Jessica Alvarez's Blurty -- Entries

Jessica Alvarez's Blurty Entries

Jessica Alvarez

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Judith calls and talks about Ralph [25 Mar 2004|10:44pm]

[ mood | flirty ]

[ music | Silence by Silence ]

Okay, so this Ralph thing is getting out of hand. My friends from work are trying to hook us up while I am not even there. Judith calls and she tells me that someone wants to talk to me. So she puts Ralph on the phone and he asks: "Who's this?" And I am like: "No, who's this?" Then he says it's Ralph and I am like oh that's nice. I think he got butt hurt cuz he gave Judith the phone back and she starts laughing. But anyway, she's telling me that he wants to talk to me but that he is shy. Then she says that he said why don't I talk to him? I was like, please. So then she calls me after she got home from work and stuff. It was funny cuz she kept telling to make the first move and stuff. I was like for what? So that I can throw away what I already have and want? I'll pass on that one.
I read Dee's journal today and frankly I was not very happy with what she wrote. It's not bcuz she said anything wrong. It's bcuz she's going through shit that she shouldn't be going through. I can't say I don't like her roomies cuz I don't know them that well, but they don't need to keep adding to her problems. That's just not right. She's my best friend in the whole world and I can't let anyone bring her down the way they have been. It lights my fire up cuz I've been through some shit and I know what it's like to be betrayed and back stabbed like so many times. A person could only take so much and then the glass fills up with water and you have to be blunt cuz you're not going to let anyone bring you down. I think that's the message she was trying to get across. She's a strong person and she will get throughm this. I know she will. I will be here til I can't be here no more. She's like a sister to me and I hope she knows that I care for her and love her as if she was my own blood. We've both been through some hardships and I think that's how our friendship has become so strong. We relate in some many ways. I can honestly say she is the only person I can ever trust. She's my pal. SHOT OUT TO DANIELLE FROM HER SIS JESS!!!! :)
Today was a good day if I may add. Mark was here in the morning and then I took him to school. Along with his ghetto friend Jeffrey. That boy is something else. On the way to school, Mark wanted to stop at the "G Spot". He's going to get another tattoe on his stomach. It's going to be his last name. It's pathetic. Now that's all he talks about. He drew it out today just the way he wants it. Anywho, the place was closed. So when I went to his house today to watch the Spurs game (they won by the way), he showed me the needle he bought for it. I was like oh my God!! There's like 8 needles in 1. I told him it was going to hurt and he just smiles and says: "I know." Idiot dude, for real. He's confused. He's supposed to get it tomorrow. I don't think I am going to call him, though. I know I will be tired once I get out of work. Well, gotta hit the sack. Hasta manana. :)

1 Kiss| Kiss Me

So his name is Ralph.............. [22 Mar 2004|10:56pm]

[ mood | curious ]

[ music | You're my little secret-Xscape ]

I met this guy at work and he thinks I'm cute. Or that's what I hear from other people. I haven't talked to him cuz he hasn't talked to me, but I think he's cute, too. I started to think about how he barely noticed me if we've been passing by each other for the past months that I have been there. I don't know. It just seems weird. But anyway, these people are telling me to hook it up with him. I'm like, the dude hasn't even approached me and already you want me to hook up with him? But it's weird how he walks by my department and steals glances at me. It's funny. I don't know why he just doesn't come up to me and tries to get to know me. He's been informed already about Mark and I don't have a problem with that cuz he's my one and only. It doesn't hurt to have a new friend. I heard he has good parties. Why not go sometime? Like today, it was funny cuz he wanted to ask my friend about me and when I looked over in there direction he tries to play it off as if they're not talking about me. Hello! My friend is a girl and we're tight like that. This guy wants me to know he's dropping hints but I've never met a guy like that or whatever. It's funny how he's trying to get the hook up. Guys are weird. I still don't understand why my co-workers tell me to hook up with him. I mean, I've made mistakes in the past and I don't it to start over again. I'm the type of person who can fall for your game in a heart beat and I just don't want this guy to run a game on me, cuz believe me, I can end up falling for him. I'm not trying to sound all like a hoe, but I don't want him to offer me something he really can't. I don't like guys who play with my heart and emotions. You just don't do that to "Jessica". I'm pretty sure everyone feels the same way. Guy or girl. Anywho, tomorrow, I have all this shit to do and I don't want to. Why I don't know. I'm lazy. I have school tomorrow, too. I am glad I did all my assignments while on spring break. I definetly have to get started on the extra credit test which will replace any low test grades. Speaking of tests, I took the second test and I felt confident that I got a good grade, but now I am so getting a weird feeling. I don't know if it's bcuz we're going back to school or what, but I feel sick to my stomach. I don't want to fail this course again, so I am doing everything in my power to pass it. I really can't afford to take it again. I just want to hurry up and get it all over with. I think my college years are going by so fast. High school didn't go by this fast. I still remember all the drama that went on. Holla at me Danielle!!!!!!! She's my partner in crime. Okay guys, it's late and I have class tomorrow. So I will update manana.

1 Kiss| Kiss Me

Days go by so fast [18 Mar 2004|03:29pm]

[ mood | confused ]

[ music | Keith Sweat-My Body ]

Nothing interesting has happened, but I don't think I am in the mood for anything major. Right now I feel so tired. I try to keep myself busy, but I just get so lazy. I wish I had a big break from work and school. Then again it would leave me broke as hell and I'd dumb. LOL No but, so far my spring break has been okay. Yesterday Mark, Jesse, his friend Jaziel, and I went to Mr. Gatti's to eat some grub. It was great. We all had so much fun. It was funny cuz after we ate, we all went to go and play the games. So then we decided to leave and the boys decide they are hungry again, so I go with them so that they can get fatter!! I was laughing cuz they are so funny. Then Mark and I took Jesse and Jaziel to the movies and left them there while we went to Target to kill time. While we were there, Mark applied at Target and I shopped. I bought these pants and some junk. All in all it was a good day cuz Mark and I hadn't been out in a long time. Today basically went by so fast. I can't believe it's 3:27pm in the afternoon. Jesse and I went to go eat at China Harbor. He was supposed to get a hair cut today but the stylist wasn't there. So that's when we went and munched out. Right now I am just here at home on the net doing nothing with my little life. I should study a little since I have nothing to do. I am bored. But then again, study on my spring break? I started up on some homework that the teacher wanted us to do. I guess I'll do the rest later on or maybe in a bit. I don't know. My back hurts a lot, too. I don't know if it's me or cuz I pick up heavy things at work. Anyway, I am gonna go and find something to do since I am just here writing about nothing. Laterz.

1 Kiss| Kiss Me

You learn my making mistakes [16 Mar 2004|12:13am]

[ mood | tired ]

[ music | Boys II Men - End of the Road ]

So I have my digital camera connected to my computer. Then I disconnect everything when I am done downloading my pics to the computer. Well, my stupid ass didn't know the pics were going to erase off my camera and just go to my computer. Fuck!!!!! Then I am over here bitching at Mark cuz I want to take all these pics of us or whatever. I think I found a solution though. I saved them to a floppy. I am going to try to get them done tomorrow at work. I hope it does work cuz I want those pics. I guess I'll find out tomorrow.
In other news, I've been working my ass off. I know I haven't posted in like forever, but I work all the damn freakin time. I am getting so tired of it. You just wouldn't imagine. Sometimes I don't even want to go do to the high volume of problems that go on in there. I just don't want to deal with them anymore. It's crap. But anyway, I am going to keep this one short cuz I have to go to the slave factory tomorrow. Nites.

Kiss Me

I just want to breath [06 Mar 2004|11:53pm]

[ mood | confused ]

[ music | Kumbia King's first album ]

This weekend has been horrible. If it's not problems at work, then it's at home. All in all, everything has been going down the drain. I am getting so tired of everyone giving me shit. I don't want to be in this house anymore and I am trying to figure out a way to move on with my life and live it they way I want. It's not like I'd be doing anything wrong. People are so old fashion these days that they don't realize we're in the year 2004!! I was telling my friend Alice about how my mom is and stuff and she was so shocked. She told me she knew how I felt cuz her sister is the same exact way with her niece. She says she can't comprehend why some parents are like that. Finally, I found an adult who understands. I was feeling kinda down and she made me feel a whole lot better. I know now that I can talk to her about anything without her getting mad. As bad as it sounds, I wish my mom was like her. She’s just totally different. I mean, I love my mom, but I can’t talk to her. As much as it hurts, I wish we were close. A lot of people think we are, but we’re not. I just let them think that. I’m not jealous of anyone and their mother, I just see it as some people having something that other’s don’t. I know it all sounds harsh, but what exactly am I supposed to do? How am I supposed to feel? I really wish that I could talk to my mom and that she could listen to what I have to say. Even with school she’ll try to make decisions for me. I don’t think that’s right. It’s my life and what I want to do is what I want to do. I really don’t plan on throwing my life away. I plan on being someone and I will prove it to anyone and not let them bring me down. When there’s a time when she should be giving me advice and emotional support, she hurts my feelings. What type of mother does that to her child. All I want is to make her happy. But no matter how I try to satisfy her, she just wont bear with me. She makes it harder for me to be who I wanna be and I don’t think that’s right. I get really emotional when she tries to change my mind about Mark. Everyone knows I love this guy so much. Why can’t she get the picture? It’s like she’s the only one who doesn’t see it. Why???? It just all makes me want to rebel, but what good does that do me anyway? What I do want is to just move out and find out who I am and what I really want. I don’t think I am ever going to know if I don’t move out. That’s just me though. I am not experiencing life the way I wanna. I feel like I am missing out on a lot of shit and I hate it so much. I guess it’s my way of being brought up. Then again, it goes back to what I said earlier about it being 2004. I just hate being emotionally abused by the person who gave birth to me. I’m really sorry if things aren’t coming out right, but it’s the truth and nothing but the truth. I just wish that I could talk to her without her making a stupid face or getting mad or telling me that I am wrong and she’s right. Every time I do something good, she doesn’t recognize it. But when I do something wrong, there she is yelling down my throat. It’s like she finds excuses to fight with me. I just don’t understand how a mother could do that to her offspring. What did I do wrong? Does she love me? And if she does, why does she push me away. I’ve been wanting to write this for a long time. I tell Mark about it whenever I get to see him and I think he’s a little disturbed by it. He just doesn’t like to see me cry the way I am right now. I hate to get emotional in front of him cuz then I can’t stop crying. It’s just so hard. Everything just seems so hard. I just want to leave. I don’t know how else to deal with all this shit. Will I need therapy later on in life? I don’t even sleep well at night anymore. I am always thinking about how she’s going to get mad at me. I’ve been getting in trouble a lot lately. Not anything dramatic, but just dumb trouble, I guess. My mom is always mad. She’s always sick. She takes everything out on me. This and that is my fault. Am I just a problem child who needs help? I don’t know if hurting me gives her strength or what, but it hurts so bad. I think I am always going to have a wound in my heart towards her. Who knows, maybe once I am an adult with my own life, she’ll change, but who knows that for sure? (sighs)

1 Kiss| Kiss Me

It hurts when you hear the truth [18 Feb 2004|12:29pm]

[ mood | dirty ]

[ music | Gansta Nation - WSC ]

I know I haven't written in a long ass time, but I've been working like a damn dog!! Anyway, I'd like to say Happy Late-Valentine's Day to everyone out there who don't read my journal. Is that funny or what Dee?? So Monday we had this meeting for work. Jeff focused on this book that we have to have filled out everyday, every week and every month. We keep track of every little thing possible in this book. Sales, chemical contamination, technical problems, communication, and opening and closing procedures are all in this stupid book. It's pathetic if you ask me, but oh well. Once we go through the whole book Jeff starts asking us what he needs to change on to be a better manager. Everyone was like let me take out my list. In short we all gave him a piece of our mind and he put a front cuz he acted like it didn't hurt him, but it did. He asked for a beating and he got it. The reason he brought that up at the meeting was because he had been spending a lot of time at the Sea World store and basically he found out that all the photo lab managers don't like him cuz he's an asshole. This was told to his face and I guess he realized what or how his associates felt. Then there was this one associate from the Sea World store that he went to school with and she told him that he was worse than he is now. He told us that he was blown away and he'd never think he wasn't the approachable type of guy. I honestly don't know if he wants to change, but he acted like he didn't deserve all this crap. I don't know. In my opinion, he was giving us two different vibes and if you want to change, don't act hurt and don't act a fool. That's just not right. I don't understand him. We all know he can't change overnight and that's cool, but on behalf of me and the other photo lab techs and specialists, he really needs to get it together. After the meeting, we all went to Taco Cabana and had a little party for Alice cuz her birthday was yesterday. I had a great time cuz I'd hadn't been out in a long time. We were so loud it made it even more funnier. And of course everyone drank but me. I'm the baby of the group. Everyone loves me. Anyway, I didn't come home til like 1:30am in the morning. I had to go to school the next day and I honestly don't know how I woke up, drove all the way over there, sat in a class for an hour to learn about "functions of graphs" and then drive all the way back. It scared me cuz I was so sleepy. But I made it safely home and that's good cuz then Mark wouldn't have gotten any. Hehe :) But anyway, pretty much the rest of my day consisted of me moping around the house and then I had to pick up the bro after practice. I saw Beto and fucker didn't say hi. I see how it is. Then he wants to talk about Dee and I. ASSHOLE!! I had to go and take Jesse to go get his hair cut and it was cool cuz I really wanted to be out in the streets it's just that I was too tired to go or whatever. So late in the day it was cool to go and take him. We got to spend time with each other and express all the horrible feelings we feel towards each other. Nice, huh? You better believe it. Pretty much today, I've been moping around the house again when I should be washing clothes cuz then I bitch and moan about not having anything to wear for work. I need more pants and shit. I also need to wash the whites cuz I ain't got any clean socks. I hate house work. I feel bored now. I am just sitting here typing, but feel like am just boring you all with what goes on with my boring life each day. Well, here's one thing exciting. Today I am going to go and do my income tax. My mom wanted me to file last years too, but now I can't find my papers. I'm just going to take my check stubs. I still have all that. I think I am going to keep them forever. LOL Nah, well, I'll check you all out laterz so I can get started with my chores. wink wink Lates.

1 Kiss| Kiss Me

Spurs Lost Again [26 Jan 2004|10:12pm]

[ mood | hungry ]

[ music | Uh Ohh by Lumidee ]

Today was my day off and I sleeped in and then did some cleaning. Mark came over as usual. We watched "Just Married" with Aston Kutcher and Brittany Murphy. I told him it reminded me of us in some sort of way. The two people who really remind me of us are Nick and Jessica from "Newlyweds". I think that show is so hilarious. I like it a lot. I can honestly imagine myself acting like that with Mark and him acting like that. I always do stuff out of the ordinary or ask dumb questions. I think between me and him he's the smart one cuz he knows a lot. (Most people wouldn't know that, though.) Anyway, so he leaves to go to school and I crashed out til like 3pm. Jesse got home early today cuz he doesn't have practice this week. Then he ate and left to go and play with his friends down the street. Tomorrow I have to go to school and then have to come home and rest for a bit so that I can go to work at 2pm. Fuck!! I think I might just throw a load of laundry. I need to wash my sheets from my bed. I just figured out that I have a bunch of pillows on my bed. My bed is small to have that many. There's four pillows on my bed. I think that's what keeps me warm at nite cuz I only use my Hello Kitty comforter. Later during the day I started doing my math homework. I think it's kinda making sense. It's driving me nuts, though. I was telling my mom that I hate math. She looked at me and laughed. She would. Then when I asked her to help me, she was like, I don't remember how to do it. Thanks mom, I knew I could count on you. You're the greatest. Mark came over around 7:30pm and then left right away cuz the parentals started argueing and I know my mom wasn't going to let me watch the game in the living room. So I told him today wasn't a good idea to see each other. I knew there would be tension between the parentals. And of course there was more argueing when he left. Weird. They get on my nerves when they argue in front of Mark. It's not right. But anyway, I watched the game by my little lonesome and once again the dissapointment came into effect. The Spurs ended up losing even though they made the shot at the buzzer. These refs don't know how to do their job. I was so like, aww hell no. I'm hungry. I wanna go to Chilis. I remember Dee and I went to Johnny Carino's and we ate this plate.....I forgot what it was called, but I liked it so much. I think I want to eat that. Okay, I better stop before I get even more hungry. I might just end up eating an apple or pear. I want FOOD!! Hey Dee, lets go to Chilis. The one at South Park Mall. Holla back!

1 Kiss| Kiss Me

The cold weather makes me lazy [20 Jan 2004|11:08pm]

[ mood | cold and sleepy ]

[ music | My damn car alarm ]

I had this journal planned out with what I wanted to say, but my computer was being a prick. I'm just going to write what I remember.........
I hate the fact that Jeff has me working on the days I go to school. I told him yesterday and he told me that it was my responsibility to let him know my schedule. It's bullshit cuz he asked me so many times if I was going to go to school this semester. Did he all of a sudden think I wasn't going to go and spend my time just working? He has me working my ass off already. I don't think I have to dedicate my life to fucken Walmart. He's Jeff the Jerk. I am getting so tired of him. I feel like quiting sometimes, but I can't cuz I needed a job for so long and for me just to give up over some idiot just doesn't seem right. It's just that he treats us so bad. He gets mad for the wrong reasons and he gives to the wrong people. I am just so tired of being his little lap dog. Everyone seems to be afraid of him and I can't understand why. I honestly thought he was a great person who wanted to help me out, but the true person has come out. He frustrates us so much it's not even funny. He's always on our asses and what the fuck for? Man, I should've applied at Frost Bank. I am so lost right now. It seems that I find myself complaining about my boss every single minute of the day. Is there's something wrong with that? Please let me know............
Anywho, my plans for this weekend that just passed went as planned. I went to the birthday Mario threw for Darian on Saturday. It was cool cuz he got her a TV. She was so surprised cuz she didn't expect it. It was funny cuz she told her sister, "Now I don't have to share with you." Cute. Adam was supposed to go to the party with his brady bunch family, but Michelle got locked up. Pendeja. I think Mark's mom didn't want her there anyway. If they would've gone, Mark's mom was going to put on a show cuz I was there. She doesn't like this girl, but she loves me, so that explains it all. It's kinda funny if you ask me. So I don't know, she wants me to go this Saturday and act out like I never have before. I bet she's going to ask me in front of Michelle if the baby looks like Adam or whatever. Which I am dieing to see this baby cuz I wanna know if it's his or not. I know I can't tell just by looking at him cuz only they know what happened that nite or whatever, but she's at fault cuz she put herself in this position. She gave Mark's mom a reason not to like her. That's just me though.
Alas, today I had to take Jesse to the doctor cuz the bro wasn't feeling himself. To make the long story short, after waiting for like 3 hours for the doctor to get there and check us out, he gave two weeks of no practice for basketball. Jesse was devastated cuz he really wanted to play in the games. On Saturday, he had his first victory of the season. I don't think it counts though. It's too early to count. Anyway, that was pretty much my day other that I went to school in the morning. Mark came over at like 7:30pm and we helped Jesse write his essay for social studies. Then we played the game Life. He beat me. Then again, what doesn't he beat me at? Oh yea, double speed. LOL Okay guys, I'm out for the nite.

1 Kiss| Kiss Me

Thursday Was A Rainy Day [15 Jan 2004|10:50pm]

[ mood | dorky ]

[ music | Uh Ohh by Lumidee ]

I went to school thinking my professor was going to start lecturing. Instead she gave us back our pretest from Tuesday and made us do corrections to it. I hated it. And then, since most of us didn't finish them, we had to bring it home and finish them up. The only reason why I'm so frustrated about finishing it up is bcuz I have to work. But I am going to make all the time in the world so that I can pass this damn class. I have to cuz I really want to transfer already. I don't want to be at SPC forever. We'll see what happens.
After school I came home and went to sleep. But I only slept for like 30 mins or so. Mark was knocking on my window like always. He wasn't here for very long and that's good cuz I really wanted to go back to sleep. I was so tired cuz to close at work and then wake up at 6am in the morning to go to school just wasn't cool at all. I am so glad I have this Saturday off too. Mark wants me to go to this little birthday party Mario is throwing for Kenya's daughter Darian. He really wants me to go cuz Adam is going to be there with Michelle (HOE) and his mom doesn't even like her. He says everytime they go over to the house she wishes I'd go over there cuz she loves me. :) I wanna go too cuz I haven't even seen her in person. I've only seen her from far away. So I'd like to see my competition for my suegra. LOL (I hope my mom doesn't read this!)
They say it's supposed to rain this whole damn week. Frankly, I am getting sick and tired of it. It's only going to make the weather colder and I don't like cold. I hate it like people who read my journal named DANIELLE! HOE!!
Nah, well, I am going to go for now and update another day. Nite to all.

1 Kiss| Kiss Me

My Saturday with the familia [10 Jan 2004|10:53pm]

[ mood | hyper ]

[ music | 24's by T.I. ]

Okay today I wanted to sleep in and rest, but the parentals wanted to go out to eat and do all this stuff. We went to go eat at this mexican restaurant on Somerset. It was so good. I hadn't eaten that good in a long time. I got the fajita plate with rice and beans. Delicious. Then we went to Academy. My dad wanted to exchange some stuff. He bought himself this jacket along with a Texas Longhorns cap. After we left Academy, my mom wanted to go to the mall. When we got there, we only went to Mervyns and shit. I was so bored and tired already. But I think it was bcuz I had fell asleep at 2am in the morning the nite before. I need to get out of that habit cuz school is coming up in 2 days. Fuck! Nah, but then after the mall, we came home cuz I wanted to watch the Spurs game. It was a good game. It was hot. We had to go into overtime. We won by one, but that's okay. It's all gravy. All I know is that I was screaming my ass off. I was excited and scared at the same time. I believe we play the same team again this Friday. (Indiana Pacers) Man, this game was really intense. On the last quaters, they wanted to fight and shit. Oh well, that's basketball for you. Anyway, I'm going to keep this short cuz I have to wake up early manana. Nite.

1 Kiss| Kiss Me

Roland didn't quit [10 Jan 2004|01:23am]

[ mood | weird ]

[ music | Get Low by Lil Jon ]

Work was okay, but could've been better. Jeff was all pissed off cuz according to him I didn't give him my school schedule. We had talked about it so many times when he said he was going to cut my hours. Then he was even more mad cuz the other Jessica wont be working so much cuz her school schedule is complicated. Like big time. He told her she wasn't going to like the hours he was going to give her. She was telling me that she felt all bad and shit. I kept telling her not to cuz he shouldn't be all up her business. He kept telling her that she wasn't going to have good hours and that she really needed them cuz she just got married. Who the fuck is he to judge what hours she works? He gets dumber and dumber everytime I go to work. He butts in too much. Oh and for the record, Roland didn't quit. He went back to work the next day he had that decision making day, DANIELLE!! Nah, but I haven't seen him or anything. I might see him on Sunday if he works that day. But I am not going to close that day for the first time. It's weird how Jeff gave me two Saturdays in a row to have off. I hope I get some more.
I think my mom is going to make me clean some more. I don't wanna. I wanna be well rested before I start school. LOL Sounds dumb, I know. I start school on Tuesday. Fuck!! I am taking college algebra. AGAIN! Dammit I hate math. Oh Dee, I found out the scoop on why Albert came back. He said he came back bcuz he couldn't take it anymore. He just didn't like it over there at all. He said he didn't even like the school. He actually told me everything you had told me. Oh and, guess where he picked to go to school this semester?? ST PHILIPS!! GRRRR!! I guess it'll be alright though cuz we go to school different times on days that I go. Better for me. But now, he's probably going to try to see me more and shit. Scary. Stalker. As a matter of fact, I need to stop talking to him on the phone. I am getting into that habit and I don't wanna cuz then something is going to start. I am not saying I am giving him hints, only that somehow it always ends up that way again. He going to confess his love for me like he has for the past who knows how many years.
I wanna go on this big shopping spree. Anyone wanna join me? I am so serious. I need to put more money in my bank account. And speaking of money, I have to pay my damn cell phone. I think they should've disconnected it a long time ago. Nah, I don't know.
Today I saw something weird at Mark's house. I got home at like 10pm cuz there was a lot of production at work, but that's besides the point. When I was driving in to the drive-way, I saw a car there and some guy got off it. I wonder if it was him getting home or his friend stopping by. Either way he's in trouble if one of those happened cuz #1 he's not supposed to be going anywhere and #2 his friends were going to temp him to leave and party. That's right. I knew it cuz today is Friday. Fuck!!!!!!!!!!! Man, when he comes over tomorrow, he's going to hear me! Yea, yea, then he does it over and over again. Nice discipline, Jess. I must say I always get my way. (sure I do)
Anyway, it's like going to be 2 am in the morning so I should hit the sack. Nite everyone.

Kiss Me

Treated myself [08 Jan 2004|11:57pm]

[ mood | thirsty ]

[ music | Someday by Nickelback ]

So like today I did a bit more than just stay home and do nothing. Although the only reason why I woke up was bcuz Mark was banging on my window. Fucker! Nah, well, he was here for like 15 minutes cuz he wanted me to review this story he had to write for school. It turned out pretty good, so then I went back to sleep after he left. It didn't seem a long time that I was asleep cuz guess who was knocking on my window, AGAIN?!! Yep, Mark was back. He said we hadn't spent time at my house together anymore so he wanted it to be the way it was before. I mean, we talked and we kicked it. It was alright. And of course we......................you know. LOL When Mark left for the very last time, I started to clean and washed dishes. I also washed a little bit of clothes. Then I took off and cashed my financial aid check. I walked around the mall cuz I had been wanting this purse with my initial on it. But I went to almost every store that I could think of that had those initial bags, but either they didn't have bags or didn't have my initial. I was bummed cuz I really wanted one. So after searching for the purse I dreamed of my whole life, I went to the Hello Kitty stand to relieve my pain. That mug I mentioned yesterday wasn't there so I was like no!!!! So then I just left the mall and went to Target cuz I wanted some dvds. As I walked in there, I saw something I'd never thought I'd see. It was the initial purse. I was so excited. I took the first one I saw. (with my initial on it of course) My search for it was over. It's cute cuz it's small. But nice. Oh and Dee, it has pink on it. Then really I just shopped around. I bought this nice outfit too. It's a black skirt with light blue lines going all over it and lime green lines going over it. So I figured I'd get like a lime green blouse. It totally goes. I like it. It's me. I was surprised that I found that ensemble there since what I really buy there are pants and athletic clothes or sleepware. I went home then I just watched TV for awhile cuz I had to pick Jesse up from practice at 5pm. When we got home my mom pulled up too. Then minutes later Mark came over again after he came home from school. We finished up his paper and it's supposedely done now. It's a killer story. He named it "One Friday Nite". He's crazy. He was the killer in it and so was I. We killed his friends. Freaky. He left around 9:30pm. I would've gotten on earlier but my mother was using the computer. Then she got on the net and we were looking a bridal dresses. She's crazy. She was asking me what I liked and how I wanted mine wedding dress to be. Weird dude, for real. But anyway, tomorrow I go back to work and hope Jeff is not in his little mood swings. I called Alice to get the scoop but I guess she wasn't there. We talk about work when one of us doesn't go or we just dish on what happened that day. She's a nice gal pal. (Damn, I hate this stupid show Recess.) Hope I get to see her tomorrow. Anyway, this is it for now, I will try to post as often as I can........DANIELLE!!!!! Bye.

2 Kisses| Kiss Me

On a Wednesday Nite [08 Jan 2004|12:28am]

[ mood | naughty ]

[ music | Here Without You - 3 Doors Down ]

Today, all I did was mope around the house. I could have done other stuff, but I was lazy to do so. When my mom came home she had a fit, so now I have to clean or whatever. I just wanted to rest cuz I've been working my ass off and it's rare that I get two straight days in a row off from work. Tomorrow after I clean what I have to clean, I want to cash my financial aid check and shop around the mall. I also want to go to Target, but don't exactly know what I want to buy. I don't even know what I want from the mall. I've been wanting a new purse but don't know what kind or what. I wanted one with my "J" intial on it, but they ran out. I am so mad. Maybe I might just stop by at the Hello Kitty stand there. There's this thermal mug they have, but don't know if I should buy it. I wouldn't take it to work but I'd definetely take it to school. It's cute. I also wanted to go to Lerner cuz I got this coupon to use and I want to use it. But it's expensive there. I could always just use my credit card from there. I am not sure. I act like I have all this money to spend. I really don't. I bet tomorrow is going to go by fast cuz the next day I have to go to work. I hate when that happens. Although Friday is a short day, it's going to take forever to end. I wonder who closes with me. Speaking about work, I think this guy, Roland, who works there with me might quit. Stupid Jeff (my boss) is a jerk and I don't know why he had to make a big deal about Roland dropping this little machine which broke off a piece. It's a long story, but for real, he's dumb. Jeff acts all pro, but he really isn't. He's always getting mad and giving us attitude. Fuck him!! I don't think I've had good encounters with bosses. Man, I am so tired. I need an extra day off. LOL Nah, but I am going to crash out cuz I'd really like to sleep in as much as I can before my day actually starts off. Nite.

1 Kiss| Kiss Me

A Long Time Ago [02 Jan 2004|12:35am]

[ mood | sleepy ]

[ music | That's So Raven ]

Damn....................It's been a long ass time since I've updated up in here. I've been working my ass off that's why. And when I have something to write about, I just write about it in my journal (book). I am also usually too tired to type anyway. I am really just going to say that I am cool and shit. So when I really have something to talk about, I will let you all know. Nite.

Kiss Me

Updating since like forever [06 Dec 2003|10:28pm]

[ mood | cold ]

[ music | Shorty Doowop by Baby Bash ]

I've been working like a damn dog and shit. Or else I'd be postin a lot or something. Plus, I have finals in like two days so I need to get with that too. I have all this shit going on and crap. Sometimes I don't know how to deal with it, but I have to. Anyway, well, it's been the same, nothing new. Mark and I are still together, my mom still tries to change my mind, I still write to my penpals when I can, etc. I just want the semester to end already cuz I am so sick of school. Not that I want to quit or anything, it's just getting a little hard. Other than that, things are fine. Okay well, gotta hit the sack. Talk to you all laterz.

1 Kiss| Kiss Me

Bored [18 Nov 2003|09:50pm]

[ mood | blank ]

I am so tired right now, I wonder why I'm not asleep yet. I should go to sleep since I have to go to work tomorrow. Man, I went to go make a copy of a picture of Vanessa and me at the prom and I forgot to take my camera and get it developed. I am so not going to get it developed at work. I don't want the peeps at work looking at my pictures. Plus, I took a lot of me. Hahaha! I miss Dee so much. Where are you hoe!! I'm not forgeting my girlz Michelle and Bekah. Love ya!! I miss the love of my life too. As much as he does what he does, I seem to love him more everyday. In other news, the SPURS WON today. I know I am going to hear about it at work. That's cool though. I wonder if Santos is going to get fired. Sure does seem like it though. The way he was acting reminded me of Mark. I think he's a lot like him. But anyway, I lost my train of thought....................................................................................................Oh yea, we were talking about the SPURS and how they won. I wonder when they play again. I asked my dad to get me a schedule and now I can't find it. Well, this is going to be it for now. I'll try to write a long journal when something dramatic happens. Especially something at work. Nite. Bye.

4 Kisses| Kiss Me

Guys never change [17 Nov 2003|04:48pm]

[ mood | crappy ]

[ music | My dad is talking to me ]

Let me tell you how my day went today..............
Mark skipped school today so that we could be together cuz we don't get to spend time with each other anymore. It was going great until we started argueing about his friend Jeffrey. The only reason why we started that was bcuz Mark wanted to call him and see what he was doing. What the fuck??? Does he have to check in or what? It reminded me of D and Beto. But anyway, I started telling him that I didn't want him going to Jeffrey's anymore cuz he's bad and he doesn't need to get into trouble right now. Of course, like always, Mark got butt hurt and who is the bad person? JESSICA. Man, we argued like there was no tomorrow. We were both trying to get the last word. I fucken hate it when he's all sensitive when I talk about Jeffrey. He doesn't do anything for Mark, so why is he crying about me talking about his stupid friend. Man, I almost broke up with him cuz he was fucking up rowdy. He started telling me that I didn't know him and it was bad for me not to know him after 3 years. He's got some shit for saying that. I know him better than he knows himself. I know him better than his own mom does. Cuz when Mark has problems, he comes to me and he lets out his feelings to me. How am I not going to know him, when I know what he likes and what he doesn't like. Or what he feels in certain situations? I know this fool and he's going to tell me otherwise? Please!! If wasn't open to me about how he feels, then he should talk. That was the number one thing that pissed me off cuz he knows I am always there, in thick and thin. I've taken a lot of his bullshit and yea, he's taken mine. But I am not going to say he doesn't know me. In fact, he's right, we should know each other already. Frankly, I don't think he knows me. There's a lot of things that trip him out. But anyway, I wonder if I should've even started an arguement cuz it went bad. We both said stuff we shouldn't have said and it hurt a lot to hear what he told me. I know I hurt him, but this Jeffrey dude is pissing me off. Even if Jeffrey is with his girlfriend Amanda, there goes Mark taging along. I bet they all fuck! That's gross, but damn dude, for real. And it gets me mad when he says he wants to spend time together and it's only like a few hours. Like today, he said he skipped school to spend time together and he's going to Jeffrey's later on. I know him. Things like that piss me off. But hey, guys are going to be guys and maybe this relationship is going in a different direction. I am starting to be more mature about it cuz if something happens, I don't want to be the one crying. I am not going to be miserable and mope around and about. I need to get my shit together. I'm not saying it's not going to hurt me, but I'm not going to waste my energy on someone who wont waste theirs. I've tried not to give up, but it's impossible to continue when the person doesn't even try. Well, that's all I have to say so hit me back if you have something to say. Peace.

Kiss Me

So tired [16 Nov 2003|11:44pm]

It's late and I am so tired. I had a bad day at work and I wish that it was easy to find another job. I wanna work at this bank but I don't know if they'll hire me. I am so sleepy. I don't know what to write. I am only writing cuz Danielle is all pissed off at me cuz I wont update everyday. LOL It's late anyway. I am going to go to sleep cuz I am actually falling asleep. I'll update tomorrow. Bye Bye. Nite

Kiss Me

Late and Short [11 Nov 2003|11:03pm]

[ mood | hot ]

I just wanted to say hi and hello to everyone out there who reads my little journal. Today was my day off and nothing really interesting happened. I went to a rosary with my mom today at 5pm. Her coworker's brother passed away. Although I did get to see someone I'd never think I see ever again. He is my ex. His name is Gilbert. It was really odd seeing him. Not that it matters anyway. Oh yea, Mark started school so I don't think I am going to be seeing him. That's really going to test our relationship cuz he goes in at 12pm to 5pm. After he gets out of school, it's up to him if he wants to see me on my days off. Anywho, I have to go to work tomorrow so I will talk to you all laterz. Nite.

4 Kisses| Kiss Me

Photo Associate [09 Nov 2003|11:21pm]

[ mood | thirsty ]

[ music | My brother has the TV so loud ]

There were so many people at Walmart today, it wasn't even funny. They just wouldn't go away. I had a crappy day. I just wanted to come home when the clock struck 9pm but I couldn't cuz we were behind and we had to get the shit done. Fuck! We had to give some orders for free cuz they were late and the customers were all pissed off. Well, I don't blame them, but damn, for real. Oh shit, before I forget, man, there was this one customer who fucken got her way in which she really shouldn't have. Okay, when the customer wants a single order and we accidentally process a double order, we can easily take out the pictures and charge them for the singles. And I know it sounds like a waste of paper, but we have to throw away what we don't give away. Well, we hadn't charged her yet, and she starts saying that she didn't order the doubles, but she wants to keep them and be charged for singles. Dude, WHAT THE FUCK?????? She's stupid. The mistake that we made could be easily corrected and she goes and makes a big deal. We had to call management and the stupid CSM tells us to just charge her for single instead of doubles. Man, the CSM had told her first that the problem could've been taken care of, but no, she chickens out and makes us look bad. I mean, if it was that she wanted doubles and we only gave her singles, then we could give them to her for just singles and just run the negatives thru the printer. It may sound dumb, but really, it didn't have to be that way. Oh well. Fuck it.
Things at home haven't been going well. My mom is pissed off at everyone in the house. Get this, she's not talking to any of us either. I don't really want to talk about what happened, but it had to do with me and her having a dispute over money. Eventually, it got ugly and she got pissed at me first, then when my dad came home, she got pissed at him. Today she got pissed at my brother, so now she's put herself in her own little world. She seriously does not talk to us. It's funny to me. She's acting like a little kid. I can't live in this house with her anymore. I've thought a lot about moving out next August. I think I'm going to live in the dorms or get an apartment with Mark or even by myself. We fight too much and she's hard to please. I shouldn't have to please her with what I do. What I do is for myself and nobody else. It's my future and she needs to deal with it. She gets mad when things don't go her way and frankly I am not going to have it her way. It's my way or no way. Damn, at work they were playing that song by Limp Biskit, My Way. Every single time. I have it tatooed in my brain. We're next to electronics, that's way. Anywho, I really need to get my shit together and move out. I know I say I hate going to work, but I'd rather fight with people I'm more than likely never going to see again. She's a good mom. I'll give her that. But she wants everything the way she wants it to go and there's no way in hell. She pouts about it when she can't have it and she tries to make us feel guilty. Pretty damn fucked up, huh? Yep. Yep it is. I can't tell her how I feel cuz she wouldn't understand. She never will. I think a lot about how my future is going to be with her. And for some reason I don't think it's going to get any better if I end up marrying Mark. (She doesn't like him.) Ummmmmmmm......................I don't know.
I'm going to crash now. I am so tired and I close tomorrow too. Talk to you all laterz. Nite.

1 Kiss| Kiss Me

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