The Innocently Murdered's Blurty Entries [entries|friends|calendar]
The Innocently Murdered

[ website | A Refelxtion Of This Death ]
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LonG aSs DaY [08 May 2004|10:16am]
[ mood | awake ]

well i well i went over to nels yeterday and i remain here right now....I had bunchs of fun and llike ashley came over and everything is fine...I miss her...*sigh* oh well i mean what am I going to do about? ANYWAYS!! I like knocked out onn the floor then i woke up and saww nel on the computer nick and kellly already left and what not then i went up stairs and went to bed I fucking woke up at 4:50 am and couldnt fall back sleep!!

I GOT BROWNIES!! yay for me hehehe so i had a couple of those and watch some tv then tried to fall back asleep I found Buddah curled up be me I love that dog lol

Nel is still passed out in her ma's room...that damn kid is going to sleep forvevr even though its only like 10 right now! damn kids...anyways yea I dont think her dad EVER sleeps lol he has been up like all night i when i was up at 4 i could hear him down stairs then i woke up at like 8 something i think or maybe 7 something and came down to get nels lighter and he was still awake...mmm maybe hes an insomniac lol we may never know...

I didnt bring any "feminin prdoducts" so I got to make a homwmade tampon out of toilet paper its sooo uncomfortable but yu gotta do what you gotta do...

NEL FINALLY GOT RID OF HER G/F FOR SURE!! her g/f broke up with her because her dad wont let her see her so yea and so yeeeeeeeeeeea hehehe

I think this is going to be the longest entry ever hehehe...lets see yesterday we didnt have to dress for gym YAY PARTY!!! and like I had to take a bunch of pic's for writing club and what not so yea i didnt get to eat lunch cause i had to do it during that sucked I was real grumpy i had NO food in my system and some ppl can say THEY KNOW how I get when dont eat hehehe....anyways I was in science and realized i lost my ring in art cause i left it in there so I went and loked and i felt like shit....then i saw Jaz in the LRC so I tapped up on the window and made her give me a hug then she gave me food SHES SO AWSEOM~!!! so i ate a nutty bar in science during this stupid ass October Sky movie....stupid rocket movie...I got bored and sat there spacin and shit.....

hmmm I'm REALLY proud of steven (he gave me two dollars yesterday!! ILOVE YOU STEVEN) hes not taking Julies shit anymore!!! she has been pissin me off soooooooo bad!!! all she fucking wants is sympathy from EVERYONE she can queeze it out of....i love her to death but jesus fucking christ man she needs to fucking realize that shes not the only one out there with poblems ya kno???

hmm welll uhhh....I'm bored and if I cant find anything else to do on here i will probley wite agian lol go me lol laters OH YES ANGRY BEAVERS IS ON AT LIKE 10:30 MAUAHAHAHAHA THIS ROCKS!!

Quote of the day: "You cant expect to be a better person when you idolize fuck ups"

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THIS HAPPENED YESTERDAY!!! [23 Apr 2004|08:55am]
[ mood | infuriated ]

kt fucking calls me up...and i'm feelin just fine and dandy right? and so I was talking to her shes tellin me like that Mar interduced her to Sarah (from fluffys) and ya kno i'm just like oh thats cool w/e......sarah told her a bunch shit bout:
1) slim and how he liked me and w/e
2)that i smoked bad weed and it made me sick and I threw up (WHICH I DIDNT!!!)
3)that I was talking shit about christine (WHEN I HAVE NO FUCKING REASON TO!!)
4) that I fucking was acting older and that everyone at the fucking house hates me

kts telling me that i shouldent let their oppion bother me because they arent upstanding citizens or sum shit like that PRETTY MUCH she was just saying that they were nothing and I was better than them I was like WTF!! YOU DONT EVEN KNO THEM and then she goes yelling at me tellin me that she does cause shes meet a couple of them and shes gone to school with most of them and BLAH BLAH BLAH! I was just like w/e she was being so fucking low...I was just like this is just pissin me off more I dont wanna talk about it anymore then she hung up on w/e

I called trena after that and told her and asked her who said I was talking shit about christine....she said fluffy and lucy...WHEN I HAVE NO FUCKING REASON TO TALK SHIT ABOUT HER IN THE 1ST PLACE!!!!!! I dont fucking understand these fucking people I really fucking dont.... and trena said she will just talk to them and see what they have to say and email me the info later and to not freak out just calm down.....
its like HOW CAN I FUCKING CALM DOWN!?!?! I dont get it I really fucking dont i'm being blamed for shit I didnt do and I bet you a billon dollars that thats why Dane was pissed at me because shes like a sister to him AND ITS NOT TRUE so its just like...whatever...
so is he fucking calls I have to fucking talk to him about all that fucking bullshit and straighten that shit out somehow ID ONT EVEN CARE if hes fucking pissed at me anymore I really dont fucking care CAUSE I DIDNT DO SHIT!!!

i'm out....laters

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now I know what he meant... [20 Apr 2004|04:54pm]
[ mood | disappointed ]
[ music | mARIYLN mANSON~Mechanical Animals ]

fluffy knew what was to happen....everyone knew...but one warned me there oh well too late now

i cant go over to fulffys anymore cause they were worried about me and told trena about my weed smoking...too late now and she told kt and kt said that dad was gunn aget me a drug test but never did and i got this long speech from trena and its like omg......

Im not aloud over there EVER agian....and kt found my brownies and so she took themn and said if she found them agian she would tell dad...yay... and now i have no ciggarettes...whoo... and then i talked to kt and i was bawling my eyes out for a fucking hour cause i mean i'm leaving all those ppl i care about behind because i wanted to get high WTF IS WRONG WITH THAT PICTURE ya kno??/ and so i took a shower and cried in the shower cried when i got outta the shower whilke i had the worst migrain ever!! and i couldnt sleep at all and the pain in my head made me cry more so i barly got any sleep

this shit sux so bad *tear*

I talked to dane last night and he made me feel uber better....i kno i should have gone out with him....i really should have i dont think this would have happened if i did...why was i so scared?....i dont kno


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queastionable reasoning [13 Apr 2004|04:32pm]
[ mood | mischievous ]
[ music | NIN~Eraser ]

my dad had to fucking cheak his mail

HE DID SOMETHING TO THE COMPUTER!!!!!! i cant logg into like anything WTF!!! i cant logg into ANY of my profile thingys!! omg what a fucking dick head GOD DAMN HIM TO HELL.....

well dylan and gio kno i smoke weed now lol they were all like omg u used to give us so much shit for it now u do lol
i was like mmhmm oh well dont matter too much..........julie made steven angry........julie is being all fucked up not eatting and shit.....ionno shes questionable i think we are all falling apart, our group I mean....

julie~ gettin in trouble all the time and might be going to a privite school
lisa~me and her dont talk as much as we used to *sigh*

sam~we are still close and what not theres just that weridness between us because of our past

steven~him and julie havent been doing too good together

wilson~me and her are close but others arent

u kind of get the idea that we are just fallen apart....just going far apart and whne that happens someone will die...wethier it be murder or suicide i just have a VERY bad feeling about it!

you kno i was sitting in math thinkin and what not and like i realized that i had lots of fun with dane on saturday lol ionno what it is but i was thinkin about being with him but i have to keep in mind why I didnt want to in the 1st place I always have to keep that in mind when it comes to liking someone other wise i get my self in trouble

well hmm I guess thats all i'm gunna try and fix my stupid fucking computer to sign into my shit laters~!

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mmmm my brain....its dead....stupid easter... [11 Apr 2004|03:41pm]
[ mood | contemplative ]
[ music | Manson~ Fundamentally Loathsome ]

my brain is tickin.....i woke up and like there was this clicking noise it bugged the shit outta me thats why i woke up at 1:30 pm lol oh well....too late now then like everyone was gone but my dad is still here...damn would have been sweet if i was home alone oh well not alot i can do about it now.....

my back and sholder hurt real bad I think i slept on it wrong...i really think i did...oh well to late now...

my dad is all like "have u been hanging out with trena"....i was like"no".. then hes all like "well shes been callin kt so whats the deal?"(stupid fucking dick licker) "she lives in st. louis...she moved in with her brother" then he just looked as me like oh and got up and went into the kitchen...he needs to chill out the stupid homophobic asshole!

"when you love you kno its not real"~Marilyn Manson

hmmm well lets see i went to stevens party last night it wasnt bad we had fun for the most part his sister and her friend were annyoing as fuck but other then that they werent so bad i suppose....

I had to go with my dad to get easter stuff and on the way he asked:
him~how was ur party
me~it wasnt too bad i had fun
him~was chris there?
.............................i just stared at him.....god damn him.....FOR EVEN THINKING IT!!
me~why would he be there?
him~why wouldnt he be?
me~ lets see because he fucked me over because hes an asshole CAUSE HE HURT ME!!
him~well word on the street is, is that you still like him
me~EXCUSE ME!!! who did u hear that from>?
him~ its just word on the street
me~who did u hear it from?! kt>?
him~dont worry about it
me~I'm gunna worry about it because its not true
him~well i just figured cause you were so passioniate for him...

I didnt say anything after that then he asked me if I was aggravted about something ITS LIKE HMMM LETS THINK U FUCKING DICK SUCKING MOTHER FUCKING ASSHOLE~! god damn it.........i had a kind of bang up night as it was then he had to trample my heart like he didnt kno it was there.... how does that work>>>???....FUCKING GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR....and it still buggs me to think about him because i did love him with all my FUCKING heart... i REALLY did no matter how hard it is to believe its true and i wont deny it....i wont....becuase its true he tore me apart like no one has before and i will never be able to forget it...not now not ever because he was so deeply etched into my heart it hurts to breath....

oh well i'm out love only so many laters

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What a DeAd DaY.... [02 Apr 2004|02:47pm]
[ mood | rejected ]
[ music | Bright Eyes~ I want a lover I dont have to love ]

Kill the hope inside of me
cutting me
with the blade inside your mouth
I want you but i cant
where is the heart i had
you say its ok
and i just sigh
i walked away
from all of this to the park
and cried
i'll just be forgotten in the morning
lets just leave it this way
I want a lover that will love me
with out the greif
i need some drugs
so i cant think
I need a hug to drownd in
but my life is no fairy tale
love is an excuse to get hurt
lets forget today
and look for yesterday
hope for the best
and jump into this discouraging life one more time
as you say the words that make me wnat to cry

I dont kno if this has a ponit.....does it??? i guess you could make one up and call it the truth I suppose you can call me crazy and lable the sticker then throw me into a hole with padded I lay at the bottom of the shower looking up to the water that falls like the tears inside my eyes that wont leave me there and I start to prun and turned off the water hours ago cause you only worry about your bills....have you wondered where i am yet? have you questioned what i think??....i kno i have thought about you....and mixed myself with death into a martini glass with orange juice.....I sipped it down as I wait to hear for you...and i never do...for days and days i sit there in wonder....and I waste my time saying these things because I would like to come to think that I['m not completly insane and in love...but I am...and its hopeless for me not to here I am.....take me.........or leave me to die...

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[31 Mar 2004|10:54pm]
[ mood | crappy ]
[ music | Tool~...ionno ]

well too start off I'll tell ya about last night...I hung out with ashley took some pictures and what not and then watched the Henry movie and so yea.....then her little sister came in and woke us up at like 7 A.M. WTF!!!!!! well yea we got like 4 hours of sleep...i'm so tired...when we were watching cartoons all morning like my stomach hurt when i hicupped ionno what it is i'm scared ionno i'm paraniod....its dumb...i still feel like shit stomach hurts...and like my head hurts and I have no disire to eat......this sucks.....

my emotion in all up and down AND IT WILL BE until i can get myself to fucking cry THATS WHY MY EYES ARE DUMB!!! THEY WONT FUCKING TEAR UP!!! I'm not gunna bitch about this..i do it all the time

kalee was singin and she sounds like a cat outside a window on a fence i wanted to hit her with a shoe I kno thats mean but OMG i couldnt take it SPEAKING OF KALEE i gave her a make over and turned her into a little goth kidd lol she looked so cute with the pigtales, black lipstick and black make-up....

wcell i'm probley gunna fuck up not smoking.....go me..BUT my heart hurts really bad like it was now not really but I thought my chest was going to explod....god i hate feeling this body has gone to hell....FUCK!!!1

Me daddy gots a JOB!!! now we wont be AS poor lol...letys see my back hurts...I was up till like fucking hmmmmmmmmmm I'm not smoking for like 2 weeks because my lungs are fucked up and hurt every now and agian do i would rather them not so i'm quieting for a little yea

I was up late last night watching t.v. and what not just being a lame little butt munch....and like I was drawing and whatever watching "the sweetest thing" and I was thinking about how fluffy thinks that the number 310 is following him he went into this huge thing last friday it was fucked up lol andyways and he said that i dont look for it so thats why i dont see it and i was looking at things around me looking for 310 but i couldnt find it then I look at see what time the movie started...and it started at..310 lol I was like HA! it made me giggle.....anyways....

stupid bitch whore mother called yesterday and like she wanted to kno what she should get for kt for gradutaion...shes getting her a digital camra...I already told kt AHAHAHAHAHAAHAH she was like "you not gunna tell her right, I can trust you right?" I was like " yea i wont say anything" lol so i told kt cause she would have told me so I did :-) and now she has to let me use it sometimes lol....

Quote of the Day:"just because there is no body doesnt mean there is no crime"

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I make myself ill [25 Mar 2004|10:59pm]
[ mood | drained ]
[ music | Evanecence~Touriquet ]

I seriously think I'm causing my own emotional sickness....its degrating...I'm so tired I should go take a shower and cry but I just wanna sleep for ever and ever and ever never having to worrry BUT NOOOOOOOOOOOO
theres that never ending circle of problems thats called life! AND IT SUX GIANT COCK!!!!! has no gag reflex I swear....

I always feel sick...I donno I'm dumb...I really am...I'm such a bullshit person I feel like i am just like annyoing pl with all my shit...I DONT GET MYSELF...FUCKING HELL!!!!!!

KILL ME NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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I will end up forgetting today... [23 Mar 2004|10:22pm]
[ mood | loved ]
[ music | stupid telivision! ]

my body is all it feels funny..

I went to 7-11 by myself today and got me a 28o slurppe!!! mmm it was sooo tasty and i got me some tropical skittles!!!!!!!! WHICH FUCKING KICK ASS!!! Lisa didnt anwser her door so yea i stood there and forgot i was standing there lol it was fucked up lol i was like "OH!! i should go now" lol i'm such a slow weed smoker lol

anyways yea so hmm i was gunna say something but i forgot OH! THATS RIGHT I'M GOING TO HANG out with julie tomarrow lol i'm stealing my own frozen pizza's lol i'm so slick lol not really but its ok hehehe

I'm going to hang out with ashley (not white) on friday after she gets outta school if she feels ok cause shes been sickly the poor thing...I hope she gets better *hands her some soup and some tissue)

well i have homework and shit grrrrrrrrrrrrr I out love you alls!!!

I HAVE TO CALL SAMO!!!! *tells self dont forgot dont forget*

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Brain Dead...and ever so ill.. [22 Mar 2004|06:55pm]
[ mood | sick ]
[ music | A Perfect Circle~The Package ]

I feel like shit my stomach is dumb I have a A in history now A LITTLE LATE FOR THAT!!!

I'm so tired and like grrr Dane asked me out agian but i'll never get to see him its like BLAH!!! ionno what i want ionno what i wanna say its all too much for my brain to take!!!

I hung out with Ashely yesterday (not white :-p) anyways shes so fucking cute *mawh* shes the best we went to wendys then saw Taking Lives which was good mmm i got some kisses YAYHOO!!! she got sick when we were on our way home and we had to pull over I had to hold her hair back the poor thing was barfing it was bad AND now i have a cancor sore in the corner of my mouth its ok...I asked for it lol hmm I'm bored my dad just got homer and i have a gross ass taste in my mouth and i want to be held i'm such a cuddle whore its bad lol mmmm i'm still yawnin...fucker...this sux!!!

I've been thinking about pll all the time and ARUGH!!!!!! IT SUX and fucking ms. gonherea is talking shit about sam, julie, and steve-o which is all bullshit so me and sam are going to fucking bitch her out!!! that stupid bitch has got it comin!!!!!!

i'm dead...laters

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oh jesus......brent...*day dreams* [20 Mar 2004|05:28pm]
[ mood | determined ]
[ music | Coal Chmaber~Beckoned ]

today is just another day so meaningless just like the last. my head is spinning in circles and i need someone to stop me. I feel sick and I need food to fill my emptyness....the days are longer dont you think? its like a never ending cigarette constantly burning a hole in your mind, lol how sad to know thats what its come down to...nothing to do about it so why bitch? thats why i end it here...

THIS IS DUMB i'm so fucking bored and tired and i hate being single FUCKING BEING SINGLE!!! grr oh well nothing i can do might as well enjoy it lol its like eatting pizza when you want chineese its there and u eat it anyways cause u cant get chineese...fucking its out to get me I swear

well...hmm..I was at fluffys last night go figure I'm always there on fridays now mmmm I walked around with sarah and we talked for like ever I lvoe that girl shes so fucking hot mmm mmm good!! lol yea so anyways dane was there he was being all lame that kid is odd oh well w/e happens happens...nothing too special happened besides that i like tripped on my pants and fucking like flipped and slide on the driveway it hurt but i was laughing so fucking hard hahaha


me: i love this song<-(beckoned by coal chamber)
brent: yes
brent: it reminded me of us when we were together
me: *sigh*
me: damn it
me: :-\
me: FUCKING HELL one of these days i'm determained to actually make a fucking relitionship between us WORK
brent: me 2
me: its on my to do list :-D
me: its gunna be great
brent: yes'
brent: r u gonna go to oswego east?
me: yea :-\
brent: FUCKIN A!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
brent: FUCK!
me: I KNO!!

GOD DAMN I LIKE HIM SO FUCKING MUCH JESUS CHRIST!!!! one day man one fucking day I will have a god damn relitionship with him even if it takes everyday of my life cause dude i kno we can have something good he stopped smoking weeb and shit so i mean COME ON!!! ...*sigh* I will always like that kidd

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FREE DAY WHOOOO HOOO!!! [18 Mar 2004|02:08pm]
[ mood | confused ]
[ music | Korn~ya'll want a singel ]

everyone did their home work in CTI (where i am now) so we get to do w/e we want HAHAH SLICK!!!!

well lets get an update here MMK!!! well I have this kid dane that likes me thats going over to fluffys friday and hes givin me his PEZ shirt YAYHOO!!!! buit anyways he likes me and what not its kinda crazy ionno if i like him or not its fucked up i'm all confused I HATE IT my brain is like breaking lol

*yawn* i'm extermly tried last night i was in the worst mood ever i just felt like shit like unbelieveably it was horriable so I was all blah had a cigarette before i went to bed and that was that sammy( my cat) hates that i smoke ..oh well stupid cat lol..

next week i'm getting stoned like crazy with julie I'M EXCITED its gunna be great fun so yea it will be a joy!!! My butt hurts pretty bad I hate these chairs!!! YAY!!!! TOMARROW IS THE LAST DAY OF SKATING FUCK YES!!! i hate skating so much esspecpilly in gym!! god gym is so fucking horriable really!!...stupid exersize lol

I want to do track but my legs are all fucked up and like i have an addiction so i'm just like fuck it even though i will miss the rush and the ups and downs I wont miss practice but still!!!! oh well *sigh* I'll have like no social life if I do...I would have to kiss fluffy's goodbye FUCK NO!!!!!!!!!! lol so yea

I have two B's probley 3 cause of history but now i wont be able to dye my fucking hair GRRRRRRRRR!!! *TEAR* i worked so fucking hardf this quarter too!!! just to get fucking str8 A's god dman it I swear to god if my dad dont let me anyways i'll kill him seriously kill him cause thats not fucking fair at all well we have 3 min left so i'll let you guys go

love ya all *mawh*

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I need a brownie....not the chocolate kind ethier... [11 Mar 2004|06:38pm]
[ mood | sick ]
[ music | Blink182~Miss You ]

god i'm bored and everyone is dumb...
julie is still doing her BLAH BLAH BLAH shit and being all blah today so i just made a deal with carter today and i'm all set!! lol

hmm nothing really to say but i feel sick...and i need to cry and have a brownie...i onno why I just do

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YoU are the loVe I never FeEl... [07 Mar 2004|06:11pm]
[ mood | pissed off ]
[ music | Cold~Just Got Wicked ]

I hate my dad....hes offically on the list with my mom i hate them both so fucking much.... he fucking blames trena for my cutting and shit he also blames her for finding cigarettes in my bag WTF! HE WONT TAKE RESPONIABLITY FOR ANYTHING WHAT I FUCKING ASSHOLE
hes the whore and the selfish son of bitch HE WONT BE RESPOSIABLE FOR ME WANTING TO FUCKING DIE NETHIER WILL MY MOM!!! they blame everyone around them never themsevles WTF i cant take this!

I want to call fluffy and talk to him but i wont..I'll wait till next saturday SPEAKING OF WHICH last night they didnt have anyone over so i was all fucking home alone it wasnt "that" bad but it pissed me off cause i wanted to get the fuck outta here so i have to wait...

Then i was looking at greeting cards with kt cause she needed to get a card for her friend for her b-day and i was looking through all differnt types of cards and shit i found one that reminded me of zee it was kinda....sappy.. but i'm a hopless with said " if the world was perfect I would strech my arms to where you and and give you a big hug (on the inside) but if the world was perfect we wouldnt be apart in the 1st place....miss you"


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hey all my sheep eaters!! [03 Mar 2004|05:20pm]
[ mood | mischievous ]
[ music | Green Day~Time of your Life ]

i'm not sad and shitty anymore..well not as much I'M STILL LONLEY SOMEONE HOLD ME!!!!!!!!! its sad yes i know....oh well fuck it...notta lot i can do right? ZEE WHERE ARE YOU WHEN I MEED YOU!!!! lol anyways i'm bored and tired and i want to make out with someone SOME ONE KISS ME GOD DAMN IT!

MY MOUTH TASTES FUNNY AGIAN WTF!!!!!!!!!! makes no dad is still ignoring me this is dumb..i dont exist now HOW NICE WHAT A GREAT DAD HE IS feels like someone is jamming sharp things into my head WTF!! this is equally strange...

I have to go get my cd from steffard (steff) tomarrow...oh well we all have to make scarafices if he killed my cd i shall kill him YES I WILL DONT DOUBT ME HE HAS STATIC-X!!!!

well uhh i probley have to get off soon so my dad that likes to ignore me dousnt bitch to someone that isint there...what a loser HA!

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ello minions [29 Feb 2004|08:05pm]
[ mood | flirty ]
[ music | Chirmara~ #6 ]

hey everyone! guess what i did today...something not common...i wnet and hung out with steff we walked around and talked and wat not for like 2 hours lol we had a biting contest I WON of course but that wasnt made like clear BUT I SAY SO!anyways yea i should hang with him more hes not a bad kid I'll have someone to chill with when i have nothing to do YAYHOO! i guess we are "friends" its odd cause its...steff...but i have made peace hate is a waste of time unless your hating someone like my mom or alubry(ms.gohnarea) then you can hate all you like lol.....

well anyways yea i'm bored as fuck my dad thinks he smelled cigarettes on me this mornign when i didnt smoke at all last night HES SO DUMB....god OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THIS IS SO FUCKING GROSS I WALKED PAST MY DADS ROOM AND SAW HIM IN THERE ON THE PHONE AND I SAW HIS BALLS!!!!!!!!!!! EWIE EWIE EWIE I'M SCARED FOR FUCKING LIFE THIS SO FUCKING HORABLE!!!!!!!!!!!! god it was gross!!!!!!!!! i just ran up stairs and burned out my eye balls so right now i'm typing like braile style I donno how i'm readying the screen but i am so HA!

ANYWAYS MOVING AWAY FROM THAT i came home form hanging with steff like 4:30 and no one cared i ate a strawberry milkshake and went upstairs lol i finished that tangerine shit and just came online thats when my dad thought he smelled ciggs on me hes crazy in the brain i think i should lay low till like next weekend or sumthing cause he has serious beleif that i smoke lol

well i'm out LOVE YOU ALL good day

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I'm suffacating.... [27 Feb 2004|12:23pm]
[ mood | infuriated ]
[ music | Staind~Raw ]

kalee is driving me up the wall i just wanna be the fuck alone all she has been doing is buggin the shit outta me i'm gunna fucking kill her and shes just bitchin and being an annoying little bitch all fucking morning....i barly got any fucking sleep because sammy(my cat) kept me up! grrrrrrrrrrrr i'm so fucking aggravated...I'm tired of being in this stupid little hell hole all i get to do is stay home with the stupid kid and watch her SHES OLD ENOUGH I WAS WATCHING MYSELF WHEN MY MOM AND DAD WERE TO BUSY TO WATCH ME SINCE I WAS 7 COME ON! nothing has change from then to now SO LET HER BE BY HERSELF!!!!!!

Matt is pissin me off everytime i try and start a converstion after he asks me if i'm alone and i say no HE WONT TALK but as soon as i'm alone he loves me and misses me ALL HE WANTS IS TO UNFOLD ME and see what he can see thats ALL he cares about! WHY MUST EVERYONE FUCKING USE ME!?!?!?!

I dont get it....i'm just tired of being in this god damn dad took me out of school during lunch and we went to portillos and like it was nice and I was getting complaments and shit fromthese ppl and as me and him were eatting he fcuking starts with my wrists and i quote he asks "how are those wrists? any slashes on them" HE FUCKING RUINED MY FUCKING AFTERNOON BECUASE OF THAT why cant he just leave it alone I WISH I DID JUST TO FUCKING PISS HIM OFF.....kt porbley fucking talk to him WHEN I FUCKING TOLD HER NOT TO FUCKING TALK TO HIM ABOUT IT SHE FUCKING DOSE IT ANYWAYS WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! then she wonders why i dont fucking talk to her and come to her BECUASE SHE TELLS MY GOD DAMN BASTARD DAD! she says she wont and if i confronted her she would deny it and when i catch her and she says that she did her excuse is always that she loves me "i did it because i love you" FUCK OFF YOU STUPID FUCKING WHORE!!!!!!!!!!!!

well thats all i have to fucking say about that....this is all bullshit....

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I got home last night! [24 Feb 2004|10:01am]
[ mood | bored ]
[ music | lifehouse is stuck in my head ]

well that was fun i helped my dad smuggle cigars into the u.s. go me hahaha i'[m a little devil child arnt I? I miss being bad its a good feelings hahahahaha

well i'm at school doing dumb shit nothing really specail hmmmmmmm damn reserch paper I'M SO FUCKING BORED I HAVE to get working...damn it...laters my lovelys

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Hola!! Commo es tas? [21 Feb 2004|09:31pm]
[ mood | giddy ]
[ music | some 80's music YAY NO MEXCIAN MUSIC ]

how come i can spell in spanish but not in english? hmmm it will bewilder us for years to come lol

well i'm better then before i'm not so shitty anymore maybe its because there are ppl dancing outside lol
IM A LITTLE GIDDY THIS EVENING lol can ya tell? probley not..oo well TOO BAD FOR U PPL I had coffee and A.M. tea ealriar i thik its starting to kick in GOD DAMN now i wont be able to fall asleep oo well shit happens i suppose but i'm tired thats why it makes absolutly no sense my brain is so confused. *yawn* fuvcking hell i dont understand the linmes between sleeping and awake i just dont HA!

I feel like i have been gone forever which is annoying as fuck cvause these days here are so fucking long because we get 2 extra hours cause we are two hours ahead of the U.S. yea u would have to be here to understand i supose. i sliced my toe on a rocktoday which really sucked ass!

ISlaughtrd Mommy: i wanna run away
ISlaughtrd Mommy: and walk ON the ocean
BeEuTeVIL: i wanna run into a wall
BeEuTeVIL: and walk on glass =)

I LOVE MATTIE hes so wonderous lol i'm jelious of his g/f shes lucky
HOLY SHIT THIS SONG IS HELARIOUS its goes "Boom boom boom lets go back to my room so we can do it all night we can do it all night"then another part is him talking ""lets go back to my room so we can boom boom"how lame can u fucking get? lol

bye bye chodas!

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...why is no one on????????? [20 Feb 2004|10:12pm]
[ mood | pissed off ]
[ music | ...same shit as always... ]

no one is on i have no one to talk to and i'm bored as hell WTF! WHERE IS EVERYONE THAT STAYS HOME FIRDAY NIGHT! i know i'm not the only one hahahah god damn it oh well, theres nothing to do here anymore i'm bored with it i wanna come home but we have to wait till monday...ahh well i guess i can wait I GUESS lol

OH FUCK NO! They are laying that one song with madonna and britney shit face... YAY! HE CHANGED IT! well at least hes trying too lets hope this works because i will have to kill sumone is i have to listen to that..

I'm lonley....ionno why i'm just really really lonley...*sigh* not alot i can do about it i guess ah well i suose i will live it wont be great but at least it will be something...GOD DAMN IT I WANT A SMOKE BUT I CANT HAVE ONE I CANT RISK GETTING CAUGHT AT dad already thinks i smoke and thats not good cause then he wont let me dye my hair and thats not good nope not at all hahahaha

what is there to talk about? pretty much nothing cause thats whats been happening nothing...absolutly nothing at alll... how is that? fuck if i kno ha! i'm full of useless information....FUCKING HELL i'm tired and i cant do shit about it well i could go to sleep but i'm not...


god and a bunch of shit is going down with me and i cant take it it hurts so much i had to cry myself to sleep last night it was just horriable and i cant take it....*sigh* i hate myself for all this...

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