| half smoked cigarettes... |
[09 Sep 2004|03:27pm] |
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half smoked cigarettes, and your the trash that infests my sheets. can't make a wife out of a whore. don't want your skin on me. and you're addicted to the drug of lust, and detox is the cold sweat of shame, and i love your pain. i'd give you these roses now, but i'm left in the thorns. i'd rather hurt someone than hurt myself. i'll dispose of you like a lighter out of fuel. i'll lose you somewhere on a dusty shelf. so this love's been worn down, like some song on tape. the sex has lost all of its fun, like gum loses taste. and your addicted to the drug of lust, and detox is the cold sweat of shame, and i love your pain. i'd give you these roses now, but i'm left in the thorns. i'd rather hurt someone than hurt myself. i'll dispose of you like a lighter out of fuel. i'll lose you somewhere on a the shelf. i'm here lying in your bed, babe. remember what you said to me: "you can be my james dean, i'll be your sweet queen." i said that you were my first, but you weren't even close now. like a friend in a movie, you're just one, of many. can you grant me one last wish? play russian roullette as we kiss. i'll be your cheap novelty, blow your brains out of me. i'd give you these roses now, but i'm left in the thorns. i'd rather hurt someone than hurt myself. i'll dispose of you like a lighter out of fuel. i'll lose you somewhere on the shelf.
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| the words we exchanged are still stuck in my head till this day. |
[06 Sep 2004|02:38pm] |
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mood |
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 lonely |
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i love him. i'm going to burst out crying cause i love him so damn much and i don't think he feels the same about me anymore. this hurts so much, but you know i just want him to be happy. i guess he wouldn't be happy with me considering he can get way better. i need to stop wishing that he would come back to me, i need to stop falling asleep thinking about him, i need to stop daydreaming about him, i need to stop hurting over him, i need to stop trying to get him to like me (even though it would never work).
things happen for a reason and i don't understand why this is happening. maybe i just need to understand that he has moved on..and i need to also, but i know i won't. i don't want to and i could never bring myself too. this sucks so much i just want to die. he doesn't know how much pain i'm in without him. i will always love this boy. if only i knew how to love someone that loves me. seems to me like i'm always wanting something i can't have. even if i got it...i wouldn't want it anymore. i wish i was prettier...for him. even thought i got to admit that he doesn't have the best looks, so i really don't know what it is about him!!!!!!
it would never work out. i'm his past. he is my past, present, and future as far as i'm concerned. he is the boy of my dreams, i just wish i could gather up the courage and tell him. i know i couldn't..i am scared of rejection. besides i know most likely he doesn't think of me like that anymore so it would just make things more...awkward. so i decide not to say anything...an just wait. hopefully some day he will feel the same again.
also! i'm always the one that i/ms him. when i do we have a good conversation, but i remember that when he liked me he would always i/m me! now he doesn't. /= i guess that's a true sign. he is online right now...he is right now away, but before he was at his computer and didn't i/m me.
GOD I GOT TO GET OVER HIM...love sucks. i can't get over him..i feel like he is my first REAL love.
i love him so much.
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