||[25 May 2003|04:25pm]
My bf broke up with me an went wif my best friend. i want to kill myslef. What should I do?
Well, Anon, you have a few options here.
You can stop living in the dream world of bad American Soap operas and come to realize that both your best friend and ex-bf are better off without you, and you them, and move on with your angst-ridden life.
You can systematically poison their water supplies.
You can admit defeat over such a pathetic thing and kill yourself. Now, beware, if you choose this option, you will have to come up with a preferred method of suicide, I'm not sure if you're capable of doing such a thing on your own and so I will leave you with some classic ways of "offing yourself" as it has been affectionately referred to.
Take a simple noose and hang yourself. A note about betrayal should accompany this, perhaps stapled to your forehead. That's really up to you.
Find a tall structure (bridge, tall building etc), walk carefully to the edge of it, take 10 steps backwards, breathe deeply, then take a run up and throw yourself off the edge. This is a messy way to do it, demands more attention if done in a busy area.
Dress up in your mother's wedding dress, turn on an overhead fan (one hanging from a roof) and, using a similar noose to that mentioned in method 1, proceed to hang yourself FROM the fan. This gives the suicide a comical touch for that who finds you.
I'm glad you felt brave enough to ask me such a stupid question anonymously, I hope I was of some help.