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Almost a month of no updating, sorry...
I've been really tired from all the college activities and emotional turmoils my mood swings throw me into.
Let's see... My college performance in January was over, and I'm in the midst of getting ready for another public performance at the end of the week. Then, I'm gonna take a break and immerse myself in the studies I've neglected for the past two months...and hopefully, pass the March examinations. If not, I'd probably need to repeat my year, argh. If I manage to pass this, I'd be overjoyed and be more motivated. After the examinations, I'd be totally involved in the planning and executing of an April adventure camp for 11 years old kids (hope they won't be assholes :p), based on what I've learnt last July from the leadership camp I've attended. 3 days, 2 nights. Whee! ...and after which, I need to do planning and research on some stuff before attending a Pre-U seminar in June. 6 days, 5 nights. Whee! ...and I still can't figure out why my teachers select me to do these two events.
Me: Mrs. Khor, you do know that my grades aren't that great...right?
Mrs. Khor: Uh...it doesn't depend on the grades, really. It depends more on...personality.
o.O;; ...so, I'm officially puzzled. What personality?! ...for a number of times, I've caught myself crying into the pillow, simply abusing my right to manage my own time for studies and activities. I deemed myself as a loser...yet, trying to prove myself. Trying. Okay, I've no idea what I'm thinking about now.
Still, it feels great that teachers look upon you. Like they trust you and believe you're the one. You can do it. You'll achieve it. For the college, for yourself. So, what am I upset about? My family. They don't seem to appreciate what I'm doing in the college. I'm gonna perform in the public, for god's sake!! For a thousand people out there! ...and they'd be like, "So what?"
Yo, mom and dad! Your daughter is the dancer who performed before the President of Singapore Republic and the Minister for Home Affairs, whose dance won the first nationwide, who is the current chairperson of the college dance, who leads her college of a thousand plus students for an event, who is the selected 30 leaders to represent her college out of the thousand plus students, who's gonna perform in public for more than a thousand people...and SO WHAT?!
I really don't understand. I worked so hard to keep my emotions in balance, worked so hard to keep my success going. Can't you see it, mom and dad? That your daughter... Bah, I...have no mood to carry on. Every sentence I typed adds on to the things piling in my head. "Why is it like this?" "...just die, won't you?!" "Shaddup!" "Stop thinking about your pain!"
I get carried away, I guess.
Anyway, I found an article that pretty much reflect what my attitude was, in the past. Might as well type this in, before I lose my magazine to some garbage collector.
( Read more... )
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