|
|
Thursday, October 28th, 2004
| |
12:07 am
|
1. I wake up in the morning
Upon the grace of the blessed saint virgin of Mary Meredith
I crawl to the sink and splash my face
And wonder if I could surround myself with the silver tub
5. I dress, always wearing a long grey skirt and a long grey turtleneck
Slippers are missing again; where I left them last I do not know
Breakfast is made, bread and butter and tea
The tea kettle broke, and there’s hunger growing over our bellies
The baby wails and I don’t pick her up
There is a clash and a cry
10. She’ll cry her whole life, but we all have to suffer, its life.
Raining is rain, and the cobblestone is bleak
I walk to work barefoot, I am my own boss
The children are already in their seats, drawing on things
I slap my ruler, and they bang back rebelliously
15. That’s it, chaos; I cry in my head and walk out
In the hallway my dress becomes my tent
As the police officer drags me away, and my workers laugh
In the cart my wrists are wrapped
I’m still crying, I can see their little palms
20. Blood red and my fault
As I am lead into the jail, they taunt me with their eyes,
The hay is softer then cobblestone
Three weeks I am here, ten days without a shower
When someone else, with a top hat and coats come to see me
25. He tells me that I can come with him, or I can stay here
Sometimes, the first seemed a lot more provoking.
I had to wash, told I smelled after all
Where was my baby?
He let me ride with him in his carriage
30. His grey eyes pierced into my worn dress
They’ll get you new clothes when you get there
I heard someone say, but I was infatuated with the cobblestone
That night, my arms were wrapped together, and my body was naked
The bed was a mattress and the walls were glass
They were watching me, that top hat man and a crinkled nurse
Crinkled was writing on her board, and Top Hat was shaking his head
Another woman appeared, her purple cloak made her royalty
She came in and her face was stern
You murderer! You’re Murderer!
I felt my face stinging.
And then
Then I felt the beating of my chest, and nails into my breast
And the woman’s tears burning my flesh
She released me in hysterics,
As a nurse pulled the psycho away from my dorm
I wondered how her face was pictured in my memory before
It became days and days, and I starved for sunlight
I wanted my infant and I wanted my love
Was he alive or dead?
Did he wonder where did I go?
Finally they came, two more doctors they told
And they fed me pills and emptied my soul
I was told the trial was after the forth night
In which I would plead guilty to my mistakes
But had I done anything wrong, was I accused of what I did not know?
I slept for days, till they bathe me and dress me under white
I was too weak to walk and collapsed
The cobblestone came up towards me as I fell down.
A Concussion came over my body like a lulled tidal wave
And the moonshine shadow
Did he a pay me a visit?
God I think he did
I wonder where his band was
Since his finger was naked
He looked at me, crying again
As the nurse felt my forehead and slapped my cheek
I didn’t feel it.
Nurse took his letter, all folded and crumpled
Put it in her pocket she did
I thought it was for myself but I guess not
Someone brought my baby
My, she has grown
The words echoed from her mouth to my ears
Oh what a wonderful sound, though she spoke foreign
I cooed and awed her but with no reply
Oh how she left without a good bye
They came
Again
And
They Asked Me
Did You?
I said No
But
They showed me the blood
I showed them my hands
And they cried
I watched them
The top hat was there again
And he nodded
Solemnly
Was it A Year?
My sister came to tea with me today!
Oh how she was beautiful
She taught in the room next to mine
We giggled about naughty students
And I wished I could have touched her cheek
But my hands wouldn’t move again
A SHAME to the World.
The wig said 22 years
I said Ha
His men came to me and beat me
I saw blood again
It dripped into the cobblestone
Straps made
To hold me in
I hope I don’t run away
It’s a battle in here to lose
And
Sunshine Fifteen Years Later
No one has seen me but a party of guests
Top hat come but he don’t say
Go Home to me
I want my baby, she’s crying I can here her
I am, a murder
My Baby Is Dead
And Top Hat left
And Love grieved
My deepest sympathies to the heavenly angels
Let me and baby be free wander, on a cobblestone road
Bang
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| |
12:04 am - poem
|
1. I wake up in the morning
Upon the grace of the blessed saint virgin of Mary Meredith
I crawl to the sink and splash my face
And wonder if I could surround myself with the silver tub
5. I dress, always wearing a long grey skirt and a long grey turtleneck
Slippers are missing again; where I left them last I do not know
Breakfast is made, bread and butter and tea
The tea kettle broke, and there’s hunger growing over our bellies
The baby wails and I don’t pick her up
There is a clash and a cry
10. She’ll cry her whole life, but we all have to suffer, its life.
Raining is rain, and the cobblestone is bleak
I walk to work barefoot, I am my own boss
The children are already in their seats, drawing on things
I slap my ruler, and they bang back rebelliously
15. That’s it, chaos; I cry in my head and walk out
In the hallway my dress becomes my tent
As the police officer drags me away, and my workers laugh
In the cart my wrists are wrapped
I’m still crying, I can see their little palms
20. Blood red and my fault
As I am lead into the jail, they taunt me with their eyes,
The hay is softer then cobblestone
Three weeks I am here, ten days without a shower
When someone else, with a top hat and coats come to see me
25. He tells me that I can come with him, or I can stay here
Sometimes, the first seemed a lot more provoking.
I had to wash, told I smelled after all
Where was my baby?
He let me ride with him in his carriage
30. His grey eyes pierced into my worn dress
They’ll get you new clothes when you get there
I heard someone say, but I was infatuated with the cobblestone
That night, my arms were wrapped together, and my body was naked
The bed was a mattress and the walls were glass
They were watching me, that top hat man and a crinkled nurse
Crinkled was writing on her board, and Top Hat was shaking his head
Another woman appeared, her purple cloak made her royalty
She came in and her face was stern
You murderer! You’re Murderer!
I felt my face stinging.
And then
Then I felt the beating of my chest, and nails into my breast
And the woman’s tears burning my flesh
She released me in hysterics,
As a nurse pulled the psycho away from my dorm
I wondered how her face was pictured in my memory before
It became days and days, and I starved for sunlight
I wanted my infant and I wanted my love
Was he alive or dead?
Did he wonder where did I go?
Finally they came, two more doctors they told
And they fed me pills and emptied my soul
I was told the trial was after the forth night
In which I would plead guilty to my mistakes
But had I done anything wrong, was I accused of what I did not know?
I slept for days, till they bathe me and dress me under white
I was too weak to walk and collapsed
The cobblestone came up towards me as I fell down.
A Concussion came over my body like a lulled tidal wave
And the moonshine shadow
Did he a pay me a visit?
God I think he did
I wonder where his band was
Since his finger was naked
He looked at me, crying again
As the nurse felt my forehead and slapped my cheek
I didn’t feel it.
Nurse took his letter, all folded and crumpled
Put it in her pocket she did
I thought it was for myself but I guess not
Someone brought my baby
My, she has grown
The words echoed from her mouth to my ears
Oh what a wonderful sound, though she spoke foreign
I cooed and awed her but with no reply
Oh how she left without a good bye
They came
Again
And
They Asked Me
Did You?
I said No
But
They showed me the blood
I showed them my hands
And they cried
I watched them
The top hat was there again
And he nodded
Solemnly
Was it A Year?
My sister came to tea with me today!
Oh how she was beautiful
She taught in the room next to mine
We giggled about naughty students
And I wished I could have touched her cheek
But my hands wouldn’t move again
A SHAME to the World.
The wig said 22 years
I said Ha
His men came to me and beat me
I saw blood again
It dripped into the cobblestone
Straps made
To hold me in
I hope I don’t run away
It’s a battle in here to lose
And
Sunshine Fifteen Years Later
No one has seen me but a party of guests
Top hat come but he don’t say
Go Home to me
I want my baby, she’s crying I can here her
I am, a murder
My Baby Is Dead
And Top Hat left
And Love grieved
My deepest sympathies to the heavenly angels
Let me and baby be free wander, on a cobblestone road
Bang
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Monday, August 16th, 2004
| |
2:47 pm - last ten days in review
|
after a week in hell....the weekend was good...went to camp and rode the jetskis. :)
current mood:  calm
current music: The Police
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Sunday, August 1st, 2004
| |
2:55 pm - ba.
|
Nothing has really happened....so i haven't written haha. Going to hershey day after tomarrow, yay! then back late thursday night and grandma and grandpa mac are up friday. i have band camp the wholeeee week their here. yuck
the jacksons are up august 25th! i can't wait its been eight months.
current mood:  chipper
current music: "Im still standing" elton john
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| |
2:55 pm - ba.
|
Nothing has really happened....so i haven't written haha. Going to hershey day after tomarrow, yay! then back late thursday night and grandma and grandpa mac are up friday. i have band camp the wholeeee week they're here. yuck
the jacksons are up august 25th! i can't wait its been eight months.
current mood: chipper
current music: "Im still standing" elton john
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Wednesday, July 28th, 2004
| |
9:34 pm - another day..
|
absolutely nothing happened again..i did pinegate north and south on the bike at 10...came home..talked on the phone....and then drew a bit.
Im sad.
current mood:  gloomy
current music: cortez the killer.
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Tuesday, July 27th, 2004
| |
11:43 pm - Friend Quotes.
|
"True friendship is like sound health; the value of it is seldom known until it be lost."
- Charles Caleb Colton
"A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out."
"Friends are God's way of taking care of us."
"It's the friends you can call up at 4am that matter."
- Marlene Dietrick
"If you judge people, you have no time to love them."
- Mother Teresa
"I no doubt deserved my enemies, but I don't believe I deserved my friends."
- Walt Whitman
"Too late we learn, a man must hold his friend
Unjudged, accepted, trusted to the end."
- John Boyle O'Reilly
"We will be friends until forever, just you wait see." - Pooh Bear
"Friends. A simple word isn't it? It's uttered everyday to almost every person imaginable. Who are your friends? I used to think that friends were the people that you could laugh and talk to. Now I know that friends aren't that, they're the people that touch ur heart. You could spend hours with them doing nothing at all and it can be the best time of your life, just becuase it was with them. They're the people you can
share your secrets with, cry with, laugh with, and just have fun with. They don't judge you or make you change. They accept you exactly as you are. They look at you and they see a great person, one they love spending time with. You all share something in common and are tied together by memories, tears, laughs and smiles. You're tied together by love for the other. Friendship is the strangest but greatest thing in the world. I find my time with my friends, the best times of my life. My friends are my heart, my soul, my fun, my laughter, tears, love and my life." -Kate Tierney
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| |
11:13 pm - Heatherer
|
Heather quit today...her mom made her....I have a good idea why..but please dont ask me about it...
I am in such a shock right now...Heather was my support in guard.....when she left...my wall came crumbling down....we made a pact to suck it up and stick it through.....I dont know if I can anymore...All i can think about is all the awesome times together..."cheers"...hotelmates...barbster...the worse thing is...i dont think i can get in contact with her at all. We promised to be best friends our entire life...we always forgave each other...never really fought...People will never know how close we were...she was the sister i never had...the person in guard who i could trust. I always gave her space...and when she wanted too...she came and talked to me....I love you Heather....i can never sit in the folding seats on buses anymore...or look at mechanical chickens....Im dedicating my heart and soul of this years show to you...You'll be on the field with us performing in spirit!
you wanna go where everybody knows your name....
current mood:  indescribable
current music: "I will remember you"
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Sunday, July 25th, 2004
| |
5:27 pm - soaked!
|
I had to work another carwash today, 12-3, at autozone...I was suppose to be over at amandas after too, at least thats what I thought, so I had my stuff with me, but when I got there, I dunno..I ended up not going over there obviously. Dolly, who I haven't seen all summer, was there though, helping out her friend theresa! It was hanging out finally, because we're always trying to figure out when to hang out, but something else is always happening...but today was good times. There was different people there today...It was slow, so we ended up in this huge hose/sponge fight, i being the head target ahahha. Met some cool band people...so I dont feel like a total stranger.
My burns hurt soooooo bad. gotta find my aloe again...
current mood:  good
current music: 41
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Saturday, July 24th, 2004
| |
7:15 pm - tan lines suck
|
I had to wake up at 8 this morning...yuck..then the car wash at Hirams from 10-3. Me and Mora ended up standing on the corer pretty much the whole time, talking and all that. shes pretty cool. :-o we made plans for me to come chill at her house tonight...but I forgot her apartment building and number. I tried calling everyone from amanda to the Barber's household to even the 4L's, but no one was home. I called kim, forgetting she was in nj for the weekend, but she could remember mora's number, and she couldn't get a hold of her mom...so i gave up and came home and watched a movie. I got my drawing desk set up too! yay
I AM MAJORLY BURNED! tanlines..boo.
current mood:  uncomfortable
current music: Imagine-John Lennon
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Friday, July 23rd, 2004
| |
5:28 pm - art day
|
woke up at 8 and did 5 miles of road on the bike
my dad called a vacation day in too...so we ended up going to lunch at chili's. Eric was over, so he came too. He such an awesome kid. He really likes my artwork, and the kid himself has some major talent. I was trying to teach him inking, but his ink sucks, so we gave up and went over to his house and looked at his work some more and listened to him play guitar...until my dad came over and embarssed me. arghh!
I went over to the neighbors and hung out with the tykes later on...they're funny, I can't believe I was like that once, haha
so thats it...laters
current mood: chipper
current music: "rocket man" elton john
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| |
12:42 am - Should I...or shouldn't I? And Armory Square
|
So guard hasn't been going to great for me lately...im always fucking up and somehow whatever I do looks bad(tonight, me and a few other girls were trying to figure out part of the dance thing, and whatever her name is yelled at us (looking straight at me no less) "for standing around", then mrs dumas yelled too......I can't figure out if my heart is in it anymore..I dont have any inspiration to go on...I think this may be my last year as a flag flipper...:( At least Amanda Provides Comic Relief (thank you soo much, btw!)
My day was fun...I went to the derm at 10 and after like 45 minutes of waiting...we finally got to meet with the doc...he took me off differn and put me on retin a and b.c. Hopefully it will be better before school. After, me and my mom went down to Armory Square and had lunch at LemonGrass, I had this awesome shrimp with garlic and peanut sauce...and they give you rice too in a bowl in the middle of the table..It was a classy experience...
After lunch, we walked around the stores for a while and we found this really cute boutique, they sell all this neat little stationary, trinkets, and the cutest paul frank clothes and bags and even some dickies stuff. I got a pink little bag and a pf shirt. My mom got some stuff too...it was reasonable..
We also went to Industry...my dad's coworker ex wife owns it and they sold Bumble and bumble...so of course I went a little nuts (60 bucks!) I love my mom, did I mention that? We went to soundgarden after and I got two cds. I bought my mom coffee at nancies after, then we left and went to hafners and michaels becase she had to drop a calendar off....(and there is this hot, but shy kid who works there, my moms gonna put in a good word, haha). Then I came home, got ready and went to guard...:(
I REALLY HAVE TO DO SOMETHING FOR MY MOM!
So I might not be around this weekend, gotta sit for the neighbors, then saturday there is the carwash crap I have to do, then up to camp for saturday afternoon, sunday and monday. Hopefully, I'll chill with Jeanee up in Henderson.
night folks...leave a comment
current mood:  stressed
current music: Jeff Buckley "Grace"
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Thursday, July 22nd, 2004
| |
12:07 am - bad day
|
so me and amanda were going to go to slyvan beach today, with my mom. But when i got home last night from guard, she bitched at me and told me we weren't going. Turns out my dad couldn't even give her 20 bucks. She doesn't have any money because she's not getting any hours at Michaels, because well..their dickwads.
I am so pissed. I haven't done anything this summer, including hanging out with anyone from school. Yeah thanks everyone. I garantee Hershey and Vermont will be cancelled...the big thrill will be going to fulton for a wedding shower. and that reallly does suck. I can't wait until I finally get out of this place and can do my own thing. less then 700 days i think. maybe im wrong.
eh oh well.
"i think it's kinda funny, i think it's kinda sad, the dreams in which im dying are the best i ever had"
current mood:  lonely
current music: luther vandross
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Tuesday, July 20th, 2004
| |
11:18 am - bored
|
*blah* guard tonight *blah* not interested in going
Yesterday was uneventful...Just kinda sat around the house then we had Panera's for dindin!
My eyes hurt wicked bad now...so I'm going to go back to bed. see ya
current mood:  sore
current music: Something classical
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Monday, July 19th, 2004
| |
2:39 pm - Rain My Ass
|
So there was no Seabreeze today....because it might have rained in Rochester. Theres hardly any rain at all....so I'm kinda bummed now since I was looking forward to getting out of my house. Oh well. Mrs 4L said it would probaly be rescheduled.
My mural is going well...though Im less then halfway, I am happy with it so far...My rug needs to be replaced badly though because there is paint stains all over, oops. My dad was talking about hard wood flooring...that would be so friken cool.
My weekend was okay, bro and dad were gone saturday and sunday up to camp...so it was nice. me and my mom went to the salvation army and i actually got some really awesome clothes..I hate having what everyone else does, and if I thin what I am wearing looks good, then dammit I am going to wear it! :PI had these awful cramps though sunday...yuck.
Okay thats it :)
Hershey Park in 10 days!
Vermont in a little more then two weeks! yayy
current mood: disappointed
current music: Dave Matthews Band "I'll Back You Up"
|
|
(comment on this)
|
|
|
|
|