Janet

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7th August 2005

2:15am: 10 REALLY RANDOM THINGS ABOUT ME
+ my back has been killing me since yesterday
+ i love modeling yet hate what you have to do to become one...
+ my life is filled with drama
+ i hate black eyeliner but love navy
+ i can't multi-task for shit
+ i hate working out yet complain about my body being jiggly
+ i've stopped drinking coffee since dating mike
+ i hate beer but love vodka
+ i'm insecure as fuck
+ i hate my hair

9 WAYS TO WIN MY HEART
+ don't just say it, do it
+ respect me
+ don't lie to me and try to get away with it
+ give me the space i need since i give you ALL the space YOU WANT
+ be yourself... don't hide shit from me
+ never cheat on me or use me... you will get caught trust me
+ show me you care for me and like me don't just tell me
+ sing to me even if you do suck
+ no matter what don't ever try to take control of my life cuz it won't happen

8 THINGS I CARRY/WEAR EVERYDAY
+ naval ring
+ promise ring
+ thong/boyshorts/bathing suit bottom
+ bra/bathing suit top
+ tank/shirt
+ skirt/jeans
+ shoes
+ earings

7 THINGS THAT ANNOY ME
+ when someone says they're going to do something and they don't do it
+ being called a bitch/whore when unnecessary
+ DRAMA
+ ex boyfriends who call and try to bring me down
+ getting ditched by people who call themselves my friends
+ people who try to talk to me like i'm 2
+ people who try to change me...

6 PLACES I'VE VISITED OR INTEND TO
+ Korea, South
+ Mexico
+ New York
+ California
+ Canada
+ Las Vegas


5 THINGS I WANT TO DO BEFORE I DIE
+ get married to my one and only & have 1 child
+ retire by the time i'm 30-35
+ become really really rich from modeling
+ get my record deal
+ travel the world with my man

4 THINGS I'M AFRAID OF
+ failure
+ the unknown
+ dying
+ losing him.... and the people i love most

3 THINGS I DO EVERY DAY
+ talk
+ walk
+ sing

2 THINGS I'M TRYING NOT TO DO NOW
+ think
+ puke

1 PERSON I WANT TO SEE NOW
+ my baby

2nd August 2005

4:04am: Starting off fresh...
So here I am, able to start fresh. Start with my new life as a college student in less than 3 weeks! Western Michigan University is going to be the most amazing experience of my life, ever. I just know it. Just getting to meet new people, being in a totally new environment, no parents to keep you on such a tight leash, to be able to do whatever the heck you want to do whenever you want to do it. Yeah there will be people there that judge but then again, unless I'm planning on becoming extremely close with these people, why should I care so much right? I mean everyone has a right to have their own opinions about others. Just don't abuse that right and talk smack about me behind my back because one way or another I will find out and yeah I may leave you alone at first but if it keeps going, I may just have to confront you then bitch you out cuz you never got to know me and just based everything on what you thought of me... okay whoa I just got a lot off my mind just now. Okay so yeah people talk shit, I just decided not to care so much about what others thought about anymore unless the people are A)my family B)my closest friends or C)my boyfriend.

Anyways... my summer's been going pretty good so far. Graduation was hot as hell but then my grad party rocked since my buddy David and his band played live!!! I went to Korea for about a month and had an okay time. I mean I go there like every summer so nothing really is new to me except for the technology there... I mean their electronics are just amazing. Quit my modeling agency while I was there because I was done with them... really didn't need to hear more smack from anyone else especially them. I just had enough of that throughout high school thanks. Goodness... drama drama drama. I hate it but then again without it my life would be BORING like no other. I really do hate it and somehow I always get involved in it. I don't know how honestly. Sometimes I'm not even the problem but then people drag me into their shit and then I get frustrated and blow up and then they start hating me? I don't know whatever. But I know who my true friends are and I know that they'll stick by me no matter what so it's all good. So yeah Korea was okay then I came home... wooooo~ was I happy man. I honestly didn't think I would miss Mike that much while I was away for a month. I literally cried everyday for a month, it was horrible! But yeah now I'm back so everythings okay. Been partying quite a bit with alot of people you know. Went fishing and kayaking for the first time ever with Mike... Going to the 311 concert with him on the 17th. Moving into the dorms on the 21 or 22 for Bronco Days. Maybe Cedar Point or camping that week also... can't wait I'm so psyched!!!

So yeah kinda had a rough week with the boyfriend but we're better than ever now. I can't believe its already been 2 months. I mean it seems like forever since we've been together but then at the same time it's like what? 2 months already??? You're kidding right? Probably seems like forever cuz we've been hanging out like everyday since he got back from school in April but still. I honestly can say I love this guy so much. It's amazing what one can do to your life. How just the thought of that person can just turn around your mood. How you can be crying one minute and just smile the next knowing that he/she is probably thinking about you at that very moment. I've never felt so safe in someone's arms before... I've never felt these feelings. It's all just NEW to me and I don't know how to control my feelings anymore. Sometimes I just want to let go and just get everything out but then I know I have to hold back a bit. I feel so comfortable around him. I just can't wait till college. I mean yeah sometimes the things he does just makes me want to strangle him or might as well just shoot him but then I take one look at him and I just melt all over again and yeah I just can never stay mad at him for very long. I may bitch at him alot but sometimes he does deserve it. I know I deserve the bitching more than he does though so it's kinda just not fair to him but he seems to not mind me being psychotic and dramatic all the time. I'm positive he wants to strangle me or kill me sometimes too. But we're honest with eachother and we're open about everything... and we actually talk. It's amazing having a boyfriend that will actually talk back to you with their opinion on things. I just love it. I love him...

Okay I'm just tired as hell now... going to bed. Wow this is a really really long first entry. Whoa buddy!
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