Tuesday (01/29/08)
Starts: 6:57 PM
Song: Behind These Hazel Eyes by: Kelly Clarkson
Song Info: Ah what a bittersweet song. Truly.
These past few days, I was listless, restless, aloof, lifeless and deadpanned. I was in turmoil. Last Friday night was probably one of the worst Friday nights I had. Our CEO told me that the company is in debt and because of that she is retrenching people. My students are going back to Korea so I got the picture immediately. I could feel an impending nausea spreading throughout me. I could feel the bile rising up. I thought I would puke when I got home. The sickening feeling I had won't go away and at that moment, I just wanted to cry. I was in denial and the current mantra "This can't be happening to me." kept repeating like a broken record in my head. My weekend was a disaster. The turmoil I had within me is such a great burden I had a small case of insomnia. My dearest friend Tere came over last Saturday to cheer up. She managed to do it, we marathoned cheerleading movies. It did make me smile a bit. But you could say that sickening feeling I have in the pit of my stomach won't go away .
That Friday night when I got that awful news, I opened my Jobstreet account and updated my resume and started applying for a new job. I was praying to God that someone would contact me for an interview. Saturday morning, I received a call .
Today, I didn't go to work because I had an interview. I got accepted. I would leave the company by Feb. 7 and I would call back this new company so they could tell me when I can start my orientation. I feel that sickening feeling I have started to wane. I could smile now . They are retrenching almost everyone in the company. I fear what my co-teachers would do or how would they react upon hearing this terrible news. I feel sad and at the same time sorry. I love this company to bits and disappointing that THESE people didn't take care of it .
Right now my mantra is "It will be all right. Smile, you'll thrive. You will and you will make it." Please God, give me courage because I need it the most. Especially right now.
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