life never ceases to amaze me.   
12:27am 15/03/2004
mood: depressed
Again, life is just grand.

The latest thing at work is that my boss has been told that we need to get the store's numbers up, or he'll be told to fire people, namley, me and the other part timer. He hates his job more than I do (and that pisses me off being he's paid almost 3x as much to do the same thing). I'm really looking for another job now, fuck, I would take a job at a gas station at this point. Going to start canvasing on Wed-Thurs, my days off this week. Work stress is seeping over into my small, but existant social life. I'm finding myself snapping at friends, and recessing, wanting to go home and drink Jack Daniels rather than hang out with friends. Speaking of what, ifra wants to hang out later this week. I guess we have alot to talk about.

So Insomnia and Mr Lepsy's water bottle leaked last night, flooding them to high ground. I felt really bad for them. I bought a new bottle, and new chips for them. They seem really happy with it. They've been burrowing around and just generally acting happy. At least someone here is.

Anyway, it's late, and I need to get some sleep tonight. Everyone's gone to bed, noone to chat with anywho. Smarty is here. He always listens to me when I need to talk, except when he's awake.

Oh, and a regular customer and friend of us at work said this about me today:

"You have the mouth of a dagger and a heart of tofu." It's a chinese proverb. I think what it means is a person who is sharp mouthed but tender-hearted.

I wish it were true.

Anyway, I'm in a wonderful state of depression again. Don't mind me, I live here.
10:53pm 10/03/2004
mood: grumpy
So, life is just dandy. That is if you think stomach pumps are dandy.

Was supposed to get groceries for my riend today, but he never logged on and refused to answer his door *sigh* So I wasted an afternoon trying to help him. I imagine he will log-on sometime tonight or tommorow to complain that I didn't get them and ask again.

I really don't know about the assistant manager anymore. She's still an immature bitch through and through. But she kinda said goodbye in a friendly tone as she left today. It was probably because she was leaving early, and that she didn't have to work with me. I was glad I didn't have to work with her either.

By back has been odd all day. it's normally sore in one very specific location where I have some strange muscle problem, but it was sore on the other side, the kind of sore you get when you have a cold or have been coughing alot. I'm not sick and haven't coughed at all recently. I dunno, but I've been eating motrin like candy all day.

I really want the weather to warm up. One of the things that I can still ekk enjoyment out of is really cleaning out my car, getting it really nice looking and just driving out into the country to take pictures. Zim says that we're going to spend alot of time together in parks and such exploring when the weather is nicer. She really knows the local parks well, and I don't really at all. I look forward to it. She showed me the falls overlook in T-Burg. It's really beautiful. It had ice all over it and only a small part of the falls could be seen, but we still sat there for a half hour and watched it.

I miss warmth.
10:57pm 07/03/2004
mood: sleepy
So I played IFRA all day. I feel like a hobo or something now. I took a picture to commemorate the moment. I look like hell.

I will update more on stuff tommorow. For now, enjoy this greusome visage:

Well, things have improved slightly.   
03:34pm 05/03/2004
mood: good
(grr, blurty ate this post once already)

Well, things are looking up slightly, at least for the short term.

The assistant manager is suddenly talking to me again.

I got Sunday off, so I get to go to IFRA all day then. I can't be there all day Saturday because I have to work, damnit.

The snow is melting, and I get to hang out with friends this weekend.

Overall, I should be happy. I'm better than normal, but not happy really. Dunno why.
03:29pm 03/03/2004
mood: stressed
My worries, my troubles, my fears seem trivial compaired to what this boy and girl have had to go through. Yet, he is still smiling.

How withdrawn we have become.

Afghans Jamshaid, left, 5, flies his kite
as his sister Narges, 8, looks on in Kabul,
Afghanistan, Friday, Aug. 29, 2003. They
returned to Afghanistan with their family
after spending two months as refugees in
Pakistan. U.N. and Afghan officials said that
between 30 percent and 40 percent of the
estimated 2.4 million refugees or displaced
people who have resettled in Afghanistan
since 2002 have ended up in greater Kabul.
The Passion of Jesus Christ   
11:26pm 01/03/2004
mood: aggravated
Had a great day, after a shitty crappy day at work

Apparently the assistant manager is pissed at me because I didn't tell her to tell tyhe manager that there was suppose to be a store meeting on sunday morning. IT'S NOT MY FUCKING JOB TO TELL YOU WHAT TO DO, NICOLE! In fact, the very definition of assistant manager is that they do what the manager does when the manager is away.

So now I am losing hours now. Just great. I'm already looking for a new job.

Anyway, with the work shit said and done, onward to monday. Zim and I did our normal routine. Dinner, movie, and stuff. Went to see the passion of jesus christ (in what alot of people were surprised that we'd see).

The movie was very very good. Very intense and graphic. No punches pulled.

We were watching intently, the climax of the movie was just starting. Jesus was getting raised on his cross. The were puling it up with the ropes, and it was almost upright when ...

*click* the power went out and the emergency lights came on.

The power came back, and an attendent came in to tell us they were trying to restart the movie. Som poor girl stoped in 5 minutes later to tell us that they couldn't restart the movie and we'd have to come back some other time.

Someone on the side of the theater yelled "But ... but that's not good enough! The movie is ruined!" ... read the book, jackass ... or did you really want to watch the rest of the torture of Jesus first hand. Feeling a little bloodthirsty?

They gave us readmittance tickets on the way out, but Zim and I couldn't help but laugh at the timing and irony of it all.

It was amazing how worked up people can get over something like this. I hope some day that I can be so well off that my biggest worry and fear is the fact that I didn't get to see the end of a movie. When I have nothing else to get mad about other than a power-outtage. I wish my life were so simple.

Anyway, I am still worried and agrivated over the whole work situation. and now I have to run off and pay my car insurance bill. I am going to stop at Denny's on the way home, though I hate eating at resturants alone. I think I will do take-out.
Work, work, work, repeat   
09:35pm 26/02/2004
mood: sleepy
Went from working nights to mornings. Most of them alone on the store. It gets fairly lonely there.

I'm very tired. I am going to take advantage of that and catch up on my sleep. Wanted to talk with a few people, but none of them ever logged on aim, or had away messages set. Pleh.

Anyway, off to dreamland.
06:53pm 25/02/2004
mood: lonely
This song sums up alot of how I have felt off and on for the past year or two.

With all these lemons life has handed me, I could drownd myself in lemonaid.

Dare to believe, over one last time, then I let the darkness cover me
Denied everything, slowly walk away to reel again
On my own

Carry me away
I need your strength to get me through this

Dare to believe, over one last time, then I let the darkness cover
Denied everything
Slowly walk away to reel again
On my own
On my own
On my own
On my own
On my own
On my own

Dare to believe, over one last time, then I let the darkness cover
Denied everything
Slowly walk away to reel again
On my own
On my own
What a start of what I know is going to be a wonderful work week   
08:04pm 24/02/2004
mood: stressed
So our boss is awa in Michagan on vacation. I'm getting 40 hours and it's all cool. Money is good.

Woke up today early in the moning to get showerd, shaved, and ready for work. Hmm, that makes me sound like a porn star or something. Scratch that, I didn't shave this morning, and showered last night because I couldbn't sleep.

So there I was on about 4 hours of sleep. I should have saw it coming

We take trade-ins at work, like a pawn shop, only the prices we give are worse and unnegotable.

Someone brought in about 50 things to be traded in. Each one had to be looked up by hand.

When the sale was finally done the guy got almost $300 in credit. Not too shabby at all. His recipt showing how much he got for what spilled over onto about 9 recipts (they have to fill out a special one for trade-ins)

But my printer decided to jam on it. Greeeeat. So I pull the paper out, discect the printer to get the little bits out that have it fully jammed up, and get it put back together.

Reprint the recipt. 9 more recipts ... however, this time around #7, the printer flips out and starts printing:

0000000 000/000
0000000 000/000
0000000 000/000
0000000 000/000
0000000 000/000
0000000 000/000

Pages of this crap. I turn it off and call tech support. My registers crashed at this time too, because hey, it seemed like the in thing at the time. the 6 people in mine wanted to kill me. I wanted to kill me, to be honest.

So I am on the line with tech support, and I am working at the same time. I an collapsing a shipment box that I had gotten earlier that day when I cut my finger on the box. Cardboard cuts fucking HURT.

Out of frustration, I toss the box cutter in a drawer and slam it, only to catch my finger in it. These draws are big and heavy. I thought I broke it for a bit, but it's fine, just really really sore and painful, and a tad swollen.

Tech support picks up now, seemed confused as to why I was whimpering in pain. She said something like "It's ok hun, the registers aren't the end of the world."

Anyway, that mess was FINALLY straightened out. Lots of dull, but frustrating details on small aspects of my job should go here. I ended up leaving 15 minutes late. (unapid)

So we are borrowing an employee from our sister store in the mall a stone's throw away from us. He knows the job, but not the store, so I have to go and close the store too, in about 5 minutes *cries* I am damn tired and cranky. I want to stay home and chat with friends, get plastered, and burn some stuff off my hard drives. They're both full.

But all my friends are away, I have to go to work now, and have little time for burning.

So scratch chatting, scratch drinking, and scratch burning.

Kill me now.
Of good news and bad   
08:58pm 22/02/2004
mood: content
So I had some interesting news at work yesterday. The assistant manager is interviewing for a new job somewhere else, and if she decides to take it, I am going to get her position. My pay would more than double. It would be nice to be paid at least close to what I think I am worth to that god awful company.

So I got home, and find out that poor Zim's steed had thrown a shoe, and she'd had a simply craptaculastic day. So we ended up staying up late, watching Hellsing and just chatting.

We also watched Donnie Darko. I see now things in that movie every time I watched it. Very well done flick, if I do say so myself.

Oh, and once you've seen the movie, you must see www.donniedarko.com ... but not before you see the movie, or it won't make sense and spoil stuff for you.

I got my tax return last night too, so I went out and bought a nice new 17" LCD panel monitor. I love it already.

Well, I am off to play with more hemp and just relax. My back feels much better today, so for once I can say that it's not bugging me at the moment.

Anywho, ciao.


PS - Godspeed to recovery, old smokey!
12:37am 20/02/2004
mood: drunk
Where did all these empty bottles come from?

Drinking is fun
but boring alone

I am going to go play video games until I pass out.

*waves goodnight to the studio audience*
01:57pm 19/02/2004
mood: blah
I feel better today. My neck and back have relented for now, so I get to repeat everything again by going to work. At least I haven't gotten called in early yet.

Still feeling kinda lonely, I might head out to applebees or a bar after work and just chill. I work alone all night. Ugh that gets so boring. No coworkers to harrass.

Anywho, I am off to toss some of my junk on the net for sale. Cya.
Where's everyone gone?   
10:17pm 18/02/2004
mood: lonely
Where's everyone gone?

All my friends I used to hang out with or chat with online have all but vanished. Living life in a perpetual away message. I miss everyone. Life has changed for everyone lately though. Life sucks sometimes. *sigh*

So I am in a blah mood. I just want someone to hang out with tonight, in real life. Smarty's here for me I guess.

Work today sucked. Everyone, including myself is unmotivated. I'm still kinda pissed that I think they are shafting me on my commissions. I am going to call them tommorow and get the low-down on it.

So I mostly cleaned up the back room tonight, and did other random thankless tasks.

Oh, and it smells like wet-dog in the store because they washed the carpets this morning.

I had a great time with Zim last night, between the shopping for ifra stuff and watching butterfly effect. It reminds me alot of Donnie Darko. We'll have to watch that sometime when your unbusied, Zim.

Good news though, is that I don't have to work till 5:30 tommorow, so I get to sleep in and do nothing. Whee!

Anyway, I am going to relax on my heating pad and ponder my navel.
01:12am 18/02/2004
mood: sleepy
*yawm* I am going to bed.

Sleep well!

10:35pm 16/02/2004
mood: amused
My house has been invaded by 2 rodents!

Ok, ok, I bought them and brought em home. I originally wanted rats, but I found out that they need alot more attention than I can provide, they pee all over the place, and they get pretty big. So I went with my friends recommendation. She recommended a couple gerbils.

So I got em.

Smarty is not amused.