.:ill be yours if youll be mine:.'s Blurty Entries [entries|friends|calendar]
.:ill be yours if youll be mine:.

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i wish i could just fly away.. [03 Sep 2003|09:33pm]
[ mood | depressed ]
[ music | my heartbeat ]

i built my walls too high.. im so good at not showing the way i feel i cant seem to show nething at all.. i just want to break down and cry about everything and i cant..and the times when i need comferting the most is the time when things go the worst i just wish i could know the way other people felt. i cant wait to move i dont know how thatll help but somehow i feel it will. im staying with Kelsey starting tomorrow for 4 days. i cant wait and i hope itll help this fucking depression i seem to have. i feel like i cant breathe just suffacating in this life with these people who r driving me fucking mad. i wish there were no secrets and we could say everything on and out. no leing no hiding. period. why do i have to feel so strongly for someone who is so uh i dont know how to explain it, Its like some of the things he says shows me he likes me but the other things just say he doesnt give a damn. why do i have to feel so strongly about neone and nething. this guy said "its like my hearts a pin cution and everyones sticking needles in me." i guess thats a way to say it. i want to break down and cry but im afraid if i start i wont beable to stop. it takes alot for me to cry but with all this built up in me i think itll do. i dont even know what i want nemore. is this why ppl do the fucking crazy things they do.. cause they feel like this cause i have a feeling of relation coming on. if you asked me the one most common illness its heartbreak. i dont want it to be broken again. so im reeling it in. this is it im not taking this nemore i dont want a game made out of this. i mean where do i fit in in this jigsaw of a relationship. but as much as i say this and that about hating him and what im doing i cant stop the longing for him.. maybe im not longing for him maybe its any guy who comes along who can touch me that way and make me feel wanted.. thats waht scares me the most. im terrified of myself. maybe i should just delete this entry rigth now but whats the use its not like neone reads this shit. and what makes me mad is in the morning this feeling will be gone these words will be empty but rnt all words? just as empty as promises. actions r all that matter so if you want to make something mean something at all do something about it. and no one did nething wrong its just me.. Fucking Depression.

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[27 Aug 2003|06:46pm]
[ mood | electric ]
[ music | Sober - Tool ]

USUAL
:x: name = Caitlin Elizabeth
:x: piercings = Just my ears as of now
:x: tattoos = ughhh
:x: height = 5'2" ish
:x: shoe size = 7-1/2
:x: hair color = brown
:x: siblings = two brothers

LAST...
:x: movie you rented = Final Destination 2 and Bringing down the house
:x: movie you bought = ?
:x: song you listened to = dont leave me - AAR
:x: song that was stuck in your head = Lover i dont have to love
:x: cd you bought = AAR today
:x: cd you listened to = Cursive an ugly organ
:x: person you've called = my mom
:x: person that's called you = Kelsey
:x: tv show you've watched = the O.c.
:x: person you were thinking of = Tyson ritter =p

DO...
:x: you have a crush on someone = kinda i guess i wuldnt call it a crush
:x: you wish you could live somewhere else = not really right now
:x: you think about suicide = not anymore.. i did once
:x: you believe in online dating = i would never do it personally
:x: others find you attractive = I dont know, mayybe
:x: you want more piercings = yea
:x: you drink = yea
:x: you do drugs = no
:x: you smoke = ciggeretes never
:x: you like cleaning = sometimes
:x: you like roller coasters = yea
:x: you write in cursive or print = both
:x: you carry a donor card = no

FOR OR AGAINST...
:x: long distance relationships = I dont like them, but if you do then rock on
:x: using someone = nope not really depends on the situation
:x: suicide = for .. depends on the situation really
:x: killing people = against I suppose
:x: teenage smoking = Im against anyone smoking
:x: doing drugs = not against
:x: driving drunk = against
:x: gay/lesbian relationships = I dont, but definitly for
:x: soap operas = i dont watch um but if you do right on mann

FAVORITE...
:x: food = i dont like food
:x: song = alot of um
:x: thing to do = surf or really anything at the beach and dance
:x: thing to talk about = music, movies, whatever..i am social
:x: sports = surfing and dance? track once i get in h.s.
:x: drinks = root beer
:x: clothes = jeans
:x: movies = im getting tired of answering this question
:x: band/singer = aar bright eyes tool cursive .. and many moooore
:x: holiday = 4th of July
:x: cars = Jetta but i wouldnt mind a mustang

HAVE YOU...
:x: ever cried over a girl= no
:x: ever cried over a boy= once
:x: ever lied to someone = yea
:x: ever been in a fist fight = with brian
:x: ever been arrested = no

WHAT...
:x: shampoo do you use = Garnier Fructics
:x: shoes do you wear = sandals
:x: are you scared of = loving someone and not getting love in return

NUMBER...
:x: of times I have been in love? = ppl say icant be in love at my age.. but who knows ppl suck
:x: of times I have had my heart broken? = once that meant something
:x: of hearts I have broken? = 2
:x: of girls I have kissed? = 0
:x: of boys I have kissed? = dos
:x: of girls I've slept with? = 0
:x: of boys I've slept with? = 0
:x: of drugs taken illegally? = none yet
:x: of people I would classify as true, could trust with my life type friends? = one
:x: of people I consider my enemies? hah.
:x: of times my name has appeared in the newspaper? twice..when my dad died
:x: of scars on my body? = umm egleast 5
:x: of things in my past that I regret? = its bad to have regrets

FAVORITE...
:x: disney movie -
:x: word - pancake lmao Erin!!
:x: nickname - none
:x: eye color- any intense color like blue or deep green
:x: flower - those roses by kelseys house
:x: piercing - tongue
:x: actor - Paul Walker
:x: actress - Reese Witherspoon and Brittany Murphy

DO YOU THINK YOU ARE...
:x: pretty - once in a while
:x: funny - sometimes
:x: hot - nope
:x: friendly - when im not pissed off
:x: amusing - sometimes
:x: ugly - ocasinally .. i think so all the time
:x: loveable - yes
:x: caring - yes
:x: sweet - sometimes
:x: dorky - defanitly =p

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quizes woot woot [27 Aug 2003|06:18am]
[ mood | crushed ]
[ music | time stands still - AAR ]

[1] birthday: February 21
[2] height: 5'2"ish
[3] weight: *glares*
[4] race: Caucasian
[5] glasses or contacts: glasses but i dont wear um all the time
[10] braces: no (((what happened to 6,7,8,9?)))
[11] is your hair long or short: medium
[12] piercings: just ears, so far (((and now 13-16 is missing...)))
[17] tattoos: None
[18] tattoos wanted: a cresent moon and a star lower back .. i doubt itll happen thou
[19] sports: surfing and track when i start highschool
[20] shoes: sandals
[21] vegetable: corn
[22] fruit: strawberries and peaches
[23] drink: root beeer
[24] movies: hard to say
[25] magazine: ym .. dont read it much nemore thou
[26] actor: Paul Walker
[27] actress: Reese Witherspoon that grl from the oc and
[28] authors: Mary Higgens Clark, Lynne Ewing
[29] band: All American Rejects Bright Eyes cursive evenescence
[30] musician: Tyson Ritter, Jewel (old stuff), xtina
[31] candy: umm.. lollipops gum and reeses
[32] scent: pink
[33] candy bar: umm..none really
[34] ice cream flavor: carmel vanilla or cherry vanilla
[35] color: yellow and blue
[36] holiday: 4th of July
[37] tv show: The OC Gilmore Girls
[38] overall food: i dont know
[39] boys names: Benjerman
[40] girls names: Isabella and Chloe
[41] board game: um..clue
[42] computer game: i dont like computer games but i use to be obsessed with the sims
[43] music video:
[44] slut or whore: theres not really a differnce.. slut
[45] have a crush: i wouldnt call it a crush..
[46] best quote to sum up love: "love's an excuse to get hurt and to hurt"
[47] do you go by looks or personality: both
[48] what do you think...about pop music: I like some of it
[49] about boy bands: like Nsync? eww i dont dig um personally
[50] about flag burning: free will. but I wouldnt thats bad .. I like my country
[51] of the war on terrorists: sick of it
[52] about abortion: for if it absalutly nessasary
[53] are you gay or straight: Straight
[54] do you dream in color or black and white: both
[55] do you admit when you need help with a problem: sometimes depends on the problem
[56] what's your biggest fear: loving someone and not getting love in return
[57] do you talk a lot: yep
[58] are you afraid of clowns: I dont like them much
[59] do you like spiders: NO! i have aracnaphobia or however the hell u spell it
[60] are you anti-social: when im depressed like now

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i awlked aall night long just thinking about you.. [26 Aug 2003|09:28pm]
[ mood | annoyed ]
[ music | xtina - infatuation ]

-A- act your age - people tell me i act older
-B- boyfriend - not nemore.. since saturday egleast
-C- chore you hate - umm...i dont like chores
-D- dad's name - Bruce Alan
-E- essential make up item - i like lip gloss and eyeliner
-F- favorite actress - ?
-G- gold or silver - I think silver is prettier
-H- hometown - Pensacola
-I- instruments you play - my voice i want to play drums but havent gotten the chance
-J- job title - student
-K- kids - umm no
-L- Living arrangements - Mom
-M- Mom's name - Patricia Quinn
-N- Number of people you've slept with - 0
-O- Overnight hospital stays - never me in the hospital but once with my dad
-P- Phobia - Failing and spiders
-Q- Quote you like - there's a lot.
-R- Religious affiliation? - don't have one i am catholic thou
-S- Sibling - two brothers
-T- Time you wake up? - 6:00
-U- Unique habit - I don't know if I have a "unique" habit, but i bite my lip when im nervous
-V- Vegetable you refuse to eat - spinach
-W- Worst habit - liking boys that are badd for me
-X- X-rays you've had - none
-Y- Yummy food you make - umm...I make lots of food
-Z- Zodiac Sign - Pices

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quiz!! [26 Aug 2003|09:10pm]
[ mood | anxious ]
[ music | cursive - driftwood ]

Hi!
*umm hey
How are you?
*aight
I'm feeling just dandy.
*Thats nice for you.
What time is it where you are?
*9: 11 p.m.
Name?
*Caitlin
Gender?
*Girl.
Sexiest man ever?
*there are lots..sum of um r Tyson Ritter, Paul Walker, Connor Oberst, Collin Farrel , Pharell Williams, and umm i cant think of ne more rigth now
Sexiest woman ever?
*umm wew ther r lots but Marilyn Monroe would have to be number one
Tell me about your first kiss.
*My first kiss was Dillon and i had been drinking so i would rather talk about my second.. it was with Jake and he had a plan soo everything was perfect except for when dillon and kelsey wouldnt leave but still it was preetty coool.. <<3
Is it better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all?
*I used to think that never have loved at all was way better but than after everything, I realized feeling something was better than feeling nothing at all.
How tall are you?
* like 5'2".
Give me a book, movie, CD, and song recommendation.
Or more than one, if you feel like it.
*Books:
Daughters of the moon.
Pheonix Rising
Where are the Children
and other ppl tell me 1984 even though i havent read it yet
*Movie:
Bad Boys 2
..
*CD:
An ugly organ
the all american rejects
christina agulara stripped
tool
*Song:
Lover I dont have to love
sober by tool
all the songs by aar
the recluse by cursive
Read Harry Potter?
*nope
Favorite character/ship (HP or other)?
*not sure what you mean but my fav. characters from a book are serena and jemina from d.o.t.m
How do you feel about toesocks?
*They're annoying.
Sexual orientation?
*Straight.
What could you never tell your parents?
*my mom and i dont really talk and my dad died..
What is your favorite memory?
*snorkling with my dad in the keys
What is your biggest phobia?
*Failing and spiders
What is your biggest fear?
*loveing someone and not getting love in return
If you had to choose, would you rather be deaf or blind?
*Blind.. i couldnt live without music
Are you in a romantic relationship right now? Are you happy?
*No. not nemore
Are you getting bored of my incessant question asking yet?
*very.
What countries have you been to?
*Never been out of the US.
Favorite song lyric?
*alot of um
Tell me a secret.
*No.
Early to bed and early to rise...
*nope not me..
Are you a good liar?
*Depends who Im lieing too. but not really.
What do you think of Abercrombie & Fitch?
*never shopped there
Have any gay/lesbian friends?
*Yea
How do you feel about homophobes?
*They're just prejudise assholes, I am against prejudiceness.
Opinion on abortion?
*for if its absalutly nessasary
If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
*alot of things.. in looks my weight in my personality it would be bossiness i think
What's your favorite accent?
*Australian.
Are you on antidepressents?
*no
Vous-parlez francais?
*uhhh i dont think soo
Is there a song or a CD or something that you strongly associate with a certain event in your life?
*yea a lot of them
*I'm not suicidal.

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your eyes glow phosphorescent in the darkness.. [03 Aug 2003|02:01am]
[ mood | relaxed ]
[ music | led zepplin stairway to heavan ]

Kelsey gets home tomorrow! im sooooo happy. im going over there after she gets back then were gunna get ready then go jakes..smoke(not kels) cause jake wants to show me his snake lol. Manda and leah left today. they stayed for 2 days it was cool. we went to the beach today and watched this storm roll in it was cool. i might go surf tomorrow til kelsey gets home. ill have to ask lauren if she wants to go. I have a feeling its gunna be really flat though. i just want to see kelsey jake and dillon and ill be happy. i think moms accually guna look at houses in east hill i cant wait. i mean after that whole thing with bill or bob or w/e his name was she cant say shes not ready to move cause if shes ready to date someone on my list thats way passed moving. so were a lil ahead herre. i dont want to go back there though. im avoiding that whole subjects and pretending like it never happend but you can still tell were nto the same nemore. its liek i cant talk to her, im sorry. she thinks im sick but im just bored and ready to see everyone again. i forgot to write about friday night i guess it was, just manda and i were up and it was like 12 and i called jake and dillon .. we talked for a while then they went to Raegans i didnt understand that but neways..at 4 in the mornin i fell asleep and i get a call on my cell so i answerd it and it was jake. i couldnt even remember what i said to him it was soo embarrasing, but newayz the next day i talked to raegan on the fone and she was giving me the inpression that she thought jake still liked her and i told kelsey. of course kelsey was like freaking out. she asked me what i was guna do and i told her that i trusted him and i didnt care. she got soo mad lol. she told me i should. should i? but she called him and he said he doesnt like her nemore and i belive him..i hope i can. were gunna make brownies when i go to kels's dillon told me to i was like oaky... at first i thought he meant special brownies but he didnt. kelsey found out more stuff bout her dad :x. what was wierd though is jake told raegan that i was going to do something with them when i went over there but he wouldnt tell her what. so she calls me and asked me but i wouldnt tell her, then he told kelly and she called me while raegan was over there like they were trying to trivk me into telling kelly so raegan could find out. but i wouldnt tell kelly either, i dont want neone to know but them. iff neone did i would have to sit throught the lecturres and i dont feel like that right now. sorry but i need to make up my own mind right now, do this on my own. im gunna do what i want its not liek neone cares neway. my aunt colleen.. i love her soo much shes the one person i look up to except for the fact that i see somethin that tells me shes not doing what she wants to. oh well. well i think im gunna talk sum more then go to bed. night xoxo

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no ones looking.. [30 Jul 2003|11:06pm]
[ mood | happy ]
[ music | tool - sober ]

i feel better now. i talked to kelsey she calmed me down a lil bit lol. and my music of course. i just cant wait till Kelsey gets home that means i see her dillon and jake! yay! my cousins are comin in town tomorrow their staying til saturday. i cant wait to see um even if they are younger theyr still cool. i just have to watch what i say round them lol. but i acsadently said damn around manda and then the other day she said it. if her dad hears her say that im gunnna get my ass kicked. i forgot to write bout the warp tour. it was awesoem! kelly and geoff made out of course..he wanted her to give him head but she didnt. i told her not to lol cause i didnt want to be there. the warp tour was awesome too except when i passed out that really sucked. it was scary too cause no one stopped or ne thing soo i was just like laying on the ground halfconcious until i could walk again. but the bands were saweeet. we saw tyson ahh! haha jk. Im not ready to go back to school! but oh well. On the fone kelsey said she was going to make jake and i make out or she wouldnt leave i was like hell no you rnt lol it was soooo not funny. ive had the best dreams the last two nights. last night i drempt that jake kels and dillon picked me up in jakes dads car (i lived in easthill) then we met up with these kids like we were in a gang and we were jacking cars it was awesome and sum other stuff happend .. i love the way i can remember it so clearly its like the rushes or adrenalin running through me i could really feel. i wish dreams could turn to reality sometimes. and last forever. i wish..<

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somehow i kno theres much more to come [30 Jul 2003|07:33pm]
[ mood | crushed ]
[ music | cursive - the recluse ]

my worst fear came true..
i couldnt stop the tears. this was the first time i have cried since my dad died i think..things like this dont usually get to me this bad but this time it did. its just her words on the fone were crawling through me like a whisper of fucking horror. i couldnt stand it. after she hung up the phone when i asked her who it was she told me ninas brothers friend she woldnt even say his name. right away i knew it was a guy and knew she was either going to or already was dating him..i couldnt help it. i started breaking down i could hardly look at her. barely stand the sound of her voice. i couldnt find my wordsto talk. 5 fucking months. and i theres one thing in this world i cant stand its her dating. and she knew that. ive told her before. but no she had to go behind all of our backs...but the words that hurt the most were when she told him that he sister was coming in town but she could get away. i coulve died and been happier than i was that moment. and shes always telling me i spend too much time locked up in my room but why does she thinki do it. maybe its cause im hiding from this fucked up family but shes just making it worse. now shes sending me to a counsler. great. this will be fun another nosey person trying to get in my fucking buissiness. maybe i am over reacting but thats whatim gunna keep doing. i was accually happy for once and she had to go and screw it all up. i wish things were different. i jst want everything to go back to normal. .. .

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i want to be more like me and less like you [23 Jul 2003|07:48pm]
i feel like im suppose to go somewhere..i dont know where
since i felt like this i just went ahead took a shower and put on make up. i feel so good. and i accually think i look good. wow. I think this is my first fight with him. i dont like it. im just gunna like keep my distance from now on not liek get into his buissiness or nething. im gunna go hang out with them tomorrow i dont feel like it thou i mean yeah i want to see um but i know whats gunna happen were gunna have nothing to talk about and then theyll leave like they always do. things are differnt now thou. they dont seem different. kelsey might get in tonight maybe mom would still drive me up there!! hopefuLly, i reallly want to see um tonight. well im gunna go. Laetr- the coolest chicka jp
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immoblized by my fears.. [22 Jul 2003|09:55pm]
[ music | art is hard - cursive ]

Catch me as I fall
Say you're here and it's all over now
Speaking to the atmosphere
No one's here and I fall into myself
This truth drives me
Into madness
I know I can stop the pain
If I will it all away
If I will it all away

Don't turn away
(Don't give in to the pain)
Don't try to hide
(Though they're screaming your name)
Don't close your eyes
(God knows what lies behind them)
Don't turn out the light
(Never sleep, never die)

I'm frightened by what I see
But somehow I know
That there's much more to come
Immobilized by my fear
And soon to be
Blinded by tears
I can stop the pain
If I will it all away

Don't turn away
(Don't give in to the pain)
Don't try to hide
(Though they're screaming your name)
Don't close your eyes
(God knows what lies behind them)
Don't turn out the light
(Never sleep, never die)


Fallen angels at my feet
Whispered voices at my ear
Death before my eyes
Lying next to me I fear
She beckons me
Shall I give in
Upon my end shall I begin
Forsaking all I've fallen for
I rise to meet my end

Don't turn away
(Don't give in to the pain)
Don't try to hide
(Though they're screaming your name)
Don't close your eyes
(God knows what lies behind them)
Don't turn out the light
(Never sleep, never die)


whisper by evanescence really good song

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do u ever feel like everything is falling apart> [21 Jul 2003|11:57pm]
[ mood | bitchy ]
[ music | linkin park ]

i feel like nothing is working out. he likes me :) that did work out. but now i dont know if were dating or what. ii t feels the same. im glad. but still i havent felt this way in a long time. i dont know why. i cant control it nemore. maybe i should just let it take control. kelsey just found out her dad IS making her go to minnasota with him. i cant deal with all of this. i feel like shes the only one i can trust. people suck. stupid fucks. im not ready to go back to school. that means face all the ppl i dont want to. i hate school. i dont want to talk about it nemore. i got glasses today. yeah. i dont have to wear um all the time though. im back in that bitchy depression mode. i hate fucking mood swings. i need to learn to be honest with ppl instead of holding all my feelings about them inside. its killing me. i need to come out. no more innocent quiet caitlin. im gunna be real. i hope. i dont mean to come off bad. maybe i should work on this. i think i will go see that counsler just to make her happy. maybe it will help me i dont know dont think so. but im gunna give it a try. i guess i just do all this hsit cause its easier to run then face the truth. ill think about that. <<3 caitlin

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my heart beats a lil bit faster.. [21 Jul 2003|12:50am]
im happy now :) <
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your eyes burn like fire.. [17 Jul 2003|10:45pm]
[ mood | crazy ]
[ music | cursive ]

TODAY I...
was suppose to go surfing today..didnt
went to best buy
brian lost the cell phone
im getting a new computer
no one to talk to
talked to brian..
went to barnes and noble..didnt want to leave
got two new books(gossip girls and daughters of the moon #2)
went to wbz to get a board but didnt find one
got new pants at wet seal and a new bracelet
waitn for new shirts from alloy to come ( aar and nofx )
i despretly want the evanescence and cursive cds.
....exciting day right?....

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sugary sweeet [16 Jul 2003|12:16am]
[ mood | nauseated ]
[ music | until you have broken ]

1. Name: Caitlin
2. Birthday: february 21
3. Zodiac: pices
4. Nationality: Polish/German/Irish
5. What time is it: 12 19
6. Are you sensitive: yes.

-------Person Who last------
7. Called you: dillon and blake
8. Slept in your bed: me
9. Saw you cry: umm kelsey maybe
10. Made you cry: cant member
11.What happened to Question eleven?: this is it?
12. You shared a drink with: umm ?
13. Major crushes: ....
14. Slept with last: no one
15. Yelled at you: Brian
16. Sent you mail: Manda

-------Have you ever-----
17. Taken a picture of yourself with a milk moustache and sent it to the milk people: no
18. Said "I love you" and meant it: yes.
19. Gotten into a fight with your Dog/Cat etc.: not a fight i get pissed at her
20. Favorite thing to do on weekends: hang out with friends or go surfing
21. Favorite School Subject: idk
22. Herbology: hmmm
23. Potions: potions are awesoem
24. Transfiguration: why not
25. Divination: ?
26. Is there anymore I forgot: not that i kno of
27. Danced Naked: couldnt tell ya
28. Had a dream about something really crazy, then it happens the next day? yea
29. Stalked someone: kinda lol
30. Had a mud bath: nope
31. Wished you were the opposite sex: nope
33. What time is it now: 12 28
34. Apples or bananas: apples
35. Blue or red: blue
36. Grey or orange: orange
37. Hogsmeade or Diagon Alley: hogsmeade
38. Spring or Fall: i like both
39. Love or hate: love
40. What are you gonna do after you finish this: talk to ppl
41. What was the last meal you ate: chinese
42. Animagus or Marauder: no idea
43. Are you bored: kinda
44. How many friends you have: enough
45. Last duel you saw: cant remeber
46. Last noise you heard: this song by cursive
47. Last smell you sniffed: by body spray


------EXTRAS-----
67. What do you think of slugs and other bugs? ugh
68. What book are you reading now: a series
69. Nicknames: blue eyes (leslie)
70. Hair Color: brown
71. Height: 5'2"
72. Pets: sasha rachel katie and cinnamon
73. Siblings: brian and jeb
74. Been so drunk you blacked out: not yet
76. Gone out in public in your pajamas: hell yea
77. Missed school b/c it was raining: hurricane not just rain
78. Set any body part on fire for amusement: nope
79. Kept a secret from everyone: many times

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can you turn that radio off!! [15 Jul 2003|12:36pm]
[ mood | crappy ]
[ music | alll american rejects ]

Name: caitlin elizabeth
Birthdate: february 21
Zodiac Sign: pises
Location: pensacola
Birthplace: key largo
Nickname: ...blue eyes
Screen Name: dancer2098
Hair Color: brown
Eye Color: blue
Height: 5'2"
Piercings: just my ears
Tattoos: no
Braces: not yet
Freckles: not many
Wavy/Straight/Curly Hair: straight
Hair Length: my shoulders
Color of Nails: natural
Do you bare down hard when you write: nope
Hobbies: running, surfing, hanging out with friends, dancing
Job: babysitting
School: mms
Car: none yet
Have you ever worked for a resturaunt: no
What are you wearing right now: a yellow tank top and my undies
What time is it: 12 42
Date: july 15 2003

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nobody ever told her its the wrong way.. [15 Jul 2003|12:20pm]
[ mood | blank ]
[ music | sublime ]

First bike: a small one
First best friend(s): caid and rachel
First real memory of something: my dad smiling at me
First car: havent had one yet
First date: ..at camp cant remember
First kiss: Dillon
First break-up: that guy at camp...kris i think
First job: babysitting the boys
First screen name: dancer2098
First self purchased album: ??
First funeral: my grandmas
First pet: pepsi
First piercing/tattoo: my ears
First independent home: havent had one
First house/flat/apartment: the keys
First credit card: dont have one
First love: havent had one
First enemy: jonathon from kindergarted lol
First big trip: delaware or oregon
First play/musical/performance: talent show
First musician you remember hearing in your house: jimmy buffet

last good cry: february
last library book checked out: pheonix rising
last movie seen: a guy thing
last book read: goddess of the night
last cuss word uttered: damnit
last beverage drank: water
food consumed: cereal
last crush: lets not bring that up.
last phone call: dillon
last tv show watched: the tom green show
last time showered: 10 minutes ago
last shoes worn: my berkinstoks lol
last cd played: sublime
last item bought: those clothes from alloy
last downloaded: my paper heart or somehtin
last annoyance: cramps
last disappointment: not going surfing yesterday
last soda drank: root beer
last word written: beer
last key used: delete
last word spoken: little
last sleep: last night
last im: manda
last weird encounter: david stone
last ice cream eaten: cant remember
last time amused: my mom
last time wanting to die: never
last time in love: never
last time hugged: cant remember
last chair sat in: the one im in now
last lipstick used: i dont wear lipstick
last shirt worn: my yellow spagetti strap
last time dancing: acouple mintues ago
last webpage visited: this one

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survey 2 [15 Jul 2003|12:05am]
[ mood | nauseated ]
[ music | tinacious d ]

*5 things you are wearing*
1. a hair tie
2. my silver necklace
3. a bra
4. a tank top
5. sofees

*5 things you can see*
1. bright green boa
2. the computer
3. my phone
4. a vanilla scented candle
5. my notes

*5 things you are doing right now*
1. typing
2. listening to music
3. yauning (however you spell it)
4. talking to kelly
5. filling in a survey

*5 things you ate in the last 24 hours*
1. mashed potatoes
2. subway
3. peas
4. cereal
5. a mint

*5 things you did so far today*
1. ran arrons
2. went by and saw misty
3. cleaned my room.. that took a while
4. watched the tom green show
5. saw bonnie

*5 things you can hear right now*
1. crickets
2. the fan
3. airconditioner
4. the tv
5. my heartbeat

*5 colors you can see*
1. green
2. black
3. blue
4. yellow
5. silver

*5 thoughts in your head*
1. im bored
2. i wish kels was home
3. am i gunna go surfing tomorrow?
4. i need an advil
5. i realllly liked that book

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understandable reasoning.. [14 Jul 2003|06:14pm]
resons i should like him....from Raegan


kickASSbuffy9021: 1. he smokes cigs
kickASSbuffy9021: 2. hes shy and is bad news
kickASSbuffy9021: 3. hes going into highschool
kickASSbuffy9021: 4. he drives cars
kickASSbuffy9021: 5. hes friends with dillion

i agree.. im trying and maybe this whole warp tour thing will help lol.
but ill tell you this now Raegan im counting on you to set me up!! lol
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its someting about the way you act< [13 Jul 2003|09:44pm]
[ mood | dorky ]
[ music | look before you leap-the suicide machines ]

okay i tried.
egleast i can say that. but nooo he just has to flirt with me lol not that i mind. i met mike today. we went to the board walk and met him therr. and the whole time there were these two guys im not even gunna guess how old...very old. they were stalking us he whole time! it was kinda nnoying after a while. ad whne kell and i went out on the jet skii there was this guy in a boat with some other guys but he was the only cute one. and we kept riding by him and he waved to m so i waved back lol. Mike and kelly hit it off pretty good. wouldnt say he is hott...just cute. some of the things he would say wold remind me of Ben. i know wierd. kelly said she didnt notice it. but i did. im waiting for mom to get home. and im usually not nevous about staying home alone or nethin but i opend the freezer door and a knife came flying out at me soo ya know it kinda scared me. but shes coming home now. i hope Jake gts back on. hes the only good person to talk to since kelseys at camp for one week! he said he thinks dillon PROBABLY wont cheat on kelsey! omg if he cheated on her it would break her heart. My mom went to this median ( person whocan talk to the dead ) again today with oe of her friends. okay herr friends son comited suicide in 6th grade! that means he was my age!! i just wish that i couldve known him before he did it so maybe i couldve helped. but it happened in april. i dunno. scary shit. but neway i just got done talking to jake and i dont thnk it was him and if it was i have a feeling that hes just playing with my head or something. i hope not. l8r

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drunk brothers .. god [13 Jul 2003|01:56am]
[ mood | anxious ]
[ music | the tv - mtv ]

today was good.we had a tropical storm
thing move thorugh today. and
we were driving down the street to pi-
ck up billy and we could only go acouple miles
per hour cause the wind was so strong so we stopped
in this Tom Thomb and Brian asked me if i had any pockets
cause he wanted to get me to steal stuff for him. i was like not
ah . then my mom told me that she didnt like it when we walk in to places
that guys would stare at me lol i was like what guys!! it was sooo funny i
started laughing soo hard i dont know why. but i think im going to try to get
over him. kelly and i are going to the beach today with mike t. and i
hope he brings a friend lol but if he doesnt thats cool. kelly had
mike thou. of course. it doesnt bother me like it does other ppl thou.
i just hope we have a good time today. then these guys fromgulf breeze
wouldnt stop im/ing me and they were like telling me what they looked like and all
that crap. they were saying stuff like im realllly hott and i said im glad ur so confident with
your self which i mean i think its good to be confident with yourself but not overly
confident lol. well i better go im leaving for kellys sooon. shes being soo sweet lately.
i think i might take her to the warped tour with me cause i have to go with briana gavin
and geoff i hope i can bring someone but i really wana go cause all thses good bands
are going to be there and i wana see um in concert. and so does kelly cause she likes all the
same bands as i do. i couldnt believe the all american rejects are going! theyr one of my favorites
and then less than jake and all these other ones. kelly said autumn to ashes is good and park
is good but i havent heard them but i guess i will. :D . well ive got to go ill post later

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