| I Am Never Broken | ||||
| 07:14pm 22/09/2004 | ||||
My new word is Gizzy. With a G, damnit. I was friends with my new friend for about a day. Heh. I don't keep friends well. I still remember that gizzy chick that was in that chat room, though, who didn't know anything about anything. Heh. Jews are cool. I have been clinically proven weird. I think. I feel like Chef Brian. Hey! There's a new Chef Brian comic!!!! So everyone should go to http://www.ctrlaltdel-online.com/?t=archives&date=2004-09-20 and read that comic and the next, and you should read the whole comic, if you haven't already, 'cause it's really good, and not gizzy at all, but really really shibby! I'm kinda hyper, but as you can see, my current mood is grateful, because I am so grateful that I have my Cassie. I love her with all of my heart, and I should probably use you, rather than her, 'cause you're probably the only person who reads this, but...yeah well. I love you, though. I love you with all of my heart. And I always will. And I was so worried today, I thought you were hurt or something, I was soooo worried.... I'm just so glad you're okay. I'm so happy to be with you. I love you with all of my heart. Honestly, I never thought I could love anyone the way I love you. And I will never love anyone the way I love you. Ever. You are truly my one and only true love. But I'm rambling.... ^^; Ah, believe it or not, I would actually like to know if anyone reads this thing besides my gorgeous babe, so if you leave a comment, I'll write lots more! ^^; For Cass, I'll write once/week, and for everyone else who reads it (for each comment I get) I'll write one more/week. Thanks! Have fun! I love you, Cassie, with all of my heart. ::kiss:: "Let your waves crash down on me and take me away...." |
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grateful| FRANCE!!!! | ||||
| 04:48pm 16/08/2004 | ||||
"Je voudrais le fromage maintenant!" I made a new friend! ^^; lol. She's very cool. And she was in France asking for cheese! She's Wiccan. Which is very cool. And she's really cool. And...yeah. Woo! Anyway, I met my new friend on Pogo, which is really cool. And she's really kinda cool. Wee! Okay, I'm going to Cassie's house in like...20 minutes. Heh. We're going to the mall first, though. So, she's picking me up in like 20 minutes.... Yeah. ^^; Anyway, I'm really hyper. I'm gonna go now. Bai! Have fun!! "And I don't believe in God, so I can't be saved, all alone, as I've learned to be, in this mess I have made...." I love you, Cassie! ::Kiss:: More than anything. ^^ Always and forever. |
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| If You Want It.... | ||||
| 09:13pm 15/08/2004 | ||||
My cousins and my aunt are all down here. Aunt Nancy and my cousins Linda, her husband Kurt, his son Michael, and their son Kurti. Heh. Kurt and Michael just went home today. Linda, Nancy, and Kurti just left. Nancy was sitting on my couch, and my mom said something about her belly button piercing, and she showed me her nipple piercing. I started twitching, and she said, "That's not all." ...If the end of the race hadn't been on so I could ignore them, I would have fallen to the floor and laid twitching uncontrolably. EW. Ickyness. ::Twitch:: ANYWAY... Band camp starts tomorrow...7:30...in the morning.... Yay.... I'm looking forward to it, though...except for tomorrow. Not looking forward to tomorrow. Especially not with my toe hurting as much as it is.... x.x; I want to go to bed.... I'm so tired. I think I'm going to go to bed.... Goodnight.... "It's in the photograph of love...." I love you, Cassie, with all of my heart. Always and forever.... |
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tired| Teeheeheeheehee! | ||||
| 06:27pm 13/08/2004 | ||||
I love you! I love you! I love you! I love you! I love you! I love you! I love you! I love you! I love you! I love you! I love you! I love you! I love you! I love you! I love you! I love you! I love you! I love you! I love you! I love you! I love you! I love you! I love you! I love you! I love you! |
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| Nice to See You Again.... | ||||
| 11:58am 06/08/2004 | ||||
Blargh. Yesterday, Cass told me that she was going to drop Kenny off at her Gram's house, and come down here, bringing my cell phone, and she was going to do my makeup and hair.... This morning, she tells me she's not leaving until after Kenny's dad comes to pick him up, supposedly at 2:45, but considering that when I was there, he was supposed to be picked up at 3:45 and his dad wasn't there until after 4, I'm guessing she's not going to be leaving until after three. Wonderful. And of course my cell is dead, so now I can't charge it, and it'll probably be dead all night. ::Sighs:: I had a horrible night last night, too. Scott's girlfriend seemed pretty nice, but then I came home and talked to Cass for a minute, and we both decided to get off the phone, so I went out with Ty to go skateboarding, and I called her when I got back and we talked for like two minutes. Then we both got online, and pretty much the whole time she was online she was either away or playing games, and Kenny was there, so I couldn't even say 'I love you' or anything. And then she finally gets back and she goes, "Well, I'm gonna go now." ...Yeah.... That really upset me. I wound up crying a few times last night. And I just realized I didn't have dinner last night, either. Blah. ::Sighs:: Today sucks already, it's probably only going to get worse.... I'll probably write more on Sunday. Hopefully I'll be happier then..... I love you, Cassie, with all of my heart...but you can be really upsetting sometimes.... "Hey, I'm pleading, my soul is bleeding, I don't want to be left alone, not when I'm right next to you...." |
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cynical| I've Been Here Before.... | ||||
| 12:49pm 05/08/2004 | ||||
Cass just dropped me off a bit ago. She went to visit her dad, and she's probably heading back up to Northampton now. Things are going much better. I had a lot of fun at her house last night. We went to visit Stacey, and we all went out to J's, and we had a great time. Then we went home and just kind of, ah...hung out...heh.... Yeah, anyway...I forgot my cell phone up there, but luckily she's coming down tomorrow, and I'm going to get it back then. Tomorrow night is the Durby, which we are going to together. So, she's picking me up tomorrow, giving me back my cell, I'm giving her back her shirt, and we're gonna go. Heh. Yeah, I currently have a fat lip, and I am icing it right now, so it's a bit difficult to type. ^^;;; We're going to go to lunch with my uncle and his girlfriend in a bit. Basically, whenever my mother is ready, soo...yeah.... I miss my Cassie already. ^^;; I can't wait for tomorrow. I get to meet at least four new people in the span of two days. x.x; I currently only know that one is okay. I know two are complete bitches who will probably both completely hate me. And I don't really know anything about Scott's girlfriend. ^^;;; So...yeah. Well, I suppose I shall go read until my mother is ready. Have a nice night, everyone. I love you, Cassie, unconditionally.... "Close my eyes, let the whole thing pass me by, There is no time to waste asking why, I'll run away with you by my side...." |
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| A Night For Memories.... | ||||
| 11:50pm 02/08/2004 | ||||
I am freezing...and I have no idea why. This CD is really good, though. I feel terrible. I hate people. This sucks.... It really has been a night for memories, though.... ::Sighs:: I wish they were good memories.... I feel so bad.... Blah. I really don't even know what to say.... The day was okay, I guess.... We visited Coryn...tried to visit Kelsey, but she was working, so.... ::Shrugs:: Oh well.... It's just been a horrible night. Luckily the thunderstorms didn't hit here, though.... Meh...sorry to cut it short..... I love you, Cassie, with all of my heart.... Unconditionally. Always.... "I remember the way you made me feel when I was with you, I remember the smile that always brought me back to you, That look in your eyes, I never thought that this could be untrue." |
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worried| So Long My Former Love.... | ||||
| 10:56pm 29/07/2004 | ||||
I miss my Mommy. And my Cassie. I miss my Cassie more, but still. Daddy is going to tell Mother that I miss her. For nearly ten minutes I could not think of her name, and now I find myself wishing to speak with her.... I suppose it is because I want to truly know there is nothing there. I already know that there is no physical attraction, but I am curious as to why I have forgotten about her the way I have. Is she still lingering in my mind? Do I still have feelings for her? No. I do not. But I want to be sure. I already know that I love Cassie with all of my heart, and that I would never, ever leave her, no matter what, but...I think the thing I want to know is whether or not I am stornger than her. Which I truly hope I am. I already believe that I am, judging by my reactions to her at colorguard practice last Tuesday, and my forgetting her name. I have barely even thought of her for months now. Cassie is my world, and I truly believe that nothing can change that. That nothing can disrupt my world but us. I love her more than anything, and I could never think of leaving, or losing her. Losing her would devistate me. I hope to change. To be a better person, so that she will never leave me. Be the person I really am. I don't care what people think, so why should I care that she does? I love her with all of my heart, and if she does not want to kiss me in public, or if she cares what people think of what she wears, or how her makeup and hair look, then that is her choice. And I will love her either way. No matter what. And no one will ever change that. Good luck, Old Love. This time you have a challenge. "Oh, you speak to me in riddles, and you speak to me in rhymes...my body aches to breathe your breath, your words keep me alive...." I love you, Cassie, more than anything. And I always will. No matter what.... |
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| Turning Up Old Stones.... | ||||
| 05:52pm 29/07/2004 | ||||
Today wasn't so bad. I've been cleaning since I got home at 2 or so...it's now almost 6.... So, yeah. But I got everything out from underneath my bed. It's really nifty, you could like...fit a person under there almost, though I really wouldn't recomend it.... I vacuumed (I think I actually spelled it right for once....) my whole room, and the bathroom...I have put everything back in the bathroom, vacuume the hall and Tyler's room, and I will be done with the upstairs. So...yeah. I should probably be doing that now, but I'm hungry. So...yeah...even though we have nothing to eat... ^^;;; Oh well. I miss Cassie. We are doing better, though. We are going to try to make our relationship like what it was before, which is wonderful. And it will be wonderful. And I've yet to be encountered, called, or killed, so I'm thinking that's a good thing. Heh. Anyway...I should probably get back to cleaning. I don't believe I have much else to say.... Well, I probably won't be updating again tonight, so, have a nice night, everyone. "All the untested virtue, the things I sais I'd never do, least of all to you...I know he's kind and true, I know that he is good to you...he'll never care for you more than I do...." |
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ditzy| A Demon About.... | ||||
| 10:36pm 28/07/2004 | ||||
Short entry tonight.... My day was so messed up. I slept most of the day at work...Cass slept over last night, and she drove me to work this morning...so she and I wound up sleeping most of the time.... I came home, took a nap, woke up with a migrane.... Wonderful.... So, yeah.... But I went to my boss's Mary Kay party, which was pretty fun, but lasted a lot longer than I thought it would, which everyone got pissed off for...soo...yeah.... And then I got home and my dad started yelling at my mom as soon as she walked in the door.... Cass is upset, I am upset, I found out some...unsettling things since I've been home.... So, basically, since I got home, I've been having a terrible night. x.x Anyway, I am going to bed now...going to get away from the yelling.... Have a nice night everyone.... "It's lonely where you are, come back down, and I won't tell 'em your name...." I love you, Cassie, more than life itself. And I always will.... |
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blah| Only the Day's Half By... | ||||
| 01:57pm 23/07/2004 | ||||
'Afternoon, everyone. I finished my book last night, before I went to bed, at about 1 AM or so.... I have started reading The Hobbit today. I only got the chance to read for about half an hour this morning, and already I am fairly well into the book. It is a very good book. I never could read it before, it confused me too much, but I think after getting through half of (er, I mean all of) Charlotte Bronte's "Jane Eyre," I believe can get through anything. Heh. Aside from it confusing me when I was younger, the book is very well-written. I like the style. Today was not so bad. This morning I felt very sick. I got to play "peek-a-boo" with Twister (my cat) for a bit before I left. She was moving her head wherever mine whent, and basically just mirroring me. I was poking my head around the middle of the scratching post, and she would sit up, and lay back down, depending on which way me head went. It was very cute. And quite entertaining. However, I still had not felt very well since last night. I had been coughing a lot, and I felt extremely sick to my stomach. I still felt rather sick this morning, as I said before, and I just barely got myself into work. Deb (my boss) said that she did not want to work at the second house she was scheduled to work at today, and if I still felt sick, she would come home. Well, by that point, I felt extremly sick, and I asked her to come home, which she did, and she gave my week's pay -- $30, because I had off two days. Next week will hopefully be a bit over $50. I am not sure. Anyway, I came home and went to sleep. When I woke up at about 1:00, I felt very refreshed. My stomach does not feel altogether better, but it is better than it was. I am glad to say I now feel quite well. It is raining outside, a nice, warm rain. Wonderful day. However, I would like to get back to reading. So, fair thee well.... "Into this night I wander, it's morning that I dread...." I love you, Cassie. More than anything. ::Kiss:: |
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awake| Long Time, No See... | ||||
| 01:10pm 22/07/2004 | ||||
It has been a long time. I have not been able to update since before my computer was reconfigured.... Well, we had to restore the computer to what it used to be...we had so many viruses, it just stopped working.... So...yeah.... Anyway, I have been working at Cassie's grandmother's cleaning lady's house, babysitting her two children -- both boys, 9 and 12. Cass and I are still together, of course. I love her with all of my heart. I hate being away from her, though.... She babysits her brother, so we both work pretty much every day. She will be getting her licence on Saturday, though, hopefully...so we will get to be together a lot more if she does get her licence. I really hope she does.... I am going to get someone to start teaching me to drive...just in a parking lot or something, not on the roads...hopefully by the winter. I want to drive at least in a parking lot while it's snowing, or after it snows or something, because knowing my luck, I will be taking my test for my licence in December in the middle of the first snowstorm. Just because I have luck like that.... Heh. Oh, yeah. I got my hair cut. 13 inches. Shortest it's ever been, I'm pretty sure. It hasn't been this short since I was like...6. Heh. Cassie got her tongue pierced. It is quite nifty. I miss her, though. Cass said she is taking me to my cousin's house so they can streak my hair blue, lol. That would be really cool. I have wanted my hair streaked blue for years.... My mother will never go for it, though...she's already told me no plenty of times...but Jen said she will help. Heh. I love my cousin. She is great. My other cousin, and my aunt are coming here in a while, though...and I have a bit of a dilemma because of it. See, our aniversary is the 16th, as pretty much everyone I know knows...and they are coming down on Friday the 13th (of August, of course), and staying until the 17th. Now, the 16th is a Monday -- our first day of band camp. Cass doesn't know if she can come here or stay over or what, because she might have to babysit her brother. But, we have band camp the next day, too, so it would be smarter for her to just stay over here. And the reason I can't stay over there is because my cousins will be here, and my parents will not let me go anywhere, plus we are going to Stahley's on Friday, the reunion on Saturday, and they want to go to Dorney and Cabella's on Monday or Tuesday. So...blah. I don't know what to do. Anyway, I should probably shut up now.... Yeah, I definately think I should. Well, I shall write more at another point in time. Okay, well...bai! I love you, Cassie. More than anything. ::Kiss:: "To each his own and I am yours..." ~The most amazing person there ever was.... |
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stressed| There Is Noone Else For Me.... | ||||
| 05:36pm 05/05/2004 | ||||
I think this is the first time since I started dating Cassie that I've actually felt numb.... I don't know why, I'm just...really not feeling anything at the moment.... Like...I'm happy, of course. Incredibly glad she's back. Amazed that I have such a gorgeous ring on my finger... But for some reason...I don't really feel anything.... Sorry to cut the entry short, but...well, I have to go. Have fun, everyone. "You say...I only hear what I want to...." |
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| How Can I Make You Happy? | ||||
| 04:35pm 20/04/2004 | ||||
::Sigh:: How do you answer something like that? I don't think it's possible.... At least not without sounding COMPLETELY selfish.... How can you make me happy? You can tell your asshole father to fuck off.... You could finally let me have a good birthday.... You could...you could always love me.... Cassie, you make me happy every day. It's everyone else that makes me unhappy.... My father is taking my mother to the hospital.... She's feeling really horrible. She can't breathe right, and she's having chest pains.... I'm basically crying my eyes out.... ::Sigh:: Everything always hits at once.... I hate this.... Cassie, please don't be upset.... I love you more than anything, sweetheart, and I ALWAYS will...no matter what.... It's just that...I have a really bad feeling about your trip.... I don't know why...but I do.... I love you so much, Cassie, and I don't EVER want to loose you.... You are truly my everything...the love of my life.... I love you, Cassie. And I ALWAYS will. "The lake, it is said, never gives up her dead, when the skies of November turn gloomy..." |
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guilty| Pissed-off or Angry? | ||||
| 05:00pm 19/04/2004 | ||||
Pissed-off. Extremely pissed off. I hate Cassie's father. I hate the way he manipulates everyone, especially how he manipulates her. She doesn't want to go to Las Vegas with him and his bi-polar bitch of a fiancee for six days for their wedding, because she'll miss a lot of school...so what does he say? "Oh, well, then I'll tell Becky (psycho bitch fiancee) that you care more about your elementary school teaching than you care about going to her wedding." So, basically, if she doesn't go, she won't let Cassie go with him during the week to see her baby sister that he had with his OTHER girlfriend.... What. A. Fucking. Ass. Personally, I think he should tell her what he said he would. Just as long as Cassie isn't hurt, everything's fine by me. He has no right to tell her she can't see her baby sister once she has her licence. Which won't be long, so long as he finally gives her her Goddamn car. Her father REALLY pisses me off. Besides, if he were to tell Becky that, it would take a LOT of stress off of Cassie. She wouldn't have to go with him to her house. She wouldn't have to deal with that psycho bitch. She wouldn't have to deal with the psycho bitch's preppy, bitchy, slutty daughter. I think it would take a lot of stress off for her. He is such a manipulative asshole. And he knows it! God.... I'm sorry, everyone who actually reads this...this is just really pissing me off.... Another apology...I'm sorry I haven't updated for a while. I've been busy.... Either that, or I couldn't get online. :/ So...sorry, everyone. Ah...in other news...I just finished a book called Sweetblood. It's about a "goth" girl who has diabetes. She has a theory that someone with diabetes is the reason for mythical Vampires. So...yeah, it's a really good book. All of you should read it. Heh. Also: Piercing the Darkness. Anything by Katherine Ramsland, really. She's a great author. She also teaches at DeSales. Wee. Okay, yeah, so, for the most part, things have been okay...aside from the fact that Cassie's father is an asshole, and he's taking her away from me for six days, up to and including part of my birthday.... So...yeah, I'm quite upset.... I think I want to write again.... Maybe I'll post some of what I write here...who knows? Heh. I'll try to update soon. Have fun, all.... "There are only two races that matter: the Living and the Undead...and with every year that passes, the number of the Undead grow. It is inevitable." -Sweetblood, by Pete Hautman. "I am aware now...." |
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pissed off| Hello, Old Friend... | ||||
| 04:59pm 07/03/2004 | ||||
Anyway...as you can probably see, I've fixed the layout of my Blurty and all. Yeah.... It took me quite a while. Heh. Uhm...wow. It feels odd. I haven't updated in so long, yet I have barely anything to say. I feel like writing. Like...I feel like working on a novel or something. Wee. I miss my Cassie. I really wish I could be with her this weekend. Oh, right, by the way, I've attempted to update my Blurty quite a few times since I last updated it. It didn't work, though. I couldn't log in. Heh. Ah. I reread through Arcana (http://arcana.keenspace.com because I'm too lazy to do the HTML) recently, and I found something interesting at the end of Chapter 6.... Yeah.... Everyone should read that comic. It's a wonderful comic. Incredible, really. Like Cassie. ^^; I love you, Cass. More than anything. I really do. I got into a fight, of sorts today. A friend of mine, whom I know only as "Rain," an alias at an old forum, is a strong believer in Christianity. I, as many of you probably know, have many problems with the religion. I am now practicing Wicca, and Rain...basically insulted my religion. She stated that, "Most other religions don't really have a solid foundation. I wonder why that is...?" If you ask me, Christianity is the religion with a weak foundation. How can ONE being have created everything in the universe. And if he did, and he told a select few people what all he did, then why is it that we continually are discovering new things? New diseases, planets, universes... Honestly, I do not believe in worshiping just one "God." I also do not support their beliefs that a person's opinions are "wrong." I am bisexual, as anyone who has read this should know. If the fact that I am in love with Cassie is "wrong," then I do not wish to be right. She is my everything. I will never give her up. And if that is "wrong," then I will never be right... So...I guess that is all I have to say for now. I love you, Cassie. ~Live and let live. Love and be love. Everything will be allright....~ Love always...My Everything.... |
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| So This Is All.... | ||||
| 11:56am 29/01/2004 | ||||
I love you, Cassie. More than anything. ::Kiss:: I can't wait to be in your arms.... ~Live and let live. Love and be loved. Everything will be allright...I hope....~ |
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sick| So Hold On Just a While Longer, I Guess That There's Not Much to Say.... | ||||
| 10:22pm 19/01/2004 | ||||
We go back to school tomorrow. We had a snow day on Thursday, delay Friday...no school today, Martin Luther King Jr. Day.... Did you know it's actually his day...? Not, like, his birthday or anything, it's just his day.... I find that odd. I was thinking, how is his birthday always on a Monday...? Was his mother a druggie or something, and she just figured, "I dunno when he was born, sometime around this date, I think it was on a Monday." And that became his birthday...? Heh. Yeah. Cassie pointed out the day/birthday thing out to me on a calendar today...Damn I feel like an idiot. Oh well. About my last entry...ah...I spoke to Cassie and whatnot.... I'm a little better now. I was prescribed Zoloft, for my "depression." I brought it home, my mother called the pharmacist, they said the new meds they have me on for my migranes react with the Zoloft, I can't take it. Today, I'm off the migrane shit, on the Zoloft. Let me tell you this...first pill...ZOLOFT SUCKS. God, I feel worse than I did before. Since about an hour after I took the damn pill, I'm tired as hell, but can't sleep, I can't stop thinking about shit, I'm shaking, I have a horrible headache...gah.... I hate this. This shit that is supposed to help me, makes me worse? Guh. I hate doctors.... So maybe the sun will rise on Our Day.... I love you, Cassie. More than anything. |
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| Save the Hate for Doomsday. Then You Can Kill All You Want.... | ||||
| 10:17pm 12/01/2004 | ||||
I love you, Cassie. ::Kiss:: ~Live and let live. Love and be loved. Everything will be allright...I hope....~ |
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distressed| So Won't You Kill Me, So I Die Happy...? | ||||
| 11:07pm 09/01/2004 | ||||
^^ I love you. ~Live and let live. Love and be loved. Everything will be okay....~ |
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atheistrain |
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