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I wish I could do something to help him. I wish I could make him realize how much he means to me. Yet, he needs to mean something to himself first. The self destruction is getting worse. I cant stop him. My prayers go unanwsered and I am becomming frightened. What is going to happen next? What happens if he cuts too deep next time? And I cant stop it. He wont listen. I have no power against his hate towards himself. No love I can give can conquor it. And I am scared. Oh, so very scared. When I see him I need to hug him EVERY time... and Im scared to let go. Because I know the chances of touching him again are growing slimmer. When I talk to him, I become quiet, in the hopes of always remembering his voice. I dont want to see him go. I never want to see him go. This rope is fraying thinner and my heart is growing weak. All these years to trying to fix myself, trying to be strong... how can I handle this? If he lets go... where will that leave me? I will hit rock bottom once again. I know it, I will. I promise I will. My faith reaches the heavens, but this guilt of mine will suffocate me. I will never forgive myself if Im not able to help him. I dont know how to do it. There is nothing that I can give him that will make him see how incredible his life is and how much he is worth. I need him in my world. I NEED him. Ive always known since the day that he sat behind me and shook my hand that this was a person that was going to impact my life. I know that even more now. He is a part of me and if his life is cut short, a huge part of ME will die with him. I cant let that happen. He has no clue of the nights I cry for him, of the nights I pray to God that I could be given the strength to carry his burdens. Dear Lord, if you would give me the strength to shine light on his heart, for him to be open to you as he is open to me, and that I can save him from his sorrows Lord, please!... I cant live without him. Yes. I said it. I CANT live without him. But he will never know. Never understand. Never care. If its the last thing I do God, please... help me, help him. I love him. |
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scared.