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Saturday, March 5th, 2005
9:07 am
so it's saturday... i leave for home in just a few hours with the fantastic kate ivans (she lives in bethesda, so she's giving me a lift home). I'm desperately searching for an internship for the summer, and things are actually looking up. I've gotten a interested response from Joy of Motion Dance Center for a studio management intern for their new studio, the Atlas Performing Arts Center in NE DC.... NE... kinda sketch, hopefully it's safe. The problem is it's so far away from a metro stop. It's like a thirteen block walk from the closest metro stop. Maybe i could live with michael over the summer... hmmm....

I've also gotten an interested response from Michael Wilpers at the Freer Gallery in DC. He's the performing arts coordinator... and maybe something will come from that. I'm also applying to the HRC and the Victory Fund (which are two GLBT advocacy groups). I almost hope all but one accept me. I don't think I could choose between any of them, because they all sound so interesting and cool! I would love to work for the HRC, fighting for my rights, GLBT activism has long been a passion of mine. But working at Joy of Motion, or the Washington Opera, or the Freer Gallery would be a great experience. I'm torn between my passion for activism and my passion for the arts. ahh!!! what to do!!

I'm excited about going home and seeing Matilda. Sadness of missing Kirsten's time in DC. But Tilds and I will spend some quality time together.

I got a 100 on my Macroecon midterm. which is a relief. i had slipped up on a few quizes before, so hopefully this will bump me up.

and fiddler is going well... i am very sore from russian dancing, which involved much grande plies and such.

I'm also looking forward to seeing Motion Mania's performance tonite. I wonder how Bonnie is doing. She's added a lot of new faculty, and she's building a new studio, which is awesome. I wish the best for her, she's such a wonderful woman.

on a much much different note:
i've noticed that i am really really horny. and not the good kind of horny either... not the kind where ur ready for sex and are on the prowl cuz your really really hot and you have the pick of the hottest boys. no... the desperate horny where u'd blow just about anyone (that's JUST ABOUT... i still have some standards). i can always tell when i'm like this, b/c i'll be talking to some person... and he'll usually be straight, and i just keep staring at his lips, and i keep on thinking "God i'd love to kiss you right now." But he's straight, so that really isn't a viable mode of operation. Plus i've done enough to freak out my entire hall with the whole jimmy fiasco. but god i need some.

i don't understand how carlos has lasted so long. I mean I"VE gotten more action than carlos, and carlos is a sex FIEND. the fact that mr. romance, cuddle wuddle, kissy-poo-i-luv-u has gotten more action than sex god carlos?

ok gotta finish packing for break. toto, r u ready to go back to kansas?

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Wednesday, February 23rd, 2005
12:54 pm
i hate core. and nazi professors. and not having a boyfriend. and being so tired you can't stay awake in class. and eating too much you feel sick and then feeling guilty for it. and stupid people who yell "fucking faggot!" out of their window when they drive by. and having no idea what the fuck your test in half an hour is on.

i love friends. and hugs. and professors who value your opinion even though you don't really know what's going on. and art. and dance. and people coming together to make a difference and fight for equality. and hope. and a wonderful roommate who you can drool over boys with. and a wonderful future roommate who you can drool over with your former roommate. and venting. and creation. and pushing boundaries. and asking tough questions. and re-evalutating your morals and your ideals. and hand shakes. and smiles. and flowers. and having imaginary vaginas. and orgasms. and lifegasms. and songasms. and filmgasms. and artgasms. and peoplegasms. and chocolate orgies. and cuddle orgies. and kisses. and eskimo kisses. and butterfly kisses. and laughing.

fortunately... i love more things than i hate.

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12:52 pm
pics from the night of confusing funnes


jacob and i.... my forehead is GINORMOUS

marion, emily, and jacob in gray

me and marion! future roommate luv!
austin et moi...

me with a funny look. oh and austin

yay austin and people! people all over the world! Join hands! Make a love chain, Love chain!

oh and the straight ally dessert and discussion went Fabulously well i snuck out of rehearsal for a little while and caught the tail end while everyone was leaving.  But it was great. I missed the actual stuff, but i heard there was a tremendous turnout and i'm excited that people really want to become more active! this really gives me encouragment!

thank you collegetown! how i miss thee!

apres ca, i went to the cellar with maid marion and emilia, and ate and chatted.  i like them
they are nice and make me smile.

so life is good.

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12:51 pm
so last nite... um... yeah... i had lots o' fun. part of it was attributed to wine... and part of it was to awesome pple. I went to Jacob's room and talked and listened to music and drank wine. I had... well... more than I'm used to. So.. when i'm innebriated, i get reall touchy feely... and cuddly and kissy. hence... yeah embarrasement. We visited Austin in Gray Duty... which wasn't smart at all... b/c Jacob and I were both almost drunk... well i wasn't drunk yet... i know that. i was just really hyper. But yeah Austin was in there with a bunch of other RAs and we were like "HI!" and we talked to them a little. Then we went to marion's room and watched a little of adult swim with marion and emily. Then we went and visited Austin again (this time alone) and had mucho fun. pictures from the night of confusing funness will be up soon!

and yes... if u want further details on the events of the evening, inquire within.

and here i am at dance rehearsal for THIRTEEN HOURS!!

boo. ok i'm going.

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Friday, February 18th, 2005
1:42 pm
so this is an update from my xanga... but i've been updating there more, so if ur wanna see more jsut go there

Friday:
so... i now have a new roommate for next year! Marion! he's super cool and a fabulous guy, and i am so incredibly excited! sadness of no more carlos roommate love, but i'll survive. And i'm sure he'll be happy in Freeman (again... i could NOT deal with Freeman twice...)

here's a pic of marion:
p>

he's adorable and i heart him.

so otherness... dance show is going great and I'm really excited for the show!

I had Fiddler rehearsal last nite... and it's a little dissappointing... I don't do anything. not a single fucking line. And i hate being "The dancer" and not actually doing anything. It's the same place i was in high school. but alas.

New Directions was fun and great. I really am surprised with how close I am to all the ND people. I looked around the room and I could honestly say I knew to a pretty good level almost everyone in the room, with a few exceptions. and the activist art show is coming up! so go and submit things pples!! it'll be so much fun!

ok i have to go and meet haven!

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Sunday, February 13th, 2005
2:19 am
Yay! So i haven't updated in a while. Grrr... i hate getting crushes on beautiful straight men!! But i think this is definitely a tiny crush. so getting over it will be generally painless. And I really want to become friends with him, b/c he's just awesome. A super feminist and absolutely adorable. But goddamn straight! God just likes being cruel.

in other news: i'm beginning to become acclamated to my new haircut. It's really nice how a lot of people comment on it and like it. I'm pretty sure a lot of them are just saying that to make me feel better, but yeah, i'm beginning to like it a little more. But the problem is my hair is way to punk for my wardrobe! so i need to get more counterculture wear!

so... tonite: After altruists which is AMAZING!! (the altruists had a long sex talk, me, emma, matt hurtel, ashley bloom, and Raven)

after that I went to Keller and visited Jacob and Tyrone, who is visiting until tuesday. We had some wine and food and chatted. I like Tyrone, he amuses me, and he and Jacob are adorable. Although I now know their relationship is far from perfect (as any relationship) but they make me happy.

Apres ca, je suis alle au 1307 avec Brooke, Carmen, Nicole, et Stephanie. C'etait tellement amusante. La boum etait tres animee et ... ok i'll stop speaking in french... yeah chris novak's partay was def fun. I danced a bunch with Carmen and i met up with Carlos there (where he was SO hitting on Christian.. SO obvious and adorable). Laura Feng was there too, i missed Emily, but Laura was super fun. And yes many people make me happy.

after that i went into modlin and started playing piano/meditating. It's really quite profound. Ever so often, I'll sit at the piano and just improvise. I'm not a great improviser, so i mainly stick to C major or other easy ones... but I just go with it and let the music and the finger lead me. And it just helps me process my emotions so profoundly. While I'm playing I just play the emotions in my head, and they just come out through my fingers and away from me. It's such a wonderful experience.

Little to my knowledge, Jess Ott was listening from above and she complimented me which made me happy. and yeah she drove me home and voila, here i am.

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Thursday, February 10th, 2005
8:57 am
I haven't updated in forever...!!!

but i gotta make this quick if i intend to sleep at all. Godfrey's was super fun. I went to Austin's room around 10-ish and pregamed a little bit. I like champagne, i've discovered, but i didnt' have very much. Enough to turn me into a beat-red asian fool. hehe. But yay austin! and yay john! I heart both of them... they make me very very happy! So godfrey's was good fun. I FINALLY GOT INTO A GAY BAR!!!!! one point for jason! The curse is broken! ding dong the witch is dead, the witch is dead, get out of bed... DING DONG the wicked witch is dead! (wow, a reference to a judy garland movie... could i get any gayer)

Saturday was nice. I went to Rebecca Pompano's apartment, 2107 and hung out with Amanda Hannah and Rebecca and some other miscellanious peoples. We were supposed to watch the Producers but Rebecca accidently got the documentary of "Recording the Producers." hehe oh rebecca... but luckily i had Angels in America, so we watched the first half... "Millenium approaches." Which is AMAZING. omg i luv this play/movie/miniseries. It just blows me away every time i watch it. *sigh*

So life has been kinda crazy with doing two shows running concurrently, the Altruists and the Dance Show. It's not too bad though. Sean is being REALLY sweet and understanding about it all. Myra, not so much. But yeah i luv pple.

OH! i totally met the most adorable cutest little boy today!! I was sitting in Dhall doing my core reading (ps. Nietzche, you can rot in hell you goddamn incomprehensible narcicist!), and Laura Feng comes and sits with me. And Marion (yes marion... oh i luv girl names for guys... sooo hot....) sits with us. And he's SOO adorable. He's short and compact (the way i like them) and funny, and liberal (from texas! what? a atheist pro-choice pro-marriage equality democrat from TEXAS??? may i worship u now?!?!) and hot and wow. And yeah... but straight... just my luck. damnit!

i need a little magic wand that i can tap pple and they turn gay (or straight for that matter). *sigh* y do all the guys that i ever am interested in are straight? oh well, and the beat goes on... (a cher reference for all u pple who didn't get the fact that i'm gayer than elton john and carson kresley put together).

and i miss my darling kirsten and matilda and merav in their stupid other colleges. And my wonderful jew crew! I MISS JEWS!!!!

so yeah... that's me right now. a bit stressed, still no boyfriend, but content, and fantastically loved.

>

 

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Wednesday, January 19th, 2005
12:05 am
so... tonite I didn't have any real work (though i could have read Song of Solomon... but i don't want to so there... hehe ^^') so i was originally going to go to the basketball game that was formed at Dhall. Jess, Tim, this guy Justin whom I just met (he is very personable, friendly, and quite enjoyable) and others. But i go there at 9:30 when it was supposed to start... but no one was there. Actually there were a lot of PEOPLE just not my people. There was a big game going on. Skins and shirts. And i dunno... i suddenly got very frightened. I don't know why. Well... i DO know why. Jocks scare me. And it's so sad. After three or so years being out, I'm still internalizing homophobia. Well it's not ALL internalized, but yeah. I didn't realize how much homophobia affected me. I mean the fact that I was scared to even ENTER the auxiliary gym is profound. Like, how i hate working out, because I feel uncomfortable and uneasy in the Robins Center. I think it's because I'm in such close proximity to all those jocks. This is horrible. And even with Justin today at Dhall. He was so nice and friendly and my first reaction was to question his motives! Why is the first thing i do is question when a straight person talks to me. That is just reverse heterosexism.

So neway... so i didn't go to the gym. I decided not to go home right away and I visited Austin. He was home and Jacob was there visiting. So we hung out and talked for a bit. I always notice that i become much more careful of what I say and make more of an effort to sound intelligent and witty around jacob. I don't know why. Perhaps because he's so intelligent and witty. And austin makes me happy. I hope I get to know him better as the days pass. After austinage i visited Mary in Wood (the english mary). She and her friend, Natalie, were watching charmed on tnt, so i stayed and watched and knitted. Afterward we got to talking and i disovered Natalie was Canadian, which is AWESOME. and then we had a whole long conversation in french which was SOOO much fun. i need to use my french more. I feel like I need to go to France. Maybe I can spend a summer there. hopefully. that would be so cool! yay! ok.... now to bed.

current mood: calm
current music: Rufus Wanwright - Agnus Dei

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Friday, December 17th, 2004
1:11 am - finding the GAP
back home...

again... weird limbo place. i'm still not where to call home. i mean, this is where i live, this is where i grew up... but i'm not sure it's still my HOME. i kinda feel rootless at the moment. a bit disconnected from my family and friends that i haven't seen in forever. And *uh* the required weekly church visit. I haven'tbeen going at all for the past few months... which i suppose is a bad thing, but then again, i go to two bible studies a week, so there.

Ok trip home. Trish, awesome NJ UDancer gave me a lift home since i'm on the way. but i made such an asshole of myself. i totally got us lost. We went east on 495 instead of west, so we ended up wasting an hour backtrackin *hits self on head*. But ride up was fun. I talked to trish about a lot of stuff... music, politics, religion was a big one that kept on seeming to come back. Theatre, art, movies... music. Trish played a great song for me, called Konstantine by a group that i don't remember. but it's an amazing song for those of u who know what i'm babbling about. We also got to talking about Angels in America, which if ne of u faithful readers remember from forever ago, is an AMAZING movie/play!!! omg i have to watch it again. it blows my mind like WHOA!!

so after coming home... yeah, hung out with my amazing sunshine angel, tilds. We hung out in her room and then went out for coffee... which turned into a mall trip/me filling out forms for GAP. And yeah, uber fun. I've missed my matilda SO much!! i'm def hanging out with her more. and i can't wait for my jews to come home so i can see them and squeeze them and give them love (and Sammy, u know what THAT means hehe).

so first day at the GAP:

my shift was from 12 to 9. which i suppose isn't all that bad. 9 hours... 8 really if u count the hour and some aggragate breaks we get. so yeah, i got stuck in GAPkids (which for those of u who rn't familiar with the Montgomery Mall Gap is connected to the normal GAP.) I mean, i don't mind that much, but i would prefer to be in adult. But yeah... i really like my co-workers. there's this awesome girl natalie who is uber fun. This black dude... i can't remember his name... it begins with an R... Ramone? A cool asian boi, Brian, and an asian girl... T... something... tracy? hehe i'm so bad with names. but yeah ps Brian is totally gay. I mean, he acts pretty SA, but i was talking to him about.... something and i mentioned something about a past boyfriend. and then a little later in the conversation he mentions that he really wants to go out clubbing tonite... and i ask where...and he tells me his favorite club is Nation... and well DUH!! nation is totally the gayest club in DC!! I don't even think breeders are permitted entrance! hehe. so yes, going to investigate. OH and hot black guy Mike... i think.... but yeah really hot. and MAYBE gay... i got a read, but it's not a sure one...

so yeah, my feet hurt like HELL. nine hours of walking around and putting clothes away. And it's weird, when it gets slow, it's SO boring, cuz ur walking around waiting for someone to screw something up so u can go up and refold it. and omflippingG... they play this obnoxious christmas CD on LOOP ALL the time... grrr annoying teen poppers singing poppy renditions of silent night. but hey, it's money. plus employee discount! hehe...

OH and I HAVE THE LORD OF THE RINGS: RETURN OF THE KING EXTENDED EDITION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! it's AMAZING!!!!!! the end.

current mood: drained
current music: Hanson

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Sunday, December 12th, 2004
2:30 pm
good morning good mooorrning!

hehe... well after funnage with the disney marathon i got home and jacob emailed me. So i saunter BACK over to Keller (i SO need to live on the other side of campus. this is just ridiculous). and yeah... jacob and i hung out for many an hour that night. We mixed a little vodka into some Dr. Pepper... it was REALLY bad vodka... like profoundly bad vodka. And Jacob was a bit tipsy already. and we talked a lot about life and stuff. hehe it sounds so strange... well it was lots of fun. And it was good to just slow down and just listen to someone for once. I'm used to talking like crazy, and it's always about me me me me me.... but whenever i talk to jacob, i find myself listening much more, which is a good thing. I ended up sleeping with Jacob in his bed (sleeping snoring not sleeping SLEEPING), which was a first for me on campus. Yeah i had slept a little with Ryan, but i mean we were sumwhat preoccupied . And the one time i was going to spend the night, his roommate walked in on us (we were done, but still lacking vetements). And i had to WALK back to my dorm at like 4 o clock in the morning. And it was nice to be able to cuddle with someone and not be like in this "oh i like this person" mode. I've actually never cuddled with a guy without being all crushy on them... i've cuddled with more women than i can count.... odd isn't it?

well after that jacob and i woke up and went to booker and sang a little (jacob is a singing enthusiast) and i sounded like SHIT. it was HORRIBLE. so i'm determined to get better. after that i went home and tried to study/procrastinated/slept.

later i got a hold of austin and gary and had a reshoot because a lot of the pictures from the first shoot didn't come out well. and OMG cutest photos EVER!! i'm so proud of them. if u wanna take a look at the photos that have made the semi-final cut for the arts show project then go HERE..

After that went to lunch and met up with Allison DuVal and her roommate Meredith. I also saw Emma, Tim, Elena, and Godfrey at dhall. So yeah... i eventually get myself to North Court after visiting Jackie's room. And... another funfilled nite of pple! Tim, Godfrey, Elena, Jess, Chrissy and I all played Loaded Questions. Super funness! It wasn't as crazy as last time, but it was still a lot of fun! and it was nice to finally be in a social situation with Godfrey. He's been so strange lately... and i understand if he had reservations in hanging out post-crush thingage... but yeah whatever. i understand, he's a busy boi, and he has a lot on his plate: school, friends, extra-curriculars, a boyfriend. and it's not like i'm his best friend or nething. And i luv Tim... he's such a cool guy! he makes me laugh with his somewhat detatched and dazed mannerism. He's so cool. So sad that he's a senior!! It's so weird this sensation that ur meeting these pple for such a short amount of time... and then they're gone! forever! well not forever, but it's unlikely u'll see them again. and that's sad. AND elena is going away... and Godfrey... and Lesley... And emma next year... and many more pple! it makes me sad.

After Loaded Questions finished, (godfrey won... it's so sad i was so far behind. i'm horrible at guessing pple... but i enjoy at least attempting to write humorous responses) I stayed with Elena and we decided to watch a movie... then Brooke, Nicole, and Amy arrived. it was much more involved, but we eventually found ourselves watching Santa Clause 2. and it was pretty bad... but very humorous in very odd places. and yay i heart brooke! and i heart elena! i'm going to miss everyone over break! but i'm excited about seeing Elena one last time at Collegetown. that should be loads of fun! yay!

goodnight world!

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Wednesday, December 8th, 2004
4:35 pm - ALIAS
So... had my core exam yesterday... not as super hard as i thought, but *sigh* three hours of writing is never going to make anyone happy. So... yeah after picture taking i went over to Austin's and had a photo shoot with him and his ex/not ex/what the fuck do u call that, Gary in Whitehurst... although only like one came out well, b/c i was stupid and decided not to use flash.. but it's all blury without it. and they were really cute pictures too... if they just weren't blury. Sadness! so hopefully i'll be able to fit in another shoot b4 Gary leaves. oh ps, I totally want a nice camera, like so i can be a real photographer. actually... i want to take a photo class. i've always wanted to get into photography! but cameras are so expensive. *sigh* damn money!

after that i went to Jacob's to watch a movie for his Spanish class. "Jamon Jamon" which means "Ham Ham." It has Penelope Cruz in it, before she became famous. It was REALLY strange... and had a LOT of sex. like non-stop sex. i think within the first five minutes someone was suckling Penelope Cruz's nipples. But the movie felt very literary. It had a lot of motifs and symbolism. Especially the end.

After that I met up with the Ultimate Magster, and watched Alias for like FOREVER!! and it's SUCH A GOOD SHOW!! and fucking lauren is a bitch (luaren in the show, not ne real lauren). and aahhh!!! what's going to happen!?!?!?!?! hehe.... SUCH a good show! here are some hot pics!!

>

ah! lauren that bitch!!!







current mood: busy
current music: You Can't Hurry Love - Martha Reeves and the Vandellas

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Monday, December 6th, 2004
11:56 pm
hola everyone. so finals are upon us! i took my ballet final today! omg it was so much harder than i thought it would be! i'll be pleased if i get at least a B.... yikes, u wouldn't think a ballet exan would be so difficult... but the terminology is so complex! and i hate how everything has 5 and a half names. but other than ballet final, i didn't do much. I took pictures of Kimi and Meredith for the photo project, and godfrey later. I went to Elena's to watch star wars... not the good ones, the bad new ones... but hey, hayden christiansen is hot, a horrible actor, but i don't object to seeing him shirtless. hehe.

um... what else is going on. I saw ex bf at icebreakers again... he hasn't come in a long time.. but icebreakers was super fun. we all played twister! and austin and i got in the most comprimising positions... and i honestly wasn't trying to. and so the ex, i'm not even sure if i can even call him an ex. we weren't really BOYfriends... we were kind of... i dunno boyaquantences. i dunno it was weird. and i haven't seen him in ages. But i see why he didn't want to come out... i saw him last nite with all the black pple and they were being all.... u know, boisterous and black. and it was really fun to watch... but i got suddenly really shy and self-conscious... and well a little frightened. It's HORRIBLE! i didn't realize i was blackophobic... but i don't get it... cuz it's not like i don't like black pple... like hazara, oseze, and sheri back home were like my girls, and they're black. and i'm really good friends with lesley... and plus ex bf, totally black. ... actually half the guys i've slept with on that note... all black! so y am i blackophobic???? it doesn't make sense.

oh well.... this is why i go to collegetown.

oh yeah point about ex.... yeah i understand why he couldn't come out. like, all his friends are black, and i would assume homophobic. and it's so sad that he's in a situation that forces him to live a lie. i could never do that... yikes. it's just so weird looking back at when i was in, and now when i'm out. the difference is SO dramatic. i'm so much more happier now. and just free and fabulous!! and i don't think i could ever date a closet case... i don't think i could be in a relationship that would force me to hide it, to purposefully ignore it. like i don't know how godfrey does it with RB... that's really difficult, i would imagine. but that could just be b/c i'm not a very private person.... and i need to learn some discretion when it comes to that....

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Friday, December 3rd, 2004
11:40 am
Friday, December 03, 2004

ok sadness at second, i repeat SECOND botched attempt to go to babes! This is ridiculous. hehe, but it was cool... i hung with Austin and his crowd. which was REALLY cool. I had a glass of wine, but it was chilled... ew. it's so sad the small amount of alcohol that i can drink. One glass and i was already feeling flustered and buzzed. But many gay bois at austin's which was cool. one boy aaron though... i dunno he was cool at first, but then i found him to be quite obnoxious... i wanted to be like "ok, that joke died about five minutes ago." and i so desperately need to dance.... SOMEWHERE... just dance my ass off. That's all i need. i don't need a boyfriend, i don't need money, or food, i just need to dance until i can't nemore... and then dance some more. of course... i wouldn't mind a boyfriend.... hehe....

OH had my first rehearsal for the altruists... although i totally missed ND... which made me sad... b/c ND is awesome. and i can't believe i totally forgot about the meeting. but i'm glad people liked my t shirt design! but altruists is a GREAT play... we had a reading for it tonite... SO funny, and sad at the same time....

ok it's late... and LAST DAY OF CLASSES!!!!!


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Thursday, December 02, 2004

SADNESS... i only got an 85 on my accounting test... not enough to bring it up to a B... which would have enabled me to not take the final... alas... now i have to uber study for that exam... so poo...

on a happier note, i had my ballet final variation today. it went really well! I danced the slave's variation from "Le Corsaire." It's really short (about a minute and 20) but very tiring... lots of turns a la seconde, coupe jetes and such.

and YAY i got into the altruists!! i'm not a main role, but it's my first acting role! yay! i hope i get to simulate gay sex. i'm good at that. hehe

ok off to core
Currently Playing
The Very Best Of Cher
By Cher
All I really want to do (is to love you)
see related


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Wednesday, December 01, 2004

AH! Accounting test was really hard. i didn't get to finish it! i hope i did decently... although i still think i'm going to end up taking the final (poo!). OH! Uber fun last nite. I dled "Finding Neverland", that new movie with Johnny Depp about James Barry, the creator of Peter Pan. It was amazingly cool. And i invited a lot of pple and yay movie party! Amy, Adrienne, and Lianna from UDancers came; Maggie the awesome moore fake lesbian came; Emma and Lisa from Keller brought Achmed (the egyptian) along and we had a swinging time! The movie was really well done. I personally am not attracted to Johnny Depp, but he is a fabulous actor. And Cate Winslettwas SUPERB in her role as Wendy, the widowed mother of four boys whom inpired Barry to create Peter Pan.

Before that I auditioned for the Altruists... and it was really nerve-wrecking, especially since i've never auditioned for an acting role. I mean i've been in musicals and have a lot of stage performance experience, but I've never acted. well unless u count the church musicals when i was like in elementary school. But yeah it was still a lot of fun. I didn't make call backs, but i'm still crossing my fingers. I really want to try my hand at acting. and yeah... dance show is coming up fast. I'm glad all of the pieces i'm in are turning out well. Lianna's piece is by far my favorite. And... yeah... ok off to run the dance show!!!

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Monday, November 29th, 2004
1:09 pm - back home (and by home i mean school)
so finally back... i hate accounting... the test is on tuesday and i'm not ready at all!!! aahh!!!... ok besides accounting... sat was cool... i hung out with my cousins again. Took a break from cousinage and had lunch with zach, kerriann and roya (i miss show choir). Talked about my traumatic love life, although i AM making improvements! my past few crushes/relationships have actually been with gay guys! yay me! (and for those of u perplexed with this statement... i have made out with far too many straight men in my short but strange life...) After that i went out to see a movie with the cuz crew, but Finding neverland was sold out, so we rented a movie, "Legend of 1900" about some piano genius that was born on a ship (one of those big titanic like ships) and never came off. i didn't really watch it, i was too busy trying to burn a copy of "into the woods" which is amazing btw. i heart bernadette peters. oh but it was so random! while i was at blockbuster, every movie that i looked at was a gay movie!! it's so random! there was this sudden influx of gay films... a lot of them looked pretty bad... but hey, it's something. hehe one of them was called "Dented" and it's about that sickeningly cliche story of the high school loser falling for hot jock, who's a major closet case, and the catch phrase on the cover was "they're both team players, but which team does he play for?" soooo corny.

sunday was cool.... my parents forced me to go to church... which was obnoxious. i told my mom i didn't want to go, and she was like "what? people don't go to church? i dont understand!" And then when I only went to sunday school and not the worship service, she flipped out. I was studying too! i don't need a worship service to experience and worship god. I experience him much better outside a service setting. but whatever. after that they dropped me off at union station (which has an awesome store caled "the knot store" that sells scarves and ties! those are basically the two things i'm putting down for christmas... i want lots of scarves and lots of ties.... i've decided to ask for simple things instead of something really specific and expensive.) and then i met up with maggie, who was taking the same train... so we waited around the train station together because our train was THREE HOURS LATE!! it was insane... we LEFT when we were supposed be there. ABSOLUMENT RIDICULE! but we watched the incredibles on my computer, which was fun.

awesome jill and her extra cool bf, Geoff (luv that spelling btw) picked us up and we all went out for dinner at American grill with maggie's crew. i don't remember all their names... but dan cummings was there.... and two other guys... wess? and... josh? well whatever their names, they were awesome. and it was cool, b/c i think that was the first time i had actually talked to straight guys and didn't try to play down the gayness. well.... here at richmond at least... my jew crewers, zach and sammy get hit on all the time. But it was really fun. so yay cool heteroguys! who knew breeders could be so much fun!

current mood: frustrated
current music: In your eyes - peter gabriel

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Friday, November 26th, 2004
5:59 pm - black friday
Friday, November 26, 2004

i swear if one more person tells me that i've gained weight... i'm going to cry! hehe no not really... but still. The FIRST thing my grandma says to me when she sees me "Wow you've gotten fat." i'm like "thanks granny, love u too." and, well honestly, i didn't think i was doing that bad. I actually feel more in shape now than before. My face is rounder, but my waist slimmed down actually (summer weight). I think it's all those ballet classes with anne... (who is amazing btw)

so i hung out with my cuzs today, viviane, serena, and mark. Well, first my bro hauled me out of bed to go shopping at hechts at like 5 am... which is insane. i got a really hot shirt and some nice jeans, which is good... something to go clubbing maybe... (hopefully i won't have to relive my botched attempt to go to babes... godfrey's neone??) after that i met up with vivi, serena and mark and we went down to the mall and explored the smithsonian. First we had to find a parking space (which is incredibly difficult). And then we went to the museum of natural history, got our tickets for the imax show (we wanted to see the dolphins movie, but we had to settle with the "t-rex" one), and saw the new history of mammalia exhibit. After that we hopped over to the national gallery of art and visited the new french sculpture exhibit. I was really impressed. Afterwards we went to the Imax movie... which was HORRIBLE! and this is quite unordinary, usually the imax movies are fabulous, but this film was just wretched. it was about some daughter of a paleontologist who wanted to prove her thesis..... and then she like sniffs the funes from this t-rex egg and starts hallucinating this adventure into the cretacious... and i'm sitting there, and i'm thinking "omg this is teaching kids to take LSD to get an A on their science project." the acting was horrible, the plot was non-existant, and the scientific inaccuracies were so numerous i almost mistook them for bush's statements. it was ridiculous. but the day was still quite enjoyable... now off to mucho accounting studyage...

current mood: exhausted
current music: Winter - The Four Seasons - Antonin Vivaldi

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10:09 am - thanksgiving = fat
things to be thankful for:
out at 16 and still alive
finally being 18
a wonderful roommate
jew friends (Sammy dear, Zach darling, Jfabulous Jen, Jordana aka red-headed slut)
Faerie sisters! (Witch Baby, Sunshine, and Meravy bear)
college friends (basically, pple in ND and UDancers)
HS fan club
parents that are making an effort
queer as folk
and finally: cher (ya gotta luv the cher)

things to wish for:
my One to finally get his ass in gear and fucking find me
more gay pple at richmond... or all the homophobic assholes to get drafted
a B in accounting
More male dancers for UDancers
a massive metrosexual revolution
a massive feminist revolution
Bush + many many pretzels *sly grin
A surprise bloodless canadian invasion ending with the canadian annexation of blue america
This world somehow fixing itself

So yeah... thanksgiving was fun. Saw my cousins, Viviane, Serena, Mark, Becky, Bobby, & Matthew. my doggie is good, xiao xiao (tiny in chinese). My parents are still passive aggresive, but they're trying. Hung out with my luvly beloved jews, sammy, zach, jen and jordana. I met up with Sam darling and Zach dear after seeing Showstoppers. (i miss show choir... horrible isn't it?) saw nick... which was weird. i wanted to hate him, but was just so over it i didn't find it necesarry. and then sam, zach and i went to the mall for a bit, then hustled over to jordana's place where we met up with jen too. We went down to Dupont... which btw i am going to explore when i finally get some balls and get some independence at home (and abolish that whole curfew thing). We ate at Kramer's... which is a bookstore/restaurant. and it was awesome. and it was really sentimental, my first date was at kramers with JR... well i can't really call it a date since he had a bf... and wasn't interested in me and we were just friends... but hey i'm calling it a date and i'm sticking to it. We met up with Carlos there and yeah mucho fun.

and i don't know where i feel more at home... at richmond or here. Cuz... like here's where i grew up... but i feel so alien now. i don't even have a room nemore (my little bro moved into mine). I feel like that i can't be myself here. I can't talk about cute guys. I can't talk to my mom about my crushes, my heartaches, my failed attempts at a relationship. and like my brother... i mean he knows i'm gay, but we don't talk about it. part of it is that he's super christian, and i guess it hurts him cuz i'm a role model or something... But i came out to my cousin chantal who is studying at Queen's univeristy up in Canada aka the REAL land of the free, and she was awesome about it! and my cousing michael and sara have been absolutely adorable and so supportive. i just wish something radical will happen in richmond. we desperately need more queers to change things. It's so sad that the environment on our campus is so oppresive! i mean it breeds closet cases! and that is the most horrible thing you can do... force someone to live a lie. some pple have criticized me for being overly overt, but hey every campus needs at least one fabulous nelly queen. and if some poor closeted boy or girl sees me and just maybe they'll question that looming sense of fear. I mean i look back at my HS... the out boy pop has like quadrupled since i've been there, and seriously, a lot of them have come up to me and specifically told me that seeing me out and about helped them come out! like... HOW COOL IS THAT?!?!?! And i hope that the legion of fairy godfathers and mothers takes off... and legion members will take their calling seriously, b/c closetedness is a big problem on campus. hehe... it's funny how everyone has like their cause. Like Godfrey's is AIDS awareness, etc. and kirsten is female sexual liberation/masterbation/vibrators. i guess mine is helping people come out. it isn't as cool as AIDS awareness... oh well... ok to sleep.

current mood: geeky
current music: A Song for the Lonely - Cher aka goddess of gay men

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Wednesday, November 24th, 2004
12:11 am - JEWS!!
Wednesday, November 24, 2004

thanksgiving break is finally here! Last nite was fun. Brooke came over and we bonded some. To spite hollywood and out botched attempt at seeing the incredibles, i dled the movie and we watched in my room. despite inviting others only brooke came, but that's ok! we had lots of fun talking and watching the movie, which btw is FABULOUS(a word i didn't start using until hanging around lianna and adrienne, i know ironic isn't it?)! i encourage everyone to see it!

I also borrowed "Into the Woods" with Bernadetted Peters from Parsons, and it's adorable. I watched act one last nite with carlos (i luv him) and finished it today.

Dad picked carlos and I up at 3:30 and it took us a full three hours to get home. it's ridiculous. and i'm super excited to see my jews! i've missed them so much. oh home...
Currently Playing
The Wizard Of Oz: Selections From The Original Motion Picture Soundtrack
By Herbert Stothart, Harold Arlen, E. Y. Harburg
There's No Place Like Home

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Monday, November 22nd, 2004
9:15 am - sunday fun
Monday, November 22, 2004

Yay! i heart brooke! So... totally procrastinated the day away. I woke up and met with Kristina, the bulgarian for econ. And we did the problem set (last one!) and talked econ for a bit. I luv the girl, but she's beginning to get on my nerves (hopefully she doesn't read this... b/c that would be really bad). Like, i mean she's smart... it's just that she doesn't exactly take social cues all that well... like there'll be this really easy question... and she won't accept it. she's like "it's a trick... he must be tricking us!" and i'm like, "Kristina! Get over it! he's being nice!" and other small stuff..... so yeah. after that i went to brunch and ate with lizzy... and other pple... i can't remember who. But i made deviled eggs (again). I LOVE deviled eggs. they make me happy. PLUS i have a secret ingredient (if u must know u can ask). after that walked and talked with Peju, who is an awesome nigerian girl, and then spent funness in Boatwright with my econ take home. aka procrastinated a lot. listened to wicked again! no matter how many times i listen to that musical i still luv it more!

Afterward i kinda bummed around waiting for dinner... after dinn and laundry i met up with Allyson Duval... who is so adorable and awesome. and i was trying to kill an hour b4 icebreakers. so we went to LoRo and i hung out with her, laura feng, and emily. i luv them. and then icebreakers which was fun. i feel like i want to get to know austin better. he's such a cool guy. not to mention his beautiful hair. good god i'd kill for hair like that.

after that brooke had IMed me telling me that she'd go to see the Incredibles if my ride fell through (which it did). and so we rush off to the movies! and it was crazy, the movie theatre was totally in the most confusing complex EVER! and we got their like 12 minutes late, and the lady was like "sorry we're closed" despite having only JUST closed the ticket counter. stupid bastardos. but it was really fun. and then we drove around and ended up at waffle house, where we spent like two hours talking. i luv brooke! ok goodnight world!

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Sunday, November 21st, 2004
11:38 am - recap from my xanga
Sunday, November 21, 2004

Ok... saw sly fox with maggie (who is awesome). I was really impressed with it. I loved the concept with the proteans en travesti, and the WAY overdone makeup, and the caricature hair, eyebrows and beards. The humor was a little base at times, but still very funny. I LOVED sean! He was amazing! I mean, he didn't have the biggest part, but I thought that his character caricature i.e. his twitch and voice, was the hardest to create. Allyson Wepplo was good as the side-kick. Although i don't understand why she has a monopoly on leading roles. In the Furies she was Athena, and last year she was the lead in tempest... this girl is on fire. I mean she's a good actress, but she's not like AMAZING. But i must say she can memorize lines like mad. And yeah i really enjoyed it. I saw Jill and Geoff there, who r adorable... i really want to become better friends with Geoff. He seems like such a cool guy. Plus the fact that he was willing to go in drag to the drag ball says a lot.

Well, after that Maggie and i split up, she went to gray and i went home. Lesley came over and we talked about boys and how they're stupid. ANd then we did a mini porn study. I showed her some BAD gay porn and some GOOD gay porn. Although she was too squeemish to watch the sex acts... which is kind of hard to show someone the difference. so basically, falcon = bad, sean cody = good. I don't know what makes sean's stuff better. I think part of it is that he tries to make his models more realistic. he interviews them and tries to bring out their personalities (which at times fails miserably). And simply the way he shoots his videos. the angles he decides to use. Most of falcon and them just shoot the penis and the ass hole or something like that... but sean cody often shoots a wide shot showing the entire body. their faces and stuff which often gets cut out in other porn. ok... yeah that's my rant about gay porn...

after that carlos came back and told me about his night... and how GRAY (hottest boy in his crew) like practically hit on him! i'm so excited... if Gray turns out to be gay and hooks up with carlos, that will be AMAZING. but i doubt it'll happen. he was heavily intoxicated when he hit on carlos...so... yeah.

and boys make me angry. no... actually, not angry... just frustrated. I don't understand why i lost. And just hearing who i lost to... well it was very interesting to say the least. But i'm happy for him... i mean thinking back on the crush i don't think it would have really worked. i mean i was really attracted to his personality. But i don't think we would have worked out sexually. we're both total bottoms. and on that topic, carlos and i were talking about the queers on campus... (and well the fact that we can count the out male population on our hands is REALLY sad) .... but i feel like most of the guys are bottoms. Which is interesting...

and i also feel like most of the guys on campus are attached. Jacob has tyrone, Vinh has bf in MD, Lee has bf, godfrey is seeing mr. republican, Austin has aussie boy... i feel like only carlos and i are unattached. which is strange. but yeah... i def think there need to be more gay pple here. it gets awfully lonely.
Currently Playing
Somewhere: Songs of Leonard Bernstein
By Bill Charlap
see related


Public - 11:25 AM - add eprops - add comments - edit it - email it

Saturday, November 20, 2004

Yesterday was interesting. After econ i went to the library to study accounting which i'm uber behind in. And i finished Ch. 9 (despite the fact that we're on ch. 11 right now)... and then Jacob invited me to go on an outing. It was a lot of fun. We went to Maymount Park... somewhere in Richmond. It's really pretty. There's this japanese garden which is just absolutely gorgeous. And Jacob and I walked around and talked for a while. ANd it was really cool. we just had a conversation... a plain old real conversation. Not the superficial, how r u, i'm fine stuff... but just asked each other questions and talked about our lives. It was cool. Jacob is such an interesting person (and NO i do not have a crush on him... i know the way some of u think). Although i always find a way to feel stupid around him. And yeah, Jacob is fun.

And on to more stuff... went to the Winter Formal last nite... UBER fun! danced the nite away with a lot of awesome pple! Emma Bowles came and so did Laura Feng, Emily Jaicks, Lesley, Rosa, and more! I kinda became Nadja's impromptu date. we were standing next to each other talking and max bloom walks up and is like "jason is this ur date? ur FEMALE date?" I was like "yeah max, smooth..." but yeah. Nadja and I salsad a lot and it was SO much fun. It's so different dancing with a dancer. It's not that we really knew what we were doing... it's more that we knew how to move... how to react and read each other's bodies. It was awesome. Like I could lead, and Nadja would know what i wanted her to do, and vice versa. Yeah... i'm REALLY depressed nadja is leaving. She's moving back to brazil at the end of the semester.... and i'll miss her terribly. She's been such a joy to know. Plus she's been teaching me portuguese (the most BEAUTIFUL language in the world btw). ok... well going to see Sly Fox tonite!

current mood: apathetic

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Wednesday, November 17th, 2004
11:37 pm
just watched Matthew Bourne's Swan Lake.... which was FABULOUS! *sigh* such a great dance work. I can't wait to take choreography in the spring... although i'm sad that so many pple are leaving... Godfrey, Lesley... there are other pple too... but yeah... Swan Lake was fabulous. I encourage neone and everyone who reads this to go borrow it from the Music Library. (although I may be hogging it... I have a presentation in Ballet and I'm showing a clip from it) Here are a few pics:





Yes... life is good... and IT"S HALF AN HOUR UNTIL MY BIRTHDAY!!! yay! i hope plans work out tomorrow! and yeah. yay birthday

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