|Subject:||walgreens-the pharmacy america trusts.|
|Music:||the beat of my own drum|
I love how most Ads tell us what we believe. Instead of saying the pharmacy you SHOULD trust, walgreens just tells you you do. Alas...
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I was reading over my last entries. It's so crazy that my last entry was spring break and now it's almost thanksgiving. What can you do? Time gets away from you. I'm preparing to leave for costa rica soon. I'm soooooo excited and of course a bit nervous. I will miss everyone back here, but i'm sure it will be the experience of a lifetime. It will be so unlike anything i've ever done before. I will be completley on my own, speaking a language i DON"T KNOW. i'm sure i'll grow and become a lot more independent. I'm hoping anyway. I will at least have Kelly and Garreth (a couple of friends who are studying there also). so that will help a lot.
In my last journal entry forever ago...i talked about meeting a guy. Well, that went well. haha. We dated for 8 months and just recently broke up. It's tough, dont' get me wrong. But, it's for the best i suppose. It was an amazing 8 months for me. We are still friends and most of you i'm sure have met him by now and know what's going on. anyway, yah. We'll see what God has planned next. Right now i'm not worried about relationships.
So yah, that's about it. Not much is going on really. I'm happy. I've learned a lot about myself this year thus far. The semester is winding down. I'm looking for internships and jobs for next summer. I have decided that i am not going to work at the pool and probably not live in wabash. I just need a change and need to get some different experience under my belt. The career development office at AU is going to talk to me about different options and keep me posted on anything they know of. SO, if you wish you can pray for me about that. That God will open doors he wants me to pursue and close the ones he doesn't. If anyone knows of a cheap or free place to live in the summer also...let me know. haha. tis all for now.
|Subject:||glory glory, hallelujah...|
|Music:||Nick Drake-i really like this guy|
Well, spring break is winding down. It's been a really nice and relaxing week. I can honestly say i've loved just about every minute of it. I wish that it lasted another week, but i'll survive. I'm still struggling to be motivated with my school work. I was planning on doing a lot of it this week. haha, riiiiiight.
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Let's see, what's new? This is complete craziness and a change for me. i met a BOY! well, i mean i meet boys a lot and i have tons of guy friends but i'm actually interested in this one. even more crazy is that he is interested in ME. i don't understand it. I wasn't expecting to meet someone at all. For the past couple of years i have really struggled with finding myself and finding where I am in God. I always felt like i needed a relationship or to be with someone to focus on God together. Thats not true. I realized this but still always had that longing. So i was trying to be content with just God and have that be enough. I am finally there! this is the most amazing feeling people. I"m serious. But anyway, yah so it completely threw me off meeting someone i'm interested in. Now, I don't know at this point where things are going to go with this guy (Dan) but he is super sweet and a lot of fun to hangout with. There is a lot to learn about him still but I like him thus far. We'll see. Anyway, he got to come see me monday and tuesday and that was great. I have been in wabash all week and kept pretty busy seeing people and just relaxing. busy relaxing? seems kind of an odd paradox. ah well. and...i got to see DANNY SMITH. i haven't seen him since christmas break and i was missing him tremendously. I got to catch up with anus(my friend amy) as well. good times. and tomorrow...i get to go see FETUS and the rest of my family. this pumps me up to no end. Fetus and I might even go see Lukey or something crazy like this. how cool will this be? WAY COOL. i do miss my lovely roomates and fellow school mates at anderson university though. but i get to see them on sunday.
I MISS MY BROTHER. but thats obvious. sigh. i can't wait until he comes home. this is true. i'm just saying a bunch of useless babbage now. i should go do something productive. I hope everyone is doing well.
congratulations to my lovely roomate andrea and her new fiance mike! i love you both.
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|Music:||my inner rock star-Lauryn Hill|
i chose hopeful as my mood today because we are always hopeful with God on our side eh? i thought it fit. I was tempted to yet again put contemplative because it iseems like everytime i write one of these thats what i'm doing. contemplating my life and where it is headed, what God is doing etc. :) it's a good thing.
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Things are going well. I have been keeping pretty busy. I have been busy working and doing homework but also having fuuuuun. you have to throw that in there ya know. hehe. the real question is, have i been having TOO much fun and not enough of the other stuff? eh, who cares. all is well.
I am sitting here in one of the labs on campus because evil ITS has shut me off from the internet because i have a virus. they are going to make me CARRY MY COMPUTER across campus and then pay the 25 DOLLARS to have it fixed. what do they think i'm made of? Muscle and money? well folks, you know i have neither...and i'm stubborn so i will fight this fight. hehe. okay so i'll probably give in but alas...I am sitting here with Lazlo and Isabel so all is well.
on to better things. My brother has left me and is having a blast in europe. While i know he isn't here i'm doing alright. we keep in good contact with each other and i have a lot of people "filling" in for him while he is gone. Liz being one of them, geez, she is taking her job VERY seriously. haha. although i am starting to think she might be a better older brother becuase she scratched my back the other day and nathan wouldn't do that. hehe. Thanks Liz.
I don't know if i have even updated my future plans (those that i have) on here yet. I am now majoring in Spanish and minoring in Global Business and possibly Psychology if i can get it in. I think it will be challenging but I also think i'll learn a lot. I need to challenge myself not just take the easy road out of everything ya know? so yah, as far as education that is what i have decided. After i graduate if i still want to do the internship that is when i plan to do it. we'll see what all God has in store. a lot could happen between now and then. I'm only taking things a little at a time.
One thing that God has been putting heavy on my heart lately is to try to look at people (His children) how he looks at them. I really struggle with this sometimes. I am totally guilty, but wanting and willing to change. I need to look at people and realize God has a plan for them. Realize that even if they are COMPLETELY opposite of me, God still has a purpose for them and will use them. I want to love everyone as God loves them. While i know that isn't possible, i want God to touch my eyes with his hands and make what sometimes seems a palpible wall evaporate with ease. So thats what i'm working on right now. I want to have a geniune love for my brothers and sisters...Not one that is sometimes fake or forced. So yah, pray for me on that if you will. We all have our prejudices that we sometimes don't even realize. Attracted to a certain type of people (dorks in my case) and sometimes let others be overlooked or blend in with the crowd. Anyway, i think that is all i have for now. plus, i'm out of time. I will hopefully be writing again soon. Thank you for your time.
|Subject:||I want you to know...cause i want to know.|
Well, the new year has began. I made it a whole year with no soda. can you believe it? now that i can have it again, i don't really want to. so i probably won't go back to it. if i have it it will be every once in awhile or something. My new years resolution this year is just to get in the word every day. yah, it's something i should have been doing for a long time but has never been top priority. So yah, thats the plan. I'm pretty excited about it because when you get in the word you really learn and get excited about Jesus. woo hoo.
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do you ever talk to God and think, how in the world am i talking to the creator of the universe? because i sure do. I often think of myself as so little and unimportant in this vast world. like how can i be heard over all of the much more important things God is in charge of. War, hunger, divorce, murder, abuse, etc. But that's just the thing. It's all important. we are all important. Don't EVER think your prayers cannot be heard.
i'm still doing a lot of praying about my life and where God will take it. i'm excited about it. when i get back to school i am going to do some research about the internship and what all that entails and just about different majors and opportunities i have. i am not going to rush into anything. i feel blessed to have so many people willing to pray for me about this. you don't even know how much it helps. i love you all. so yah, i am ready to get back to school, but just a bit nervous because of that. i know God will really bless me this semester and i'll grow a lot. i feel it coming already. :). i'm going to groooooooow baby. haha. life is good. i just want to be me no hindrance. i need to care about every human i come in contact with. thank you jesus.
|Subject:||it's been a long time...since i left you...|
|Music:||humming of the humidifier because the parents are sleeping.|
but i'm back, from outer space...i just walked in to find you here without that look upon your face. i should have changed my stinking locks i should have made you leave your key if i'd have known for just one second you'd be back to bother me! okay enough quoting of the lyrics now. soooooooooo, how has everybody been? it has been forever i know. i am so bad at keeping this thing up to date yo's. so, i am done with school for the semester. they haven't posted all of my grades yet and that's annoying me. so far i have two A's though. so go me right? :)
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a lot has been going on in my mind lately. i know i've talked to a lot of you about it already. so those of you who know, thank you so much for praying. i really need it. for the rest of you who are just now being informed, please do pray for me. okay so here is the lowdown. basically, after church a week and a day ago, i started thinking about a lot of things. i don't really know where the thoughts were coming from but they just kept replaying in my mind and have continued to do so pretty much nonstop since then. All of my life i have been attending church. I didnt necessarily mind going to church when i was younger but i wasn't really on "fire" for it. Now, on fire for God, thats a different story. i have always been on fire for God and really, that hasn't changed much over the years. sure, there have been weaker moments in that area for me, but pretty much i have always been passionate about God. but yah, when i was little i would see people always wanting to go to church and help out. like my parents, they were sunday school teachers and just people spending a lot of time at the church and stuff. and i have never told anyone this before i don't think...but i would always think "man, i wish i was excited about helping out at church" or "why don't i like coming to church and helping out with stuff". it was weird. i just had no desire to help out, and i knew that was always something that needed to change. i needed to be passionate about learning about God's word, and fellowshiping with other believers. ya know? what is also strange is that i have never really been able to retain any information i learned in sunday school or from the sermons. i mean sure some things i can remember. but major biblical stories, right in, and right back out. it's a lot of how i am with history. it's so strange, i don't understand it.
well, what i am getting at, is that over the past year that has started to change for me. i started attending Muncie Alliance Church while i was at school every sunday. i really love the atmosphere there. the majority of the congregation are younger people. of course there are a few older ones, but mainly its college age students. it's really cool because i feel right at home. it's laid back to the point of you can wear whatever you are comfortable worshiping in (but i do that despite other churches rules anyway). anyway, i love their method to teaching the word. one chapter a week. it seems like the process would be slow, but it's explained really well, and in a way that i can understand. i understand it, and here we go folks, i actually RETAIN IT. fairly well, anyway. and here is the thing, i actually crave going back. i don't just wake up on sunday and think, man i'm tired, but i guess i'll go to church. no, i am looking forward to it and am up and ready to go right when i need to leave to get there on time. i used to hardly ever get into the word on my own. it was actually kind of a bad thing, i would really only get into the word when i was down and needed some encouragement. you can't really grow from that. you can't just shove God out the door and then when you are in need bring him back in again. i feel a lot closer to God now and am getting into his word a lot more. i've learned so much. i'm not saying my spiritual growth has everything to do with this church, but it has helped me to think about things differently and open my eyes to God and let him bless me. it's so easy folks, we don't have to work for Him. he WANTS to bless his children. yeehaw. where am i going with this?
oh, well...as i grow in my relationship with God i find myself wanting that mroe and more. i find myself not wanting to do anything BUT learn about his word. i have always loved people and helping them. always. i just generally love helping them, or at least trying. but really, the only way i know how to help people...is to tell them about my Lord. it's all i know. what better solution to any problem is there than turning to the Lord? try thinking of one, but you won't convince me. well, right now i am at a point in my life where i want to surrender my life to God and his will. i want to serve him in the best way possible. i want to know his purpose for my life more than anything else. this is why i need prayer. for the last week i have been thinking i want to get involved with a coffee house church plant. I have seen vecino's already touch peoples lives...one being my brother. The lord is amazing. any good qualities one may find in me, is because i try to live my life like Jesus. this also means that any bad qualities aren't reflecting him well, and i need to work on them. which, i'm trying to do but i know i have a looooooong way to go. i want him to be reflected in my life. what does this mean? what do you want me to do lord? guide me, show me, teach me, let me be your witness to the world. i wish God would just come right down out of heaven and tell me straight forward what he wants me to do with the rest of my life and how to serve him best. and, i know he will. well, not come down out of the sky, but he'll show me. i am trying to be patient. does he want me to preach? does he want me to own and run the coffee shop? am i totally wrong in any of this thinking? i don't know. all i know is that i want to follow him, and i'll do wahtever he tells me to, trusting him all the way. i know he won't stear me in the wrong direction so there will be no worries when he shows me which way to go. i just hope that you will all pray for me through it all. pray that i follow HIM, and not myself. i can't do anything on my own. i can only do everything, through Him.
|Subject:||a good break...|
|Music:||over the rhine|
so i am back from thanksgiving break now. i would say that was probably one of the best breaks i've had. i don't know, it wasn't too long and it wasn't too short. it actually felt like a break. i got to sleep quite a bit which was AWESOME. I got to spend time with my family which was super cool. hey i actually went on a date! with FIVE GUYS. haha. Justin, Jared, Brian, AJ, and Andrew. what sweet boys. I love them. We all went up to Coffee d'vine in huntington to watch the extended version of two towers. good times. now i am back at good ole' AU. I went to Vecino's to church tonight. I got trained more as a barista. Now i can make mocha freeze's and latte's. Guy said i did a really good job. I didn't fail at my first attempt at coffee making. GO ME! I got to see Nathan and Ruprict too. i love dorks. I am sitting here in my room all alone becuase my roomates are with their boyfreinds. Thats okay though, I don't mind so much. i don't really have anything insightful to say right now. haha. things are going well. i wish my brain would stop working sometimes and jumping from thought to thought. and they are the randomest of all thoughts too. my feet smell like rabbit food. odd. okay i think i'm going to go becuase i can think of nothing to say. scianara. how do you spell that? haha
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|Subject:||i've got a lovely bunch of coconuts...didalideedee :)|
...there they are a standing in a row bum bum bum bum. big ones, small ones, some as big as your head...AND BIGGA! okay i'm done with that. once again, it has been forever since i wrote in this. i start out every entry in this manner. but alas...tis my life. man i gotta stop sayin that. I swam two miles this week. actually, two miles in the past 3 days. why? because i always skip the waterpolo. yep yep. Things are going fairly well. I have a lot a lot of homework to do this weekend. I get to see my family in the nati this weekend so i'm looking forward to that. and if i'm REALLY lucky, fetus may just be coming home as well. that would rock my world. I unfortunately have to miss my brothers concert tomorrow night at steves. i hear it is going to be an awesome awesome show. They are covering some stevie wonder for crying out loud. here we go again...alas, tis my life. God is great, he bakes us chocolate cake. no wait, thats dad...well, God gives us chocolate cake, dad just bakes it. Fantasy is what people want, but reality is what they need. it's so true isn't it? lauryn hill is so wise to have brought that quote into existence and into my life. I apply it to a lot of my thinking. We all want to live in a fantasy land don't we. We all kind of do live in that fantasy non realistic life. How many times a day do you catch yourself daydreaming? Me, a ton. but yah, it's hard not to live in a fantasy land when i think about heaven. heaven totally seems like a fantasy, but its when you can actually grasp that its not...it IS our reality. wow. that's what i find myself having the most trouble with. complete eutopia FOREVER. yah you read that right...FOOOOOREEEEEVER. hehe. it just seems unreal to me. ever since i was a little girl, i remember thinking about it and almost feeling claustrophobic because forever just doesn't seem like it can be real. forever always seems to be around when things begin, but forever never seems to be around when it ends. it's never going to end folks. Gods love is amazing, steady and unchanging. Song after song flow through my mind like an endless clock with numbers, an infinate of time. I am a woman of heart and mind with time on her hands and no child to raise.
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|Subject:||sleepless in anderson...|
|Music:||andrea humming nickelcreek|
my subject may seem like another attempt at a lame approach to talk about my relationshipless life again...but no, its actually the absolute truth. i cannot sleep. i have no idea why. i tried to take a nap this afternoon, impossible. i have been trying for the past two hours to go to sleep...no such luck. why me? sigh. lets see, other than not being able to sleep...i had a fun time in muncie tonight with my friends. i went to steves house for a punk show. hhahaha, me at a punk show. it wasn't all that bad...plus i got to see steve and angie so that rocked my world. i forgot to go by the livingroom and pick up my umbrella i left there last week. alas, tis my life. haha. my family is coming to muncie tomorrow for some pageant. EVEN BOB! so i am going to meet up with them sometime tomorrow (don't worry i'm not going to the pageant). umm, yah...i'm trying ot talk my parents into going to the josh garrels show at the speakeasy tomorrow night. it's in a bar, so obviously I CAN'T GO....but i think it would be fun for them. okay, so i'm going to try to sneak in, but if it will work i'm not sure. so yah thats about all i have going on for right now. i don't know what to do to make myself sleep. any suggestions? i can check back in a bit to see if anyone has posted something. alright, i guess thats it for now folks. i don't really have any new enlightening thoughts to share right now. i do think i need my head to slow down and just chill. i think thats part of my sleeping problem. so many thoughts running through my head its INSANE. i'm like okay brain, stop running in circles for just 5 minutes so i can fall asleep...then you can start back up and make me dream weird things like always. goodnight.
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|Subject:||i need to clean my room...|
thats not what i'm going to write about...i just thought i'd let you know. Let's see, it has been absolutely forever since i wrote in this last. I apologize (if anyone cares anyhow). hehe. i should have looked at my last entry to see where to pick up. hmm, i don't know. if anyone is reading this and you are single...you should just really start hanging out with me and become my close friend, and you will magically find yourself in a relationship. it's true! i would have to say that about at least 85% of my close friends are dating someone or engaged or married. but see, here is the good thing. About a year ago, i think i had the freshman in college girl mentality. and i would have been jealous of all of them. man, i used to be so bitter toward it all. i was like the little girl in willy wonka when she wants her chocolate and she wants it NOW. ya know? hehe. that was me a year ago. thank the lord i've grown up a lot. :) Before i think that i would want to grow spiritually, and i wanted a boyfriend, and i thought the solution would be to find a really strong christian boyfriend and that WOULD help me grow spiritually becuase we could challenge each other in that way. but see, God wants you to be happy loving him alone, and be content with only his love, before you try to love someone else. I think thats where i'm at right now, i'm trying to love God and have that be enough. i hope this is making sense. I mean, it is hard sometimes. Seeing my friends all happy in their relationships, and hearing them talk about the sweet things they do for their significant others...it can get tough. But, i'm waiting patiently. I know that when God finally does bring the dork of my dreams into my life, it will be unreal. I sit here and try to imagine what he will be like, and i don't think i can. I think he'll have qualities i didn't even know i wanted until i see them in him. He will definately be a picture of Jesus for me. All of my friends reading this who are the ones happily in a couple...just know that i am extremely happy for you. As far as i know, i love all of your significant others. It's great to see you happy. It gives me something to look forward to. Well, i think thats all i've got to say for now. i'll try to do better about posting. Thanks for your time. And if you happen to be the dork of my dreams...please tell me. :)
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|Subject:||that luke plank...i swear|
okay, my title explains itself. i love luke plank. if you all don't know him. he is a sophomore at anderson university and he is totally rad. the cutest, really. :) and such a sweetheart. everyone should talk to him. luket17 that is his screen name...so get on that. well, i just got back from my brothers concert in indy at vecino's. such a great time. so many awesome people went and i got to talk to them all. to name a few, all of my family, beth arne, flurry, korie campbell, adam, bob, nathan, josh, scrotieclause, danny, steve, angie, etc. etc. it was awesome. my brother did really well and tons of AU people showed up. goood times. i'm looking forward to church tomorrow at both muncie and indy. yay. we are going down to eat at my brothers house for dinner before hand and then heading to vecino's. i think it will be fun. well, hmm...im hungry right now. i might go get something to eat with elizabeth and flurry. i love you all. don't forget how cute luke is okay? have a great night. :)
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Well, once again i'm behind on writing in this here journal...but i'll do my best to catch up. what an amazing fall break. really relaxing and tons of fun. I got to feeling better, got to hangout with the fam again, and got to hang with my friends. steves house on saturday night...wow...way to go steve! his first house concert and it went really well i think. A guy named Listener you all need to check out. he is very funny, and very talented. God is doing some really cool things right now that i get to sit back and watch. its exciting. Man, i dont really know what to say right now for some reason. This week is going way better than the last. which is definately a good thing. I"m looking forward to the concert tonight. I'm proud of my buddy Matt for gettin it all planned out. GOod work my friend. umm, maybe i'll write more later. no one forget about my brothers show this weekend. :) 7:00 at riley towers in indy. vecino's coffee shop. let me know if you need more instructions and details.
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|Music:||andrea singing acapella (sp)|
Okay so this week, starting with my last journal on monday has been anything but good in terms of me forgetting htings, being overwhelmed with assignments due and appointments i have to be at, things cancelling and not informing me ahead of time so i go only to find out i could have slept longer instead, etc. oh, and i've been sick which got extremely bad today, such a great day becaue i need to be studying for two tests tomorrow so it is only logical according to this week that i get the most sick today. anyway, it's also cool becuase despite all the bad things happening, i have still seen God majorly, and him answering prayers. Over and over this week he has told me that when i don't try to control things myself, God will totally take care of it. Even in simple things as in "oh i want to see so and so i'm going to go look for them" (this is what i'm thinking) and then i change my mind and go on with what i would have normally been doing and one minute later i'll run into them on campus. ya know? just little htings like that. i would have tried to see them myself, but when i just went on doing my own thing God brought them along. it is just really cool. so now i'm looking forward to the weekend, the much needed weekend where i shall once again try to prioritize what i need to do with what i want to do. life is so fun its hard to get serious sometimes ya know. sigh. but, alas, i must. which also means i need to end this blurty and get busy studying again. i love everyone reading this. drop me a line.
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Let's see, i had a really good weekend with my family. Lots of laughs and good times for all. Well except for maybe nina, but i think even she had an alright time. (i went to the reenactment of 1812 this weekend if you were all wondering). I got to sit by the river and relax and dance etc. I also got to see some of my friends from home for a bit! Morrisons, Danny, Steven, and that pulley boy i love so much to reek havoc on! yahoooo! so yah, i missed everyone at AU, but it was good to see the fam. Today wasn't such a great day for me. I went to bed last night with a horrible headache, only to wake up this morning with a horrible headache and my stomach turning like dad flipping pancakes. it was terrible, so i slept through my spanish class. got up at 10 and ran to do an assignment for my ed psych class at 11, didn't get it done in time so i was a half an hour late (thats okay though because my teacher is a space case and didn't notice). then i realized i had done the assignment totally wrong and i was like, "what the crap!?" oh well, too late now i guess. Then i had a test to study for for my child and adolescent development class and i didn't have much time to do that at all before french class. so i went to french and realized i had an assignement in there that i had forgotten to do as well. eeeeeeeek. so yah, then i took the test in child and adolescent dev. and i did decent i guess. and then i had to finish the french homework and turn that in. now i am at home because i got off work early so i could go to indy tonight for my music in society class. we are going to the jazz kitchen...which don't get me wrong should be a good time, but i can't really enjoy it because i have to write a paper afterward about it. i hate doing that. ij ust like to go and enjoy, not comment on it. i can't just have a good time if i know a paper is coming. grrr. i never know what to say in those things and ijust always ramble on pretending and trying to convince the professor i knew what was going on in the music when i really had no clue at all. ah well, tis life. i hope it will be a good time, only thing is i'll have to buy an expensive meal. so all in all, today wasn't so peachy. but i'm still keep on keeping oning. what? haha, anyway...yah. everyone needs to come to my brothers show on october 25th in indy. ask me about it and i'll give you details. love you everyone!
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|Music:||sixpence none the richer (i've never heard before now)|
Going into this I don't know what i'm going to say, don't have a particular topic in mind so we'll see what comes. I'm happy. Earlier this week I was kind of struggling with getting motivated to do school work. I have always kind of been like that. It takes a lot to get me started but then once you get me started i'm alright. Once i have completed one thing i feel like i can go on to do more and i feel like i've accomplished something. I'm weird. I get to spend the weekend with my family. Like...the whole family, all together. pretty amazing huh? I think so. :) God has blessed me with some really cool people in my life. This year it seems like everyone at school is just a lot more chill as far as hanging out with everyone instead of just people they know really well. I feel like I know a lot more people on a much deeper level than i did last year. It's really cool. I love being in a good mood and having a positive outlook. I think God has been working in me in that way as well. I just haven't been letting things bother me so much and am generally happy. I'm happy with who I am, and thats ALWAYS a good thing. i love elizabeth kunz, she is such a space case and its great. hahaha, space case. i'm gonna get it for that one. i love it. anyway, i think thats all for now folks. I love you all! ..|..
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So sorry that i haven't updated this very much this week. i have been one busy girl. I decided to tryout for untold story and made it...so i think that will be fun. :) While its not the type of dance i'm used to (it's hip hop), i think it will be interesting and expand my dancing abilities.
I must apologize for my last entry. The one where I said that sometimes i felt sorry for my peers who were in relationships, or i said something like that I don't know. Anyway, I worded it all wrong because it sounded like i was judging and i didn't mean to be. I will try to better explain what i meant now... Recently i have had no desire to be in a relationship whatsoever because i like being able to do whatever i want when i want. That doesn't mean that people who are in a relationship can't do whatever they want when they want at all...just some people chose to make their significant other their whole life. It doesn't mean that there is anything wrong with this if that is how they want to live their life, but when i see that happening...it is so far from what i want right now, that i am unable to imagine it. So when i say i feel sorry for them i didn't mean that i was judging them or anything it's just not what i want, and therefore i imagine myself trying to live like that and i feel sorry for myself if i was in that situation. does that make sense? i hope i'm not making this worse. sigh. Anyway, i have tons of cool friends who are in very stable relationships and i think that's awesome. All of their girlfriends and boyfriends are amazing people and i'm so happy that they are in healthy relationships. It just isn't for me right now. When the right one comes along, I'll know. But right now, I'm just plain not looking. I hope that if i offended anyone in the last email that this can explain a little better what i meant. cool.
let's see, what else is going on in my life. oh, i am for sure leading worship at the indy church plant on sunday. I hope everything goes well and i don't screw it all up. but as long as I pray going into it and i'm just praising God, it will all be good. yay. Daniel Smith is here this weekend to visit! How cool is that? TOTALLY COOL. and guess who else is coming and going to church with me? JESSICA COON. woo hoo. if you are reading this jessica, i'm so so happy. and, i won't forget to call you. hehe. :) My parents are coming into town today and my mom and I are going to buy matching chuck taylors. hahahaha. this should be a splendid time. Me, MIssy, and Blizz are getting our haircut as well. I hope it all goes well and everyone is happy with the end result. Well folks, i think that is about all their is to update you on. OH WAIT! i got to see over the rhine on thursday. they did a little promo thing at luna music in indy. they only played about 5 songs or so but my first time seeing them was upclose and personal. They also gave everyone a free sticker and signed poster. and the poster is sweeeeeeeet. They are one of my favorite groups of all time so i was pretty pumped. all in all, it has been a great week. We do miss our fourth roomate Andrea Snyder. We love you so much and are praying for you all the time. That's it for now...I love you all! ..|..
|Subject:||from no caffiene to two coffee's...could mean trouble.|
|Music:||stevie wonder-isn't she lovely :)|
It's been awhile my online journal friends...but Angie is back, so don't worry. I had a really good weekend all in all. I'm in pretty good spirits. I got to see all of my immediate family members which was absolutely amazing. :) i love them aaaaaaalll. I think that God is starting to tell me that i need to learn how to play guitar and really work on it. Within the last week i've been asked like three different times to perform and play guitar and i'm like "uhhh, i like to sing but can't really play guitar that well at all". so definately, i need to work on that. I might possibly be leading worship at vecino's next week but i have to play guitar! ahh, God help me! Please! haha. Only he can help me learn fast enough. so yah, i'll let you know how that goes. I don't think i'm going to do the hip hop dance ministry this year. It was a tough decision for me but i think it will be too much of a conflict with other things i have going on. I hope i'm making the right decision. I feel like i should be using my dance in ministry and be dancing more but i'm hoping another opportunity will rise soon for that. I really love God and how awesome he is. Earlier i had some thoughts i wanted to share with all of you reading this, but now they have slipped my mind. OH, i thought of one! I want to encourage all of you who are struggling with where your life may be going, to really stop worrying about it and start being excited. As long as you believe and trust God, you really do need to be excited. I don't know what GOd has in store for me right now but i'm really getting excited to see what he has. I also have realized that i have to be patient about it too. I can't make things happen myself, it has to happen in God's timing. Which also brings me to my next statement which is that i am no longer asexual. haha. I can't hide my attractions and hormones any longer! haha. no but for real, i'm not looking for anything right now. It is really a cool thing being single. I don't have to worry about doing stuff with my boooooyfriend and such. i am totally free to do as i please and just hangout with whoever i want, when i want. yeehaw! Having a boyfriend who i really love would be nice, but it's not something i want or need right now. Being single is completely liberating. It actually kind of saddens me sometimes when i see people my age so tied down. Planning their lives around a significant other, other than God. ya know? who needs that? i know i don't. It's something i used to think i was ready for, but now i realize i was totally wrong. Anyway, thats all i got for now. I"m going to try to get some sleep now, if thats possible considering all the coffee consumption on my part. I love you, and i love jesus!
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|Subject:||i thought i had lost my mind...|
|Music:||Jason Bajada-friendster friend! he's really good!|
so tonight while enjoying dinner with my friends i was informed that asexual means reproducing on your own or something like that. i could swear that it meant having no sexual desire. so after some research i found out that it means both. but i think what i am, is a mixture of being asexual and celibate. i think i can use a noun form of celibacy. anyhow. haha, i think thats my conclusion. right now, what i'm trying to do is just block out my sexual attractions. block them out until they become nonexistant or at least not controlling my life. I'm just not dating right now. I'm telling myself i'm not dating so i won't think about dating. if i think i can't date, hopefully it won't control my thought process. But, if a boy did happen to come along who was interested in me...he might be able to persuade me to date him, but he'd have to try hard. either he'd have to try hard, or God would have to do some major talking telling me to go through with dating him. But for anyone who is worried...NO I'M NOT A LESBIAN. i will never be a lesbian. I think that every human has a little bit of homosexual feelings inside them, i really do. Anyway, thats a whole new discussion. if yo uwant to chat with me about that sometime we can do that. so yah, i think thats where i stand on that. I'm done for tonight. :)
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|Subject:||asexual....its brilliant...and here is why|
|Music:||copeland...i'm checking it out.|
So yah, i was just sitting here last night and i started thinking...man, right now i am really content being single. This is AWESOME for me because sometimes i struggle with that. I proceeded to think to myself, "man, my life would be so much better if i could weed out all the thoughts of the opposite sex i have and just focus on what needs to be done in my life (academics, God, etc)." The bible does say its better if you can remain single and yada yada. so yah, my thought is...i'm going to try to become asexual and have no sexual desires at all. I would get so much more done! Basically that is the only logic behind this. It's not going to be easy but it's something i'm going to try doing. I think that basically it's all psychosomatic anyway. Now i can look at every individual equally, male or female. I can have complete freedom to be myself without the hassle of wondering if a certain guy may be there etc. see, it makes sense doesn't it? I sure do think so.
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|Subject:||i lost my macaronni and cheese crayon...|
|Music:||over the rhine-new double disk yeehaw!|
The subject is just simply a taste of my life today as when i was trying to think of a subject it is what my roomate screamed. anyhow. it is an absolutely beautiful day outside. wow. it started off being cloudy and chilly but now it is sunny and 80 degrees. can we say fantastic? pretty much. nothing to exciting has happened today. it's been pretty chill. I have a lot of homework ahead of me tonight so i can't really go to church. I'm looking forward to movie night at erin and beths at 11! yay. I love those girls. If nothing else, take time today to see God in your friendships. I want to read my hippy bible and spend some time with God so i might go do that here in a little bit. We are having a martin and smith luau thing tonight where we get good food. pretty much its just another way for Anderson to try to hook us up with boys...but who needs boys? not i! hehe. I'm so content with my singleness these days which if you know me at all, is such a relief. :) The luau also means good food. so all in all, today is great. I woke up to a friendster message from a random person in california just saying how cool God is. so that made my day start off really well. you should all check out friendster if you aren't yet on there. It's a good time. Well, i'm off for now. i may write more later if something pops in my mind to share with you all. I love you!
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