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[02 Aug 2013|01:42am]
because he even said.... he wants to be with me forever :)
take a fall, feel the pain

nnot a care [03 Apr 2013|12:15am]
[ music | catpower: werewolf ]

I am powerful I just need to care more. and not expect the world to be more. I should be content. and appriciative, leave my dark thoughts alone. and hope and wish for the stars. cant count the hours or minutes for the meaning. so i am going to let my self go. and be open to pain. no games. just let myself fall for him. no holding back. thats the idea here...

i am tired of feeling sorry for myself. i want to actively live better. i am going to try and if i die as a failure, lest i went down in style.

i always miss him. i think about him always bbut when i am with him i try to push him away ... so shut the fuck up!!

i mma do this SHIT! righttt hereee baby! lol sorry that took a weird twist!


take a fall, feel the pain

new yEar [02 Jan 2013|01:33am]
[ mood | awake ]

it was an amazing year hopefully 2013 will be just as Wonderful. I bought my BRAND NEW car, got my g2. well i moved out... been on my own two feet. went to vegas, got promoted. got to BC thanks to my job. my relationship with my mother is amazing. got rid of toxin like ciggarettes and negitive people started taking care of myself. hopefully finishing my university this year. for next year i want to focus on strengthing my body and mind. I really want to be more fit and make better life descions. maybe buy my own place?

yeah my own place and a hefty amount bankkkked. :) well thats the goal...and also i been blessed with a new boy. i am not sure how much his into me. i feel like i opened up to soon but he makes me feel comfortable. i want to know more about him but i am trying to pace myself because to be honest does it really matter? we r having fun :) going to Kali Kali KAli LOL


i am getting stronger...

take a fall, feel the pain

[29 Nov 2012|02:25am]
did i mention i went to vegas with my ex around August ??? yeah .. i know. nothing happened by i saw Celin Dion. BIG DEAL <3 love her.
take a fall, feel the pain

i heard you like the bad girls on you. [27 Jul 2012|10:01pm]
[ music | lana del ray ]

soooo i am buying a brand new car? 2012 toyota corolla it looks amazing! and i am soo inlove with it.......... but seems like no one seems to share my happyness. that hurts.

it brings me down that people i love dont care. i sound soo stupid i do realize that.

not impressed with kristen and epecialy georgina.... she is next on the cut list.

i am very proud of myself :)

go me!

take a fall, feel the pain

so it happened [20 Jun 2012|01:20pm]
[ mood | accomplished ]

i finally got my g2! i am so proud of myself! it was easier than i thought! now i am looking to a buy a car and well i am just soooo excited. but i almost set the house on fire i dont know if someone ginxed me or what but i lit up an incents and before i knew it all my magazines set on fire it was really scary. this all happened the day after fathers day so i think daddy is loooking after me :) but my brother as usual is not being supportive. he has a resentment towards me which i am not sure exactly what it is about. it s kinda sickining. but it doesnt matter everything will be ok. i know it. so now that steph moved out i have the whole basement to myself its been a chilling out summer. i havnt done mucch i guess but i will :) i see all sorts of opportunities open for me

i just have to remind myself one day at a time and to breath :)

i have to stay strong.

take a fall, feel the pain

loftie crys [27 Feb 2012|01:16pm]
i feel ripped off of a family unit. with strong superiors. instead i have a confused brother and a hushh hushh mommy who cant even tell her daughter she is going on a vacation with her daughter's EX. just sayin...

better than nothing i guess.

feels like a low key monday.
take a fall, feel the pain

sex drive [29 Nov 2011|04:10am]
[ music | upside down ]

hmmm............. i am high, and i think this universe will turn better. it just has too...and sweet taste of happiness will be in the air. damnnnnn................... u so fine boi. >>>>

shheeeeeeeze... chera mano neemekhay?

take a fall, feel the pain

why does my heart feel so bad? [21 Nov 2011|11:03am]
[ mood | cold ]
[ music | moby< why does my heart feel so bad ]

so i am living my life, i am in my room and well i have everything a girl would need. i have money and my own space in this world but i feel so empty. i dont feel attrative or desirable for anyone.
i bet matt is whoring himself out and looking jacked and he deleted me off his facebook. what a loser like blocked me kinda deleted what a jack ass anyways i personly dont care, what ever i jus feel alittle down today. georgina is rude as shit first off... like no respect for anyone. and i like her but her words hurt me so i dont really like going out with her anyone because why? i feel embarrassed if she really thinks she does me madd favores for what? goin out wit me and driving? anywayss.... thats gayness. thats not a true friend.

but you kno what i personly need to come off more softer, i am just used to aggression because it helps me protect myself but i need to know that being valger and aggressive is not that ... well< attractive.

so the goal is to be softer and act softer not be so bold and out spoken i mean , bahareh how far has that gotten you? time and place for everything i gotta be more serious about life and myself and maybe go for a walk< OR GO TO CLASS!!? two birds with one stone!

i dono its better than wallowing in you bed right? :S attleast thats what i think.....

take a fall, feel the pain

so maybe tomorrow... [21 Oct 2011|12:54am]
[ mood | blah ]
[ music | scientiest/maybe tomorrow ]

i am feeling really shitty, i was super happy all day i guess i am crashin from my high. honestly i am getting slighty fed up with my roomies. so britt is a fakest little fucker i know. she just like acts like she likes me, all she ever talks about is her stupid boyfriend and just bitching all the time. and talks shit about me to steph like ohh does bahareh spend alot of time with patrick or like how much time do you spend with her? those are my grandparents couches and i saw a pic of bahareh smoking weed on it... honestly get over yourself.
so dun with her, the only reason i am not knocking her out is because i know i can destroy her.
thats that with that bbitch.

patrick, i dont know if her likes me or hates me but he just yells at me all the time. i dont appriaciate it, you got a problem just be civil about it. i undertand he has alot on his mind but he just needs to get over himself. its just a break up ... i know i sound totally insensitive but serious his mood is affecting me. he doesnt talk to me and just ignore me all the time like i did something? u came on to mee not the other way around. sooo why you gotta be like that?
nothing happened.... dont come the car and tell me you hate your life and ur job and everything else... and you dad. listen fucker at least you have one. just over it. and like iif you hate me just own up to it. dont likee just be shitty to me. and now i wanted to talk to him and he wants to crash and what not cuz he has work at like when? 2? a fuckin simple discussion wouldnt have killed you buddy. i am soo god damn frustrated. maybe his jealous i am chilling with lindsy? i dont even know i justtt dont like problems and just unnecessary difficulties. and i think i kind of like him and maybe thats why i care maybe alittle more than i should. i dont even know..

just i feel alone. i need someone to hold.

take a fall, feel the pain

driving :S [07 Jul 2011|02:02am]
what a gay fucking day i got an anxiety attack before my test and i didnt go and there goes 40 bucks
fuck me hard.
i thinki am gonna make chris my fuck budy why not? his got a nice bed? lol i just gotta get him drunkk muhaha

recklesssssssss i need to stop putting so much emphasis on this issue and i would not panic so much!
take a fall, feel the pain

hallow [17 Jun 2011|01:44am]
in life friends come and go, people come an go... its the ones who r there that matter. if the r not there they dont matter. i feel like my heart is burnt out. no more can be given. scary. and anyone else see that? am i trasparent? i hope not.
take a fall, feel the pain

[06 Jun 2011|04:02am]
how i wish you were here is not the only thing i am thinking right now. i am scared to be just with y self. i want to leave.i want to feel again. not the fake shit but the real stuff. save me. i am in a dark place and there isnt no light.
take a fall, feel the pain

cuz i got high. [31 May 2011|05:06am]
I want to be better on my own/

I am dun with that. lets get some shit done here.

go baha! a thought that occurred to me when i was high.
take a fall, feel the pain

the breakup [18 May 2011|01:46am]
[ music | none. ]

i feel like a shitty shitty person. for inflecting so much pain on such a sweet sweet person who doesnt know better. omg i am going to hell. the man cried in my arms all night and i woke upp to tears and kisses. i am such a bitch. he has no one else except me and here i am fucking wit him. i cant sleep tonight i really cant. i feel sick to my stomach...

he told me he wants to marry me and i am everything he is looking for an how it would break his heart if i was with someone else. he doesnt want me to belong to anyone else. is that isnt love then i dont know what is. i am just like soo hurt ... wish i saw this coming i didnt want to do it this way. i felt sooooo cold and his kiss seemed to .... not matter until a tear drop fell on my face and i cracked and i cryed... and he told me not to cry because he would start again. i want to be with him but i also want to be happy. i feel so alone right now and upset... i wish i had someone to hold.

i ripped off the bandaid and it hurts. this has been the longest day of my life. everything reminds me of him... fuck.

take a fall, feel the pain

whoaaaa [16 May 2011|01:42am]
[ mood | accomplished ]
[ music | frozen-maddona ]

friday the 13th.

sniffed coke , had sex with a girl and had 4 sum. next night i was living it up wit a nick the cutie? dammnn

fuck being single is a ridddde.

take a fall, feel the pain

life. [08 May 2011|02:31am]
look within yourself
and you'll see
the angel you really are
don't let others destroy you
you'll see one day,
it's not worth it
you're 17 only once
you're 18 only once
you're 40 only once
just one time..
make the best of it
take a fall, feel the pain

FUCK THE WORLD > : ( [31 Mar 2011|08:58pm]
so i fail.


my dirvers test that is. I this is clear prof that i am an idiot. WHO fails twice? it doesn't make sense to me! and he said he would have passed me if only his supervisor wasnt there. just to show you my luck. I feel like a compelet fool. WHO FAILS TWICE? i dono any one who does that! i should just quit now since i am a horrible diver anyways and spare lives.

i had it all fioured out too! before my trip, get license, buy car......... i would look for a new job. I was soo hopeful and happy. I feel discusted by myself. i am so stupid. I always felt like i was smart but appreantly i am not. NOPE. i am a failure.

and my boyfriends tempt to make me feel better? nothing. He called the house cuz i turned my phone off an talked to my mom and the phone cut off. clearly he doesnt want to be with a dumb person which i dont blame him for. I guess there goes my relationship and my license. I dont want to speak to matt ever again since he clearly is not making any attemp to make me feel better. I have cried all day. no friends who are there for me, who called to say i care. NOthing.

i should just kill myself an call it a day.

yup i am catastrophicizing.
take a fall, feel the pain

:S [13 Mar 2011|11:51pm]
[ mood | blank ]
[ music | bon jovi- always ]

i am upset i dont even kno for what reason, just so much anxiety. Cant get this lose outta my head........ i need to relax.

shitty news everywhere... where is this life taking me?

take a fall, feel the pain

detox and pradox [15 Feb 2011|10:57pm]
[ mood | depressed ]
[ music | client mansell ]

I am losing it..

losing it all... i cant think... i cant function properly. I feel useless.
I feel pathetic...i cant consentrate. I need to speak to someone. Everything is unorganized...
my job is trying to get rid of me, my mom repeatedly thinks i am fat.
matt barely speaks to me but he gets my situation now.
i talk to chris alot.
he llistening... i like having him around when he responds. soo behind in school and my marks are garbage.
i need to focus.
they owe me money i need to pay my bills and no one is helping me. hate my life now.
i wana stay in bed all the time all day everyday.
everything is stressful but i need to take everything and make it better. i cant do this. I need to get up and go. i feel like i am ruining my relationship with matt with talking to chris or anyone..
i need to detox my body and soul.

i need to get skinny and control myself.
i need to be a neat freak
i need to smarten up
i need to plan my future and escape.

organize my time.

take a fall, feel the pain

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