09:21pm 25/01/2004
  That was the last real entry. This is just to signify this has DIED!  
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The End of All Things   
09:19pm 25/01/2004
  What random shit shall I go on about today. Well lets actually rewind back to tomorrow. That would make it what....Saturday? Yes, Saturday. I didn't roll out of bed till 1. I'm a lazy bastard I know. Did a great big nothing, as usual for me on the weekends. Went and saw Big Fish, not a bad movie just kinda not as dark and gloomy as the rest of Tim Burtons stuff. Came home feeling depressed, as usual. Started talking to Jordan and he had me do this Dalai Lama thing, it worked believe it or not. Serious future in psychiatrics for that guy. So I'm not gonna bitch as often, still kinda stressed over being single, but he helped me look at things and stop being so emotionally shallow/wrapped up in myself. Then talked to Jon who was homicidal, and was going to end up getting his shit wrecked, but with the Dalai Lama thing got him to chill. Yes highly exciting day. Now back to the present. FWOOOOOOP! Ah here we are. 11 was the time i rolled out of bed today, i know go me. Did nothing all day. Went to Barnes and Noble to find a book, and go figure the assfuckers didn't have it. Then went to Best Buy to get a new Cd, and guess what, the fuckers were closed. I hate when shit her closes before 7, I don't care that it's Sunday. Came home, then started writing this. I know high fun. I'm out.
I hate Papa Smurf   
12:41am 25/01/2004
mood: frustrated
music: "Archetype"-Fear Factory
Doubt anyone reads this all, but I'll update for real tomorrow.

Last Time You..
Really Smiled : long time
Laughed: When Carey was dancing in the candy aisle of Stop and Shop to Bob Marley
Cried: Last saturday, big fight, mental breakdown
Danced: Well, actual dance was almost 3 years ago, but my ghetto dancing was this morning
Had sex: never
Drank: 3 years ago, never will again
Smoked: July, ill never ever do that again, it made me sick
Watched your favorite movie: In the summer
Had a nightmare: Long time
Last thing you had to drink : Dr. Pepper
Last time you showered : This afternoon at 1 when i got up
Last thing you ate : Hot and Spicy Chex Mix

Regular Shit
Name: Joey
Do you like it?: Sure, simply because its really Joey and not Joseph
Nicknames: Joe, and The International Popstar
Screen names: Goblinmunkey
Birthday: 01-27-87
Sign: Aquarius
Location: Haverhill
School: AHS
Status: Single, not by choice but by circumstance
Crush: You should know by now
Virgin?: Aye
Natural hair color: Light Brown
Current hair color: Dark Brown, damn winter months
Eye color: blue
Height: 5'8 im short i know
Birthplace: Tacoma, WA
Shoe size: 9

Parents: 4, but i dont count my stepmom so technically 3
Siblings: 2, i brother and a stepsister
Live with: mom and stepdad
relative: lots

Number: 23, 108
Color: black, blue, green
Day: Thursday
Month: June
Song: "Wait & Bleed"-Slipknot
Movie: The Crow
Food: Pizza
Season: Spring in washington/oregon
Class: Chemistry
Teacher: Miller, Tyson, Leary
Drink: SoBe
Veggie: Corn
TV Show: Invader Zim
Radio Station: KILO
Store: Best Buy
Animal: Cats
Flower: Not sure
State: Washington/Oregon

Love and Relationships
Do you have a bf/gf?: Nope
Do you have a crush?: Sure, if thats what you want to call it
How long have you liked him/her?: Since 3 weeks into school i think
Why do you like this person?: Whats not to like
How long was your longest relationship?: 6 months
How long was your shortest relationship?: 3 weeks
Who was your first love?: Not sure
What do you miss about them?: same as above

The Past
What is the one thing you would change about your past?: Being the shy new kid all those times
Last thing you heard: Hatbreed
Last thing you saw: One of my dogs walking around my room
Last thing you said: ok
Who is the last person you saw?: my mom
Who is the last person you kissed?: Nicole, almost 4 months ago
Who is the last person you hugged?: honestly I don't remember
Who is the last person you fought with?:Mom
Who is the last person you were on the phone with?: my dad
What is the last TV show you saw?: Johnny Bravo
What is the last song you heard?: "Detroyer of Senses"-shadows Fall
What are you wearing?: Slipknot hoodie, korn shirt, blue jeans
What are you doing?: thinking and filling this out
Who are you talking to?: sorry to say I can't remember her name, i think it lora? sn is Beachylem
What song are you listening to?: "Now I Know"-Renholder
Where are you?: My room
Are you online?:yes
How are you feeling?: Better after talking to Jordan

What day is it tomorrow?: Sunday
What are you going to do after this?: Read and then bed
Who are you going to talk to?: most likely nobody
Where are you going to go?: 5 feet to my bed
How old will you be when you graduate?: 18.5
What do you wanna be?: A scientist of some kind
What is one of your dreams?: get married / have a family
Where will you be in 25 years?: Doing something I enjoy

Makes you laugh the most: It's been Carey recently
Makes you smile: Lots of people
Gives you a funny feeling when you see them: Several people, but one in particular
Has a crush on you: No one to my knowledge
Do you have a crush on: answered already
Can make you feel better no matter what:Jon, Steven, Kassity

cologne: I like this Aspen stuff i have
perfume: I'm not wearing it so whatever smells good
kiss: Potentially Nicole?
romantic memory: I don't think I have any
most recent advice given to you: one of the many things Jordan said to me

Have You..
Fallen for your best friend?: Nope
Made out with JUST a friend?: Nope
Been rejected?: Way to many times
Been in love?: I guess
Been in lust?: Sure,
Used someone?: Never, thats low
Been used?: Not sure
Cheated on someone?: Nope, Low again
Been cheated on?: Not sure
Been kissed?: Yes
Done something you regret?:I'm sure I have, i just dont remember

Who Was The Last Person..
You touched?: myself!
You talked to?: Answered above
You hugged?: besides my mom, i cant remember
You instant messaged?: well that i sent was to jayme
You kissed?: answered already
You had sex with?: and this
You yelled at?: Mom
You laughed with?: bobby brian and carey
Who broke your heart?: Nicole, and/or Kelsey
who told you they loved you?: my mom? hahaha

Do you write in cursive or print?: print
Are you a lefty or a righty?: righty
What is your sexual preference?: The ladies, otherwise known as the fairer sex
What piercings do you have?: none yet
Any tattoos?: none yet
Do you drive?: "Hard to Starburst, now cut it hard to pork." Yes I drive
do you have glasses or braces?: glasses,but i only wear them after like 9, i prefer my contacts
Did you like this survey?: Its ok

Physical Appearance
What do you most like about your body?: hands, eyes, hair
And least?: my man-boobs, eyes, hair
How many fillings do you have?: 2-3 i think
Do you think you're good looking?: Not really
Do other people often tell you that you're good-looking?: Hahah, no
Do you look like any celebrities?: I once got the guy who plays Frodo, but i dont think so

Do you wear a watch?: Yep
How many coats and jackets do you own?: my "hardcore" leather one
Favorite pants/skirt color?: Dark Blue
most expensive item of clothing?: shoes
Most treasured?: Nothing really, maybe my old shirts, and stuff from the days of yore
What kind of shoes do you wear?: Old school reeboks
Describe your style in one word: Individual

Three things that scare me:
1: Those lifelike dolls
2: Red hair
3: Dying without having left a mark

Three people who make me laugh:
1: Jon
2: Maari- shes a riot
3: Everyone else I know, since this is only 3 people long ill include you all in #3

Three Things I love:
1: Being who i am
2: Music-in all aspects
3: Family and friends

Three Things I hate:
1: Getting in yelling fights with my mom
2: How I deal
3: Being pessimistic

Three things I don't understand:
1: Life
2: Death
3: People

Three things on my desk:
1: Heating pad thingy
2: Stack of computer games
3: Stereo Remotes

Three things I'm doing right now:
1: taking out my contacts
2: Drinking some Dr. Pepper
3: This survey

Three things I want to do before I die:
1: Have a family
2: Be happy with my lot in life
3: Make a difference in someones life

Three ways to describe my personality:
1: typical
2: different
3: random

Three things I can't do:
1: Not dwell on the past
2: Be continually happy
3: Deal with idiocy

I hope you enjoyed this stolen thing.
Grab My Hair and Say It Will Never End   
09:28pm 23/01/2004
mood: drained
music: "This Celluloid Dream"-AFI
Today was a day with its ups and downs as they all have for the past month or so. First the downside, Finals. The Bio final really wasn't that bad, I probably got somewhere between an 85 and a 95. The Analysis final was hell for more than one reason. All though it was all multiple choice I was just so fed up with trig that If the problem took more than 30 seconds to do, I just guessed. I ended up with a 73 which could seriously hurt my chances for getting into Calculus next year, but I'll find a way around it. So glad that class is over. Kinda gonna miss chem because it was one of the few classes I've ever enjoyed learning in, that's a scary thought. I just hated the corner I sat in, damn people with a cumulative IQ of about spam fried in rat poison. Anyway the most awesome English class starts on Monday, gonna be tons of fun cause it's with a binch of people that I know so it should be enjoyable. And then psych 4th period. Carey had to go on thursday and said it didnt sound to bad, and the class might actually be interesting, finally a last period maybe worth going to. Apparently I have been dubbed the new story profile writer for the paper, I really didn't think that the profile I wrote was that good, but now I'm stuck with the job. Oh well, its easy so I'm not really bitching about it. What else....Oh yes, the musical thing coming up, I don't understand why people want me to audition, I can't sing dance or act, I'd just make an ass of myself in front of people I don't know at all, and I try to avoid that as often as I can. So who knows what will happen eventually. Got my hair "messed up" again. No big deal, just causes me to remember the good ol' days. Ha, I wish. Went to Andymans' after school with bobby brian and cj, ended up meeting up with allison (who "messes up" my hair), and then a bunch of people I don't know, sorry to them, I just suck with names. And I know allison cause shes in my bio class as you all know. Stayed there for about 2 hours then had to head home. Watched the dogs, now im home alone while my mom is at the airport picking up my stepdad. I saw the awesome parts of steves history video today after analysis, i just wanted to see the boat burning, which was I must say awesome, as was catherine pushing newt down the hill. High quality entertainment that stuff is. Oh how I love rambling and creating this long entries that no one ever reads. Stoic show is one week from tomorrow, I'm not sure If my mom will let me out of the house before 630 that night, just for fear of having me pick up people like i was covertly planning on doing, so I apologize to steve and bobby and potentially brian if I can;t pick you guys up, I'd feel like shit if I couldn't but you never know what the nazi will do. I'm actually trying to get myself out of my depressive funk that I've been in. I'm gonna quit dwelling on what I could have, and potentially try and obtain what I want to have, if you catch my drift. Yes I'm as transparent as glass but who really gives a flying fuck? I'm gonna start writing a story eventually, about an old friend type person from colorado and her trial and tribulations of love involving one of my good friends, not sure why I'm doing it, but Katie said I should do it, and with nothing else to write about I figure what the hell. I hate Best Buy, I've gone there like 10 times trying to find Tools' "Lateralus" but they dont have it and I know i can get it for $13 there, instead of $20 everywhere else. I might have to resort to buying it online and actually paying the sales tax, ERG! I think I'm gonna buy Halo for my computer too, just cause it is a fun game and I need a new computer game. Who knows. Totally wearing my sick rocker pants complete with chains tomorrow cause I can, why else would I do it. I need to go to a bug huge show, you know like a commercially successful bands' show. I need to get some screaming and yelling out of my system and some hardcore moshing/thrashing/rocker style raving needs to be done. I think I've rambled and bitched enough. Have a good night.
Telephones are the spawn of satan   
08:47pm 22/01/2004
mood: crappy
music: "Unwanted (Acoustic)"-No One's Kind
Today more than ever I realized how much I hate being single. I miss everything about being taken. I just can't seem to beat this melancholy cloud that has decided to settle over me. This came to my attention as me bobby brian and carey were leaving to go do something. We stopped in the stairwell and I sat down on the stairs. Allison decided to "mess up" my hair, and by this I mean just basically removing the gel by moving it around and so forth. I miss things like that, now I'm not saying I have a thing for Allison, which I don't just to clarify, but I miss having a girlfriend who does that kind of stuff. She just did it as a random thing but it set me in to memory lane, and I hate going back down that, nothing but pain down there. SHe said I should not gel my hair tomorrow, which I would do if I didn't have so much hair, and if it actually parted when i just let it dry, which it always fails to do resulting in what looks like a really crappy shag rug on my head, so I'm sorry I can't fulfill that request. Being a bleeding heart though, I really want to. I hate being a bleeding heart sometimes. Anyway me brian bobby and carey went to the loop, fucked around in stop and shop oldnavy and the movie theater, and I got my coffee, and was dubbed a "coffee fruit" by carey, doesnt phase me cause I really am anal about how I get my coffee from starbucks, i develpoed a certain tast over the years, so yes he is essentially right that im like a metrosexual when it comes to my coffee. Got my first thing printed in the newspaper, a ghetto profile. Yay. Uh..... Anyway lets jump back to tomorrow, talked to Jordan after I got home and he discovered my so called "secret" as i like to dub it, just kinda was like blah and i was like yeah so i must congratulate him on picking up on it. Back to today, went to some place for lunch, pretty good, just kinda eh because the marina soaked into my chicken and made the breading on the chicken all nasty, so I couldnt eat it. So lets move to a more familiar and already disussed topic, my horrible failure at relationships. I now have from both Kassity and Katie that I should get moving on the get to knowing thing and then see if i can make anything of a friendship if it ever arises with that someone, that by now everyone should know about, its quite obvious. Got like 6 video maps to do before I can crash out, that really sucks. Also kinda have to study for the Analysis test that I'm seriously gonna fail, it had better be multiple choice. Supposed to go in kinda early tomorrow to see steve and careys history video, but im so tired i doubt ill be able to roll out of bed before 715, so by the time i get done it will be 745 and ill have to leave just to get to school on time. So i think thats about the extent of all I have to say sorry for rambling and bitching so long. Good day.
Jesus can be found in a Coke bottle   
08:44pm 21/01/2004
mood: pleased
music: "Angel Son"-Lajon Witherspoon
I have decided I want a lawn gnome for my birthday. That would be awesome. So lets update for today shall we. Well chem was boring, I corrected like the 5 total answers that Ive missed on all the tests and quizzes this quarter. Then learned no matter what I get on the final i still get a B this quarter so im gonna half ass the final. Stats was more review and I made up the chapter 5 test I got a C on. Bio we started putting together our quarter folders, i have like 1 summary and 6 video maps to do, no big deal. Analysis sucked. L was gone again today so we've had no review basically for the 2 days before finals, we are all fucked. Then had to run home and let the dogs out, so I made a pizza and wrote a story profile, my first one. I popped my proverbial profile cherry. Then had to put the dogs away and went to paper. Typed up my profile then drove Carey and Dave home, don't tell anyone, SHHHHHHHH! Then bobby and I went to stop and shop so i could get soda and chocolate, i swear i get cravings like a pregnant woman. Back to paper to talk for a bit then headed home. Tentative plans about lunch tomorrow, me steve bobby brian maybe carey and maybe others. Then to paper. So yeah, chem and Stats final tomorrow, nothing to hard. Leary will kill us if we dont all get B's or better. Tazz wont really care. But i swear that sitting on the dumb side of the room has hindered my brain processes. Damn those fucking morons. God I hate stupid people that are oblivious to the fact that they are stupid. Today was really bad for my crush meter, it went up like a shit load, I hate that aspect of my life. Well, I think I'm out.
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07:43pm 21/01/2004
mood: bored
music: "Requiem"-Corey Taylor
I love these things cause im bored and they pass time.

i n f o r m a t i o n
1. name: El Joey
2. single or taken: regretably single (sigh)
3. sex: Daily.....Oh wait, I mean male
4. birthday: 1-27-87
5. sign: aquarius
6. siblings: 1 brother
7. hair color: light brown
8. eye color: Blue
9. shoe size: 9
10. height: 5'8 I'm wicked short
11. favorite foods: Pizza (*makes unintelligible noises*)
12. hometown: Tacoma, WA

r e l a t i o n s h i p s
1. who is your best friend?: Either Jon, or Steven, or Tom
2. do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?: Wishes only
3. longest relationship?: 6 months
4. how many actual relationships have you been in?: 2, pathetic isnt it
5. how many people have you kissed?: 3 i think??? again pitiful
6. are you shy around your bf/gf?: one i was, the other i kinda was
7. do you indulge in random hook-ups?: never been graced with the opportunity, kinda
8. still have feelings for anyone you've been in a past relationship with?: Not so much anymore
9. do you know what it feels like to be in love?: I don't know, I don't really think so

f a s h i o n | s t u f f
1. where is your favorite place to shop: Anywhere except Abercrombie & Fitch
2. have any tattoos or piercings?: No, but I plan on having some of both
3. what is your favorite thing to wear?: My black pants and a long sleeve shirt
4. what is a must have accessory?: Watch and necklace
5. how much is the most you've ever spent on a single item of clothing?: $60 for a shirt I don;t fit in anymore
7. who is the most fashionable person you know?: Oh me, of course, I don't know I don't pay attention to fashion
8. who is the least fashionable person you know?: That would be me
9. do you match your belt with your hair color?: No, what belt?
10. what is the worst thing you've ever thought looked good?: all white, ahhhhhhHhhhhhhh!
11. what are you wearing right now?: Dark Blue jeans and a grey sweater
13.what is the worst trend you see today?: EMO!

s p e c i f i c s
1. do you do drugs? Nope,
2. what kind of shampoo do you use?: Garnier Fructise and Pert Plus
3. what are you most scared of?: Quite simply, those dolls that look real and their eyes follow you
4. what are you listening to right now?: Hatebreed-The Rise of Brutality
5. who is the last person that called you?: Um.....Jon like a week ago i think
6. where do you want to get married?: Middle of a forest clearing, hehehe, I just made that up
7. how many buddies are online right now?: 7, 8 including me, yes im on my own buddy list
8. what would you change about yourself?: Better hair, without the stupid curl
9. What are essentials in your life?: Music, friends, family, and fun
10. if you had the power to do any one thing, what would it be? Read minds
11. what nationality are you?: Irish, German, English, A slight but of Indian, and some Polish i think
12. do you send out holiday cards each year?: nope, im a slcaker, and no one really cares

h a v e | y o u | e v e r
1. given someone a bath? Can;t say I have
3. ever bungee jumped?: Just give me the chance
4. made yourself throw up?: Not to my knowledge
5. skinny dipped?: Nope, I generally hate the water
6. made yourself cry to get out of trouble?: No
7. cried when someone died?: Yes
8. fallen for your best friend?: Can't say I have
9. been rejected?: Many a time
10. rejected someone?: Yep
11. used someone?: Not to my knowledge

c u r r e n t
1. hair: typical bullshit, gelled and slightly curled at the ends, I hate it
2. music: Hatebreed
3. make-up: I'm not of the goth or drag persuasion so, no makeup
4. annoyance: Stupid people
5. scent: Vanilla incense
6. favorite artist: Way to many, I can't decide
7. favorite group: Same as above
8. desktop picture: Jack Skellington
9. book you're reading: Mortalis by R.A. Salvatore
10. cd(s) in player: Straight Up and Hatebreed
11. dvd in player: Underworld
12. color of nails: nail color

Yes, I'm done with that. Out.
I am Americas' Next Idol   
09:59pm 20/01/2004
mood: bitchy
music: "Live For This"-Hatebreed
Today, what can be said about today? Oh yes, total crapfest. Today was just one of those days that you wish never happened cause you just feel like shit and are in a bad mood and so forth. Sometimes it makes me glad that I've perfected the art of "putting on a happy face". I know that no one enjoys talking to someone who's pissed off and looking to bitch at everyone, since I'm prone to bad moods I've adapted a style for being out in public/at school. I can pretend to be happy and so forth and only the most careful observer will notice anything is wrong. Gifted aren't we all. There was one high point to the day and that came at about 915, I got coffee in Chemistry. I love coffee, i forget how much I love it sometimes. That was the high point, says a lot about my day doesn't it. I know what the problem is that's causing all this drama, but there isn't really much I can do about it. So I hope you'll enjoy my bitching for some time to come. I could trump Steve, even though he's toned down a bit. Go steve, lol. Um...I wrote another poem in my poem/story journal. Just go to and type Tainted Seraphim in the search box if you want to read it, which I doubt anyone does. What else can I go on about, not to sure. Basically fucked a Stats test up, got a 73, thats horrible. So im retaking it tomorrow after school and before I head down to paper. I think everyone was in a bad mood today actually, it just wasn't a good day. But only a week til my birthday and that gets me somewhat in a better mood. Of course this year will be like the last 2, where I do nothing for my birthday. Always a treat. I'm suffering from a Gatorade and pizza fix, its really weird, I mean I'm constantly craving both pizza and gatorade. I'm in serious need of several things so I feel I should list them out, everyone should know what some of them are or pertain too, its only the same thing I've been ranting about since I got a journal, and even before. So here goes the list:
1. A Hug
2. A girlfriend
3. A life
4. A reason
5. A belief
6. A kiss
If I could get all of these from the one person I feel could give them to me, I would be up on Cloud-9. But even if I get them seperately it will elevate me from my basic catatonic state of depression and self-loathing. I hate being this stupid fucking whiny emo bitch, but I can't help it most of the time, so forgive me. I think my mom and I are back on friendly terms, I might even get the car on the 31st, most awesome. But seriously I need like an anti-depressant, cause I keep having these nervous type breakdowns where I just freak and hide in the corner. Kinda scary to me, but I can't really help it. My back slipped again last tuesday like 3 hours after I left the chiropractor, so I had to deal with a wicked sore back for a week. Got it fixed today, but it's already starting to bug me, so I think I'm gonna have to start going twice a week, but where I can find the time is beyond me, it'll have to be on Tuesdays and Fridays. Fuck that takes up all days except Monday and the weekends with something. Kinda harsh, but also kinda liberating. Bought a Get Fuzzy Day by Day calendar, most awesome. Well, I think I'm done, I apologize to everyone for my shitty attitude and do forth in advance. I'm out.
Tropicana plus vitamins and calcium   
11:17pm 19/01/2004
mood: blank
music: "Self-Medicate"-40 Below Summer
Puritanical Misanthropic Gerbils have invaded my room. Damn those mankind hating creatures that find joy in hating me. I love you Kassity! Lol, friend love remember. Sickos!
Kiss my ass and call me Sparkles.   
09:44pm 19/01/2004
mood: annoyed
music: "People Hate Me'-Murderdolls
Well, I guess I could go for an actual update minus most of the bitching, its just so freakin retarded. Anyway lets start with Friday, cause I think I talked about Thursday. So Friday of course there was no school which was most awesome. So i crawled out of bed at like 2. Then proceeded to do nothing for the rest of the day, played some Diablo II, and read some of my book. Then bed. Saturday I got up at 2 again and spent a whole day doing nothing excpet playing games and reading again. Sunday, was basically the same as the other two day only at about 1230 I started talking to Jon and Katie. See Jon is madly in love with Katie, but she is dating this guy Tony, but she really wants to date Jon, and its a whole mess. Anyway talked to her till 330 and jon only till about 1. During this insanely long conversation with Katie we discussed her whole fiasco with Jon and how things were good and bad, and touched a bit on school, which is funny cause we are basically opposite this year. She is surrounded by the opposite sex with schoolwork being hindered by this, where as I have all the time in the world to do scholwork and only wish I had members of the opposite sex vying for my attention. Kinda funny. Anyway the conversation somehow came to my dismal love life, as you all know it is. So she asked who this girl was that I liked and so forth, you know all the questions one asks when they are curious about the person you like. Then I was told I should just speak my feelings outright to her, now if you know me you know that I am wicked shy when it comes to any kind of relationship/emotion sharing. Detrimental I know. So she tried to get me all psyched to do it, and it partially worked. But who knows what I'll decide to do, I just dont want any thing that is going to hurt any kind of friendship I have with her if there is any. So on to today, watched the dogs for 4 hours then got in a fight with my mom again. Thats always fun. GAG! So thats about it, hope you enjoyed my long weekend in summary. Good Day!
A list if the Beautiful People   
02:22am 19/01/2004
mood: melancholy
music: "The Art of Breathing Underwater"-No One's Kind
Well, I don't feel like bitching today, even though I've got a lot to go on about. Instead I will make a list of all the girls I know and associate with and consider at least reasonably beautiful. I know kinda shallow to be basing on looks, but I know for a fact that the person on the top of the list I know is beautiful physically, and emotionally.

1. Kassity- She is just the best
The rest of the list is based soley on looks alone
2. Kat- I know I don't know her, but hey.
3. Kristen- a senior that i have no chance with ever in about ever
4. Allison- Same reasoning as above.
5. Maari- Another not really known person but

Yes so there you go, my 5 girls i basically know with the exeption of Kristen. Aren't I just a pathetic excuse of flesh. Hardy Har Har. Peace.
Where are you?   
01:24am 18/01/2004
mood: sad
music: "Daddy"-Korn
I miss my nameless person who posted and said i needed a piece of ass. Where is my nameless poster?
I'm Back Bitch   
10:38pm 17/01/2004
mood: aggravated
music: "Die (and Die Now)"-Devildriver
Well well well, its been an interesting week. My comp finally succumbed to the viruses so i had to completely reboot. So my comp is in ghetto recession for right now, but ill get it up and running soon enough. Anyway, Monday through Wednesday was uneventful and not worth documenting other than the fact that it was really freakin cold. You all know. Anyway Thursday I finally followed Steve to Newspaper and was inducted. So ive been fully sucked in, but I enjoy it. After that we went to Cafe D's, I drove Steve Bobby and Brian. Most fun, those guys are a riot to hang out with. Of course my mom ruined the night by making me come home at 10, I fucking hate her sometimes. I apologize to everyone. But that was fun while we were there. No school on friday cause it was so cold, like -45 i think. So that day I argued with my mom about the Junior Operators Law, and told her she was being a stupid fucking nazi, that was a mistake. I'm now grounded and dont get my car for a week. I hate stupid shit like that. Anyway I was supposed to go to Jordans' house to hang with him and Steve today, but that got fucked. Then Dave called and wanted to see if I could come over to Bobby and Brians house but alas for NAZI MOM. Well I think thats it, but one side note, I want to go on an actual date with a lady, any takers? Peace.
Is it just me or is Keira Knightley drop dead gorgeous?   
02:08am 11/01/2004
mood: sick
music: "Eulogy"-Tool
well, ill try to sum up the past couple days quick like. Lets see, Friday I was sicker than all fuck. I cam hom and slept till 730, then went back to bed and didnt get up till 7 the next morning, felt better then except for my throat which hurt like a bitch. Friday was pretty uneventful, Steve told me about an Imprint show at the Sad that night so of course I went. The first band Evertone wasnt to bad, kinda emo though, but all around not to bad. Stillwell angel was ok, im a huge vocal fan so if a band has weak vocals i tend to not like them as much. They were more of an old school metal band than was good but they kinda reminded me of that band Live, only with heavier guitars and drums. Knuckledown was tame the fat kid only screamed a bit so I was like yeah boring. And of course Imprint tore shit up the right way. Most awesome. Hung out with Steve actually at the sad, first time doing that. Much fun, always amusing is Steve. Then today, well my throat really hurts now, like i cant eat or drink basically anything. Anyway, I learned today that ive lost 10 pounds in a month by not eating like i used to, down to 159 now. All in all prett uneventful, but figured id dull your senses cause you know you ove it. Good night. Peace.
Motivation=Kicking The Shit out of assholes who need it   
01:57am 10/01/2004
  Yep, thats all Ive got for this time around. I'm tired, so I'm going to bed. Good Night!
-El Joe
A Sacrificial Lamb for the Masses   
10:53pm 07/01/2004
mood: sad
music: "Alone I Break"-Korn
I doubt anyone can read this whole thing. I will bet on it.

Well I feel like posting, not sure what about but i just feel like posting, so sue me if i bore you. Well I'm trying to thing of a random tangent to go ff on but nothing is coming to me so give me a second. Forget it, I'm not random like that this late at night, so i'll go off on a non-existant love life tangent cause I know how much you all enjoy this. HARDY HAR HAR, oh im a bloody freakin riot. Weekends at home alone are truly lost for me. It's just me, no bringing a girlfriend over without the parents knowing, just me. SO FUCKING HORRBILE right. HA! It's alright I know I'm a pathetic excuse for a person, but whoopty freakin doo, watch me not give a flying f**k. Ha censorship in my own journal, kinda funny. But seriously, I have this knack for falling for the girls I have absolutely no chance with, let me recap as far back as 6th grade if I may. Lets see, well the beginning of 6th I was at Horizon Middle School in Colorado Springs and had this huge crush on Katie Perot I think was here name. Never tried to get anything out of it though, cause I had a "friend" who like dher too and he tried like hell to get her to out with him but she said no like 5 times so I was always afraid she'd say the same to me so that never went anywhere, then of course I moved halway through that year. So from half way through 6th to the end 7th I crushed on Josie Galusha. That was hell for me, the new kid and somehow it got out that I liked her so people I barely knew took it upon themselves to ask her out for me while i was like 3 chairs away from her in class, most embarassing. Then 8th grade rolled around, and that was a disaster waiting to happen. I think for the first 3 weeks to a month I had a huge thing for Kassity, but I dropped that cause we were seperate groups in 8th and you know how the cliques are then, its like not in your "group" your fucked. So then we hd this big science report thing that we did in groups and this is where I met Kelsey, and where my own personal hell originated. I silently went on liking her silently, no one knew and I was all happy. I sat next to her for almost the whole year in language arts and it used to kinda tick her off that i was so quiet when she tried to start a conversation with me, of course if you know me, you know I'm wicked shy around those I have a huge and I mean huge thing for. So towards the end of the year Jessie (*the traitorous dumbfuck backstabbing ex friend*) asked who I liked and I told him I was like whats the harm. Well this was like a month before promotion so hell broke loose. I guess Jessie told someone that I liked her and then all her friends kept asking me if I liked her and such and I was like all shocked that people knew and was getting mighty pissed off. Then Jessie got suspended so I was in the clear, of course knowing my luck he got to come back for promotion and the 8th grade only dance afterwards. He like bugged her all dance and kept asking her that if i asked her to dance would she dance with me, she said she would, but back then I had a hard time initiating anykind of conversation. So I did nothing. The last dance rolls around and me tom and chris have all taken our ties off, untucked our shirts and whipping eachother with our ties, looking like hell but havingo one hell of a time. And then I look up from wallowing in my own loserdom for not asking kelsey to dance and who do i see, none other than her. And she asked me to dance, my first dance ever and I was lit up like a freakin christmas tree. The next day, the last day of school, all the 8th graders got to go to the movies. I went to see Pearl Harbor as did Kassity, and the movie fell off the reel with like 30 min. left so me and tom and chris left and went and played games while everyone else sat there for a half hour, and then got free passes on the way out of the theater. But playing games i got like 8 little things from that stupid crane game, and one was a scooby-doo with a heart that said "I Ruv You" so we got back to school and stayed out on the field cause there was only like 20 minutes of school left, and I wanted to give her the scooby but as you figured i was too afraid, so kyle did it and i ran jumped the fence and got on the bus, thinking i wouldnt have to own up to the doll all summer long. I was wrong. Jessie convinved her to let us come over one day and I was too afraid to go in and sat on her porch rail for 2 hours while her little sister kept asking me if I liked her sister and everytime i nodded she would go "OOOOOOOOOOOOOO, Kelsey has a boyfriend", i only wished. So I finally went in and then we were all gonna go out and play hide and seek, but Jessies mom called and bitched us out, so we had to leave. 9th grade I actually was kinda over her, I kinda fell for Kassity again cause we had Computers together and well shes just plain beautiful. ANyway i fell back in "love" with keet before the year was over. then 10th, I liked her and Nichole Keough, the most popular cheerleader in school, that was a flop from the begining. Anyway went to Homecoming that year and only danced once i think. With Jessies Sister Becca, who apparently has a semi-thing for me. And She wasnt all that bad to l at of course i was shallow as all hell back then. And i wanted to ask kelsey to dance, but never did and wanted to shoot myself afterwards for not asking her. So I moved to Mass halfway through that year, and got my forst glimpse of Nicole. Now she is the only girl I've ever crushed on that I've actually had the opportunity to date and did. Of course Ive only had 2 girlfriends and the first was an impromptu thing that happened cause I knew she had a huge thing for me and i just wanted a girlfriend, it ended after 6 months, of course i think i saw her 4times in that 6 months so it was no biggie to me. Anyway back to Nicole, I finally got a note to her on the last day of school and she sent me an e-mail sayign what i did was sweet and so forth. So we talked from June all the way to October where I finally asked her out. It lasted 3 weeks, and I spent a whole saturday night with her and watched american pie2 and austin powers: the spy who shagged me. The most of sunday cause we went to lunch with my parents, then Nicole and i went a Cabin Fever, and got all close like. The realtionship ended while I was in Minnesota for my dads wedding. She said it was cause her friends wouldnt hug her cause she was taken and that she didnt like the bf/gf commitment thing, i understand that part, i never said we were exclusive. so that was that. ANd that brigns us to the start of this year, i switched schools again, this time to Amesbury, where I currently am and now am i in a dilemma. I happen to like a senior, which I know is truly not gonna happen, and then a junior, which you all should know from a previous entry. Heres a hint you know her if you know me. Simple enough right. Of course me being the new guy im back to the old im to afraid to say who i like/do anything about it stage that i was 3 years ago. So I think thats a recap of all my past crushes from 6th grade up and the catastrophies that have accompanied each. Maybe that explains why im afraid to commit to any kind of relationship/try to make one, cause all ive ever known of realtionships is pain and heartbreak. Well If you got to this point I applaud you. Good Day! Peace.
Doom Bringer and Sooth Sayer   
08:27pm 07/01/2004
mood: cold
music: "Cure My Tragedy (A Letter To God)"-Cold
Well today was another fun filled day, not really. More Goldeneye in the Math Office at lunch was most awesome I must say. Of course I woned the two rounds I played. Actually it was just the first round, care of the Golden Gun. I only won the second round by one kill, most awesome. Anyway, on to another subject prom. HAHAHA! sorry. I just find it rather funny that people get either distressed, curious, or some combo of the two when I say I'm not going to prom. As of right now thats the truth, no lies. I absolutely refuse to go alone and would have a hard time dealing with taking someone I don't really know (*everyone I could potentially ask*). But prom is still 5 months away or something like that, so I'm not in the biggest rush to find a date, warranting I decide to go that is. Lets recap classes today shall we, ok here goes: Chem all we did was learn about limiting and excess reactants oh joy. Stats was more Probability, man is that stuff boring. Bio was so freakin dull I almost had a freakin brain hemmorhage or however you spell that stupid word. I mean the level of dull is unimaginable if you dont take that class. We watched the last of that stupid DNA/RNA/Protein Synthesis video, ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ. Analysis is just so blah, I mean when am I ever going to use this stupid trig stuff, I really dont plan on having a career that is way in depth with trig, but hey it looks good on a transcript and its not really all that hard, just relatively long and redundant. Yes that was class today, nothing to exciting. So I created this journal for all the stories and pems and the such that I write, if you wanna check it out go to and search for Tainted Seraphim in the search box. I only have one thing posted on their, I think it was supposed to be the start to some gothic/vampire short story or something, so check it out if you want. Still tweaking my dj, as you can tell cause I'm writing in this. I'm not to good with changing crap like that so im going wicked slow to make sure i do it right. When its up Ill tell you all the link thing and post it in my profile. Finished my Dark Tower book. Most awesome I must say, lots of gunfights/DOOM and blood and drama and stuff that just makes a book so damn good. If you haven't read Stephen Kings' Dark Tower/Gunslinger series, you should its freakin awesome. As o said before I'm home all weekend by my lonesome watching the dogs for some pretty good money. Not sure if I might be doing anything this weekend or not, but we'll see. There has to something else I can ramble on about or bitch about, let me think..........................Ah! Bobby said something about going to a Poison the Well/Thrice show in March with him. That would be SICK! Gotta love the hardcore, its just so awesome. The pit at this thing, warranting there is a pit/we are on the floor will be different than the Slipknot pit, I wasn't going near that thing damn rockers are vicious and wont help you up when your ass gets knocked down like the punks will. And my back, yeah its jacked. The chiropractor thinks I might have to start coming in twice a week so my adjustment learns to stay where she puts it. Like I just went yesterday, and my back already hurts, so I'm gonna end up going twice a week with physical therapy on one of those days. Gotta love those damn trampolines or maybe it was those damn cleans i fucked up in 7th, 8th, and 9th grade, never could do cleans right to freakin stubborn to listen to constructive criticism. Oh well, I think it was the trampoline. Finally out of Christmas money, I spent the last $3 on Vanilla Pepsi, I needed soda so I went and bought it. Of course my mom and sean owe me like $150 for all the dog watching and shoveling and other stuff I did. So I'm still in good shape. I think I'll buy some guitar strings this weekend or something so I can restring my acoustic. I think that's about it for today, gotta love rambling and bitching, NAH! Well, Good Day! Peace.
Midnight Tears   
09:04pm 06/01/2004
mood: sleepy
music: "TotalImmortal"-AFI
Well lets see, what did I do today. OH YES! I plated Goldeneye during lunch cause Newt is a freakin computer genius. So freakin awesome, I owned of course cause I got lucky and played in the Complex which just happens to be my favorite level and I know it like the back of my hand. Oh yes, bet you didn't know I had that hidden semi-old school gamer thing going on did you. I didn't think so. I think that was the high point of my day, of course I have Analysis after lunch and all I ever want to do in there is sleep, man is it boring. Today overall though was really lax, chem was more of that stupid stoichiometry erg! its just so repetitive and boring. Stats just more probability which is like wicked simple. Bio we did a map thing and watched more of that stupid video on DNA and gentic material blah blah again. And Analysis, more solving of non-right triangles. Its not hard its just aggravating. Well on to a more typical bitch subject, my non-existant love life. I want to let her know you know all the crap that eh, anyway. Thats that. Good Day!
05:15pm 06/01/2004
  Well, I'll still be using this thing while I tweak my new dj, thanks to Steve. Much thanks to Steve. So just stick with this thing for a bit, and when I get my dj how I want it, Ill have the link in my profile, until then , good day!  
Light my face on fire and call me Larry.   
04:08pm 05/01/2004
mood: dorky
music: "Autumns Monologue"-From Autumn to Ashes
Well well well. School. What can I say, oh yes, damn it! Yes, school started back up again. ERG! Stress. I'm basically home alone all weekend, I have to watch the dogs cause my mom and sean are going down to virginia. I hate being stuck watching the dogs, I don;t have the patience to do so. Oh well, I'll probably go to the movies or something, who knows. GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG. Sorry boredom took over, I'm so freakin bored. And to boot, I've got a headache from lack of sleep, damn im so screwed. Oh well shit happens. My room has deteriorated again, i just hate having "everything" all neat and orderly. I think a little clutter shows some form of tortured inner genius. Of course I'm retarded and you know out of it, so what do i know? Anyway I think thats about it for this fantastic (*uncontrolled laughter*) update. Peace.