| Area Rugs and ADD |
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| 08:21pm 07/05/2008 |
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I have no idea which color would be best for an area rug in a living room with peach colored walls (not my choice) and burgundy furniture. Black and white? Red and grey? Cadet blue?
Who knows. Ryan and I have started our rug fund, which is a giant plastic box full of change. So far we've got about fifty bucks. It'll be our first big tandem purchase. Anything to replace the duct tape currerntly holding down our speaker wires.
Otherwise, the house is pretty much settled in. The office leaves something to be desired, as it is currently a catch-all for the boxes Ryan gradually brings over from his old apartment. And despite mostly minor differences (like his forgetting to put the toilet lid down) we've been adjusting to life together rather well.
He did neglect to tell me that he was going out one night and I lay awake until the wee hours, panicked when he wouldn't answer his phone. It turns out it was his former co-worker's birthday, so he and a few guys went out for a drink and Ryan crashed at his old place. At first, he didn't understand why I was livid the next morning. He had told me he'd be home "later" and claimed that's exactly what happened. I countered that the next morning was not what one would assume when told "later."
Then, the other day, we discussed renting something from the video store. We were packing up some more boxes at his old apartment and he said he'd follow me in his car. He got halfway down the driveway when he remembered to get the mail. After that, he completely forgot about the video store and drove to our house, leaving me waiting in the "New Releases" aisle.
I'm determined more than ever to understand his ADD. While the condition explains his behaviors, it doesn't excuse them. Knowing that he's struggled with this for some time does not grant him amnesty when he hurts someone's feelings. I used to react with hostility, because deep down I always felt like he'd try a little bit harder to avoid hurting me with his forgetfulness... that I would somehow be an exception. I need to accept that there IS no exception, and to offer polite reminders instead of nagging ones.
I've always been willing to be patient with him. I just need to know that he wants to work with me on it instead of relying on me to remember where his keys are, where he put that paperwork, to put his dishes in the dishwasher, to make the bed, to pick up cereal he spills on the floor. He will literally be in the middle of a task and think of something else he has to do, so he drops his current activity and moves on to the next one. Pretty soon, several half-done tasks are lying around. Then he gets overwhelmed with all there is to clean up and doesn't know where to start.
My family and friends get irritated with a lot of his actions. When I complain about having to remind him of this or I had to clean up that, they assume he is lazy or taking me for granted. I know his disorder is a very real condition, but there are methods to better work through the forgetfulness and the short attention spans. The truth is, he may never get better. I need to stop trying to change his ADD and instead learn about it so I don't take his actions personally anymore. If he sees me trying, he will try. He always does... eventually. |
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