Rae's Blurty
 
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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Rae's Blurty:

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    Friday, May 18th, 2007
    10:19 am
    Back Again
    So today is me and Josh's three month anniversary!!! I can't believe how fast it's gone by, too. i mean... yeah. it seems like this whole year, this whole school year, has gone by!! it's been a year of up's and down's, and tonight's just gonne be the icing on the cake.
    tonight is the high school graduation. most of the seniors are here today for grad. practice. when i saw Amber this morning, i nearly ran her over. i hadn't seen her since Monday (today is Friday) and i started crying and jumped on her. lol. i felt like a fool, but i didn't care. most of my friends are graduating... Amber, Chris, Matty, Bryan, Raechel, Chastity, Josef, Taylor (wait, is she my friend???), E.. and so many more. i just can't stand it. and then Kayla's moving to Massac County!! i'm gonna be all alone! well... i'll have Amanda, Tabitha, Josh, and Mike... but at school, i really won't have many people. i mean... jamie and johnny are no longer my friends because of all this stupid drama. i can't STAND drama!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i just wanna cry. or something. i really don't do 'stupid stff' anymore, but times like these make me want to. i just don't know what to do anymore. i mean, i'm so freakin stressed out right now, that i can barely type cause my hands keep shaking.
    life's just been so crazy lately. i'm up and i'm down in a matter of seconds. i'm depressed when i'm at home, i'm happy when i'm with Josh, or at church, or both, i'm crazy and pissed and stressed and sad and happy.... well let's just say i'm bipolar at school. i just need to find some way to relax. i'm trying to quit smoking, and of course, that isn't helping. i don't drink or pop pills anymore. i try my damnest not to cut anymore. but it's getting harder and harder everyday to not do those things to just let it all out.
    i never feel happy anymore. i mean, not really happy. i get a sudden wave of happy now and then when i'm at school, and i'm usually happy when i'm around josh, but any other time, i just feel... well i don't really know how to explain it. i'm sad, i'm tired all the time, i don't find the joy in doing things i love like i used to... i just feel... blah. totally and completely BLAH. i feel like there's this constant fog in my head, and i just can't find my way out... so i get scared, and then i get angry, and then i just give up. i'm at the point of just giving up. but i guess i'll hold on as well as i can for now. i couldn't leave josh, or amber, or my parents and family right now. josh needs me. i have responsibilities to my family and the church. i don't think God would like it very much if i killed myself. i mean... i am so scared about the future. i know what i want. i want it so bad i can taste it. right now, in the present, i'm at point A. my future is point B. i just can't see how to get from point A to point B from where i'm at right now in my life. all my dreams and goals just seem like what they are... dreams, and nothing else. i just don't know where to go. it feels like everything is falling apart.
    well the bell's gonna ring, so i better get off here. i'll write more later.

    ♥Rae

    Current Mood: blah
    Thursday, May 17th, 2007
    9:21 am
    So everything's going to Hell....
    Yup, that's right... everything's going to hell. Mike and Jamie broke up. Well... she broke up with him yesterday during first hour..... cause she's a bitch. Yup. that's a bunch of bullshit. i take it that within two days, she and johnny WILL be back together. jamie basically cheated on Mike, and Johnny helped her do it. so they're pretty much SHUNNED from my life. i just don't understand. me and mike are talking again, and i've found out that johnny's been making me look like Pope county's BIGGEST FUCKIN WHORE. i just don't understand it. he was suppossed to be my best friend, but then he turns his back on me just to cover his own ass. he's just a fuckin prick. i can't stand him anymore. and HE WONDERS WHY THE FUCK I"M MAD AT HIM!!!!! hahaha. he's got another thing comin. he really does. if he thinks he can just come up to me and talk to me EVER, he can just go shove it up his ass. i'm not puttin up with his shit anymore. i'm pms-in, i'm pissed off, everything hurts from overdosing on acetaminaphin yesterday, i feel sick... and i just can't stand it anymore. i wanna just run away from it all. i really do. johnny can just kiss my ass. he really can.
    so josh is meeting me at graduation tomorrow. i can't believe that Amber, Chris, Raechel, Chastity, Matty, Bryan and i dunno how many other of my friends are graduating. i just know i'm gonna cry all day tomorrow! i just can't believe how fast this year has gone.
    i can't wait to see josh tomorrow! it really sucks that i never get to see him. i wish he didn't live so far away. atleast i get to keep my phone now. and i love getting to talk to him. i just wish i could have joined him last night.
    Thursday, March 2nd, 2006
    11:16 am
    Bored at school
    Hey. well yeah... i think the title explains it all. yeah... i dunno what i'm doin here. lol. o well. i'm just sittin here in Art. it's awesome...? lol. o well. yeah. i just charged my mp3 player last night, but i wouldn't be suprised if i ran the battery down by the time nan comes to pick me up. (she has some seminar to attend since she's on the county voting committe.. so we're goin into golconda for a while. maybe get somethin to eat.. i dunno. get a shnack. lol. jk.) so yeah . i dunno. yeah i've said that like three times already, lol. well ima go.... cause i have nothin left to say. lol. buh bye. laters.

    ♥♥Rae

    Current Mood: blah
    Current Music: "Anatomy of Your Enemy" by Anti-flag
    Wednesday, November 23rd, 2005
    11:07 am
    omg, it's been forever!!!
    i can't believe how long it's been since i last wrote on here! lol. it's been FOREVER!! lmao. i used to use this thing all the time, but now... lol... ya know. i broke up with Patrick a while ago. now i'm going out with my new neighbor, Josh. he's so awesome! i love him so much. i was going out with Byron, but something went bad between us. He's going out with... um... josh's mom now. weird, yes, i know, but that's life for ya. lol. i'm in art right now. it's kinda a slow day. nothing's really goin on... now. lol. tonight, me, amanda, and jamie are going to the movies and shopping for amanda's birthday! yay! i can't believe it! we're all 15!!! craziness!!!! i always wanted to be 15 and now that i am, it doesn't feel any different from 13 or 14. I have changed alot though. i'm not sad anymore. something inside me has changed completely. i'm confident. i smile all the time. all's good. i can't believe how much everyone around me has changed too. it's weird. one thing about me and jamie has changed... but for the worst. we don't talk much anymore. it's weird between us. jamie and i used to be SO close, but now, it's like i don't even know her! i don't know what i would do if i lost her; she's my best friend. i don't want us to "break up''. lol. i know that's a funny way to put it, but that's kinda how it feels. it feels like we're breaking up. :'( hopefully this little outing tonight will help us talk like we used to. patrick came back from guam.. for me apparently. he and i are friends now.. just friends. it's strange between us sometimes, but we get over it. he wants me back so badly... but ya know what? if he loved me SO much last year, then he wouldn't have cheated on me. he's not getting me back, no mater what he says or does. we're just friends now and that's how it's gonna stay. besides, with a guy like josh, what more could i want? but no matter what i say, pat keeps on trying.. i give him props for that. robert likes me too. i like him, but i love josh, so josh kinda beats robert. lol. i'd rather have josh anyway. i know i can trust josh. i'm not quite sure how much i could trust robert. he's a good guy on the outside, but after what happened between him and jamie, i don't know if i could trust him at all. lol. wow. i have 5 minutes of class left. thank God. lol. only 4 more hours till i'm chillin with my friends at the movies! yayness! lol. hey well, i guess ima go.
    laters.
    Thursday, August 11th, 2005
    10:32 pm
    it's been so long....
    gosh.. it's been forever since i've been on this thing. i can't belive it. i don't think any of my friends still come on here anymore. lol. watever
    i had to get my physical today. it was crazy. i'm so afraid of shots... but i had to get one
    it was creepy.

    lol well watever
    i g2g. laters
    Sunday, May 8th, 2005
    7:29 pm
    The Louisville Trip!
    ok yeah like we went to louisville, ky yesterday on our class trip! it was AWESOME! hahah. we had to get up at 3 am and get to the school by 4:25. that sucked. we rode a charter bus there. it was crazy. first we went to the Louisville Slugger Museum. it was so cool. we saw a 20 minute movie and then went into this room where there was a scene of a pitcher and a batter (they were manikins). from there we went into a next room that held a LOT of collectibles from players like Babe Ruth and Mickey Mantle. it was so awesome. they had a mobil of bats large and small and a few balls hangin from the ceiling. it was so cool. there was this thing in there that was SO COOL! it was a cage that had a stuffed umpire at one end and a screen on the other end. on the screen there were shots of pitchers pitching, and when they pitched, real balls flew from the screen! (there was a pitching machine behind the screen!) it was so cool to watch. then after 20 minutes of being able to walk around and stuff, we got to go into the place where they make the bats. they showed us the machinery and stuff. after the tour, we each got a mini Louisville Slugger bat for free! it was so cute. haha. then from there, we went to the gift shop. i got the cutest 3/4 length shirt ever. it was pink with grey sleeves and the LSM logo on the front. it cost $18! then we went to the batting cages. out front of it was this HUGE statue of a ball and glove that you could sit on and stuff. i got pictures. i didn't go into the batting cages but to watch other people bat, but i went up the elevator to the balcony above the ball and glove. april and faith FORCED jamie to go into an elevator and they found out that she really IS afraid of them. appearantly (sp?) she sat on the floor in the corner hyperventalating and crying. i felt sorry for her. poor thing. then we had to leave the museam, but not before i got a few pix of the HUGE LS bat infront of the building. next we went to Joe's Crab Shack. i had never been there before, but the food was great. i had chicken and french fries. omg. david told them that it was his bday and the manager came out and made him put on a sea shell bikini top and a grass skirt and later an almost bald cap with a black mohawk! it was hillarious! i took jamie's camera from her and got him hula dancing on video! hahah. it was awesome! i got 2 shirts there. a brown 1 that said "Pinch me! Joe's Crab Shack" and a little blue crab in blue and a blue shirt that said "I ♥ Joe's" (amanda got the same one as me but in pink!). then we went to Six Flags! the first thing Jamie, Cody, Amanda, Richard, Donald, Tom Terry, Jodie, and everyone else bt me and delaney did was go on a parachute drop! they like totally FREEKED OUT! it was so funny tho to see their faces when they got off. then we all went off to do our own thing. later me and amanda caught up with jamie, cody, and them and we went on a log ride! we waited in line for like.... EVER! when we finally got on and started goin up the hill is when we realized just how high that thing went. on the way down i screamed and when we hit the bottom, the splash extended more than 100 ft! we were SOAKED! that water was so cold! then we got off and stood on a bridge and got splashed again! they took a pic of us in our wet clothes. then right before we left, me, amanda, delaney, and josh went on this lil kid ride called "the roadrunner". i was thinkin 'hey this is a little kid ride, it won't be so bad'........ i was wrong. dead wrong. we got up the hill and went down a short steep slope. it slowed us down way quick and then took us toward a corner. we gained speed, and it seriously looked like we were gonna fly off the edge, when we jerked around the corner. it did that about 5 times and got scarier each time! it was SO SCARY! i had tears in my eyes! then we went down these hills and junk. the rest of the ride was awesome, but that first part... woah. i thot i was gonna die! it was crazy! well then we left. we had been at Six Flags for 8 hrs. and everybody's feet, ankles, knees, and the rest of us were hurting so badly. we started on our way home and Gusten got sick and threw up. then jamie got sick and i think she had a fever. about 30 minutes later, alisha got sick and was crying she felt so bad! it seemed like it took FOREVER to get home. at one point tho, i actually did something i swore i would never do. i went in the charter bus bathroom! it was SO nasty! there was no soap or nething! well we finally got home and i got to sleep at 2:20 am. it was an awesome day. well i'm gonne go. ttyl. laters.
    Thursday, April 14th, 2005
    4:12 pm
    i can't believe him
    ok, there's this guy on my bus (i'm not giving out names) and today on our way home, we were all jokin around and everything, havin a good time, and he kissed me! i can't believe him! i think he knows i'm still goin out with patrick. i'm pretty sure he has a gf too! oh i don't know wat to do know. i'm so confused. lol. he's a good kisser tho. lol. ;)
    help me. plz, somebody?
    well i gotta go. laters.

    Current Mood: confused
    Current Music: none
    Wednesday, April 13th, 2005
    3:36 pm
    omg
    it's been so long since i've been on here hasn't it? lol. i've been SO terribly busy! i've had soccer and games, and our IL constitution test is comin up. lol. i'm surprised i lived through some of those games!

    lol. last saturday, we had a girls game against marion... we lost 7-0. i nearly cried the whole way home. i mean i had ALOT of fun, but we sucked. we had some of the joppa girls on our team, and one of them was the best goalie we've ever had, but it was no use. i was attacked like 3 times during the game. there was this one girl who looked like katie mcduffee's sister... she tripped me twice. i thot i broke my finger the first time cuz i landed on it really hard. my ribs still hurt in one place where i fell and was kicked. my calf doesn't hurt anymore, but it did. u see, me and this one chic where battling for the ball, and she's a really good kicker, and she tried to power kick the ball away from me, but got the back of my leg instead. i could barely stand, but i still wanted to play. i only sat out for almost a minute before halftime and then i was back in again. man. that hurt. o well. mic had it worse. she started weezing and couldn't breathe cuz she hadn'nt taken her allergy meds before the game. i thot her lungs were gonna collapse. her face was red and she was cryin. i made her sit out cuz she didn't wanna. i felt so bad for her. steph and nikki and breanna and everyone else did a great job in that game. it's jus... those girls were older than most of us (8th grade) and MUCH taller than us. they had also play together since kindergarden, so they had the unfair advantage. it's ok tho. they were really nice and we all had a good time. lol. o well
    well i'm gonna go. laters.

    Current Mood: sick
    Current Music: None
    Sunday, March 27th, 2005
    6:50 pm
    it's been FOREVER!!
    lol it's been forever since i've updated here.. lol. i've been so busy!
    lol today is Easter. it's awesome. i've been eatin and relaxing ALL day :D
    i finally put my own web site... it's hstrial-thetravelingb.homestead.com. it's awesome!! it's got like a 100000000000000000000000000 things on it!!
    there's so much stuff to say... i don't know where to start.. but i'll save it for another day i guess... a day when i'm not so tired... lol
    laters

    Current Music: Switch
    Friday, March 18th, 2005
    9:45 pm
    It's been a while....
    man, it's been a LONG time since i've updated! lol.
    nothin's been goin on lately. nothin at all.
    we started soccer again that's awesome..
    i was gonna try out for cheerleading.... but i quit.. o well.
    wow... i'm bored..
    lol :D
    laters.

    Current Mood: blah
    Current Music: the voices in my head :P
    Saturday, March 12th, 2005
    6:20 pm
    The Spelling Bee....
    was bad. lol. i lost. they gave me a word i had never even heard of let alone studied! lol. it was flotillo. haha i'm such a dork. atleast i got an awesome blue/gold trophy! lmao. i had a good time tho. :D
    after the bee, we all went to the zoo!!! :D yay!! it was awesome! lmao. i saw a lion, a tiger, and a bear cat... o my! hehe.. no really.. i did. :D
    i ate at McDonald's for EVERY single meal! haha. i had their chicken selects.. they're really good... i don't usually like McDonald's but.... hey when you're hungry you'll try anything new! i tried a bacon bisquit. it was REALLY good! lol. :D
    well ima go.. ttyl laters. peace.

    Current Mood: happy
    Current Music: nothin
    Friday, March 11th, 2005
    10:44 am
    sittin here at school
    hey er body... im juz chillen here at school. nuttin much to do but relax now that testing's over. lol. well i g2g before someone comes in here. lol. i'm only supposed to be lookin up info for my report! heh
    Wednesday, March 9th, 2005
    5:47 pm
    It's been a while....
    today was ok i guess. we started isat testing. it wasn't too bad.
    after we were done i sat n the back of mr.gordens room and listened to my radio and read my book. it was fun. talked to gusten and david the rest of the time. and people say i'm weird... ha!
    lol
    last night i got Patrick address!! yay! i'm so fappy! lol
    :D i'm like hyper. laters yall peace!

    Current Mood: bouncy
    Current Music: The radio... Kiss FM (don't know the name of this song! lol)
    Friday, March 4th, 2005
    4:48 pm
    today...
    i, along with most of the whole school, found out that Zach Leach died last night in a car wreck. i didn't know him as anything more than a name, but i really wish that i would have gotten to know they guy everyone kept bragging about today as the All-American Guy. even though i didn't know him, i still cried. almost everyone was crying today at sometime or another. you would more expect and older person to die rather than a guy that is just a few years older than i am. it hit really close to home. it made me realize that at anytime, no matter how old i am, i could very well meet the same dark fate. i sang a hymn- "Amazing Grace"- for him today. God rest his soul. One day, when i die, i know i'll get to meet that All-American Boy that almost everyone loved and knew. i will keep Mrs. Leach and everyone esle effected by his death in my prayers.
    there is a song by Good Charlotte called "We Believe". it made me cry even more because it talks of the same tragedy that happened last night. here are the opening lyrics:
    There's a woman cryting out tonight, her world just changed, she asks God why, her only son just
    died, and now her daughter cries, and she can't sleep at night..........................
    see why it made me cry? :'(
    i gotta go... laters....

    Current Mood: sad
    Current Music: "We Believe" by Good Charlotte
    Thursday, March 3rd, 2005
    6:49 pm
    hi again..
    dude... today was our 1st day of soccer practice... AND IT WAS SO BORING! omg.... i totally overestimated it all! i feel stupid! lol. i can't believe it....
    dudes.. k and c didn't even barely talk to me.. i'm so sad! i haven't seen them in like forever and c only said like 2 words to me and k said like 1! :'( i don't think they love me anymore! ::cries::
    well that's really all that happened today... except i got 14" on the v-sit reach thing today. it was awesome. mrs. hise said that the only one she ever saw beat that was some other girl who got 15"! lol booya! ima try again tomorrow if i can. i'll beat it! lmao :D
    well ima go. laters yall.. peace

    Current Mood: bored
    Current Music: 1,2 step
    6:49 pm
    hi again..
    dude... today was our 1st day of soccer practice... AND IT WAS SO BORING! omg.... i totally overestimated it all! i feel stupid! lol. i can't believe it....
    dudes.. k and c didn't even barely talk to me.. i'm so sad! i haven't seen them in like forever and c only said like 2 words to me and k said like 1! :'( i don't think they love me anymore! ::cries::
    well that's really all that happened today... except i got 14" on the v-sit reach thing today. it was awesome. mrs. hise said that the only one she ever saw beat that was some other girl who got 15"! lol booya! ima try again tomorrow if i can. i'll beat it! lmao :D
    well ima go. laters yall.. peace

    Current Mood: bored
    Current Music: 1,2 step
    6:49 pm
    hi again..
    dude... today was our 1st day of soccer practice... AND IT WAS SO BORING! omg.... i totally overestimated it all! i feel stupid! lol. i can't believe it....
    dudes.. k and c didn't even barely talk to me.. i'm so sad! i haven't seen them in like forever and c only said like 2 words to me and k said like 1! :'( i don't think they love me anymore! ::cries::
    well that's really all that happened today... except i got 14" on the v-sit reach thing today. it was awesome. mrs. hise said that the only one she ever saw beat that was some other girl who got 15"! lol booya! ima try again tomorrow if i can. i'll beat it! lmao :D
    well ima go. laters yall.. peace

    Current Mood: bored
    Current Music: 1,2 step
    Monday, February 28th, 2005
    9:33 pm
    im back....
    i haven't been on here in a while. been very busy.. i went to jamie's house friday after school. we had a blast! we bake a chocolate cake!! well... i baked the cake, she licked the spoon and bowl. lol. i would have but she beat me to it!! lol :D
    went shopping on saturday and sunday. i got: a black long-sleeve top w/ lace VERY low cut square neck (made like that!), a pink low cut lacy top with pink ribbon tie, a deep red low cut top 3/4 length sleeves, 2 pairs of jeans (tommy and levi), and a pair of gray ultra thin cords (dkny), and a pair of khaki pants (jordache).
    on saturday, i also went to see constantine with my dad. it was awesome! lol. i loved this one part where constantine committed suicide to make a deal with the devil, and as he was dieing, he started to go to heaven, but the devil tried to hold him back and he gave him the finger.. lmao! the whole time i sat by this really hot guy.. it was cool. he was totally checkin me out. my dad didn't like that too much tho! lol
    nothin new happened today. i wore my new red shirt and khaikis and looked like a slut tho... i will never do that again! lol :D
    laters
    Tuesday, February 22nd, 2005
    9:28 pm
    today
    hey yall...
    today was just another boring school day. had no home work tho, that's a plus! lol.
    it's official... if i don't get some form of contact from patrick by this sunday, im just gonna assume he's dead or has another girlfriend! i'll go for dead but most likely he has another gf! i'm so p-ed at him right now! i can't believe he hasn't called me in 5 weeks (but who's counting?).. i haven't gotten a letter or an email or anything! he sucks... i thought he loved me! if i was so important, then why didn't he make a good effort to talk to me? he has my home address, my email, and, of course, my email! i should know, i wrote them down for him! i swear.... if i don't hear from him by sunday, i'm moving on with out him! he probably has moved on from me! there's no doubt in my lil mind that if he somehow remembered my number that he would forget my name! i can't believe him... i thought he said he loved me.. but i guess that was just another of his stupid lies! the big bumd stupid oaf.. ::sniff:: i'm so mad at him right now that i can barely think! why doesn't he love me anymore? why? why? why? WHY? i love him, but i hate him right now. what's the matter with him....?
    well i g2g.. laters yall. peace.

    Current Mood: infuriated and bitchy combined
    Current Music: I Hate Everything About You
    9:28 pm
    today
    hey yall...
    today was just another boring school day. had no home work tho, that's a plus! lol.
    it's official... if i don't get some form of contact from patrick by this sunday, im just gonna assume he's dead or has another girlfriend! i'll go for dead but most likely he has another gf! i'm so p-ed at him right now! i can't believe he hasn't called me in 5 weeks (but who's counting?).. i haven't gotten a letter or an email or anything! he sucks... i thought he loved me! if i was so important, then why didn't he make a good effort to talk to me? he has my home address, my email, and, of course, my email! i should know, i wrote them down for him! i swear.... if i don't hear from him by sunday, i'm moving on with out him! he probably has moved on from me! there's no doubt in my lil mind that if he somehow remembered my number that he would forget my name! i can't believe him... i thought he said he loved me.. but i guess that was just another of his stupid lies! the big bumd stupid oaf.. ::sniff:: i'm so mad at him right now that i can barely think! why doesn't he love me anymore? why? why? why? WHY? i love him, but i hate him right now. what's the matter with him....?
    well i g2g.. laters yall. peace.

    Current Mood: infuriated and bitchy combined
    Current Music: I Hate Everything About You
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