| BLAH. |
[07 Feb 2006|09:18pm] |
i feel really crappy.
today was lame.
i went to the dentist right after school.
went to dustin's after that.
sat around..
got cigarettes.
then he and i came to my house.
sat around.. watched HOUSE. :]
and then i got all pissed offish.
not even pissed off- just upset.
and then he left..
somehow, i can't enjoy this.
i can't enoy having someone to talk to,
someone to be with,
someone who cares--
or at least pretends like they do.
most people wouldn't even waste their time..
and he's wasted so much time.
10 months,
going on 11.
who would do that if they really didn't care...
...............right?
and i can't talk to him about this.
i can't tell him how he makes me feel so ugly.
i can't explain how these stupid feelings are rooted so deep in me.
i can't stop them.
and i can't tell him.
i couldn't tell anyone
because i just can't explain it.
i don't even understand it, exactly..
..so how could i explain it?
i'm so sick of this.
he's got to be sick of it too.
if he ever looked at me the way i looked at him.
if he ever wouldn't kiss me when i starved for his lips.
i'd break.
but he doesn't look at me.
and he doesn't starve for me.
i think the problem is simply
that i'm his, but he's not mine.
i mean, sure, he's my boyfriend.
he spends plenty of time with me.
but.. i'm happy just being with him.
all i want is to be with him.
but he's not happy with just that anymore.
he wants something else.
....and that shouldn't upset me.
but it does.
and fucking christ, this jealousy is eating away at me >:|
sometimes i think we see too much of eachother.
maybe time away would make him see how much he loves me?
....probably not.
it'd make him realize that he's fine without me.
that he's better off.
he doesn't even think of me.
well.. fuck this.
i'm taking a hot shower and going to bed.
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| yuck. |
[06 Feb 2006|11:52am] |
| [ |
music |
| |
a change of pace :D |
] |
i just made the worst grilled cheese sandwich ever.
this tomato soup looks pretty nasty too.
well..
i didnt go to school today.
i didn't sleep well last night cos i was coughing and sniffing and sneezing non-stop.
so i was just like...fuck it.
my dad's all mad about that..
and i'm sure my mom will be when she comes home.
bleh.
staying home is fun because i dont do anything all day,
but it also sucks pretty hard
cos i cant see dustin. :[
except that one day we both skipped and he came over :D
that was fun.
sat around and smoked..
and stuff.
^-^
i'm really bored right now, though..... . . . . . .. ... . . . . .
hmm.. what to do.
i downloaded this gif animator thing, but my computer likes to be a fuckass and not let it work.
maybe i should try to restart the computer.
hmmm.. there's an idea..
<3
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| yo. |
[04 Feb 2006|09:32am] |
hi. yes. this is new. im sara.
i really dont plan to write much here.
i mainly joined for the lyric communities.
so obviously, i'm really into music.
anyway, im fucking with my layout,
so yeah..
i'll write again.
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