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Porcelain doll

[ userinfo | blurty userinfo ]
[ calendar | blurty calendar ]

Goodbye Blurty [[ ( 2.23.04 || 12:10pm ) ]]
[ mood | calm ]

Maybe I will come back one day...but for now...im on a very long haitus. i converted from blurtism to live journal-ism

joanna call me today? i want to talk to you about something..

--...be faded...--

[[ ( 2.17.04 || 12:18pm ) ]]
I LOVE WILLIAM HUNG(sp?) ! hahaha "she bang she bang!" (american idol contestant)
( 1) told only lies --...be faded...--

[[ ( 2.17.04 || 12:11pm ) ]]
I dont know, I write better entries when im at the privacy of my own home, sitting, letting ideas flow. Yeah.
--...be faded...--

Long time no see [[ ( 2.10.04 || 12:11pm ) ]]
[ mood | bored ]
[ music | stupid school....no music. ]

Im on the school's computer so I cant read anyones blurtys =\. Or maybe I can Im not sure..I think I can read some but not all lol whatever. School is getting really annoying and boring. These days dont end!! Im not sure if my mom payed the guy to fix the computer yet. I had so much to say....I was thinking about it all in my classes and now that Im here I lost it.

We got those "love" survey things back... bleh...i had pretty sucky lists. Who is Tom Wahlen(sp?). Whatever maybe I will have more to say tomarrow.

( 3) told only lies --...be faded...--

[[ ( 2.06.04 || 3:29pm ) ]]
[ mood | blah ]

You all suck for not posting on how you miss me. lol...

I feel sort of... withdrawel (?) from my computer, I havent been on it in so long. Well yeah anyway, the modem is gone. The ass that wanted his parts back left a message saying "forget it I dont want my parts, I never want to see you again." so my sister tried to put them back in while I was at West Side Story, on Friday, and she broke it somehow... so its gone. For a while I guess, my sister just brang it to get fixed yesturday, and the sur charge itself is 65 dollars ...grr... idk its so fustrating. I miss everyone! Especially Michie, Kes, Cole and everyone else that i dont live here, or that i never see. Im on Jess' computer right now.

Well yeah so i see one screen name on Jess' buddylist of this girl I hate, and I read her profile....dont steal my shit.... ugh. I hate that, just cause i dont have a computer anymore doesnt mean I cant see your profile in some ways.

I miss having a computer... Hopefully Ill get it back soon...

( 6) told only lies --...be faded...--

[[ ( 1.30.04 || 2:26pm ) ]]
[ mood | aggravated ]
[ music | Stephen Lynch x What If That Guy from Smashing Pumpkinds Lost his Car Keys (lmao) ]

Im sick of all this. What people think of me never really mattered, until their words and stares started to deteriorate me. I always thought I was atleast decent, but I guess it doesnt matter what you think of yourself anymore...

Sometimes I feel like I'm to mature for highschool. Not because I know exactly where I am going after it, and because im 'oh so smart' but because I got over my "your so ugly" "your so preppy (gothy punky, ect.)". Stereotypes are really immature. You calling someone ugly or fat and not talking to them because of your low opinion is pretty messed up. If your always going to judge someone on looks, good luck in the REAL WORLD. You dont have to be friends with them, you dont have to go out with them, but have common decency and respect for the person.

--...be faded...--

I <3 Leonardo Nam!! [[ ( 1.29.04 || 9:49pm ) ]]
[ mood | apathetic ]
[ music | Blink 182 x I Miss You ]

Today we had a delayed opening, and mid terms. I ended up going in at 11, because I didnt have to take a midterm for the first two hours (plus the delayed time). Today was science, sad to say...I failed.

Me and Tiff are going to see 'The Perfect Score' sometime in the near future =] Im so excited!! hehe, especially because Leonardo nam is in it =P.

Unfortunitly, I may not be on the computer that much for the next couple of weeks. There is a bunch of crap going on, where we have to give some computer parts back to someone who wants them back. He is letting us keep our modem, so we still get to have access to the internet, but my sister, who is in college, wont have internet for a little while, which can cause a big problem because all college students need a computer. Also, there is something he put in our computer that makes it run faster, we have to give that back....slow computers fustrate me, and I refuse to waste my time on them. This might be good for me though. Just informing you's so you know I didnt die or anything lol.

I guess thats all for now.

( 2) told only lies --...be faded...--

[[ ( 1.29.04 || 9:49am ) ]]
[ mood | bored ]
[ music | Brand New x Sic Transit Gloria...Glory fades ]

It looks like the snow is starting up again, but that might be snow falling from the roof caused by the wind. The board of Education just called, but I was afraid to pickup, I doubt they called to call off my midterm but it would be quite nice. Then again, I really need to stop wanting them to push back the midterms further and further, I guess my best bet is to get it over with.

I just cant believe they actually had a delayed opening, the streets are cleaner then they were before the damn snow storm, and thats on my block, my block is un important, so if my block is clean, mainroads have to be really clean... ugh.

--...be faded...--

[[ ( 1.28.04 || 10:27am ) ]]
[ mood | calm ]
[ music | Linkin Park x Crawling ]

No school today, thank god =].

Yesturday for midterms I had Spanish and algebra. When everyone was done with there Spanish midterm, she went to the machine and put in the scantron sheets, so she could give us the answers. I got a 95 =] . Algebra.... might have been a different story. She didnt give us our scores yet but I think there is a good chance my score is low. The first part of the test was equations and word problems that were really hard..almost all my class left them blank, I did the work, but I think only one is right, if any. The second part was much easier, multiple choice...so it might have brang up my grade.

Today was supposed to be science, my other bad subject [aside from algebra] so I think I'm going to take advantage of today to study more, but for right now, its back to sleep.

( 4) told only lies --...be faded...--

[[ ( 1.26.04 || 5:25pm ) ]]
[ mood | stressed ]
[ music | Hoobastank x Crawling in the Dark ]

Ive been crawling in the dark...looking for the answer

I dont know, things are so confusing right about now. I guess everything with midterms, friends, and even family...every aspect in my life is at least a little bit crazy. Im also starting a diet...a serious one this time. I really want to loose this weight... bleh.

How much further do I have to go? And how much longer till I finally know...cause im looking and I just cant see..whats in front of me.

some(people?) are really starting to change. I really thought I knew you but the way youve acted lately...it seems i never did. Just because you got something "great" doesnt mean you should use, and abuse (pay no mind to the corny rhyming of the two words) your friends. Its really starting to upset a lot of people, and if you keep it up, when you come back to them...they wont be there for you.

Midterms start tomarrow... I don't think Im ready for some of them. Tomarrow is Spanish and Algebra. Spanish I think I'll be able to handle... algebra on the other hand...thats a different story. On a lighter/better note, I went up 10 points from last marking period in Science...I mean, the grade isnt great, but I've improved...and Im proud.

Will I ever get to see, the ending to my story?

--...be faded...--

[[ ( 1.25.04 || 12:42am ) ]]
[ mood | artistic ]
[ music | Lifehouse x Simon ]

I think my drawing syllabis will be done really soon because Ive decided to try to get at least one drawing in each day. So far this week (starting week) Ive drawn the back of a girl ( really good shading technique), and feet/toes (assigned in syllabis for 3/25). I guess Im doing it to lead more of a healthier life, less computer time, more fun time doing something i like. Maybe it will help. . .

--...be faded...--

Im starting to realize these always have the same questions...screw it... Another survey =] [[ ( 1.24.04 || 7:38pm ) ]]
[ mood | bored ]

Body:
:x: piercings = Ears
:x: tattoos = None..yet hehe...
:x: height = I dont even know anymore lol
:x: shoe size = It varies
:x: hair color = Brown, blonde streaks..kinda redish in there somewhere

LAST...
:x: movie you bought = Queen Of the Damned...Im a little late but...oh well
:x: song you listened to = Tori Amos - Precious things
:x: cd you bought = Brand New .. I think
:x: cd you listened to = BN or TBS i dont remember
:x: person you've called = Jess
:x: person that's called you = Joanna I think
:x: tv show you've watched = Taildaters
:x: person you were thinking of = Dont want to mention the name...
:x: friend you made = Umm...well...I met people last night.

DO...
:x: you have a crush on someone = Yeah =\
:x: you wish you could live somewhere else = Yea, but take my close friends with me
:x: think about suicide = No not really...Even when Im really upset...I rather just leave people then leave the world itself
:x: you believe in online dating = If its like a long distance relationship, where you do see the person frequently, sure do your thing, but if its "hey whats up? a/s/l? Kewl Wanna date" Ew...no...thats tacky
:x: others find you attractive = Sometimes
:x: you want more piercings = Yes, eyebrow
:x: you drink = No
:x: you do drugs = No
:x: you smoke = No
:x: you like cleaning = When Im in the "zone" lol
:x: you like roller coasters = Yes
:x: you write in cursive or print = Print IN CAPS muhahaha

FAVORITE...
:x: food = Chinese and Italian
:x: song = There are a lot right now its, Sic Transit Gloria...Glory fades by Brand New
:x: thing to do = Draw
:x: thing to talk about = anything that interests me...
:x: sports = Skateboarding to watch and stuff, and nothing to do lol
:x: drinks = Green tea, any tea pretty much, any coffee, french vanilla stuff (coffee), Soda...mostly pepsi, water
:x: clothes = pj pants
:x: movies = there are a lot, Haggard, Queen of the Damned, Gothika, The Crow, there are more but I cant think
:x: singer = I have a lot...
:x: holiday = Hm,...Christmas I guess

HAVE YOU...
:x: ever cried over a girl = Yes, because of friendship not sexually or whatever
:x: ever cried over a boy = Yes
:x: ever lied to someone = Yes
:x: ever been in a fist fight = Yes
:x: ever been arrested = No

DO YOU THINK YOU ARE...
:x: pretty = No
:x: funny = No
:x: hot = No
:x: friendly = To people I like or that I dont know yet
:x: amusing = Sometimes
:x: ugly = No
:x: loveable = *shrug*
:x: caring = Yes
:x: sweet = Uhh idk
:x: dorky = Yesh

--...be faded...--

[[ ( 1.24.04 || 2:20pm ) ]]
I had a pretty cool dream last night....I wished that never ended.

I guess I'm better today. A lot better.
--...be faded...--

[[ ( 1.24.04 || 12:54am ) ]]
[ mood | depressed ]

Yeah so...im not aloud to go to the movies at night anymore...or maybe even with friends. So fuck plans, that I wanted to make with people, to see movies that are actually GOOD . Great so my night was hell. Glad you had fun... ugh. I missed something that i really shouldnt, I let my self confidence drop to -100, I got myself questioned. I hate being questioned. Tonight sucked so bad.

I dont know why Im crying. I shouldnt be but god damnit this is to much to think about. What the hell? I dont know whats wrong with me! I dont know why Im always sick now, I dont know why I hate going to the movies, I dont know why I go crazy when people ask me questions, and I dont know why im crying.... I don't need a physcotrist, and I dont need to go to bad early...thats all I know. I just want to be left alone, but Im afraid that if I am..what if Im to alone. to the point where im some social disaster...or where im totally shut out...?

Grr this probably makes no sence what so ever. I dont care... right now my life/thoughts dont make sence. I had a feeling it was gunna end this way...

--...be faded...--

[[ ( 1.22.04 || 7:31pm ) ]]
[ mood | stressed ]
[ music | Greenwheel x Breathe ]

Happy Chinese New year =]

I, Played the fool today

People are annoying me more and more, and when valentines day comes, I think I might....go into a coma or something so I dont have to see all that lovy dovy "lets f*ck" feelings in the air. Love is really starting to be overrated...especially in the halls of high school . I'm sorry if im coming off as "bitchy" but seriously...is that all love is? ...sex?... Valentines day....has to be the stupidest holiday made. It has nothing to do with me being single.
1. It makes guys resent girls for expecting so much, and girls upset for not getting what the expected
2. Its the "oh so perfect day" for your first time *sigh* *giggle*
3. It has no point, what so ever. Celebrate your love every day....not once a year

Anyway, I felt sicker in school today. I think it might be stress thats getting me feeling like this. It could be worse ... I know that.

Im alright, Im alright....it only hurts, when I breathe.

Midterms are coming soon. I'm not ready for them. I have a book report due on the second, and for one of the assign. for the book report I have to make a book cover that is worth 30 points...yeah I draw...but, is my drawing going to be enough?! 30 points...for a cover...

I cant ask for things to be still again...

( 1) told only lies --...be faded...--

I inspired someone with one of my drawings =] [[ ( 1.20.04 || 3:29pm ) ]]
[ mood | artistic ]
[ music | Dido x White Flag ]

Hmm...

1st period-Spanish- Slept..I was tired, and we are still watching that movie on Mexico...sorry, I cant stay awake for historical things that have no action, just pictures and old guys talking =\.
2nd period-gym- Talked to ally ...lol... Ally: Its 12 oclock, do you know where your children are?! Drew: "Hopefully they are in bed, one dreaming of Kareem and the other about asians" LMFAO!! (about Michelle and I)
3rd period- english- Martin Luther King speech stuff.
4th period-algebra- More graph work
5th period-science- Reviewed for the mid terms, Mrs. Wong is the best, its the same exact questions on the test as the review sheet just in different order. What would I do without her?! lol
6th period-Bs- Talked about sex lmao...omg...that was so crazy, got us out of work though, and we were all like histerical
7th period-Lunch - Me and Rachel where on line for like 84903284092 hours lol, so we didnt get to go to the library and read =[. We kept fighting lol...not about anything serious....Rachel dont tell him I lied about going out with him to you!! lmao it was a joke! I dont even know the kid!
8th period-Drawing Finished my pen and ink, now I just have to frame it. Also at the end of class I showed Jess and Mrs. Narkowitz asked that I clean the room, so I did, I told Jess to leave so she could catch her bus. I found out when I was done that I inspired some kid in her other class, with one of my past drawings, I was really happy and....kind of honored. =] He is like two lockers away from me...we dont really know each other.

( 6) told only lies --...be faded...--

[[ ( 1.19.04 || 1:47pm ) ]]
I know this sounds stupid, but, when I stay up...all night, and no one is online, and everyon in my house is sleeping, it feels comforting to look out the window and see lights on in other people's houses. It makes me feel like, I'm not totally alone...and that I'm not as weird as I think.

Anyway, despite my efforts, my goal on getting 'The Shining' done by the end of this weekend (Sat. Sun. Mon.) are looking slim to none. I guess It kind of...slipped my mind, and I just did other things instead =\. I could read it all today, but if the rest of the book gets boring, I'll have a big headache. Plus I have to do other things since tomarrow we have school (snow day would be very nice). Midterms are coming soon...but...I'm not prepared for them eithier. None of my teachers gave me reviews or anything.
... I need to draw something...

I made a xanga, but im not going to use it because I cant make mine look better, and I'm to use to blurty.
( 5) told only lies --...be faded...--

Bored to the point of this...long ass survey [[ ( 1.18.04 || 5:14pm ) ]]
[ mood | bored ]

001.name: Brittany Anne Mahnken
002.d.o.b.: November 28
003.location: NJ
004.occupation: Student...when i show up.

APPEARANCE

001.hair: Brown hair/blonde streaks, long, usually straight
002.eyes: Steel blue

STYLE

001.clothing: It's pretty diverse...there is no definiation.
002. Makeup: black eyeliner, lip gloss...thats all you really need
004.body art: When I draw on my hand/arm, ear peircings

RIGHT NOW

001.wearing: Pajama pants, taking back sunday shirt
002.listening to: brand new
003.thinking of: a lot... bleh.

LAST THING YOU

001.bought: hmm bought a lot yesturday...i think the last was a chinese lantern?
002.ate & drank: soup, and green tea
003.read: the shining
004.watched on TV: I dont know I fell asleep to soon to know what I was watching.

EITHER / OR

001.club or house party: Neither, its all overrated
002.tea or coffee: That is to hard of a question.
003.achiever or slacker: Depends
004.beer or cider: cider...i fucking hate beer
005.drinks or shots: shut up.
006.cats or dogs: cats
007.single or taken: single
008.pen or pencil: Depends, mostly pen.
009.gloves or mittens: GLoves, though i dont really wear eithier, i just put my hands in my coat pocket
010.food or candy: Food, candy makes you sick....you cant live off that stuff
011.cassette or cd: CD
012.coke or pepsi: Pepsi
013.hard or mild alcohol: Stop with the fucking alcohol questions...
014.matches or a lighter: Lighter
016. Ricki Lake or Oprah Winfrey: Oprah..her stuff is more meaningful

WHO DO YOU WANT TO

001. kill: Oh, theres a list...
002. hear from: Siserra
003. get really wasted with: ....
004. look like: Angelina Jolie
005. be like: Myself

LAST PERSON YOU?

001.touched: I dont remember
002.talked to: My sister Natalie
003.hugged: I dont remember
004.instant messaged: Jess
005.kissed: What kind of kiss? ....
006.who broke your heart: Ugh...doesnt matter

WHERE DO YOU

001.eat: wherever i am
002.dance: Depends...
003.cry: UMm...that just sort of happens...I dont have a special place for it
004.wish you were: England...China...Japan....somewhere cool.

HAVE YOU EVER

001.dated one of your best friends? No, I dont think so
002.loved somebody so much it makes you cry? Thats a song! yeah, when it was over I did.
004.done drugs? no.
005.broken the law? I dont know
006 ran away from home? Yea, nothing serious though, came back in a day
007.broken a bone? No
008.cheated on a test? For like, one question.
009.skinny dipped? No
010.played truth or dare? Yeah, in 3rd grade lol
011.flashed someone? No
012.mooned Someone? No
013.kissed someone you didn't know? No
014.been on a talk show/game show? No...
015.been in a fight? Yes
016.ridden in a fire truck? No, I probably could if I wanted to though
017.been on a plane? Yes
018.come close to dying? Yes
019.cheated on your boy/girlfriend? No
020.gave someone a piggy back/shoulder ride? My sister? I think?
021.eaten a worm/mud pie? ew no way
022.swam in the ocean? Yes
023.had a nightmare/dream that made you wake up? Yes

--...be faded...--

big day at the mall. [[ ( 1.17.04 || 9:18pm ) ]]
[ mood | blank ]
[ music | dont start no stuff there wont be no stuff!! lol heard it on volcano high ]

I went to the mall with Sarah. I bought a lot hehe, but thats besides the point.... Damn...crazy things lol. Well, first I run into John Nathan, and he was like "Goth girl wooo im gunna kill everyone." Wow...yes, I am sooo gothy, me and my little coach bag. I dont define myself as anything.

So after some more shopping, we go to meet my sister at her job, Limited Too. I get to the counter where she is working, and I say hi and whatever and then she told me she hated these two girls that were in the store, because they come in there and throw everything around, and make fun of it. So I look at them, and Sarah said she noticed one from cheerleading a long time ago, meanwhile, they are saying "Like Oh my gawd I love this! Oh My God!" So I'm starting to get really mad, because thats disrespect, and immature. Then they come closer by the cash register and they are like "Look at these gloves! EWW EWWW CHEERLEADERS EWW OMG GET IT AWAY!" These girls are like 14 and should know better, plus two of them use to cheerlead. So they go back into the back and Sarah and I go back there. The manager was putting notebooks that they threw around back in place and she asked that they would stop making a mess in the store, they rolled there eyes, and at this point I just had enough, get a life...seriously. So I said "If you hate the stuff in this store so much then why dont you just leave?!" and one of the girls looked at me, and said, "Eww fuck you dont talk to me, at least I dont dress like you!" Meanwhile, IM wearing two things from Hot Topic, which she obviously shops only at that store, but reguardless, I replied "Yeah Im glad you dont, you would give people like me a bad name!" so shes all like "Whatever shut up whore!" and sarah said "Go take a shower!" because they both looked skanky, and had greese build up in there hair, and they said whore louder to Sarah. We got them out of the store though, and thats all that mattered, I had to hold Sarah back from going further with it, and they are lucky that I respect my sister because I would have started something if I wasnt in the mall, and in her store. I apologized to the maneger but she seemed perfectly fine with it. SHe was like "Oh no believe me thats ok. " and you could tell she was glad they were gone. I apologized to my sister also. I cant believe they would mock a little girls store, and curse in front of all those little girls. They have no respect, they are really immature, and some day they will get a reality check, because someone will come around and slap the shit out of them so they can have some respect for other peoples styles. If they are really what they wanted to be, punks, goths whatever, I know real punks and goths who would never do something as stupid as that.

( 7) told only lies --...be faded...--

[[ ( 1.16.04 || 6:34pm ) ]]
[ mood | pissed off ]
[ music | Brand New x Seventy Times 7 ]

http://www.illwillpress.com/vault.html ----->new foamy

fdajfdakjfdl;sa GO TO REHAB YOU ASS. Ok....needed to let that out. If you drink to get drunk, dont talk to me. If your an alcholic dont try to be a close friend. I hate alcholics. Ugh.

if we go down we go down together....

I kill him, you kill the other, we go to jail together right joanna? lol

No we arent really going to kill anyone *sigh*. Im so tired. I really wish my sister would have brought me to Bayonne with her instead of going straight from work. God dammit...then I wouldn't have to deal with this asshole.

Have another drink and drive yourself home. I hope there's ice on all the roads, and you can think of me when you forget your seatbelt and again when your head goes through the windshield.

( 2) told only lies --...be faded...--

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