Avril Lavigne's Blurty Entries [entries|friends|calendar]
Avril Lavigne

[ website | why should I care? ]
[ userinfo | blurty userinfo ]
[ calendar | blurty calendar ]

[01 May 2003|08:03am]
[ mood | crappy ]
[ music | Something Corporate - Konstantine ]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, matthew_lovato!

I don't know you very well, but you're awesome from what I've seen.

Have a good one.

3 chicks| place yourself beside me

[26 Apr 2003|11:23pm]
[ mood | hurt ]
[ music | Lillix - Quicksand ]

I hate insensitive assholes. Yeah, I'm talking about you, fuckface.

3 chicks| place yourself beside me

... [24 Apr 2003|09:25pm]
[ mood | lonely ]
[ music | Oliver James - Long Time Coming ]

After reading everyone's entries about how successful the party was, my mood has dropped considerably. I couldn't go because LA called me into his office... well, for basically the entire night. He told me to fly to New York pronto, and I had to. We had to talk about my upcoming album and how I've been doing so far with the songs I've been writing. Let me tell you, I'm not even writing for the album. I honestly haven't written anything for it yet, even though it's supposed to be out in December. I'm just writing for the sake of writing. It's healing to me. I write when I'm happy, I write when I'm sad, and I write when I haven't got anything better to do, as you can see from my last entry.

I find myself struggling for acceptance yet again, and it's probably just in my genes. I've always been the outcast, really, and this situation isn't any different. I know I could've fit in if I had simply attended the party, but I didn't and I'm kicking myself for missing a chance. I would've met so many wonderful people, given Tyson his birthday present (which I still have, by the way), and everything would've been completely peachy keen. I wish there were another party. I wish someone would be like, "Oh, Avril! It's the 23rd! The party's tonight." But it's a day later, a day too late. All I can say about this is that I'd love to wish Tyson a happy belated birthday and hope he forgives me for not showing up. What I did was very Axl Rose.

It's weird, I'm now experiencing severe writer's block. The lyrics I'm about to paste are exactly correspondant to how I feel. It's like he doesn't even know I'm here. I have feelings for him, but he ignores them, ignores me... It's not a nice feeling, let me tell you. I hope it ends soon, but I'm sure it won't. I'll just keep vying for his attention and maybe someday I'll get it. I mean, I haven't had a boyfriend since Christmas Eve 2001, when I broke up with my last ex. That's an awfully long time to be single. Now that I'm not just a small-town girl is when I need company the most. Won't you whisper in my ear and let me know it's alright...?

The Juliana Theory - The Closest Thing

You're the words that come out easy,
And I am speechless at best.
Your star, it seems to shine above the rest.
You're the face before the cameras,
The smile I'd like to earn.
The closest thing to perfect,
In a hollywood to burn.
You're the beauty that is deeper
Than eyes can merely see.
The closest thing to perfect.
But the farthest thing from me.

I'd love to be
The shoulder that you cry on.
I'd love to be
The friend you call when things are great.

I'd love to be
The shoulder that you cry on.
I'd love to be
The friend you call when things are great.

You're the dream that hasn't ended,
And I'm still anxious for rest.
Your words, they seem to hang above my head.
You're the bud before the flower
Unfurls into full bloom.
Captivating beauty,
But it may be all too soon.
You're the song that writes a story,
But leaves a lot to read.
The closest thing to perfect,
But the farthest thing from me.

I'd love to be
The shoulder that you cry on.
I'd love to be
The friend you call when things are great.

I'd love to be
The shoulder that you cry on.
I'd love to be
The friend you call when things are great.

And like I really deserve a chance to
Sit across the table,
And tell you that I think you're wonderful.
And I think you're something special.
I guess this is my only chance to
Say I wish I knew you,
Because I'm sure you're wonderful.
If I'd get to know you...

1 chick| place yourself beside me

[22 Apr 2003|02:17pm]
[ mood | contemplative ]
[ music | Mest - Random Arrival ]

What is there to update about? I mean, really. I have absolutely nothing to say.

I'm off from now until May 2nd, anyone want to hang out? I love the fact that I have so much free time, it's like a dream come true. Touring takes a lot out of me, but now that I'm off, I can just relax into oblivion. Such a nice feeling.

I'm going to be appearing at tyritter's party at xbritspears' house tomorrow, though. I'll show up all rockstar-like in my vintage shades. You know, because that's the way to go and all. That'll be so awesome, I'll have to drag my boys along with me as well. Maybe I can set them up with some chicks, they seem awfully lonely. Maybe I can set myself up with some guys. Hmm... ;)

All of a sudden, I've realized that I'm in a writing mood. I want to speak my mind now. I want people to know who I am. So... here I go.

If one person would "get" me I think it would make me most happy. But this person would have to be similar to me. Maybe even compatible. There is more to me than what meets the eye and maybe you'll actually get what I mean. You have to read this, though. If you have the time and patience, that is.

From just seeing me from the outside can mean absoultely nothing. One the outside, I hate dressing up. I just like wearing black band t-shirts and jeans. I like hoodies too but this really doesnt have anything to do with "me". Either does how I physically look. My hair is really long and dirty blonde and I like it that way, even though it's always styled the same way. I love to wear my black rimmed glasses -- no matter how dumb I may look. My mom doesn't like them one bit, neither do my boys, but I tell them that they are my character. While the outside has nothing much to do with how I am inside, maybe it will matter to you.

I can be your best friend or your worst enemy. Thus because I am somewhat of an opinionated person. I have my views on things just like you have yours. Once I fully establish what I believe, it is a hard task if you intend on breaking it. Maybe one of these things, or even habits that I will never break is referring my life and expierences with song lyrics.

Music is one of the things that matters the most to me in my life. There's just something about seeing one of your favourite bands play that makes a feeling rush though your body like no other. Maybe it's singing along with all of the feeling that you can put into the song with tears streaming down your face and you try to hide them. It cannot be explained. Even just sitting alone with a headset and blasting your favourite song straight into your ears so loud that you can barely hear when you take your headphones off.

I've always written songs and they've always expressed what's been going on in my mind while I was writing. Losing Grip, for instance, is about an ex-boyfriend who hurt me. If you could just imagine my situation when you listen to my songs, you'll know more about me than I can ever tell you. Writing is my outlet, I use it to release feelings I experience.

Another thing that matters the most to me is love. It is an on-going thing -- searching for it and it seems as if I will never find it. I thought that I found it once but it wasn't real, I guess. Maybe I wasn't good enough for him. Now I feel as if I need to find someone, even though I'm on tour constantly. It hurts me inside every day to see other people with the person whom they love or when they talk or write about them. It almost makes me sick. It angers me with jealousy like none other. There is nothing else that could make me that irate. I don't fall in love too easily. It has to be the right person and I have to believe that it is the right person. It tears me apart, though.

I live for the simple things that a lot of people take for granted. A beautiful sunset or a great day. Hanging out with friends or a simple compliment. Those are the things that make my day so much better. Hugs, little messages, a letter or a note... Anything that lets me know that someone really does care. I love the things that a night sky can bring. A great conversation with almost anyone and times when you feel infinite. When you stand so close to a train that you can feel its wind almost pull you too close and having someone there to share it with. That is one of the greatest things in the world.

With these little things comes the gift of giving. Giving people small gifts of material posession can be of great value to this person, and yet so can something that cannot be seen. Something that cannot be bought. Sometimes gifts from the heart are the most treasurable material possessions. Making someone a mixtape "just because" or giving them a homemade card. A pretty picture frame decorated in glitter with their favourite picture inside. I'm all for homemade gifts but sometimes people just don't appreciate them for what they are worth. Once I got yelled at for giving someone a homemade gift and I guess he just didn't get it.

Another important element in my life is my friends. Without them I would be nothing at all. A lot of the time I feel as if they don't care. My friends and I have fell apart a lot over the past few years. It seems my only true friends are my band, and in all honesty, I'd really love to branch out. They're my favourite people in the entire world, but I want more friends. I want to be liked, not hated. All the 'punk rock' bands hate me because they think I call myself punk, which I don't.

And to sum it all up in just one point...

I am a very 'emotions-oriented' person and no one seems to understand that but myself.


...wow, that took a while.

15 chicks| place yourself beside me

[19 Apr 2003|09:10pm]
[ mood | amused ]
[ music | Simple Plan - My Alien ]

Just an update saying that Tyson's keyword named after me is the scariest thing ever.

I'm in St. Paul, Minnesota now and will be performing tomorrow.

Evan has a journal now! It's about time, Jesus Christ. I'm really happy he's here, though. It made my day, so you all better add him. Or something. Please. :-*

SK8ER BOIZ N R1OT GRLZ 4 LYFE.

2 chicks| place yourself beside me

[17 Apr 2003|09:11pm]
[ mood | content ]
[ music | Brand New - Mix Tape ]

Something really special happened to me the other day.

I received the "Citizen of the Year" award from my hometown of Napanee. It's given to one person per year who exhibits excellent citizenship and/or does special things for the town. Since I made it so big and have represented the town in my songs and in many other ways, they decided to give the award to me. One of my friend's fathers got it last year, and basically, the entire town worshipped him for a little while. He was always getting handshakes and pats on the back. It's just a shame I wasn't (and am still not) in Napanee to celebrate my receiving of it. That's what touring does to you, I guess. It makes you unable to do special things. Then again, it also gives you many opportunities to do what you do best. It's like a double-edged sword, but everything with fame is. Everything.

On another note, "Sk8er Boi" was named "Favourite Song" at the Kids' Choice Awards on Nickelodeon on Saturday. That's so cool, I'm glad that I have fans of all ages. The kids like Sk8er Boi, the adults like I'm With You, the teens like Losing Grip and Complicated. It's nice. Having a diverse sound gets you farther in the music business, so I've discovered. Each of my singles have had different sounds, so it's all good. I'm impressed with what LA suggested I do. It's a good thing that he told me to release the singles in this order for best results. I've been a royal pain in the ass about all other subjects (for instance, I won't wear what they tell me to wear, I won't let them name my album or songs, I won't let them tell me what to say or how to act) but I respect his judgement on which songs will make it and which won't. Sure, in my opinion, my first single should've been "Losing Grip" and then the next one should've been "Unwanted," but I know that not everyone out there has the same tastes as I do, so that's not what will get me a fanbase. It's all worked out for the best, I'll just say that.

I'm going to be in an ABC concert series, how hot is that? I don't know, I love it when people watch me perform, be it live or on TV. It's such a rush to know that people actually tune or drive in to watch me sing. Sure, some come for the guys, but I'd like to think they're fans of me as well. Haha.

Guess where I'll be going tomorrow? Since I don't have a show (it was tonight with Simple Plan in Indianapolis) and I'm off 'till Sunday, I'm going to fly to NYC and hang out with Jordan. We're going bowling, I hope I don't kill him in the process. Seriously, ask Jesse next time you see him. When the guys and I went bowling, I wound up to release the ball and clocked him in the gut. It looked painful, but he seemed to recover pretty quickly. Hah, Jesse's my own personal punching bag. I beat him up too much, yet he pretends it doesn't hurt. I love that kid, I really do.

I don't have anything else to say right now. The show tonight went really well, it was fun as usual. Simple Plan kicked ass, too. I love the guys. David's especially cool, him and I bitch about SmarterChild on random occasions. Hee.

Bye.

3 chicks| place yourself beside me

[16 Apr 2003|10:50pm]
[ mood | hateful... or is it h8ful? ]
[ music | Lillix - Tomorrow ]

SmarterChild's a hater. )

Let me into got_h8erade right now so that I can hate on it.

2 chicks| place yourself beside me

[16 Apr 2003|08:37am]
[ mood | nerdy ]
[ music | Audioslave - Like a Stone ]

Well, hi.

I love it here already, I knew this was a good idea. Everyone is absolutely great. I met a few people last night and so far, no one has been rude or unkind to me. It's a pleasant change, let me tell you.

Kelly and Joel are the cutest together, especially because Kelly's Joel's cock and all. Don't ask if you don't already know, it will just confuse you. It's true, though. I promise.

Just like it's true that Benji and I are married. ...shh, we really are. Or not, but we can pretend.

Umm... jeez. I'm seriously having writer's block here. I don't think I want to perform tomorrow night in Indianapolis. We're flying out there in a few hours, too. I'd much rather sleep for days and days... I mean, come on, I love touring, it's the greatest thing ever, but when I have to play show after show after show, it gets a little tiresome after a while. I'll never get sick of meeting fans, though. When they come up to me like I'm some God on a pedestal and beg me to sign their CD/poster/shirt/paper, I just can't believe how popular I've gotten in a year. I'm a small-town girl from Canada, how was I to know I would eventually be an idol? I guess I can relate to Britney more than I thought I could. We're both from small towns, right? Maybe. But seriously, I can't write today. Everything's coming out all choppy and it's so hard to express myself. Tyson's a cool guy, though. I just thought I should mention him because he really is. Haha.

Why don't my bandmates have journals yet? They need to get on that ASAP. Avril without her bandmates is like Tom Petty without the Heartbreakers, if you like bad analogies.

I'm going to go bug Evan until he gets one. Bye.

4 chicks| place yourself beside me

[14 Apr 2003|10:16pm]
[ mood | cynical ]

Hey, I'm Avril Lavigne.

I don't judge myself, why should you judge me?

I'd elaborate on this, but that's for another day. Keep your opinions to yourself for now and once you meet me, then you can decide.

My AIM's avidly avril, go from there. ;)

4 chicks| place yourself beside me

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