Blurty for A Wingless Angel.

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Wednesday, November 26th, 2003

(tear at my heart)

Time:6:44 pm.
i hate being me..

i hate it...

i fucking hate ME.

what the hell have i become??

"is this world we live in all right? why does every conversation end up in a fight?"

Wednesday, August 27th, 2003

(1 failed attempt | tear at my heart)

Time:6:07 pm.
Mood: excited.
Music:evanescence- my last breath.
i havent updated in a while eh? my bad....

so yea.. i left for tennessee wednesday night when adam got here... i had fun, but it was really hot! the busch race was good, until my driver crashed, but he still ended up 13th, so that was good... the winston cup race was awesome!! 20 cautions!! it was a record breaker!! =)

adam and i fought a lot, it was stupid, but everything is fine now, i think it was just because of the weather, but that's ok... we worked everything out... but on the way home his friend called and said that jeff got in a bad car accident and was in the hospital in critical condition so adam left in a hurry on sunday, but that was ok, i understood. jeff is doing better now though, and they think he is going to live, so that was really good news...

sunday i ate KFC.. num num! =)

monday i went up to the school and got my parking pass, then i took meggie out to lunch, then i went and volunteered at the hospital for 2 and a half hours, then i went to saginaw and went shopping...

that nite i rode my bike but it was way too dry out and the dust was real bad so dad didn't want us riding too long...

tuesday was my first day at my new school....

the first three hours i was really nervous and didn't say a word to anyone, then finally during homeroom(it's after 3rd hr.) this girl named amanda started talking to me, then she introduced me to everyone, and the rest of the day i met a lot of people and they were all really awesome...

i went to flint after school to pick up some stuff, then i rode my bike, and the track wasn't too dusty so i was out for about 30 minutes...

today was my 2nd day of school, and i love it here!! my teachers are awesome(except homeroom is a bitch! but i only have her for 20 minutes, so it's ok), all the people are really cool, and my classes are great!

calc is a little hard because i am taking trig right now too, but i think ill be ok.. i really like it!

i have a feeling that Amanda and Katy are gonna end up being my closest friends... it's strange though because they are both really well known around the school and play a lot of sports and all that stuff, it's kinda like.. the people i didnt like at frankenmuth... but they are so awesome here!!

it's weird though... for once... im at a school thats not cliquey... i love it!

i met my neighbor jeremy too, he's in my Calc & AP Honors English, and he's in my 3rd hour class, except im independet so.. lol.. but yea.. he's really cool!! he's the president of the national honor society, which i never would have guessed!

oh!! and mike from baja is in one of my classes!! he's in my physics class last hour!! im so happy about that!! i just wish i wasnt so shy, we talk, but not too much, ill talk to him more though... ill get over my whole shy thing.. it just sucks becuase he's kinda shy too, but it's all right... I'll talk to him more =)

adam is being way too jealous.. he's jealous of every single guy in the world, he doesn't even want me to talk to guys in school.. i mean.. wtf adam, you need to chill out seriously, i tell him i love him and that i won't leave him, but he's still paranoid... and yea i understand a little bit, but he's seriously out of control with it, and it's pissing me off...

i love him, but he needs to stop it.


Wednesday, August 20th, 2003

(tear at my heart)

Time:3:19 pm.
Mood: scared.
Music:OPM-Heaven is a Halfpipe.
i wrote a really long entry, or rather typed, on sunday when i got back, and it all got deleted, so CRAP ON IT!

friday we left for big air, and i was suppose to practice from 3-8, BUT for some really stupid reasons we didn't get there until 7:30 and i missed practice!!! NOOOOOOO!!!!! the damn motorhome was being a pile and we were stuck in a parking lot fixing it... GAHHH!!!

anyway, i hung out with levi, BJ, sammy, ryan, nic, mitch, mike and troy for most of the nite... and that was much-o fun =)

i won all 4 of my women's motos (sat. and sun.) which was super easy, the girl wussed out sunday and didn't even ride because she said she was sick of me coming over and beating her on her hometown track, i was like... you are stupid. just get out there and ride because you love it. thats why i do it.

saturday i was running 7th in the c class and i crashed before stadium triple and i came from 21st to 13th by the end of the race, and in the 2nd moto, i dont really remember what happened, besides some dude tried taking me out in the corner, and it totally threw me off, i finished mid-pack somewheres.. i wasnt overly happy! sunday i was in 6th in the first moto, and i crashed on the LAST LAP of the friggin moto before stadium triple(AGAIN) and...

...i bruised my ribs, spraigned my knee, and jammed my finger, but i ran the 2nd moto anyway, and i finished midpack, but i was PISSED!

anyway, besides getting hurt, i had so much fun this weekend! saturday tanner was there and he got me flowers, which was oh-so-sweet! he is my favorite little 3 year old ever!! =) saturday night i hung out with nick and chad for a while, then levi and ryan came over, and we took off over to levi's truck and dustin was over there and we built a bon-fire... levi was trying to steal wood from under people's trailers, but dustin was smart and went and asked for some... lol... smart kid... =)

i forgot to mention how much i realized i miss hanging out with ryan. he is such a fun person to be around, and he always seems to find ways to make me laugh my pants off =) and when i got hurt, he was the person that did everything for me, he went and got me water when i was done with my moto, he took me back to my trailer so i wouldnt have to walk with my bum knee... =) thanks ryan.

and dustin, is so awesome. i formally met him for the 1st time this weekend, and let me tell you... that kid.. woah...

it was so cool... he was leading the 125B moto over zach by a ways (dustin is the fastest B rider at big air... he's so good!!) and i gave him the thumbs up over by the stepup before bertha, and as he was doing kirk he turned around in the air and gave me the thumbs up! it was the coolest thing ever! then after the race he came over by me and ryan...

i just couldn't believe what an awesome time i had on the weekend!! and sunday we stopped at D.Q. with the pattyn's on the way home, and i tried that new ice cream thing and it was good! my weekend... double thumbs up! =)

anyway... monday i went and picked up my schedule from the school and figured out where everything is at...

my schedule...
1st hr.- Trig
2nd hr.- Calc
3rd hr.- Indpt Govt/Econ
4th hr.- AP Honors English
5th hr.- Psychology/Sociology
6th hr.- Physics

woooahhhhh... my dad thinks i got myself into more than i can handle... but i dont care... i like learning... i really do. ive been the odd one since i was little, but i love when people have substance. intelligent people turn me on.

when i got home i pressure washed my bike with some simplegreen and i cleaned my air filter...

tuesday i volunteered at the hospital, and i might be getting transfered down to pharmacy, which makes me SUPER happy!! =) i cant wait!!

im leaving for tennessee today, adam should be here soon, he's going with us. we havent been getting along lately. this weekend is a test. i need to see how it goes... i need to figure out exactly what i want...

some thing is gonna have to change....

anyway, ill be home sunday night anyone who cares... then monday im taking meggie out to lunch because she'll be in school all ready, and ill probably wash my truck and volunteer at the hospital, and tuesday, i am back to school my friends...

starting again... at a NEW school... just 1 more year....


Wednesday, August 13th, 2003

(tear at my heart)

Subject:took from lyssa and ash
Time:10:00 pm.
DeathDay 2.0 by quill18
Die onMay 13, 2036
Die ofFood Poisoning
Value of Estate:$7,397,066
Created with quill18's MemeGen!

(tear at my heart)

Time:9:38 pm.
Mood: pessimistic.
Music:Rufio-"Above me".
there are so many things im thinking about right now...

i wish someone could help me, or give me an answer, or just end my life... but i gotta get out of here...

i cant figure out why jon would kill himself... why did you do it jon? tell me... please. tell me somehow... i knew you were depressed, but why did you do it? WHY? so many people are affected... i cant believe he's gone...

R.I.P. Jon Becker 1981-2003

i went to meg's at 10 this morning and picked her up, we went to the church for the funeral, it started at 11, and it ripped my heart in two to see mrs. becker... pat was being so strong... i gave her the biggest hug i could manage, and when i saw amanda... i just wanted to hold her in my arms... she was shocked that me and megan showed up, but i told her she's been my best friend since 6th grade... why wouldn't i show up... everyone was there... from upnorth... it touched me...

the ceremony was beautiful, jon's homecoming... way too early... too early...

anyway, after the funeral we went to the cemetery, then we went to Horizons for the luncheon, and after we went to amanda's house for a couple hours, then i took megan home... i was gone for 8 hours, and by the time i got home, my feet hurt, and my head was sore...

last nite adam did something he told me he wasn't going to, so... he lied to me, and he didn't even call me to tell me he was going, he E-MAILED ME! good god.. he said he wanted to spare the dissappointment in my voice... WELL YOU WERE GONNA HEAR IT ANYWAY LATER WHEN YOU TOLD ME TO CALL YOU?! WTF?!

then he says he'd call me today... never called... nothing... all i got was a text message from him that said... "im sorry" yea, you know what i have to say... "FUCK OFF"...

im so pissed off, then he has the right to tell me that amanda is bad news? that im not suppose to hang out with amanda? what the hell? you cant pry me from my best friend, how would you like it if i told you that you couldnt hang out with billy anymore? huh?? god damnit someone give me answers... i hate it, because whenever he's in trouble he tries to change it and put it on me.. and i cant take it anymore.. i love him to death, but im sick of all the bullshit, and im so sick of him always trying to make me look like a bad guy...

im gonna cry... i can feel it in my throat... i need to go...


Tuesday, August 12th, 2003

(tear at my heart)

Time:9:18 pm.
Mood: crushed.
saturday was practice at baja... it was fun... scotty is getting good!!!! =)

i went up to adam's saturday and came home monday...

i didnt feel good at all monday and adam was freaking out, because id stop breathing while i was sleeping and he would start shaking me and id wake up...

i got home and found out that jon died saturday...

i feel so bad for the whole family...

he always used to tell amanda that me and meg were the only friends she had that he could stand...

and if you knew him... that meant a lot.

and ive gotta be there for her... we were best friends for 4 years until we started going our separate ways with what we were doing... but i still love her to death and ill never stop loving her, and her mom was like a 2nd mom to me... she is an incredible woman, and ive gotta be there for them...

R.I.P. Jonathon Becker....

(tear at my heart)

Subject:quizzes for the viewing audience
Time:8:42 pm.
Music:GTA-"Stoopid Ass".
Exotic Dancer
You're Exotic Dancer Barbie. You have some moves,
and will do anything for a few bucks. Take it
off girl, but keep it PG-13 please.

If You Were A Barbie, Which Messed Up Version Would You Be?
brought to you by Quizilla

Lion King!

What movie Do you Belong in?(many different outcomes!)
brought to you by Quizilla

The Princess Bride
I'm sure it's no big surprise to you that your
romance is The Princess Bride. A heartwarming
tale of "Twue Wuve" that has giants,
Spainards and swashbuckling. You really do
think that love can overcome anything. You may
be a touch naive but your heart is certainly in
the right place. You've probably got one of
those relationships where proper nouns have
been replaced with "Snookums" and
"Pookie Pie". Eww. Beware a cuteness

What Romance Movie Best Represents Your Love Life?
brought to you by Quizilla

intelligent: you are really smart and often get
rewarded for that fact. you're not one to speak
out too much and only your friends know the
funny person you really are. occasionally you
might get hassle for being yourself, but at the
end of the day you know better to just be
yourself and that's why the people around you,
love ya! you're a good friend and as loyal as
anything and would never dream of directing
those around you to do what you want, you're
creative, talented and smart. you're what most
people secretly envy!

what kind of girl are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

You see the world in Black
SOAKS IN BLOOD. Well, you're angry at the
world. For reasons who knows, but you
definately hate life.
href=>Made by

What color do you see the world in?
brought to you by Quizilla

The liberty spikes
You like the Mohawk or liberty spikes!!!!!!!! You
rock thats what i have.

Witch Hair style would you have.
brought to you by Quizilla

Monday, August 11th, 2003

(tear at my heart)

Subject:just this.. i took from alyssa =p
Time:10:15 pm.
Mood: dorky.
Music:just IMs.

Your Bedroom Personality Is Seductive!

You leave a lasting impression on each partner.

What this means:

In each relationship, you take the role of the seducer or seductress.

You set the scene, light the candles, and make sure a good time is had.

You are a true master when it comes to foreplay and sex.

What your lovers love about you:

You are more than a good lover - you are an expert teacher.

You show your lovers what it means to bathe in sensuality.

Turning them into seductive types once your relationship is over.

What your lovers can't stand about you:

You take the act of seduction seriously...

So seriously that quick sex is pretty much out of the quesiton.

As well as, no frills comfort sex.

What's *Your* Bedroom Personality?

More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva

Friday, August 8th, 2003

(1 failed attempt | tear at my heart)

Subject:hence, morning.
Time:10:35 am.
Mood: sick.
Music:Otep-"Blood Pigs".
lemme see...

wednesday i went to saginaw with mack and got chinese at our "special place" and then we went to best buy where she purchased a fantastic cd...

i started feeling crappy right when i got home...

thursday i volunteered at the hospital, still felt crappy, rode that nite, my stomach wasn't agreeing...

today... not sure what im doing yet... but... it'll be something...

saturday is baja practice (SCOTTTTTTTTTTAY!!!!!) then im going to adam's til tuesday (?)...

things are finally better between me and adam... this week just sucked ass...

im taking a shower.


Wednesday, August 6th, 2003

(tear at my heart)

Time:10:15 am.
Mood: devious.
Music:Fountains of Wayne-"Stacy's Mom".
iimmmm baacccckkkk!!!


Blurty for A Wingless Angel.

View:User Info.
View:Website (+Just Me+).
You're looking at the latest 10 entries.