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If I cant- 50 cent |
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im doing anne frank in school and i was chose to read a paragraph in her diary. as i was reading it i can see that i can relate to it. It was the last entry see ever wrote.. ima post it here.. not the WHOLE journal entry just the part i read. well here it is:
"Dearest Kitty,
'A bundle of contradictions' was the end of my previous letter and its the beginning of this one. Can you please tell me what a 'bundle of contradictions' is? What does 'contradiction' mean? Like so many words, it can be interpreted in two ways: a contradiction imposed from without and one imposed within. The former means not accepting other peoples opinions, always knowing best, having the last word; in short, all those unpleasant traits for which I'm known. The latter, for which I'm not known, is my own secret.
As I've told you many times, im split in two. One side contains my exuberant cheerfulness, my flippancy, my joy in life and, above all, my ability to appreciate the lighter side of things. By that i mean not finding anything wrong with flirtations, a kiss, an embrace, an off-color joke. This side of me is usually lying in wait to ambush the other one, which is much purer, deeper and finer. No one knows Anne's better side, and that's why most people cant stand me. Oh, I can be an amusing clown for an afternoon, but after that everyone's had enough of me to last a month. Actually, I'm what a romantic movie is to a profound thinker- amere diversion, a comic interlude, something that is soon forgotten: not bad, but not particulary good either. I hate having to tell you this, but why shouldnt I admit it when i know its true? My lighter, more superficial side will always win. You cant imagine how often I've tried to push away this Anne- to beat her down, hide her. But it doesnt work, and I know why.
I'm afraid that people who know me as I usually am will discover I have another side, a better and finer side. I'm afraid they'll mock me, think im ridiculous and sentimental and not take me seriously. I'm used to not being taken seriously, but only the 'lighthearted' Anne is used to it and can put up with it; the 'deeper' Anne is too weak. If i force the good Anne into the spotlight for even fifteen minutes, she shuts up like a clam the moment she's called upon to speak, and lets Anne number one do the talking. Before I realize it, she's disappeared............................
Yours, Anne M. Frank."
I was reading it and i felt like everyone was lookin at me and figured out my secret- that im a fake. Im not the person that i act like in school or around my family and friends. Around them im always happy and making jokes and try to cheer people up. But inside im depressed and in pain. But i dont want to show that because i dont know how people will react to it. And i know im not the only one who is like this. I also have a deeper side to myself that i dont show so much just to 'fit in'. And everytime i think about showing my true self, i notice that someone has tried to do that before me and kids make fun of them. I dont want to be ridiculed. And i understand what Anne says when she says that she has been made fun of before but it dont phase her as much since thats not the real her. If she was to show her true self and people made fun of her she would prolly be devastated. But i felt like not reading anymore after i read that cuz i felt like everyone was noticing that i act exactly like Anne said she did and that i might feel the same. I dunno its just something that i thought i should write cuz it seemed important to me. But thats the thing about being 'popular or fitting in' u cant be yourself, u gotta be what the people want u to be and it sux. even if ur not popular or anything i dont think that u show ur trueself cuz of the FEAR of gettin hurt. Ughh.. i think EVERYONE can relate to this entry. Well im out bye bye
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