auteurmatic's Journal
20 most recent posts

Date:2008-03-24 04:10

Like dream transitions, relational turning points are hard to recall and endlessly fascinating.

7 comments | post a comment

Date:2007-12-30 16:43
Subject:listening incomprehension

I listen to opinions to find out what I really am thinking about.

4 comments | post a comment

Date:2007-12-06 01:00

sadness is a nest that you can't wait to fly away from but that has more than a twig locked with your feathers and feet.

3 comments | post a comment

Date:2007-12-01 15:46
Subject:The appeal of party animals

1. One is inevitably drawn to what one is not.

2. One is attracted to what one is deep inside.

3. Party animals are usually well-groomed head to one, inside out.

4. One enjoys free time.

5. One has reasons to worry.

6. to be continued....

4 comments | post a comment

Date:2007-12-01 12:25
Subject:Things I learn in residence

1. Nah - It's important to prepare the space for work everyday, incl. boiling water, pack things up a little.

2. John - It's possible to keep the household spanking clean.

3. Kent - A nice smooth face comes with a table full of face-care products.

4. Ian - A perfectionist freak can be also messy.

5. Kenni - Cleanliness and order are mutually exclusive concepts.

6. Yao - Professed minimalism and tasteful coordination may not come together. The city during rain is a beautiful image.

7. Ma - Rooms are irrelevant, aka every inch at home is storeroom.

8. Sylvia - Such a big house! Huge visions started young.

2 comments | post a comment

Date:2007-11-29 21:06
Subject:Things an artist misses

small small shorts shorts
stolen touches
public groping
nose poking in face
lips landing on cheek
ear wetting
air vacumming of wet ears
watching the bath

3 comments | post a comment

Date:2007-11-19 17:39
Subject:Love/Sick Note

Why does one feel sad when one's messages receive no response? One is sick, if not (yet) physically, will soon be, because already mentally, emotionally.

2 comments | post a comment

Date:2007-11-18 18:44
Subject:Attribution of bodily stimulus

I miss you.

2 comments | post a comment

Date:2007-11-06 16:17
Subject:Little losses and ironies

1. Back home 1 evening, I heard the door bell ring and opened my door, and to my mild shock, saw a handful of Indian nationals at my doorstep. One of them shuffed my wallet to me, saying something in half-English that they found it on a bus they were travelling on. To think that I didn't even realise I lost my wallet and then to be disgusted with myself for my kneejerk response that they may be up to no good standing at my door.

2. After hearing my washing machine rumble for 3.5 hours and checking it a dozen times if the washing was done, I decided to stop the machine and started hanging up my laundry. They were drier than usual and I started wondering if my washer has a drying function I did not yet know of, whilst hanging up the clothes. It dawned on me only after hanging them and realising the washing powder in teh washer was still intact that all up that the washer had all along been on pause mode - I accidentally pressed my Start button twice, which meant the washer was rumbling on Pause mode for that few long hours.

3. When I was younger and less vain, I travelled pragmatically - I always had all my most precious belongings in my pouch and thus 'in front' of me whenever I travelled. Lately, vanity got the better of me, and I started not to travel with a front pouch. It took a missing (most likely burglared) wallet of HKD3000 cash and various cards for me to learn my lesson. As 1 of Holzer's truism goes: When terrible things happen, people wake up.

4. Thinking I could meet my parents arriving at the airport at 1030am as soon as I return from my Taipei-HK flight, I booked my flight to touch down at 1000am at HKIA. I forgot to confirm that my parents were arriving at the same airport. In fact, they planned to arrive at Macau airport.

2 comments | post a comment

Date:2007-07-23 11:07
Subject:wishes for the rest of 2007

1. be an inpiring teacher.
2. be an effective studio manager.
3. be healthy.
4. be an interesting date.
5. be able to make time to be alone, read and think.
6. plan my travels.

3 comments | post a comment

Date:2007-07-16 00:23
Subject:'Beep Once'

The 'Beep Once' ringing tone on most handphones has much affinity with the neurotic lover. With this mode, it is easy for one to hallucinate that the phone is ringing or receiving a text message.

2 comments | post a comment

Date:2007-07-09 00:51
Subject:Leaking Vessel

I'm not just empty, I'm also leaking. That's why I readily take in whatever you fill me, and before long, I need refilling.

2 comments | post a comment

Date:2007-07-08 23:53
Subject:Why I Wake Up

I go for lunch least because I am hungry, and most because I would otherwise continue sulking in bed.

2 comments | post a comment

Date:2007-07-08 22:42
Subject:A Pretender's Manifesto

When you went through my things, I pretended not to be amused when I actually was. I had feigned not to take notice. I should have picked a fight, citing intrusion of privacy. Experts on love have claimed the value of conflict in animating a relationship. Then, my mood was somewhat too mellow for drama; well, at least not as a producer of drama but a willingly captive audience of it: My feelings for you existed more as curiosity and amusement than anything else. Playing Don Juan - or Casablanca? - for once with someone I found interesting was a refreshing change. Today, in a libertine's quite fatal relapse into neurosis, I seem to be struggling not just with my painful longings for you but also with deliberating between whether and ways to disguise them. Love does nothing more than allow latent illnesses to surface as symptoms, dormant tumours to erupt and wreak havoc across the systems. To love is to play a sick patient.

2 comments | post a comment

Date:2007-06-30 01:27
Subject:Failed Libertines: Five Types

The first type of failed libertine fails to achieve his aims, such as to bed the person he fancies, or to bed a certain number or type of persons within whatever constraints or criteria he has. The main obstacle for him is the lack of hard work, smart manoeuvres or realistic goals. We may call this failure Underachievement.

The second category gets physically harmed - even dies - from the process, which hampers the continuance of healthy decadence, whether by contracting venereal diseases or getting killed or scarred by acid hurled at him by his spurned lover. The problem here is insufficient care of the self. This one we call Reckless.

The third: a failure in life anyway, whether a libertine or not. What he badly needs is a basic sense of reality. The common term for him is a Delusionist.

The fourth kind realises in the process that he is not cut out for decadence, due to certain external or internal conditions. For instance, he may not have the financial means to support a carefree life. Or, he is easily struck by liberal guilt and so is unable to fully enjoy what he thought would bring him joy. For him, self-awareness is a lifetime's work. We can call this one a Loser.

The fifth falls in love. He's Most Pathetic.

2 comments | post a comment

Date:2007-05-16 22:16
Subject:Turner Prize 2007

Nathan Coley MUST win!
He makes interesting archi models!

2 comments | post a comment

Date:2007-01-24 01:29
Subject:Aphorism/s that do/esn't yet fit into "Appearance of Desire"

1. Between mercy and growth.
Sarcasm and hypocrisy may share the same words, structure and tone, eg "You look good!", but they have starkly contrasting intentions and effects. In sarcasm, one wants the other to know that the intended message is the exact opposite of that uttered. In hyprocrisy, one conceals that fact from the other. The former lacks, or decides for that instance to forgo, mercy; the latter gives up conviction for the sake of mercy. To be at the receiving end of sarcasm is to subject oneself to pain, which is to say, to the possibility of growth. To receive hyprocrisy is to bathe in the sun of friendship and social harmony.

3 comments | post a comment

Date:2007-01-17 16:11

some ideas on what to do with the 3 stalks of brocoli i bot for HKD5.9 (S$1.20) -

put in my cambell soup
eat them raw
do pattern/printmaking
sculpt out some forms
grow them in a garden
fotograph them on the streets
feed them to birds
slap them onto someone's face
juice them
apply onto face
find worms in them
give to my cooking neighbours

7 comments | post a comment

Date:2007-01-01 04:00
Subject:Notes for Resolutions '07

1. base elsewhere
2. live alone
3. 3 rooms: bedroom, studio, library
4. bare concrete floor
5. use up yaa grant
6. make a video
7. conference paper
8. anthology publication
9. overseas show
10. prep for 2nd solo
11. make a book
12. another model work
13. exercise
14. sleep early (& wats the time now?!)
15. meet more people
16. tang guan bee biopic
17. shoot mtv
18. karaoke!
19. homage to barthes
20. editorial work
21. do some charity

4 comments | post a comment

Date:2007-01-01 03:55

The pest in me appeared in my dreams.

In a large group, we were going around different rooms that were in a state like Tanglin Camp during SB06. The pest and I were either dispatched to a room, or purposely broke off from the group. I think we hugged a little bit, that's all.


3 comments | post a comment

my journal