what a day...   
12:29pm 06/07/2003
mood: bouncy
music: Jagged Edge -I Got It
yeh, yesterday was pretty crappy puking my guts out...nope, no sir, not fun at all. Today, I decided to go to church. It was nice. I've been mentally battling this for so long. I believe in God don't get me wrong, but I'm not so sure about BELONGING TO A RELIGION?...I mean how can you belong to something that isn't even an organized thingy? Furthermore, if all of those people in ORGANIZED RELIGION were as Christianly as they claim, the pastor would NOT have to sit there and BEG for offerings. If you insist on being part of ORGANIZED RELIGION at least follow the doctrine and tithe your 10% for heaven's sake.
I saw Austin happy for the first time in a while yesterday :) Everyone just wants to help him, but I don't. I know what it's like when you just have no hope left...not the extent by any means that he does, but this is something that he has to work,discover,enforce,think of, make it happen...himself.
I miss chris...he hasn't be on in a couple of days...I LOVE CHRIS KELVIN SO MUCH :D Got stuff worked out with Melissa...glad that is gone and out of the way. I can't wait to see him...people he is the epitomy of amaingness..AIGH! well I guess I'm going to go grab some kind of tv dinner and talk to peoples online hoping that Chris will bless me with his presence. Sorry bout all the bold today...I'm just on fire of a good mood.
Pure Love Is True...   
05:10pm 04/07/2003
mood: confused
music: Lil Kim - This Is A Warning
OK! Aighhh, I've been meaning to write in this thing for days, but just haven't been able to put everything down. Chris is ok. He was put into IC...scary I know, but he is doing ok. We are back together and he loves me very much. and I quote
"CaT tOAst HoVEr: i love you
CaT tOAst HoVEr: nothing else matters"
Isn't that great? Aigh... soon when we are both a WHOLE lot better we can talk on the phone and eventually get to see each other. I can't wait...I love him so much!!! :D
When Chris and I were split up, Chris introduced me into this ABSOLUTELY INCREDIBLE guy named Austin. He has made me think about so many things and has helped me with so much in three days. He will always hold a special place in my heart. Once we got over the weird part of just being there thrown into talking, it was like I had a new friend at once.
Now, for the boring part... nope not doing anything for the Fourth of July...yeh...warming up a tv dinner and crashing to watch fireworks on tv. Sounds fun, eh?
Oh, and I thought Melissa would be happy that Chris and I got back together, but I'm so confused. She kinda got all mad when I told her we were together and even said I ruined her Fourth...I don't understand. Does she like Chris? I mean did she think if she ruined me that Chris would go running to her? Maybe that was her plan all along? I don't even know if she is my friend...maybe she was just out to sabotage me. She is the one saying she doesn't want Chris and they are friends. Then why is she mad that we are back together?